The Burning of a Cold
by Danni'n'Taylor4Eva
Summary: With fevered dreams breaking her sleep months after her vampire love's abandonment, Bella seeks solace in another's company, a family friend named Jacob Black. But there are other sinister forces, secrets, and horrors that Bella must fight through first.
1. Best I Ever Had

***Note: This is my take on New Moon and what could have happened differently. I do use quotes, lines, situations, etc. from the movie and the book so there are many similarities but I do not profit in any way from Twilight or its sequels. I am just twisting New Moon (and Eclipse) to my liking. This story setting is based on after New Moon's Chapter 4, "Waking Up."**

**I sincerely hope that you enjoy reading my story. New Moon could have became my favorite book (truthfully I liked Eclipse the best though) except that she never actually explored her relationship fully with Jacob, who was another viable option for her. I am not implying that she made the wrong choice, but I would like to explore the possibility of the alternate reality of her choice (and consequences) had she decided differently. This general synopsis sounds the same, but it is not. I shift drastically from the book/movie, but I am Team Jacob. I do not pick on Edward though since he is an essential character and means the world to Bella regardless of him leaving, being ultra conservative, and a dead immortal. So this story is pretty Team Edward friendly.**

**I would also like to point out that this is my first fan fic and I would appreciate honest feedback and ways to improve. So give me R&R. This story has a MA rating for a reason. I have lemons & limes throughout, but they are quite a few chapters ahead. I guess you'll have to follow my story for awhile. :-) I am giving ample warning.**

**I also wanted to add that for each chapter I pick one song to dedicate that particular chapter to and I do not repeat the artist after I have used one of their songs. I do provide the artists so that you don't think I am cheating and you can either listen to the song or not as you read along. It's not necessary, but it is very good music (if its your taste, of course).**

**Also I would like to thank my two Betas: thejmeyer & wolfskill. They put up with my horrible grammatical errors to make this story the start of something more beautiful.**

**Also I want to thank my mother (for being my first unofficial Beta, though she's Team Edward.) _Yuck_!**

**And I also wanted to thank JoinTeamJacob and preciousfairymom80. Without preciousfairymom80, I never would have torn up my original version to start this one over from scratch and JoinTeamJacob has just done _amazing_ things with our favorite werewolf. They're both great. Check out their stories.**

Chapter I Summary: Bella's screams and nightmares still haunt her after Edward Cullen and his family leave her just after her birthday. Bella's thoughts and mind takes her towards First Beach where she reacquaints herself with a long lost friend. Their worlds collide at first out of convenience, and then out of necessity. This chapter only touches on the end of Bella's internal torment and the beginning of her growing friendship with Jacob. JxB story.

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'The Phase after the New Moon'

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Taylor Lautner nor Jacob Black…the last two come to me willingly though.**

Chapter I Title: 'Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning),' by Vertical Horizon

**(BPOV)** Mid-January

"I'm sorry, Bella. You're just not good for me."

I pulled the voice's owner closer to me, pressing my warm body against his and kissed his chin with tears running down my face. I knew what his next words would be, and I also feared what his next words would really mean for "us."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that," I begged. "What can I do to make you believe that we belong together?"

"Your blood sings to me Bella. It's the only way we can be together."

I had never seen him avoid my eyes purposefully before. Not like this. It was never like this. The way he bared his teeth as he moved closer to the throbbing vein in my neck. The way his fingers traveled with such grace through the air. The way the sun caught his sparkling skin. Real men don't sparkle, but Edward wasn't a real man. He was a real vampire.

My vampire boyfriend. The motive of my being. The throbbing in my heart. The very reason that I still breathed. The very reason I wanted to live. And he wanted my blood. He wanted my life, and I was completely willing to give it.

"I'm ready. Edward…please."

His advancement toward me was slow. Or was it my anxiety that was getting to the best of me? Hadn't I wanted this? Hadn't I wanted this for me? Edward, my prince, looked at me with a horrible grimace before he stopped midstride. "Bella." He wouldn't come any closer.

Why wouldn't he drink from me? Why couldn't he see that I only lived for him?

"Edward—"

"Your boyfriend can't save you now." A nasty voice snarled in my ear. I turned quickly to gaze into the eyes of the intruder, but a sinister laugh sounded through the woods instead, breaking my concentration on the second voice and the gaze of my one true love.

"Bella," Edward called again. Just as my blood sang to him, his voice sang to me. I reached for him before I was yanked back by a force.

"Edward, don't leave!" I tried to view my attacker as I watched Edward slowly shake his head in shame. He shrank back from me, and the distance between us increased each second that my eyes blinked.

"I'm sorry. You're just not good for me," he repeated.

"NO! Edward—"

The laugh returned, and this time I recognized it. The shrill cackle feasted on my fears and plagued my anguish. The true reason I feared the bloodlust that may grow within me one day if I was turned into my beloved vampire's mate. The curse that all vampires had to endure. The red eyes, the pale skin, the inhuman emotions, and the cold heart James, the hunter and tracker, had come back for me.

I struggled uselessly and watched, afraid, as my own death played before me as a tragic movie. Would my death be like Romeo and Juliet? I didn't know.

"No one can save you, Bella," James said again.

I knew he was right as he quickly tore my shirt as if it were wet paper and ripped into my neck. I didn't even fully swallow my last gulp of air before he began drinking from my open wound. My eyes didn't even have time to close.

"No! No! Edward, please! Please!"

My screams for my love continued as my horrible nightmare sounded through the night. A cold sweat had broken through as my fevered blood ran hot under my skin. My bed felt unfamiliar and lonely as my hands and eyes frantically searched for some kind of recognition of where I was. Of whom I was.

My weeping didn't stop. I had just gotten tired of yelling for someone who wasn't there anymore. My throat was hoarse and dry as the words died in my mouth.

"Bella? Bella? I'm coming, sweetheart!"

Charlie. My father. His voice sounded panicky. Why shouldn't it? I would have thought that I would have been less irritated to hear him living and breathing down the hall of my room. It should have relieved me that he was a concerned parent who wanted his only daughter to be happy and to stop mourning as if a part of her soul had died.

Charlie should get another daughter.

My shivering hadn't stopped, but I wiped my face with my already damp sheets. I knew I looked a mess. Awoken in the middle of the night after a ghastly dream when my equally hideous vampire boyfriend had left me just two months ago, and I still screamed for him to come back to me. Who was I kidding? I would have loved for him to come back to me.

It should have been Edward who was sitting there in my rocking chair across the room, watching me sleep. Protecting me while I laid unaware of the true dangers that were out there. Maybe something more dangerous than the sadistic and torturing vampire whom had come to me this past May.

"No! No, Char—Dad, I'm fine! I'm fine," I had said that last part more to myself than anything. Was I fine? It didn't matter. I had to stop Charlie; I could hear him right outside my door.

"You sure, Bella? You okay to go back to sleep?"

His voice sounded drained even through the door.

"Uh-huh." My head plopped back down into the pillow as I heard him drag his feet back down the hall. I knew he'd be asleep as soon as his body touched the bed. I wouldn't be so lucky.

My eyes cautiously looked around my dark room, and it still seemed unchanged since that first night I had slept in my bed, alone, without looking forward to Edward sitting in my room with me. I hated that he was gone. I hated feeling like this. I hated that I was so unbelievablely average that he couldn't find a reason to stay with me. Despite being _only human_, I was in love with him. Wasn't that enough?

A sudden sob echoed in the room. My head jerked out of fear again, but I soon realized that it was only me in the room; therefore, it was only me that that noise could have been coming from.

"Edward," My tears came more freely. It still hurt. I was still in pain. The hole tore down the very walls of my heart and left nothing in my chest. I could barely feel my heart with my hand anymore. Everything was cold. Nothing gave me pleasure.

I gasped as I realized that my inner thighs felt sticky, feeling as though it were more than just sweat. "Great. I am the only person I know that can be aroused from a dream with two vampires in it," my voice decreed softly into the night.

There was a distinct possibility that I was still dreaming even after I was sure that I hit my alarm clock this morning. That repetitive chime would have awoken even an enchanted fairy princess from a one hundred year sleep. I was no beauty and my Prince Charming had ridden his horse out of town.

I had to have been dreaming. My feet moved much too slowly, and my voice hung with an emptiness after I said goodbye to Charlie as he walked out to the cruise with toast in hand and half a smile. His smile was an attempt to get me to stop sulking around the house. It didn't work.

I contemplated eating but did not feel the desire. My energy had been depleted by getting out of bed and putting on sweats that morning. My stomach grumbled in protest, but I ignored it. After all, Edward had ignored my pleas (in my dreams and in real life) to stay with me, so why should I enjoy one single thing? "Aargh!" I screamed into an empty house.

I would not give in. I would not stop loving him. I couldn't have even if I wanted to. The inkling to feel his cool body and his tussled hair alongside my skin. To feel my lips touch his smooth and pale skin and to entwine our fingers together as we walked (or in my case, trip) would have been heaven to me all over again.

Suddenly, I couldn't stand being in the lonely house on a Saturday. It was much too quiet. The world held nothing of value anymore but neither did this house. I flung myself at the kitchen door, grabbing my keys on the nearby counter, and took off running without my sneakers. The latter thought hadn't occurred to me until almost half an hour later as my feet started to burn from the splintered wood, struck by fallen branches, and the sharp rocks from the earth.

My head became clearer. I was doing the unimaginable. I was flying free from my dreams, from the confinements of house, and from the mundane existence that was my life. Edward wasn't here. And neither was Alice. None of the Cullens were here. They had left me abandoned and vulnerable. Human and weak. They hadn't really cared about me. Why should they? They were vampires. The strong ones. _The cold ones_. A sarcastic laugh erupted from my stomach.

A sudden fire eclipsed in my throat. Is this what it was like for my beloved Edward? Was this why he had to leave? He couldn't bear being next to me; the very smell of my blood blistered the rawness of his throat so much so that he couldn't stop thinking about draining me dry? Was that really why he left? Had it nothing to do with Jasper attacking me on my birthday? Could it have all been a ruse to get him away from me?

_Oh, why? Edward, why? Why didn't you love me anymore? Why didn't you—Ooops_!

My thoughts were interrupted by a fall to the moss-covered ground. My hands shot out in front of me instinctually, but the forest was out for blood. My blood. _Jeez, everything wanted a piece of me_. The forest smacked me back to reality as I fell face first (hands a close second) into moss and a dead root from a nearby tree. My head thumped back a bit as it made contact, but my eyes adjusted to the dancing spots. I touched my head and pulled back a dirty but blood-free hand. That was a good thing.

"Great. Freakin' fabulous." I groaned.

A hoarse snicker sounded suddenly.

My head turned earnestly to the general vicinity of the sound. "Hello? Is someone there?" I looked around again. I was positive I had heard a snicker. I heard the waves of First Beach. I didn't realize I had run that far without shoes. Maybe I should become a distance runner for school. It was worth a shot. All I had to do was think about Edward, and I could outpace (and out dream) any person in my senior class.

_Edward_. The pain in my chest resumed.

I put my knee out in front and stumbled. The laugh sounded again, this time a little more quietly.

"All right," my voice shook in anger and apprehension. "Who's out there?"

**APOV (The author's point of view)**

A deep, rich, brown-colored beast snapped at his silver-haired companion as a playful but firm warning. The companion resumed his light cackle at the human girl who had stumbled into the forest while they were on patrol.

They were tired and bored. They needed something to do. They needed something interesting to happen. It was no fun anymore being what they were when nothing ever happened. There would be a few stenches in the forest every now and again, but for the most part, things stayed quiet. Things stayed the same. What good was being a part of the supernatural if nothing interesting ever happened?

Then the brunette-haired human girl tripped. That had been funny.

A mock reenactment of the fall had followed, played by the deep brown creature while the other silver brute watched and insisted that he could have "fallen" with better poise.

_I'll show you_!

The companion walked on all fours with hulking muscles and a fiendish yellow glare, one paw in front of the other, and then suddenly sprawled himself on a nearby boulder. In an attempt to play the part better, he rolled over, but his paw lingered too long causing his head to bounce off the faraway ground. His unplanned fall was quite a bit of a distance. He was almost six feet even on all fours.

The thick brown mane of the animal hissed with abrupt laughter at his friend's clumsiness. The companion snarled and was ready to jump as soon as his friend closed his eyes in a fit of amusement when a bigger beast, a domineering and ominous black figure, closed the gap between the two.

_Knock it off_! _You're supposed to be protecting the forest—not using it as a stage with props_!

The black one, the Alpha, was suddenly ashamed of his two escorts, and the two immediately felt waves of shame manifesting themselves within their bodies and minds. Their ears and heads ducked low. The brown one shifted uncomfortably as his tail moved between his legs, and the other silvery creature laid his stomach on the floor.

_What do you want us to do with her_? It was an effort to shift the conversation off of their "failure" to keep up with the demands of their new responsibilities and watch duty.

It worked. The black eight foot creature moved one paw forward towards the human girl, smelled in her direction with a small inhale, and shook his head.

_Leave her. She's not one of them_.

The two friends looked at their Alpha in quiet awe before taking a step forward toward her themselves.

_She looks pretty bad_. The brown one shook his ears free.

The silver being agreed. _Yeah, she's awfully pale. Are you sure she's not one of them_?

_No. She's not. I rescued her myself_.

A flood of memories entered their minds, and they felt even more blessed that their Alpha had been able to help someone who had brought the whole ordeal on herself, in their opinion. Of course, everyone knew that this particular girl had a thing for the supernatural creatures of Forks.

_Hey, doesn't our brother fancy her_?

The black beast didn't acknowledge his students with an answer. It was clear that no answer was answer enough.

_Do you think he'll be with us soon? I mean, he and the quiet friend are already starting_—

A low bark silenced the brown one's mouth, and then, all three hung their heads down a little. Despite feeling good and accepted among each other, they couldn't help but feel a bit out-casted at the same time. They hadn't wanted this kind of life, and they had no desire to make two others suffer through it either, but it was in their heritage.

"Okay—I know someone's there! Come on out!" The girl sounded a little less scared. She probably thought it was her imagination, hearing the chortle throughout the trees.

The human was safe for now.

_It's time_.

The three, in perfect sync, snorted what was left of the sweet morning air through their noses once and took off with one paw racing to catch the other in time.

**(BPOV)**

It was odd being out so early in the morning. Even for Forks it seemed quiet. Besides the "snickering" and tress whistling in the forest, it was very quiet. _At least, I hope it really was the trees making that noise_. That had been odd. I prayed the last thing I would run into was an elf or a sprite in the forest; I couldn't bear to think of another mystical creature near me right now.

"Bella? Hey, Bella!"

A voice called out for me. It was deep. It was almost unrecognizable at first. I was used to people calling my name, slamming me back down to reality, and reminding me that I had disappeared back into my comfortable yet discouraging existence without Edward.

I almost thought that I was back in the woods instead of at the beach. I seriously thought that the beach was haunted when a boy bounded out of the forest forcefully, making the wind sweep past my face so fast that it whipped my cheeks harshly.

"Whoa." That was all I managed to get out before my eyes rendered me mute.

His hair flew loosely in the wind; his white teeth bared matching the intensity of a new moon, his shoulders flexed, inadvertently showing new but somehow manly muscles, and his brown eyes shined with fierceness that was easily seen even with only the sun's morning overcast. He had easily grown to be six foot four, at least. Even his nose stood noble, flaring in defiance as the sun's new morning glow became awkwardly unnecessary in light of his arrival.

I blushed in spite of myself. The newcomer seemed to understand and lowered his gaze almost as he finally stood within a few short paces of me.

I actually found myself stammering, "Ja-Jacob. Hey! Oh my gosh. Look at you!"

Jacob Black, son of my father's oldest friend, beamed at me.

"Hey, Bella!" He smiled even more, if that were possible. He took another pause and then rushed to me, picked me up, and spun me around a few times before he gently put me down and resumed his previous stance.

"Uh, wow. Lift much?" I was smiling but I still felt a little dizzy.

Jacob answered casually as if it were a reaction he got all the time. "No, not really. It just seemed to have happened overnight."

"Yeah? How so? I don't remember you looking like that last time I saw you."

"You haven't seen me in a few months, Bells. I even had a birthday that you missed."

My head cocked towards him. Between trying to recall the last time I had actually seen Jacob and then thinking why he was calling me a type of noisy instrument from a chorus line, my mind was actually unable to produce anything more than an affirmative grunt. "Humph, I guess you're right, Jacob."

"Of course I am. I'm very mature for my age. I might even be older than you." Jacob's eyes danced, and he tapped his fingers against his loose navy blue tank. I gave him a once-over and saw that he was in very simple white basketball shorts and sneakers. I was freezing in my long sleeve shirt and bed sweats, but Jacob seemed completely unmoved by the windy weather on the beachfront.

"How do you figure that, Jacob? People have mistaken me for forty." _Not to mention that my 108-year-old vampire boyfriend just broke up with me_, I thought sourly.

"Well my size, expertise in cars, and general know-how period makes me the adult in this relationship. I may give you a few points for being a decent cook by word of Charlie, for being independent, and for being out here all alone with me with no shoes on by the way." Jacob half laughed and his hand moved through his hair. "But I do still have you beat. You'll catch up eventually."

"What are you doing out here anyway?" I shot back.

Jacob shrugged. "I was jogging, sort of. I kept hearing noises, like voices or something, and it made it damn near impossible for me to go back to sleep. So I got up, ate almost everything in the fridge, and just jogged." He ended his statement like it was completely normal to hear voices in your sleep, eat all the contents of your fridge, and then run outside for a few miles as though nothing had happened.

My eyebrows arched. "Voices? You hear voices while you sleep? They don't tell you to build things and then come to you, do they?" I was thinking of the movie "Field of Dreams."

Jacob laughed fully. I smiled in return, almost as a reflex.

His smile was beautiful. Not only did the smile reach his eyes, but even his small dimples added warmth to his otherwise baby face. His cheeks were full, but his face couldn't be considered fat. His head almost leaned forward and cocked to the side toward me in a friendly matter and even his ears turned slightly toward me screaming out to me "talk to me" as if actually speaking with him would make all my dreams come true. His smile could make the rain stop from falling from the sky. His eyes would keep me warm and together even below freezing as long as I never looked away from his eyes. All I had to do was gaze into Jacob's eyes forever, and it would complete and answer every question about existence that I had in this world. The warmth of his smile mimicked the same likeness and compassion of his dad.

"No, they don't tell me to do anything. It's kind of like background noise. They're having their own conversation, and I am just hearing echoes. I usually can't make out what they're saying unless they talk really loud—"

I held up my hand with an amused grin. "Jake, don't you think I might it find it bizarre that you can hear voices while you sleep? That's not something you share with your father's best friend's daughter."

Jacob feigned a hurt expression. "Ouch, Bells. That's all I am to you—the son of your father's friend? Jeez. I fixed up that "beast" and everything for you, and this how you repay me? 'That's not something you share with your—'" he began to mock me.

I cut him off with a hearty laugh. It was several seconds before I could cover my mouth with my hands. Funny, I was laughing. I hadn't laughed in a long time. Why did it hurt to laugh but feel so good at the same time? Jacob looked at me and seemed to comprehend despite me not saying anything more. He stepped closer to me, cautiously. My eyes casted downward, and I saw his feet moving even closer next to me, and then I felt a light tap against my shoulder.

"You all right, Bella?"

I didn't look back at him. I couldn't look back at him. I felt ashamed, and I felt as if I had betrayed the memory of my vampire love by laughing with this boy. This human boy. This human boy who was indeed the son of my father's best friend, who had ignited my skin from his touch.

My shoulder burned suddenly. Jacob was hot.

My hands touched the shoulder he had playfully bumped, and I immediately felt the warmth spread to the rest of my arm, across my chest, and enter my stomach. I let out a very nervous chuckle.

"Bella?"

"Jacob." I finally smiled at him and met his eyes. He returned the smile.

"Bella," he repeated, playing along.

I suddenly had an idea. Jacob was a mechanic. Jacob might have an afternoon to kill. Why not put him to work doing something that I had been afraid of doing? "So, after your jog, what was it that you were going to do the rest of today?" It would have been done whether he agreed to it or not, but at least the process that I had just thought of wouldn't render my property useless to me in the near future.

Jacob twisted the drawstring of his shorts. "Nothing really. Why?" He looked hopeful for some reason.

I disregarded the emotional response and plunged into my next question, "Can you work on my car sometime today? I mean, if you're not busy or anything—"

"Work on the Chevy? Yeah, of course! What are _friends_ for?" His eyes recommenced their dance from earlier on the emphasis of "friends."

My breath fluttered at his reference. "I need you to do me a favor. I want you to take something out of my car for me. I'd be willing to pay—"

"Take what out of your car?"

"This stereo. I mean, it was a birthday present…" which it was "…that I didn't really like…" because _he_ and _his family_ gave it to me "…and I don't have a use for it. I was wondering if you wanted it. I remember you saying that you were building a car up from scratch some time ago, and if you didn't have a radio, you could have it and take that as payment—"

"Don't you think you may want to listen to music one day, Bells? I know Forks is no Phoenix when it comes to music but—"

"I don't like music."

"You don't like music?" Jacob's eyes widened. "No kind of music at all? Rap? Rock? Nothing?"

"No." I looked down. "I don't like music. Listen, I really could give you the stereo to have for your car, and I can pay for the time you spend—"

"Bella, I can't accept money from you. You should know that. I'm not sure about the stereo either." Jacob ran a hand through his long black hair again.

Immediately I felt crushed. I had been looking forward to removing Emmet's handiwork from my truck, even if it would leave a horrible gaping hole in the dashboard. _Who cares_? It would match what _he_ left of my heart. "You mean you can't remove it?"

Jacob looked confused. "What? No! No, I can take out the stereo, but I don't want it. I mean, what if you want it back someday?"

"No. I won't want it back. Not ever." My hands impulsively wrapped around my chest, and I started to rock myself patiently, waiting for his answer. Waiting for his reply.

Jacob seemed to have regarded my movement. "Yeah, okay, I can take it out in less than an hour probably. No charge," he insisted quickly. "But I don't want it. I'm sure it was from someone very important to you."

Jacob was observant for a kid his age. I actually gave a sharp cry-laugh. "Well, I guess the relationship was a little one-sided."

He nodded quietly. I had started to wonder if I was scaring him a little when his smile returned wide enough for the two of us to share and asked, "Want to come over with the truck later?"

"What about now?" I replied, immediately forgetting my predicament.

Fortunately, Jacob noticed my lapse in memory and grinned. "No offense Bells, but you're barefoot, you're still in clothes that you obviously slept in, and it's not even 9 a.m. yet. And I think you might have to tell Charlie where you're going."

"Oh, right. I forgot. I guess it was the excitement."

"Uh-huh. Want to see me work with my hands, do you?"

"Yeah, I am dying over the possibilities."

"You should. I'm very good," he teased.

"You're very modest too," I teased back.

Jacob stood next to me, his smile dropping a little, and he lightly touched my fingers on the closest hand next to him. A small shock went through my fingers and up my arms. _What the_—? _There's no rug on the beach_—

"I'll see you this afternoon, Bella."

"Okay."

"Want me to give you a ride back or something? You still don't have on any shoes, you know."

I turned sheepish. "Oh yeah, okay. Charlie's not there at the house, though."

Charisma stole Jacob's smile, making him dangerous to any woman under the age of thirty. "I think we can find a way to keep ourselves entertained."

Now my eyes danced.

"You're awesome, Jacob." I was praising his work on my truck a mere few hours later into the afternoon. His makeshift garage provided a comforting solace away from his house and the prying eyes of his father, Billy, and his VW Rabbit was almost finished. The seats that he had just put in even felt comfortable as I carelessly rubbed my hands against the soft cloth and inhaled the "new" smell. Factories should warranty that smell.

"I told you so." Jacob beamed again and handed me a slightly chilled soda. I tipped my can toward his, and we drank at the same time, as if we were business partners celebrating a new franchise opening over a power lunch.

Jacob had been right. It had taken him less than an hour, and, true to his word, when he finished, he neatly wrapped the extra cords and the device in some newspaper and presented it to me as a gift. I had thought I would feel a stab of regret seeing the gift _they _had given me being presented as a gift by another, but I had only laughed; after all, Jacob had curtsied while he handed me back the package.

I thought and rethought my next statement a hundred times before I said it out loud, "This was fun, Jake." And I meant it. Jacob had kept me laughing and kept my mind occupied constantly while working on my truck. I had forgotten how fun he was to be around. How often he had made me smile and how content he made me feel. The sun had shined bright in the little makeshift garage of the Black residence on the La Push reservation—and his name was Jacob.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," he boasted.

I inhaled and twirled the ends of my hair a bit. "Want to do it again?" I blurted out before I could lose my nerve.

He looked at me, giving a smile. "You don't have another satellite radio that needs to be taken out, do you?" he joked. I shook my head no, and he gave a chuckle. "Sure, sure. What are _friends_ for?" he repeated.

I got up and attempted to hit him several times while he ducked a little and pretended to be hurt when a hit finally landed half on his arm and half in the air. "Oh Bella, you're so strong!"

"Oh man, you're getting beat by a girl? No way!"

A voice interrupted our playful banter, and Jacob rolled his eyes. "Wonderful. Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum are here."

Two Quileute boys with Jacob's matching complexion and equally long hair came in through the open garage doors. The one with the bigger muscles of the two newcomers easily flexed as he reached out with his hand to give me a handshake.

"How do you do? I'm Quil. Quil Ateara—"

"Jr.!" The other boy sounded, and Jacob scoffed quietly.

"Hey, my name means something to this tribe. It's a family name," Quil sneered.

"So is mine," the other boy fired back.

"And you are?" I was determined not to let a fight break out but the two boys stared at each other some more and then suddenly laughed, losing their serious expressions.

"They're always like this. Don't worry about it," Jacob assured me. "Anyway, that's Quil; Embry's right; he's a Jr. And this is Embry Call. Guys—Bella Swan."

"No way. You're Bella?" The smaller boy pointed. _Was that Embry_?

"Uh-huh." I said uncertainly.

The one with muscles talked. "No way! So you're like a girl. You're like Jacob's girl, right?"

Jacob flew from behind me and easily tackled the boy in a few short seconds. I covered my mouth and eyes, afraid to watch but even more afraid to look away. What if either of them got hurt? What if their friendship was suddenly destroyed by this moment? What if—

"Gotcha!" Jacob suddenly screamed. The other boy rubbed his arms which had instantly turned red against his already ruby-colored complexion. "Now quit running your mouth, Quil _Jr_., and tell me what the hell you want."

Quil continued to rub his arms. I think his ego was more bruised. "Wanted to know what you were doing. We hadn't seen you and thought you might want to take a drive or something. Embry's got his mom's car for the afternoon. Stereo ain't shit, but it's something—"

"Hey!" I had another idea. "Jacob just took a stereo out of my truck. You guys can have that if you want it."

The two boys looked at me. "What kind is it?" Quil asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Jacob took it out. It's right here." I handed Quil the wrapped up package, and his eyes looked as if it were Christmas come early.

"Dude, this is a Kenwood 50 W x 4 MOSFET Apple with Satellite! This thing is like a grand!"

I cringed at the sudden price drop, but it still hadn't made me change my mind.

"Wait—why are you getting rid of this? What's wrong with it?" Quil accused.

I stammered, "Nothing. Nothing is wrong with it. I just didn't like it. Too flashy. It just wasn't my—"

"Color. Yeah, it didn't match her shoes or her purse or anything," Jacob chimed in. He gave me a humored grin.

Jacob's two friends seemed to handle the excuse well. "Girls. They're so weird like that. Why do they have to match everything with everything?" Quil stated. Embry quickly nodded, and they both took turns turning over and examining their new toy. Once they started talking about the tools they would require to get it hooked up, they lost me.

I gave Jacob a silent nod as he looked at me, away from the "guy" conversation. He had saved me from answering a detrimental question in front of his friends without asking me why and without giving me grief. I felt lucky that Jacob was slowly seeping into my life and pulling me out of the hole. My smile didn't mirror his exactly, but I felt closer than I ever had in the last few months to being back to normal.

* * *

**End Note**: Please tell me what you think. I am serious. I can't promise to keep writing if you don't promise to give reviews. =)

And one more thing, anyone see MTV Movie Awards last night? Why did R-Patz walk away with most of the awards for Twilight? Jeez, Team Jacob fans need to step up and protest on behalf of our wonderful martyr, Jacob Black. He is ridiculously under-voted.


	2. Sick Cycle Carousel

**Author's Note: I'd like to thank my two betas, Wolfskill & Coreenm (my previous beta took the summer off). They both gave gave me some wonderful comments, which only increased the size of my ever-growing ego. Thanks so much, guys! =)**

**Also, please review. You have to review. It's okay to like my story. Honest.**

**And of course, thanks to all who have reviewed in the past. I look forward to getting my next chapter out.**

Chapter II Summary: Bella and Jacob's growing friendship invokes growth and deeper feelings between them, but also jealousy among other friends. Bella's hurt and abandonment over Edward's leaving begins to wane almost the same time as Jacob's feelings start to change to just more than homework, soda drinking in the makeshift garage, and meal planning. Even Jacob's friends and home life begin to change as he struggles to keep the balance of Bella, schoolwork, and his other responsibilities. And what is the deal with the so-called 'La Push gang' in Forks? What is so special about them? What is their stake in Bella and Jacob's new friendship?

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Taylor Lautner & Jacob Black take their turns owning me.**

Chapter II Title: 'Sick Cycle Carousel,' by LifeHouse

Early March

Angela practically tied herself to my arm out of excitement, which wasn't very like her at all. I knew she was happier than usual about something, but she had waited patiently (as I did as well) for school to end and was now walking me back to my truck in the parking lot. Her long black ponytail whipped back and forth as she bounced ungracefully from foot to foot. I was beginning to think I had an attractive "librarian" for a twin.

"You ready, Bella?" she asked, beaming.

"Yes, Angie. What?" I pretended to be exasperated, but I knew if she waited much longer I wouldn't have to pretend. A smile played on my lips in anticipation.

"I'm going to State for college! Isn't it great?" She released my arm and we began to squeal in triumph over the fact that Angela had been accepted into one of the few colleges she had picked out, and then it slowly dawned on me that I was heading nowhere. Had I really been out of touch for so long? Had I really thought there was no future besides _him_? The last month had seemed almost passable enough to be normal. After Ed—_he_— had left and I had slowly begun to actually want to open my eyes in the morning, life had suddenly sped up.

_Things were a lot slower when I was depressed,_ and I gave an internal, but sarcastic, chuckle at myself while still smiling brightly for Angela's sake. It wasn't her fault that my future had been so consumed with _him_.

"I'm so happy for you, Angela. Really!" I added for effect. I truly did mean it though, I repeated to myself. I truly did.

"Speaking of happy…" Angela trailed off as she shifted her gaze to something behind me. I turned and saw why her grin had suddenly gone from "happy for her" to "happier for me."

There was my reason for being happy. There was my motive for being a functioning high school senior. I was relieved to be functioning at all. My cheeks turned a light red as I saw my best friend leaning casually on my Chevy. He walked quickly toward us, stepping over a motorcycle.

"Bella!" Jacob didn't give me time to even take half a step toward him before his arms wrapped around me earnestly. A warm gust of wind, typical for March weather, picked up, but I could barely feel through Jacob's embrace. It never got old. Jacob's eyes still sparkled every time he saw me; his hands would always jam into his pockets when he had nothing to say (which was starting to become less and less as we spent more time together), and he always smelled…wait, he smelled clean. It was after 3p.m. and he smelled clean?

"Hi, Angela," Jacob looked at my still smiling friend.

Angela's smile brightened as her eyes bounced from Jacob to me. "Hi, Jacob."

"Bella," he said again, finally putting me down.

"Jake, did you skip afternoon class?" I accused after I felt my feet touch the ground.

Jacob blinked rapidly a few times before his lie came out. He was getting better at it. "No."

"Jacob Bla—" I attempted to be stern.

"Okay. Okay. I give up," he reached for my fingers and held them close to his face. "I'm sorry, but I wanted to make sure I got to you in time."

"Uh-huh, and the shower you took? Did you account for that time too?" I joked. He never smelled offensive to me, but lately I noticed that I could pinpoint every scent that was him. The smell of gently aged pinewood, mixed with citrus from his shampoo, and the hint of wet foliage or dew out of spring. It sounded cheesy, but Jacob really did smell great. Wonderful even.

My nose scrunched up a little as I watched Jacob squirm nervously, attempting to find a loophole in my question. I loved when he tried to lie because I knew deep down that he would never lie to me, never try to keep something from me. He truly had an innocent heart. He actually had maturity, wisdom, and energy beyond his years. My sun had really gotten me to shine and to feel better about myself, regardless of others that were determined to never let me forget my "dark time."

Like Lauren and Jessica.

Lauren especially.

Jessica, by herself was not so bad, but Lauren was mean just to be mean. Even when Lauren wasn't close to me I could feel her stare and her contempt for the group (and for me) when they had accepted me back in socially. Accepting me back, though I truly hadn't deserved it, as if I hadn't spent the first few months after _their_ departure to just wallow in my grief. No, Lauren wouldn't let me forget. She'd bring _them _up a few different times at lunch once or twice a week and then casually cover her mouth as if she said something naughty. My heart used to feel twenty pounds heavier until Jacob and I started to hang out on a more regular basis. Nothing affected me when we were together. Or at least, it didn't seem to have an adverse effect on me.

"Well, you hate when I come over to your house dirty," Jacob replied, appearing shy.

I mocked forgetfulness. "Oh, was I supposed to help you study today? I forgot. Another time, perhaps?"

Jacob drew in a sharp breath and began to tickle me on my sides. I squealed and tried to shield myself behind Angela, who was laughing as well, and he proceeded to tickle the two of us at the same time. I noticed that his hands lingered much longer on me.

"Stop! Bad Jake! Bad boy!" I scolded. "Okay, I give. I remember. I remember—ha!" His hands flew around me, but now I felt warmer from his fingertips making contact with my skin instead of tickling through my shirt. I gazed at him slightly too long when a loud clearing of the throat interrupted my gaze.

"Bella, hey. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Mike Newton glanced from me to Jacob and back to me as I nodded a little, still warm from Jacob's playful tickling (and not so playful touching).

"Sure, sure." I had adopted Jacob's favorite phrase. I looked back at Jacob with an amused expression and he looked as if he didn't want to let me go yet. Jacob's hot touch and delay in letting go of my abdomen continued to remain on my skin as I followed Mike a small distance away from him and Angela. "What's on your mind, Mike?" I asked before we got too far away. I figured that if Mike was going to ask me out, maybe he would be persuaded to hold it off (like indefinitely) until we were not so close to my two best friends.

"Well, there's a street fair this weekend and now that the weather is a bit nicer for March I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? You'd have fun."

I gave an encouraging laugh although my insides were screaming. Fortunately, I knew a way out of this already.

"Yeah, sounds great!" _Okay, much too enthusiastic Bella_. _He's going to think you planned an 'out' ahead of time_. "We should all go. Hey guys!" I turned to Angela and Jacob, Jacob had already stepped forward as my head twisted toward him. "Want to go to a street fair this weekend? Mike's invited us. There'll be like rides and prizes, right?"

Mike looked a little less enthusiastic, but addressed the new "additions" quite gracefully. "Yeah, all that stuff. We should make a thing out of it. A group thing, you know. All the couples should get together on this. Who are you going to bring with you, Jacob?" Mike looked pleased with himself for calling Jacob out.

"I'll bring Bella." Jacob said a little possessively, but his smile was so overwhelming that I left it alone for the time being.

"Well, I think Bella would prefer to come with me. She'll need a ride there. It's about an hour away, and I don't know if her Chevy can make it up that kind of terrain."

My ears perked up at the mention of my poor defenseless truck. No one could hate the truck. "Hey, wait a minute—"

Jacob cut me off. "I have a ride for us already."

Mike's eyebrows inched up. "Really? Do you now? Well, what kind of "ride" is it? My Mom's lending me the Suburban."

Jacob laughed, but it sounded insulting even to me. "Yeah, my parents don't have a fancy truck for my friends to ride in but I do have my own bike. A Harley Sprint. That one." Jacob's hands pointed in a casual direction off his shoulder and toward the vicinity of my truck. My eyes went huge when I realized that that bike was his. "I just finished building it, and it's all ready to drive us there safe and_ back_." His tongue clicked on the last word. I suppose he intended to pick me up and drop me off, but a bike? I had never ridden a bike.

"I'll teach you later," Jacob whispered suddenly in my ear, and then his eyes once again met an obviously upset Mike. He even left his hand on my opposite shoulder for good measure as he had whispered in my ear.

"I guess that's it then. If you change your mind Bella and decide you need a ride _after all_," Mike straightened his blue and ivory colored football jacket, "call me. Feel free to call me before then too."

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll be keeping her pretty busy." Jacob waved his hand dismissively. That time I almost corrected him. This "pissing match" was getting out of hand.

Mike seemed to be at a disadvantage for the time. "See you around, Bella. You too, Angela. Jacob." It must have pained Mike to address him. I knew he did that more for my benefit.

I hit Jacob as soon as Mike was a safer distance away. "Bad Jake! Very bad—"

"Keep hitting me like that and I'll be spanking you in a minute," he teased. I hit him again and then stopped, in case he wasn't kidding.

I said goodbye to Angela as Jacob loaded his Harley Sprint bike into the back of my truck, single-handedly. At least it didn't look like scrap metal, as I had thought it would. I watched him from the corner of my eye while about six other girls received the full view.

"Wow. Is that how they breed 'em in La Push?" One girl was bold enough to ask while she passed Angela and me on the way to her own car. My jaw tightened. Jacob laughed quite boisterously when my face was almost unchanged getting into the truck.

"Still not lifting weights, huh?" I asked carefully.

"Nope. I guess it's all in the breeding." He laughed again. I tapped him on the head with my finger.

At my house, Jacob helped make dinner for Charlie and Billy, who was dropped off later by Harry Clearwater. Jacob assisted with the stuffed chicken breast, Spanish rice, and mixed vegetables. Jacob picked out all the carrots because he hated the orange. Our fathers watched the game inside the living room, and Jacob chose to ignore my request to watch with our dads and was instead washing and drying dishes by my side. Our comfortable silence had been enhanced by the great meal and it was quite a few clean dishes before Jacob spoke.

"I think Embry likes you."

I looked up. "Huh?"

"Embry. My friend you met at the garage? He hasn't been back much since you were last there. And I think it's your fault too." He accused with a smile. "Anyway, so I figure you owe me. You cost me a friend and now you have to give me something."

"Really? And what makes you think that Embry stopped hanging out with you was my fault? Maybe it was yours. Maybe you weren't mature enough for him."

"Am I mature enough for you?" Jacob turned to me.

"Well, yeah. You're _okay_." I drawled out my voice.

"Only okay?" Jacob looked at me quizzically. "Well, Embry is only a few months older than me. That's not such a huge age difference. Do you like him?"

I huffed a little and tried to blow the soap bubbles that were coming close to my face. "He's okay too. And Quil's okay. You're all okay, okay?" I laughed at the end to relieve some of the tension. The new kitchen atmosphere was starting to produce small beads of sweat on my back.

"Which one of us is the most okay?" Jacob stopped washing but kept his hands in the water. His muscles seemed tense and his breathing became slower. It became similar to how one controls their breathing to be less because they didn't want to miss a single word that the other person said.

"I would have to think it was you, Jake. I spend all of my free time with you. My school work suffers. My house cleaning suffers. My social life would suffer had I really had one before you." I attempted to taunt him again. We could not have this conversation. Not now. Not when things were so good.

"Bells, would you like to—"

"Jake! Jacob? Throw a beer in here, would you?" Charlie's voice called out. "Bring one for your old man too. And what are you doing in there anyway? You should be watching the game with us. Don't you want to know the score?"

"Still batting zero," Jacob mumbled.

I smiled as I watched Jacob sulk toward the fridge and take out two beers for his father and mine. He even opened one of them and pretended to take a long sip before Charlie playfully swatted him. "I could arrest you for that, you know. No open cans of beer for the underage."

"I'm sixteen, Charlie."

"Yeah well, you and she can't drink."

I don't know how I was dragged into it. "I'm eighteen, Dad. I can drink beer," I insisted.

"No, you can't," Charlie argued.

I finished the last dish, grateful that Jacob hadn't been able to ask what he had wanted to. I knew he might ask again, but I didn't have to answer him now.

Again, he seemed to have understood. "Come on, Bells. You get to read Macbeth to me tonight."

I smiled again. "All right! Witches, bloody carnage, betrayal, and heartache. Are you sure you're in the mood for all that fun?" I added sarcastically.

"It'll keep me distracted from thinking about other things I'd rather be doing."

"Like?" I regretted it as soon as I caught his expression. His still innocent face was becoming more and more manly, and I'm sure his thoughts mimicked that fact as well.

Jacob loosely grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. He squeezed it and pressed his lips to my upper palm before saying, "Nothing. It can wait."

* * *

Angela called me about an hour before Jacob was set to pick me up for the street fair carnival the town was having. She was stuck babysitting her two smaller brothers, and Ben was over keeping her company. Jessica and Eric already bailed earlier in the week, replying that they had other plans and I suspected that Lauren and Tyler just wouldn't show up. Tyler himself wasn't bad either, but Lauren really was a "show" all alone. It looked as though it would be just Jacob, Mike, and I. I sighed, knowing that it was too late to call and cancel now.

I kissed and saluted Charlie walking out of the door, meeting Jacob down the block a little ways so Charlie wouldn't hear the motorcycle rumble down the road. _Who was I kidding_? I just didn't want to hear Charlie lecture. I pulled on my light green hoodie a little more and checked for my wallet in my back blue jeans pocket. Jacob arrived with his Sprint in a navy blue button-down shirt and black pants. He looked like he cleaned up again. His hair was even pulled back in a neat ponytail. I patted his head affectionately as he grimaced and handed me a black helmet before we took off on his bike.

I inhaled him for the whole ride over. The way his hair felt against my skin. Any girl would have sold themselves for his luscious dark mane and to gaze into his genuinely warm eyes. His citrus shampoo did not disappoint, and I was almost saddened as the time passed by too quickly on the bike.

"Wow, Bells. I'm surprised. You didn't scream or hit me when I hit 80 on the road," Jacob stated when we arrived.

I snapped back to reality. "You hit 80? Jacob—" I tried to hit him but he ducked and caught my arm. He wouldn't let it go.

"It doesn't count if you didn't know," he mocked. He twirled me around a little and then pulled me to him. He was hot. Almost 45 degrees on the outskirts of Forks, at night at a carnival and Jacob felt as if he were at least 100 degrees, completely searing to the touch. "You smell and look great, by the way." He ducked his head halfway into my hair.

"Do I? What do I smell like?"

"Strawberries. You just washed you hair. And you had Ellios pizza for lunch."

I stared at him. "What did I have for breakfast?" I challenged.

"A granola bar." He shrugged.

"How did you know that?" I was amazed. "Can you really smell that?"

"I took a guess at breakfast. The pizza—I remembered that Charlie brought some last night for us while we were studying and you put some slices in the freezer to keep away from me." He laughed.

"So, you cheat, where do you want to wait for Mike?"

Jacob shrugged again. "I think we should go in and get started. You have a cell phone, right?"

"Uh, no. I am not into technology. I still have dial-up."

"Well, Mike is resourceful. Let him signal us with a flashlight or something." Jacob started to pull me toward the entrance.

"Jake—"

"Come on, Bella. You'll have a great time. I promise. Would I lie to you?" He gave me "puppy dog" eyes and started to whine.

"I hate you. You do that too well." My skin flushed as he yipped happily and resumed pulling me toward the entrance. "I will curb you. You know that, right?"

"Sure, sure. Two tickets, please." He turned to reply to the ticket cashier.

The carnival was relatively large for Forks. It had a few rides, which Jacob insisted that we try. I kept trying to slow him down but Jacob was acting like a kid in a toy store. He wanted to see and touch everything. I was surprised (and a little crushed) that I wasn't on the itinerary to be touched. _Wait_? _What_? Since when did I want my best friend to touch me? Since when had I needed a reason for Jacob and me to remain in each other's company like this?

I was in constant confusion.

Suddenly Jacob stopped and tensed beside me. He looked far off and then looked upset. I had never seen Jacob's fist tighten out of anger before, even with Mike. I put my hand on his arm and felt his immense temperature through his casual dress shirt. My hand almost recoiled. "Jake?" I became even more confused. I turned to see what he was looking at and saw a few guys and a female being shadowed by their huge hulking figures. They all looked like guys from the reservation. I stared in awe and the perverted thought of that girl at my school entered my mind, "_is that how they breed 'em in La Push_?"

All their hair was cut short, almost like a buzz, their long legs and colossal muscles visually strengthened with each long stride they took, and the four boys walked in perfect unison. There were no awkward movements. No fighting to get to see who would lead the group. Very clearly, you could see who was in charge. Only the girl that was holding the one guy's hand walked with him though the guy seemed to have been following her a bit. He followed her and the other boys pursued him.

And they were pursuing him toward us.

They stopped short in front of us and considered the two of us in silence. The girl, who was beautiful except for three long jagged scars on her face, smiled at us. She smiled more at Jacob, with a hint of recognition.

"Hi, Jacob. How are you? You must be Isabella. I'm Emily."

"It's Bella," I corrected automatically.

She stuck out her hand and I grabbed it although I distinctly heard Jacob give a low growl. And two other boys that I didn't know growled back, taking a small step forward. The biggest one held up his hand as if to stop them.

"Easy." He spoke with influence. "Jacob."

"Sam." Jacob's response was brief.

I had heard that name before but could not place it but I did recognize one face. Embry. "Hi, Embry. How are you?" I brightened. "Jacob said he hadn't seen you much. Been okay?"

Embry's glance looked almost as tense as Jacob's; he looked at Sam who nodded, turned back to me and replied, "I've been okay Bella. You?"

Jacob's hand closed tightly around mine, and then a low rush of air escaped his mouth. A boy stepped forward with a cruel smile.

"Relax there, Jakey boy. Wouldn't want to have to put you in your place," he sneered.

"That's enough, Paul." Sam looked a bit exasperated. "Go have fun," he said, turning toward us.

"That sounds like an order. I'm not in your gang so you can't order me around," Jacob snapped. I had never seen him that angry. His face turned red instantly, and Sam only gave a half smile.

"Just a suggestion, Jacob." Sam briefly nodded toward me before grabbing Emily's hand, who gave a light wave to me, and then they all walked away.

"Bye, Embry!" I called, trying to remain civil.

Embry gave a weak smile, but said nothing. Jacob shook a bit more and I turned to him, a little upset that he had reacted so childishly.

"What's the matter with you?" I cried.

"It's them. The La Push gang. They have this holier-than-thou bullshit that has the whole tribe eating out of their hand and now Embry is bugging—"

"I thought Embry stopped hanging out with you because of me?" I tried to tease. It worked.

Jacob's smile resumed, and he eased his grip on my hand. He had been holding it so tight that it turned numb; I hadn't felt it through most of our encounter with the "La Push gang."

"Ha ha, Bells. Want to ride the Ferris wheel?" He changed the subject fast.

I humored him. "Sure, sure."

Jacob's mood was as if the La Push gang had never existed. The line to the Ferris wheel was short, and we got on almost right away after Jacob had won me a stuffed animal. Jacob won the ball toss. He had actually broken the four of the five bottles on the first and only throw he took. The attendant and I were stunned. I recovered quickly, rubbed Jacob's shoulders and replied, "He eats his spinach," at the wide-opened-mouth attendant. Jacob handed me a Cerberus, the three headed dog who guarded the gates of hell. I gave him a look.

"I scare easily. Are you trying to tell me something? Do you think I need a protector?"

"Woof-woof." Jacob buried his head in my hair.

The Ferris wheel was a ride of less scary intentions. Though the breeze had picked up as the time got later and I was still miffed by Jacob's atrocious behavior, I was still laughing and feeling great. He used his body to block most of the wind from entering the rickety car and put his arms around me to keep me warm. His breathing suddenly became a little harder, and my eyes began to feel heavy as his fingertips made a trail of fire down my cheek. The hole in my chest suddenly opened as I had abrupt thoughts of the last time I had felt anything for anyone, human or otherwise. I pulled away and Jacob loosened his grip a little but wouldn't let me get too far.

He looked at me fervently. "Bella, I—"

"Jake, don't do this. Not right now." I shook my head and felt tears swell in my eyes. I still hadn't been able to shake all my dreams of _him_, but I couldn't ignore all the feelings that Jacob had evoked in me either. Most were friendly thoughts, I had to admit. Other thoughts reminded me how dangerous it was to have an attractive best friend that just so happened to be attracted to you too. But I wouldn't walk down that road yet. I wasn't ready and I had to make Jacob understand that too.

Jacob looked down at my shaking hands. "When Bella? Look, I'm not trying to rush you—"

"Then don't. Then just don't. I need you right now." I blinked furiously. I was hoping that I wouldn't start to cry. Old wounds hadn't healed quite as quickly as I thought even with Jacob as the Band-Aid.

"And I'm here for you, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." I swallowed my tongue to suppress my next sentence, but I couldn't avoid it any longer. Not with the way he stared at me intently. Our close proximity in the small moving car with his hulking figure made me feel even more pressed to open up, to disclose my feelings of inadequacy to my best friend, the new reason for my world. "I don't want ever want you to leave, but I'm being selfish. And I know that."

He smiled a little. "You're not selfish, honey. I will not give up on you. And I've got loads of time. You just make sure you don't turn forty on me tomorrow."

I chuckled lightly and pushed a few free strands of my hair behind my ear. The wind ruined my attempt.

"Let me get that." His fingers moved effortlessly across my widow's peak to catch every loose tress before his movements tilted my chin up toward him. "I know what he did to you. And you need to know that I would never ever do that. I will never hurt you. I promise." His brown eyes never strayed from me as my shaking ceased and my screaming fears went silent.

I barely felt us stepping out of the seat, and we stayed close to the exit gate of the ride. I continued walking when Jacob startled me by keeping a hold of my wrist. I knew he still had it so the shock wasn't nearly as unexpected, but it was the way it now felt that had changed for me. He stared at me, and my eyes had to readjust to moonlight shining over the two of us. Even the lights from the ride blared with bright intensity, and my pulse was going way too fast. My skin clung to my body and even though that was exactly what it was supposed to do, I still felt like I was trapped—that I wasn't given a choice. But it was a choice that I was suddenly okay with.

Jacob's hands moved from my wrists to my face, and then his lips suddenly looked so smooth. His breath warmed my face even more than his hands and my body felt fragile, but safe within his. I felt optimistic for my damaged heart. I was never going to run right, as his car and bike did but I now felt hope. Period. His chest was almost completely covering my upper body, and I suddenly wanted it to cover more. I was aching to feel more. I felt completely calm as I saw his neck angle a little toward me, his eyes completely opened to watch me. I was fine with it. I was fine with him. My next breath got caught in my throat when suddenly,

"Hey guys! What's up? I was looking for you two like the whole time I was here. Thought you guys stood me up." Mike and his voice easily jogged over to catch up to our almost moment.

Jacob dropped his hands harshly and visibly gritted his teeth. "So why the hell didn't you leave then?"

Mike looked hurt for a moment before continuing, "Well I'm not the kind of guy that just comes and goes as he pleases. When I make a commitment, I stick with it. For better or worse, you know."

I glanced at him with regard to that last statement.

"Yeah? Is that so?" Jacob leaned away from me and started toward Mike. "Why don't you let _me_ commit to breaking your god-damn—"

"Jacob Black! What's the matter with you?" I put my arm out, and Jacob noticeably shook under me. If I had thought he was hot before, he was literally matching the power of an uncontrollable small fire. Even his eyes had turned from warm liquid brown to dark and ominous onyx. It reminded me of Ed—_him_ when he had needed to hunt. Fear and anger silenced me.

Jacob shook his head, and Mike stepped back, clearly worried. His hand shot out toward me to pull me away from Jacob, but I shrugged him off. Jacob would never hurt me. Not now and not ever.

"Bella, I'm sorry." Jacob looked like he wanted to scream. "I'm really sorry. Something's wrong with me. I feel sick."

My feelings turned to worry. I reached for him. "Jake—"

"No! Don't touch me!"

I jumped back. Mike reached for me again, and I unconsciously allowed him to pull me toward him. Jacob looked mad again for an instant when he noticed how close we were.

"Get off of her!" He took another step toward Mike.

"Hey! You're the one who looks like he's going to spontaneously combust! And if you do, I don't want her near you when it happens!" Mike defended.

Jacob started to shake again. "I'd never—"

"Jacob!" I grew anxious and clutched my Cerberus. Jacob paused and looked at me.

"Let me take you home, Bella." Jacob started.

Mike got brave again. "I can take her."

"You—"

"Jake, stop! Listen, I don't think you or I should drive the bike. Mainly because you're sick and I can't. Let Mike give you a ride back—"

"I'd rather walk," Jacob stated stubbornly.

Mike shrugged. "Suit yourself. No reason to call it an early night just because—"

A distinct snarl came out of Jacob's lips, and I myself jumped back. My heart tugged in two separate directions. "Jake." Mike blocked me a little, but I pushed his arm from me and flung my arms around a still shaking Jacob. "Please. You look so upset."

Jacob stopped shaking and covered me with his arms. My heaving into his chest did nothing for the ache I was feeling at trying to get him to go home. But I was afraid he would hurt himself by staying here to 'protect' me while he was clearly unwell or hurt Mike just because he was in the way. I still remembered our almost moment and clenched my eyes trying to remember the sweet Jacob that I had wanted to selfishly hold onto so badly. I pushed my nose into his neck and loose hair.

"Okay." He pulled back. I was unsatisfied by how he felt still, scared that he wouldn't make it home on his bike or if he could walk but I was glad that he was listening.

"I'll call you when I get home. Will it be too late?" I asked.

Jacob shook his head and kept his eyes low. He was being submissive.

I gave him another small hug, and I barely was able to feel his arms again when Mike pulled me back. Jacob started to say something, but when my eyes met his he stopped himself.

"Get home safe, okay?" I pleaded.

I was hoping that he would say his trademark line, but Jacob only looked defeated and tired as we continued to watch each other while Mike dragged me further and further away. I could no longer see him after a few minutes but Jacob's head never moved, seemingly able to see me across the vast distance of the carnival grounds.


	3. The Gift

***A/N: Happy Father's Day! Sorry it took me a week, but I'll post twice this week to make up for it. I'm fighting off a massive headache right now to put this up. But I feel horrible that this chapter is short, but it's necessary to keep it this way. I changed the title. So for those who have been reading since I first started this fan fic (this is my first, by the way), this story was entitled "The Phase after the New Moon," but Jacob always hated the title. He said it was too generic. So my best friend, Jacob, & I came up with a new one. **

**Eric, I give you credit for this new title, sweetie. May we continue to bang our heads to Seether in future afternoons.**

**I'd like to thank my Betas and I'd also like to specially thank JoinTeamJacob for her insight into Jacob's mind. Anytime I even hesitate as to what Jacob is feeling, she always shows me the way. Thanks J.**

**I knew I had to get something up today to celebrate all the fathers out there. I miss mine everyday.**

**Read & review. Maybe if I get enough, I'll work through my headache to put up the next chapter. Eh kidding (sort of). I just really hope everyone likes it. Since this is my first fan fic, I sometimes get discouraged and I think that people don't like it. Prove me wrong. :-)**

**If I missed any grammar, despite my betas corrections, sorry. I'm seeing almost double right now.**

Chapter (3&4) Summary: Jacob feels hopeless over his situation. He feels that Bella and he may never be more than friends. Her unwillingness to yet let go of her previous relationship keeps his heart in constant turmoil, but he is unable to give up quite so easily. Jacob's irrational temper is also building up and he is starting to lose control over his very thoughts. When Jacob is given favor and help from an unlikely ally, he sees the importance of his tribes' stories, his ancestry, and the reason why Bella is having such a hard time of letting her past go.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Taylor Lautner and Jacob Black take turns washing my car every weekend with their shirts off. Now that's a **_**gift**_**! LOL**

Chapter III Title: 'The Gift,' by Seether

**(APOV)** Author's Point of View

The loud rumbling of a motorcycle brought the sleepy-eyed monster back to his attentive post. It had been a long day and it was sure to be an even longer night if this indeed was the time "it" to was supposed to happen. His dark silver fur shook with minimal girth as he slowly rose to his feet from his light slumber. He was sure that he would hear it from his friend.

_You fell asleep? You're supposed to be watching_—

A yowl echoed from the silvery haired beast's mouth in an attempt to block out the other's chastising. _I'm sorry. _He hoped he looked apologetic enough but one look from the other told him that his face wasn't "sorry" enough_. It was a long night_.

The other voice continued to sound annoyed_. What if something had happened while you were sleeping off last night's binge_?

_It wasn't a binge. _He defended_. And Charlotte was pretty hot_.

The silver guard stuck his left paw out tentatively to feel the earth between his toes. His face wore a sudden scowl (if he had to pick a face) over the human shadow that had walked unsteadily towards a wood-paneled dwelling. He would have thought that the figure was drunk or else really tired because he swayed with little grace, even less certainty, and held onto his lower gut with urgency. It almost looked like he was going to fall right off his bike.

_How did the kid even make home_? The creature let loose a surprisingly human sound, somewhere between a hearty laugh and a muffled fit when the man-child stumbled up the three stairs into his home. He had almost tripped over his large feet. _Nice one, brat, _the lookout thought nastily_. Too bad you didn't actually fall all the way_.

_That's our brother_! A grey flash was immediately by the other's side and his muzzle snapped unappreciatively at his present company. He was new. He even had sporadic white spots on his brown back to distinguish between the older monster and the new.

The silver one took offense._ Well excuse me. I didn't know you wanted to marry the dude. Why don't we just set you guys up today since it looks like he'll be turning soon? The little mangy—_

_Knock it off! _A new voice cried out in a bark. _Both of you_!

The two shook at the newest voice. The very ground began to quake under his sturdy paws as he made himself known to the two bickering acquaintances. Their ears automatically pinned to the sides of their heads in complete obedience when the biggest animal turned his head towards the residence of their newest interest.

_We're watching_! _We're watching_! A low whine escaped from the light grey's mouth.

_Not well enough. He'll need us close to him when it happens_.

_You mean "if"' it happens_, the silver beast maliciously thought.

The grey one argued. _Did you see him tonight? Trust me, it's not "if" anymore. It's when_.

His companion stubbornly shook its head, refusing to believe that soon he would have to share his wonderful gift, his proud heritage—

_It's his heritage as well. You'd do well to remember that. You're still learning yourself_. Gold eyes pierced into the lowly animal as he was stared back into better thoughts.

_Can't we let him know now, already? I mean, we all know now that it's going to happen_—

A low, threatening growl erupted from the two eldest and the young grey one's ears went low again. His back arched in modest fear, but the twin simultaneous warnings disappeared almost as soon as they had appeared.

_No. We do not tell him yet. I know it's been difficult, but we must think about what's best for everyone at this point_. Even with his monstrous black mane, he still seemed to have shrunken a little in size with his next thought. The Alpha was almost ashamed of feeling inadequate_. He may even prove different from all of us. It is his rightful place_—

_You're in the right place_! The silver creature barked at his master. The silver creature barked at his master, baring his teeth at the thought of someone they didn't know leading them, someone he didn't trust or even feel was a right for them. _He's a child_. _You are our leader_!

_Not for much longer. Come. We'll stay close. There's nothing we can do until he's ready to join us_. He slowly began to turn, expecting that the two smaller ones would follow without hesitation.

The silver one's eyes dulled, but the timing of the imminent encounter that was certain to come was still there. _You're the boss, Alpha_ was the next thought that followed after he fell in line, to his rightful place.

_All of us should be here when it happens. We must go get your last brother_ became the last calm order given.

Chaos would ensue the rest of the night.

**(JPOV)**

_What the hell just happened_?

My stomach rumbled without being hungry. My muscles ached without being worked out. I hadn't even been jogging on the beach in days. Everything was about Bella. My wants, my needs, my hopes, and my fears; I screamed Bella, Bella, and Bella. The pain in my eyes was becoming unbearable. I had been certain that I would crash on my bike coming home from the carnival, but I had been too scared. Too scared to wander off the road. Too scared to fall in the road. What would have happened to Bella? How would she have survived if she lost me to a motorcycle accident?

_You're not dating her, you idiot_. _She's only your friend_.

"For now," I said out loud. "Did you see the way she looked at me tonight? The way she clung to me? The way we had almost kissed?" _Almost_?

My fingers curled into balls and I heard a distinct tear in my brand new dress shirt. I had just bought the damn thing for this occasion. This particular special occasion! I had been planning to ask Bella out. I was going to tell her that ever since she had come here to live in Forks she had been the only girl on my mind. Every time. Every thought. How much I wanted to make her happy. How much I hated that she had seemed so broken over that Cullen guy leaving—

_But I fixed her_.

I smiled. _Yes_. She wasn't a car or a possession, but she was certainly my prize. And I wanted to win my prize. I had kept quiet. I had stayed in the "friend corner" with no ill will, but I knew she had feelings for me. I knew she cared about me. Why shouldn't she? Sure, there was an age difference but it was still an easy choice: being with me would be like completing herself. It would have been a tragedy for us not to be together at this point. She could be herself around me and I could be with her, period. That's how it was supposed to be. That's how I wanted it to be. Until—

"Newton." That Newton guy came after the Cullen kid. I hated that he had interrupted us. Our kiss. Our perfect kiss that would have sealed our fate. My hair became knotted as I began to sweat, trying to keep my anger in check lest I break something. Something that actually meant something. I tried breathing deeply through my nose, but this did nothing to calm me down. I had to keep myself under control. I had to keep myself calm. Bella would hate to have something happen to me. Not now. Not when things were so good. Not when things were so good for us.

"Son? Jake, you in there?"

I heard my father's chair across the house. _Odd_. _Why can I hear him as if he's in the same room_? A loud crash happened and I winced. It sounded close. It sounded like the window behind me broke. I turned around and saw no glass on the floor or counter. He must have bumped his chair into something. _I told him about that_. _I told him a million times to be careful since I was the one who always had to clean_. My hands and fingers resumed their previous position, tight and in fists. I shook.

_What's happening_? _Why am I so mad_?

"Jake?"

I forgot to answer him. "Dad?" It wasn't supposed to be a question, but my voice broke with that one word. It sounded mumbled and full of fear. _Why was I scared_? I hadn't done anything. Except I had not been able to kiss the girl of my dreams and then left her alone with that hand grubbing, spoiled, and childish son of a—

"Jake? What's going on? Why didn't you answer me?" My father's chair rolled into my view.

His response took me by surprise. I _had_ answered him. He was just too old to have heard it correctly. And if I put him in a home that'd be wrong of me, right? _I should go_. I need to be outside in the air. _No_! I should sleep. Sleep is better. _No, wait_! Bella is supposed to call when she gets home. I need to know she's all right. That Newton kid won't know what hit him if he even dares to touch Bella.

"Jacob? Are you listening? What's the matter? Why are your fists clenched?" A knowing look came over his face. He almost looked joyous at the fact that I was so angry.

"What the hell are you smiling at? And what the fuck fell over?" I nearly screamed.

His eyes widened in momentary surprise. "I dropped a picture frame by mistake. That was clear on the other side of the house—don't worry, I picked it up." My father's hands reached out slowly. "I think you might need to sit down. You look beat."

I was enraged and shook even more. "Beat? Beat? I didn't do anything! I hung out with Bella and that stupid fuckin'—"

"Jake," my father warned and stretched his hands even further. "Easy. Just take it easy." He was trying to soothe me as if I was a dangerous exotic pet. Like I was a child with a temper tantrum. Like I would become suicidal in the next five freakin' minutes. What was wrong with him? Why is he so calm when I'm so furious?

"Relax? That asshole is with Bella and I had to come early because of a fuckin' tummy ache! Who gets those? A fuckin' tummy ache? I didn't even eat anything! Our ancestors and the great spirits really screwed me tonight—"

My father held out a hand as if that would stop my rant. I did stop talking, but my breathing became so rapid that I could barely hear him even with my sudden "talent" for hearing. "Our ancestors did fine by you tonight. They have helped you in a different way—"

My screams shook the house. "I DON'T WANT A DIFFERENT WAY! TONIGHT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BELLA AND ME! BELLA AND I! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? What bullshit could they possibly be helping me with? They're dead!"

My father backed up slightly and looked less unafraid. _Good_. He needed to be scared. He needed to fear me. "Jacob, you need to calm down. Did you talk to Sam?"

I lost it.

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**A/N: Sorry again. I'll post this upcoming Wednesday. By the way, TL (and the rest of the Eclipse cast) will be on Jimmy Kimmel live this Wednesday coming. Check it out. We all need to support TL/Jacob. Twilight will be finished within a couple more years and some people are convinced he can't act beyond taking his shirt off and looking hot. Let's all prove them wrong and correct. That boy does look great with his shirt off. Boy, man, whatever. He's legal.  
**

**Please find it in your heart to review me. Please? :-)**

**Thanks to all those who have reviewed me in the past. I smiled for hours after each alert.  
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	4. Simplest Mistake

***A/N: You guys are awesome. Thanks for the new reviews and alerts. Please give me more. **

**As promised, I am posting on time. I hope this makes up for my previously short chapter, but it was worth the wait. My headache seriously had a mind of its own. It might have been nerves about returning to work after such a great & productive writing weekend. I have some excellent chapter outlines worked out for you guys. Just keep reading, reviewing, & alerting and you'll have them.  
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**JoinTeamJacob continued to be my inspiration for this chapter. She's so nice to me. :-) She hasn't freaked out from all the times I've thanked her so far.**

**And my best friend, Eric, should be mentioned though he's mad at me for bailing out on him early this past weekend. Eric, you can keep hating me if you like, but remember that hate is a passionate emotion too. (Yeah, Jacob said that too). Eric hates when I quote Jacob, but that's just too damn bad.  
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**Thanks to my Dad too. It's still Father's Day, in my eyes.  
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**I threw out my rule on for "one song, one artist." I upped it to 2x. So I may now use an artist twice. I'm tired of following the rules-that's what my job is for. Jacob & I are free spirits. Plus the song fits, so it would actually be more of a crime if I _didn't_ use the artist with the better song. Thanks for understanding. I know you don't care though. Sorry, I'll cut this author's note short. Believe it or not, I'm actually quite quiet in real life. I am a big texter though.  
**

Chapter (4) Summary: Jacob has lost control and now seeks out to hurt one of the few people that cares and loves him. Will this self-destructive path lead him closer to finding himself or push him further away from the one thing he truly wants in his life? _Bella_. What has happened between them anyway? Why does she not wish for more with our favorite wolf, Jacob? Jacob's unlikely ally is trying to do the best he can to help, but he also wonders if he is strong enough to lead Jacob and the other members of the pack against an even bigger threat in Forks.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but my love and appreciation for SM and TL for bringing Jacob to life is no mistake. **

Chapter IV Title: 'Simplest Mistake,' by Seether

**(Still JPOV)**

_Billy, my father, backed up nervously. He was starting to become afraid. Afraid of what? His own son? His own flesh and blood? Why was he suddenly gawking at me as if I had become a monster? "Jacob," his voice shook. I started to gloat internally. Good. I wanted him to fear me. He needed to fear me. "You need to calm down. Did you talk to Sam?"_

_Sam? Sam? I lost it._

A sudden shriek erupted and knocked out my hearing temporarily. My father put his hands over his ears and his chair rolled back from the kitchen, landing him in the small living room. The noise kept echoing through the house as my skin blistered and tore from my body. It was excruciating. Tears left my eyes as I began to feel like I was on fire.

I remembered every single unpleasant event that had ever happened to me. The first time I ever stubbed my toe. The day I fell out of a tree after a dare from Quil and Embry. The loneliness and abandonment I endured after my mom died in a car accident. Although I love my father, I remembered the angst I felt when I realized that I was left behind to take care him all by myself when my sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, went off to college, making it clear they didn't intend to ever come back. And finally, I thought about the guilt I felt that I couldn't stop myself from leaving Bella with that jerk, Newton, from her school.

I hadn't even been able to keep Bella from thinking about that Cullen kid as often as I liked. _Cullen_. I realized I hated him too. I hated that horrible, sweet, and sickly smell that permeated my nose every time he was close to her, and every time he was close to me. I hated the way his eyes searched mine, as if he could read all my thoughts and facial expressions. Those Cullens. Those filthy Cullens. They had broken my Bella. They broke her and left her almost unfixable. No one could fix her except me. No one could be with her except me. My hatred burned, finally erupting from my chest.

The noise was still there. I still heard it screaming. It wanted me. The pain and the shouts were warnings that an entity was fighting over who would keep what was left of my sanity. Who would stop the screams? Who would stop the pain? Could they cancel each other out? Why did everything still hurt?

I clawed at my chest while the house continued to shake. I felt and heard paper ripping in my hands. I briefly wondered where all this garbage was coming from. My throat was dry and I attempted to swallow when the sounds suddenly stopped. My hearing was restored.

Billy uncovered his ears and looked at me in amazement. Why had the screaming stopped?...Was that screaming from me?

The fire continued to burn every surface of my body. I couldn't take it anymore. I was sure I would start screaming again. I was sure the prior noise that had assaulted my ears would be back to claim me. That could not have been me screaming. It just couldn't be. I had to get the fire out. I had to stop the burning. Where was all the paper I had? Maybe I could smolder it out with the paper debris in my hands. I looked down and saw that my hands were red. _Red paper_? _What the_—? It hadn't been paper. It was my skin. And it wasn't hands holding onto "paper" anymore. They were paws.

_Dad?_ A yelp escaped my mouth. I tried to talk and couldn't. I wasn't breathing right. I wasn't feeling right. And the fire continued to burn my flesh. I cried out again and this time a low howl broke through my lips. I shook out of fear and took a step forward only to fall over. My new hands and feet preferred to walk on all fours.

So be it.

I felt more of my skin tear as my muscles stretched, enabling me to take a step closer to my bewildered father who still hadn't said anything. He looked less like himself and more scared than I had ever seen him. _What_? _Scared of what_? _Of me_? Hadn't he been joyous a moment ago? Hadn't he felt that it was all in my head? Hadn't he thought it trivial nonsense that I was so angry over losing Bella to the "marshmallow king?" A soft, squishy, and pale-faced boy? _That's right, a boy_. My father had no right to be scared. He was still human. Nothing was wrong with him.

My resentment grew. I couldn't stand being so different. I couldn't stand not having a normal life. I was stuck on the reservation. I was stuck caring for my poor, sick father. _I was stuck without Bella_.

_You did this! _I turned to my attention to the shrunken man by the wall_. God-damnit, you did this to me_! My shaky paw wouldn't keep still as I raised it toward my father in sheer loathing and discontentment. He had to have known. He had to know that this would be my life. He had to know that he had cost me Bella. Who would want me now? _Bella couldn't possibly love me now_!

My teeth begun to peek from the corners of my mouth as I closed the distance between my father and myself. He had nowhere to go now. He was mine. He was going to learn what he had cost me.

_Jacob! Jacob, no! Stop!_ A voice commanded.

My mouth fell open but was unable to do much else. A low snarl echoed from my upper chest. I knew that voice. I recognized that voice. Was that the voice from my dream?

_Yes, Jacob. Now calm down and step away from Billy. You might hurt him_. The voice would not let up. It was strong. Stronger than even my own thoughts and desires.

_Hurt him? _I shuddered_. Hurt him, will I? I am going to tear into him! I am going to tell him that he had cost me_—

_He didn't cost you anything! _The voice boomed_. Step away from him! You're not in control of yourself. You love your father. You'd be heartbroken if something happened to him. Now get away from him! Don't make me issue an order_!

My jaw dropped as my next thought came_…Sam_? Clarity ruptured my yowling at my now shaken father.

"Jacob, it's okay. It's okay, son." Billy found the courage to speak. As my blood lust diminished, my eyes teared.

_I was going to hurt him. I was really going to hurt him. Oh God_. The words choked in my throat.

Sam's voice turned soothing. I almost got upset again. _Yes, you were. Now leave the house carefully. You don't want to put another hole in the ceiling_.

_Huh_? I looked up and saw that there were indeed several cracks from a head-shaped hole. Part of the end looked like a long snout. A snout? _Oh God, what the hell am I_?

_I'll tell you what you are, pup_. Another voice chimed in. This one was less friendly. And this one I definitely knew right away. _You're god-damn one of us now_.

A whimper escaped me. _Paul? What the_—

_Me too, Jake,_ came another voice. This voice was almost as dear to me as Bella and Billy's.

_Embry?_ _Wait, what's going on_—

_You ask too many questions_. _Damn_! _And you're supposed to lead us_? _Doesn't seem very likely_. Paul's voice quipped. _Hey Jared, you owe me money. Jakey-poo should be going into shock any minute. I don't think his poor, sensitive heart can wrap his head around this_—

_That's enough, Paul. _Sam's authority reigned supreme_. If I remember correctly, it took you almost six months to be able to control yourself long enough for the phase to even happen at will_.

_Yeah, and you're still learning_! _What a hothead_, Embry snickered.

Everyone on the reservation knew that Paul was the resident hothead, but the part that got me shaking again was that I heard Embry say it. Clear as day. It seemed like he was right here talking in the house with me just as if we were still human. Just as if we were still friends.

_I'm still your friend, Jacob_, I heard Embry whine.

_Whoa_. _You can hear me without talking_? I freaked. _Sam, you guys you have to help me stop this_—

_There's no stopping it, Jacob_, Sam interrupted. _It's who you are. You were born this way. We were all born this way. Now get out of that house. I can still smell the fear on Billy_.

I had forgotten about my silent father. I whined in his direction and he finally seemed to understand after a few careful seconds. He moved slowly and carefully towards the kitchen door and opened it. I barked what I hope was a "thanks" in appreciation and squeezed through the door. A few wood splinters were caught in my fur, but I'd pick them out later. _Fur_? _Oh no_. I was saying "fur" like it was normal. I was saying "fur" as if it were okay to have on your human body. What was I going to do? Did I have to stay this way? And for how long? Could I really expect to see Bella like this? Would I ever get to touch Bella with my human hands again? I couldn't really see her being okay with giving a hug to a big, dumb, furry animal.

A few trots past my house and I saw four other wolves, the black one clearly the leader. The other three stood proud, but looked a little lost. The silver one cocked its head to the side as if still trying to identify just whose side I was on. The brown one seemed placid and happy to have me and the stringy grey wolf seemed ecstatic, his tail wagged enthusiastically. The big, black wolf just stared while balancing himself evenly on his four paws. Was that Sam, perhaps?

_Jacob_! Embry, the grey wolf, bounded towards me.

_Aawww_. The silver and brown wolf snickered. _They're so cute_.

I regarded Embry warmly, but was still nervous. If I had been ready to tear into Billy, my own father, there was no telling what I would do to a friend.

_You can't hurt me, Jake. Not really, _Embry interrupted_. We heal pretty quick. It's really awesome. If you break my leg or something while we're play-fighting it'll be healed in like a day. Right, Paul? Paul already broke his hind leg twice trying to out run me and he couldn't do it. He even tried to cheat, but Jared caught him with his amazing sight_—

_That's enough, Mr. Rogers. Not everyone wants to be neighbors just yet. Let's find Jacob his "security blanket" before you go telling him all the secrets we have_, Paul scoffed. Now I knew which wolf to attack first. The silver wolf, it is.

A growl left my lips. I was getting annoyed with Paul picking fights with me. I wouldn't miss Paul so much if I was to rid our small "gathering" of his presence. Sam could consider it a service, if he liked.

_Yeah_? _Bring it on, bitch_, Paul taunted.

I snarled and turned defensive. My paw slipped in front to give me leverage for a better jump when the black wolf stepped in between us. _Stop. _Sam's tone was final_. We don't have time for this_. _Jacob, there's something you need to know. Now that you know what you are and what we are-_

_Do I really_? I interrupted. I shook my head, feeling my ears slap just below my eyes. This was going to take some getting use to. _What are we, Sam_?

_We're wolves, you idiot_, Paul proclaimed.

_Not just any wolves_, I heard Jared's voice for the first time. _We're werewolves. We run this town_.

Embry was determined to not be left out, but his small murmured tone was barely heard over Paul and Jared's heavy voices_. Well, actually we just run our land_, he admitted timidly.

_We don't run anything_, Sam sounded annoyed. _We protect our land. Jacob, you should be made aware that our legends are true. The "cold ones" exist and they are the reason we are the way we are. The Cullens were vampires_.

I stood up, almost on my hind legs. First a Cullen had destroyed my Bella and now this? _So it's their fault? It's the Cullens' fault? Those cruel, undead, blood-sucking_—

_They're not the problem. There are others_. Sam's voice was low, but he might as well have been screaming in my face. My instincts turned from angered concern to fear for the one person I could not seem to protect until the damage had already been done. _One in particular, a redhead, keeps dancing along the border, but we haven't been able to pinpoint her yet. We don't know why she keeps coming back or what she's after._

My eyes closed as I breathed her name in my new form. _Bella_.

Embry yowled. _Your Bella is a "vampire girl." She knew already_.

_She's not one of them, _Sam interrupted_. And she's safe, but you can't see her. Not now_.

My anger returned. _Why not? I have to warn her! I have to tell her_—

Someone made "kissy" noises somewhere behind Sam. I assumed it was Paul. My assumption was good enough for my reasoning. My teeth bared themselves once more towards my foe.

_Your brother is NOT your enemy no matter how much he taunts you! You will not attack each other! Don't make me "heel" you_, Sam growled.

Paul yawned, but said nothing more and I lowered myself to the ground. I wasn't being submissive. I was just completely drained. I couldn't have Bella. Now I wouldn't be able see her. Next, Sam would tell that I couldn't protect her from the vampires.

_Yes, you can. But you must stay away from her for her own safety_, Sam pleaded.

My muzzle shook. _No, you're wrong. I'd never hurt Bella. I couldn't_.

_What were you about to do to Billy? What would have happened at the carnival if you hadn't gotten control of yourself_?

I said (and thought) nothing. Sam was right. I couldn't be responsible for what I might do to Bella. For what might have happened if Bella hadn't been able to calm me down. Her soft skin. Her strawberry-scented hair. Her red, flushed cheeks—

*_Gag_* Paul interrupted my thoughts. I didn't bother baring my teeth. I was too ashamed at my lack of control.

I resisted again. Life was too dark without Bella. I had to know if she was all right. At all costs.

_No_. Sam's voice rang in my ears. _You need to see this_. My eyes closed willingly as I saw a small house and more trees. I smelled the start of the early morning. I heard Sam's fiancée, Emily calling me "Sam." Wait-Sam? My mind didn't linger on the thought as I felt thrown forward without moving. I saw the shaking, similar to what I had just done in the kitchen in front of Billy. Emily was yelling. I was yelling back. I couldn't stop. I couldn't slow down. She had to move. She had to move away from me. Didn't she know I'd hurt her? Didn't she know how dangerous I was?

My hand jerked towards Emily in an attempt to push her away, but my hand changed too quickly. I wanted to reach out and touch her face, to apologize before my anger got the best of me; however, my paw didn't have the dexterity. It lacked the "human touch" and instead it marred Emily's human face. My love's life (and mine) had changed instantly in that one moment. That second I had forgotten myself. That time I had lost my human instincts and turned into the monster I had always feared I was. I had hurt my Emily. I had scarred my life.

My eyes burned with tears as I cowered in a neighbor's yard. I was still shaking, though I had long since changed into this beast. This unfit desecration that had put its hands (paws) on the woman I loved and had hurt her. I bore witness to my cruel mistake every day. Every morning I loved her even more because she chose to wake up next to me and every night I made love to her to thank her for existing. No one had ever been more important. No one had ever loved me as she did. But I was still the brute that had done that to her face.

_Sam? What just happened_? I looked at him. I didn't dare make a sound. I even tried to stop breathing.

Sam turned over a nearby rock. _I hurt Emily. Badly. And I'll never be able to forgive myself even though she has forgiven me._

_But, everyone said it was a bear that_—

_We lied. _Sam looked ashamed and angry_. No one knows about us except the tribal leaders. The rest of the reservation sleeps on peacefully while we look for leeches_. _It's the leeches' fault. They made us these things. They forced us to protect our own lands because they could never really be trusted. Our ancestors played their part by making a treaty with them and we do our best to uphold it, but now the Cullens are gone. This is our land again_.

This was the first time I'd seen him become really angry. Sam really seemed to dislike the Cullens as much as I did.

_We have much to tell you, but you must promise not to see Bella. _Sam faced me, knowing that I would listen._ Not now, anyway. I don't want to order you to stay away from her, but I will if I have to. We can't risk you hurting her. You can't risk hurting her_.

My heart felt torn from my chest, but I carefully nodded. I felt just as constrained and pressed as I had when I had successfully ripped out of my skin just a half hour ago. The screams that had bled my ears dry did not afford the same luxury to my eyes; I cried more tears than I had spilled in childhood and the earth that I felt through my newly formed paws provided my waterworks with a home.

But I did not feel ashamed. This was my pack and this was where I now belonged. The shame that I felt for breaking my promise to Bella, to never hurt her or leave her, would have to wait. It would be nothing compared to defeat and guilt I would feel if I or one of those parasites were to harm a hair on my Bella's head. I had to do this for her. I had to protect her this way.

Embry bumped me with his nose. _Yuck. _It was wet.

_Now_, Sam began, _when you phase back-you will need a haircut_.

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**A/N: Tell me what you think & leave plenty of reviews/alerts. They're addictive. Please, please, please? I ask so nicely.  
**

**And don't forget about TL on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. I know that if I actually didn't have a blog alert on TL, I might have missed it. No one should have to miss a chance at seeing TL.**

**Next week TL is the host on a rerun of SNL (Sat, 6/26), he's on the Today's show (Mon, 6/28), Regis & Kelly (Mon, 6/28), and there's a Twi-special on Eclipse Wed (6/30), but that last one doesn't really matter because we will all be there in the movies to support Team Jacob when Eclipse opens at midnight. Who-hoo! And you guys have no excuse to miss any of the shows because I gave you guys dates to look them up. You have been warned. **

**Thank me by leaving reviews, please. I'll always add 'please.'  
**


	5. Jumper

***A/N: I would have poster earlier, but I was depressed. Sorry. I had my first 'bad' critique and I took it horribly. I'm not saying that to get sympathy, but I just wanted everyone to know that I'm human too. Yeah, I know. Duh.**

**Anyway, TY to my wonderful betas. Your insight (and spellcheck) did wonders for me.**

**No more Seether. Very sad times. I used them 2x already. So, we'll have to settle for Third Eye Blind's kick-ass guitar solo in "Jumper." Enjoy.**

**Please do me a favor and do my three R's: Read, Review, & Recommend. Make that bad critique a liar :-) Thanks!**

Chapter (5&6) Summary: Bella notices the absence of her "sun" immediately and fights to keep herself from relapsing, but is failing miserably. With her father begging her not to revert back to her old ways, Jacob missing, and her school friends lacking in the support that she needs, Bella soon finds herself contemplating what the rest of her continued existence should be worth. While on the path to self discovery, Bella is quickly found by someone from the past she has tried to forget and is caught between two sides of a war. As a catalyst, Bella's intuition and knack for getting in trouble proves to be the stepping stone to something much bigger than just vampires in Forks, Washington.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I jump into the arms of my two stars, Taylor Lautner and Jacob Black, every waking moment I can.**

Chapter V Title: 'Jumper,' by Third Eye Blind

**(BPOV)**

The phone kept ringing. It was my fifth time calling Jacob today, and that didn't count the eleven times I tried calling yesterday or the nine times the day before. I had only been able to get through to Billy once, and that was the night Mike had dropped me off from, the carnival. I had wanted to make sure Jacob had made it home. I called close to 1 a.m. and Billy had answered, sounding wide awake. I was told Jacob was fine.

"Can I speak to him, please? I just want to make sure he was okay. He was so upset—"

"He's fine, Bella. He's asleep and I really don't want to wake him. We think its mono. You understand, right?" Billy half pleaded.

"Yeah. Okay, well have him call me when he wakes up and is feeling better. Please?" I added for effect.

Billy sounded relieved that I was letting him get off the phone. "Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Bye, Bella." And he hung up.

That had been almost a week ago, and I still hadn't heard from Jacob. Nothing. Jacob and I went from talking nearly every day to him not calling at all. What was he doing? Had I upset him by ushering him home? I only did that to help. Jacob had looked so livid. I had thought he would have collapsed right behind the fist that went into Mike.

Now I was burning with desire to talk to him. I wanted to make sure that Billy hadn't harvested his organs to pay for fishing gear. I knew that would never happen, but I hadn't seen or heard from my best friend in five days and I was going out of my mind with worry.

"Bella, honey." Charlie suddenly turned to me at the table. "We need to talk."

I was playing with my soggy cereal this morning. I think it used to be Cheerios, but now the O's looked like C's, and the milk had turned a creamy off-white color. I was finished with the food before it had even been in the bowl. I wasn't very hungry. I felt myself slipping back into a despondent existence. I had lost the best boyfriend (in my opinion). I had lost my best friend (also in my opinion). And now I was a lonely, sad, hopeless, teenage girl again. I think more than a few people would agree with that last statement.

I was sitting in the dining room chair wearing some loose shorts and a holey t-shirt with my knees pulled up to my chest. My hair still hadn't been combed. This past week for school, I just picked anything out of the closet, blindly, not caring whether it was matching or clean. Alice would not have approved.

_Alice_.

I cringed.

Charlie mistook the look and started slower than he normally would have. He thought I was losing it again. I mean really losing it. "Bella, this isn't healthy. Now I know you miss Jacob," I flinched again at the mention of Jacob's name. I couldn't believe that I had been dumped _again_. Charlie continued, "But you have to start spending time with other people again. First it was Ed—_him_, and now Jacob is busy, but you have to keep trying. You have to keep putting yourself out there."

I nodded politely. At least I think I nodded politely. My head was heavy with fatigue. The nightmares had come back, only this time Jacob and Edward were in them. They were both claiming to be in love with me, but every time I would take a step toward one of them they would back away from me. I felt diseased. I felt betrayed. I felt lost and alone with two guys in the forest, neither one of them really wanting to be with me. I couldn't understand it.

I moved my legs to get up. Charlie put his hand forward to stop me and cleared the table himself. Even in my stupor, I realized that he must have been worried. "Please," he said as he put his hand on my shoulder, "don't stay in the house all day. It's gorgeous out. Take a drive. Get into a little trouble. I don't care. Just be happy."

My eyes watered. _Be happy?_ God, Edward had wanted me to be happy at one point. I couldn't remember him saying it, but I knew it was what he meant. He wanted me to keep living, to keep myself safe, for Charlie's sake.

"Fine." My mind had shut down. I couldn't see straight anymore, and I couldn't pretend to care about what was required of me. School was the same. This whole week I spent half the time avoiding being alone with Mike so that he wouldn't ask me out again and the other half of the time pretending, with Angela, that life wasn't the waste that I thought it really was. It wasn't working.

The phone rang through the house as Charlie left for work. I had forgotten how lonely the weekends could be.

"Hello?" I tried to smile as Charlie gave a wave through the door, but I wasn't sure if my smile was convincing enough. Charlie frowned at my feeble attempt.

"Bella? It's Angela. I had to tell you quick—I need to dress the twins in a few minutes. Anyway, Tyler is planning to ask you out. He let it slip to Eric and he told Mike, who told Jessica, who told Lauren, and now the whole school knows. Lauren's mad by the way," Angela rushed.

_Wow_. "Great. We were doing so well as friends before."

Angela chuckled a little. "You talk to Jacob? Is he feeling better yet?"

My mood sunk even lower. "No. Not a word or peep from him."

"Bummer," Angela sympathized. "Listen, we'll talk about it later. Just wanted to tell you what had happened since yesterday afternoon. Mike isn't too happy about Tyler's plan either."

I hadn't noticed really. I was too busy trying to avoid him. "Well, I'll deal with that later too." _This was crazy_. First these two guys were staking claim, _and_ my best friend was nowhere to be found? What was going on? I suddenly had the urge to fight, and I knew exactly who my sparring partner would be. I was sick of losing people. I had lost _him_. I was not going to lose Jake too. "Thanks for the heads up, Angela. I think I need to take a drive."

"Okay, no problem. Talk to you later—Bye!"

I hung up the phone and changed into a light green sweater and jeans. I tried to locate the most comfortable sneakers I could find, grabbed my keys, and almost ran to my truck. My fingers tapped the syllables of "La Push" all the way toward my former best friend's house. He had better be dead or dying for ignoring me for so long. I couldn't stand being abandoned. Jacob had been there for me, and now I felt almost as bad as I had before when Edward left. Yes. Edward had left me too. My anger continued to boil as I remembered Jacob's promise to me. Was he mad at me? Did he suddenly get home and think that I was leading him on and decided not to play my games any longer? I had to find out and he was going to tell me.

I would apologize. Whatever it took to get him back as my friend, I would apologize. He couldn't be mad at me if I presented my side. Jacob knew that _he_ had hurt me. He couldn't expect me to forget about everything so quickly. _It has only been a few months_! I reasoned with myself. I needed more time. I just needed more time. Maybe then it would not have been so bad. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty about his slightly younger age. _Does Jacob really look sixteen anymore, anyway_? I wasn't even sure about that.

I reached Jacob's house and my heart was pounding in my chest. I tripped going up the stairs to the small porch, but caught my balance quickly. I rapped on the door, but no one answered. I looked around the front yard, the makeshift garage, and then peered inside the house again. I knew the door was probably open, but I didn't want to pry too much just in case Jacob really had taken to ignoring me to a whole new level.

"Fine," I sighed loudly. "Damn it, Jake."

I jumped back in my truck. There was no point in staying. I didn't know where else to go except to the beach. I could hear the waves crash on the beach as I drove down the deserted road. I parked my truck a safe difference from the sharp rocks and walked the half mile mile up the cliff. There was really nothing left for me. There was no hope of me forgetting what Jacob Black meant to me. If I couldn't even let go of Edward now, by this time, there was no way I could forget about Jake. At least until I was able to say _his_ name out loud finally without hurting.

There was a little noise on the cliff. I could hear a few seagulls, but I could see no people on the beach from where I stood. _No witnesses_. The wind picked back up again as I stepped closer to the edge, but I wasn't worried about falling in. _Wait—should I be worried_?

I glanced over the sudden drop and inhaled. I didn't even like salt water, but the breeze in my hair made my muscles less tense. It could have been as easy as falling asleep to the rain if I just stepped over and plunged into the water. No one would miss me. Charlie might for a while, but he had his work. Renee had Phil now. My friends had each other. Jacob had "other" things to do now. And Edward…_That's right_. I had no idea what Edward had. He left and even that didn't matter to me anymore either.

Suddenly, I wanted to jump. I wanted to feel the wind burn my face and scald my skin. The waves could make all the noise that they wanted to in my ears, crushing my inner ear-drums. The sky would fall further away as I slipped deeper into the gray-stained watery abyss. My toes were touching the edge. _Do it, Bella_. _We'd all be better off_, the voices in my head now screamed at me. I even admitted my feelings to the open air and the salty sea, seeing as these might be my final moments before the water would fill my lungs and wash me out farther into the open ocean. I even grinned at the thought of not being found. It would be as if I never existed.

Edward had told me that. He told me it would be as if he had never existed. _He lied!_

Edward was always keeping things from me. He was so superior. Thought he knew so much more than anyone else since he could read minds. My boyfriend, the vampire. The dream that I had been having seemed even less real when I pictured him as the person I would be in love with forever. It wasn't until Jacob that I had even felt good or wanted by an ordinary human boy. Jacob had given me hope and then had stolen it back. I missed him terribly.

I missed the distraction he provided in the middle of the day. The nights were the worst, but I had started to daydream about Jacob even when he was right there in front of me. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks as I remembered my fantasies about my former best friend.

The hand-holding had been the best, but at times he would caress my fingers in a way that stayed in my mind long after he had gone. He would push my hair back and place it behind my ears. Jacob seemed to know what I liked and what I didn't like, even though I had _never_ had a conversation about it with him, and we had talked about nearly _everything_.

The nights were the worst. Sometimes Jacob would get tied up taking care of Billy and couldn't be over until after I had started getting ready for bed. He'd pop in for about ten minutes and then leave, not wanting to be disrespectful of Charlie's house rules. A lot of nights it was commendable, but other nights I would feel as if he would show himself long enough to get me excited and then leave me in the night by myself.

Well, he had probably been hoping _not_ to leave me alone in the night by myself.

I increasingly became aware of what my body would do when he was near.

While it was a great comfort being close to him, it also drove my body crazy with shivers of pleasure, shivers, and involuntary moans that would escape my lips sometimes during the night. After awhile, my visions of Jake even started to occur during the day. At times, I could feel my breath catch when he made a quick movement toward me, or my nipples harden when we sometimes embraced, or I would lick my lips when he would drink from his soda after a long run on one of the rare warm days we were sometimes blessed to have in Forks. I was sure he hadn't notice all the gradual changes in our relationship, but I was afraid to make it known, just in case.

I even caught myself fantasizing about his legs entwined with mine when he accidentally dropped a screwdriver and I caught sight of his back. The sweat that showered his skin and the hot inside temperature hadn't helped the matters at all. I had rushed home later that same night to pleasure myself with a slightly chilled shower. I stayed until the cold water numbed my skin and the slickness inside me ran dry.

I almost thought I was imagining him watching me. Wait—someone was watching me. I felt the atmosphere change and it had nothing to do with the flashbacks in my mind. My nose smelled a pleasant odor, distinct and familiar. My eyes adjusted to the figure not standing more than a few dozen yards away from me. I recognized that shape, that inhuman stance, that rock hard granite body. A hunter stalking his prey even when it knew there was no escape. I was between the cliff and his arms. I suddenly wanted to be near neither. I could even see the amusement in his red eyes.

He wasn't even hungry, but I knew he'd kill me for fun.

"Bella," Laurent called. "I hadn't expected to find you here. What are you doing here all alone?"

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***A/N: I'll update again by Tuesday night before I leave for the midnight showing of Eclipse. I just couldn't bring myself to post anymore tonight. :-[**

**Don't forget my three R's: Read, Review, Recommend.**


	6. SemiCharmed Life

***A/N: As promised, I am posting on time again. Short author's note because I have to leave for work shortly, then I hit Eclipse after my shift.**

**TY betas. TY friends/readers/reviewers who took the time to read my story and leave comments. Review as many times as you want, readers. I never tire of reading them, ever.  
**

**Please do my three R's. Thanks so much!**

Chapter Summary: Bella's run-in with an old acquaintance had her suddenly clinging to the life she was once so ready to leave. Another supernatural intervention stops her from her doomed circumstances and thrusts her back into the world of the living, but is she ready for the next phase of her life?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, life is sweet watching TL & Jacob do all those amazing stunts together. With their shirts off. :-) YES!  
**

Chapter VI Title: 'Semi-Charmed Life,' by Third Eye Blind

The color of Laurent's skin reminded me of a weathered gray tombstone in a cemetery. The curiosity and amusement in his face was almost enough to calm me. Almost. Laurent existed in a world that I had tried to forget since Jacob. Of course, I had wanted to hold on to the dream that _Edw-he_ would come back, but somehow I knew that _he_ would not. But Laurent was here. Laurent was here, staring at me, with his deep crimson irises.

It was little comfort to me when I realized that Laurent wasn't even hungry, but I knew that that didn't matter. I knew he would kill me for the fun.

"Bella," Laurent called. "I hadn't expected to find you here. What are you doing all alone?"

My eyes blinked, not sure if he was real, but I quickly shook the thought from my head. He was real. And he was still waiting for my answer. "Laurent, how nice. Who said I was alone?" I managed to squeak out.

His teeth curled back into an easy smile. He would enjoy this act. I just knew he would.

"Come, come now, Bella. I've been watching you for the past twenty minutes. I just loved the way your cheeks flushed when a particular thought crossed your mind. And your sudden smell of arousal has made you quite irresistible," Laurent sneered. "Would you mind me asking just what you were thinking about? I'm curious."

I felt annoyed at the invasion of privacy, though that probably should not have been the first thing on my mind. "That's none of your business, and I'll have you know that I am not alone. Edward was just leaving me a little time alone for privacy reasons," I lied. I was bad at it. I even managed to say Edward's name without the whole in my chest deepening. Much.

Laurent seemed to have noticed, but he played along. "Really? Leaving a fragile human girl like you alone in such a dangerous place? High on a cliff? That seems unlikely. I thought you were like a _pet_. Surely Edward wouldn't allow his little pet to wander around for just anyone to pick up. Wouldn't you agree with that, Bella?"

I swallowed, "What is it you want? Edward will be back any moment to fetch me." My voice continued to squeak, but I knew he heard me.

"Well then, I'd better talk quickly. But if he's not back by the time I finish, we'll just have to find a way to pass the time before he returns to claim you." Laurent took a step toward me, and I hesitated before leaning back. My heel felt the cliff edge. Maybe jumping would not be so bad after all. It might hurt less than a vampire's venom.

_Hadn't you wanted to be turned_? my thoughts maliciously cried.

_Shut up, shut up, and shut up!_ The voices in my head were getting louder. I kept hoping by some miracle Edward would hear me or that my sight would go suddenly, rendering me blind so that I wouldn't have to see Laurent attack me. I didn't want to see myself die in Laurent's hands. Yes, I had wanted Edward to kill me; I had wanted to die as human so Edward and I could be together forever, but I didn't want to die like this. It wasn't so long ago that Edward loved me. It was not so long ago that Edward was my true love.

Was_. Was he really my true love_? _What was that_? _Was that even real_?

_Focus, Bella_. _Focus_.

"I bring you news from Victoria."

_Victoria_? My face paled at the mention of her name.

"She's very anxious to see you again," Laurent continued. "You see, she wants to kill you. Your mate killed her mate, and now she wishes to kill you. An eye for an eye."

"So why isn't she here?"

"She sent me ahead to see if you were still under the protection of the Cullens. And she is getting things ready. She'll be here soon enough." Laurent's red eyes dropped in a mocking sadness, but his smile stayed the same. "She won't find you though."

My interest piqued. "She won't?"

Laurent smiled wider. "No, she won't. I have actually always sort of liked you, Bella. I wondered why a clan of our own would do so much to protect you. You left me with quite an impression, and as I said, you do smell rather mouthwatering."

"But you're not even hungry!" I protested.

"Sadly, I am not. But I think it would be in your best interest if I were the one to kill you. Victoria wanted to torture you slowly—for hours, maybe. She may rip the skin from your very bones bit by bit, or make you watch as she butchered your family, and then kill you to end your agony. You never can tell with her. She is very angry with you." He trailed off. "But I would make it quick. Won't you," he said, moving to my side and grabbed my wrist surprisingly gently, "give me the honor of tasting your blood?"

I shook my head, ready to cry, to beg for my life, if necessary. "Please. Edward will be back. He will. Don't do this."

Laurent released his grip and looked at me. His hands clasped together. "I do like you, Bella, but I am trying to save you from the death that Victoria has planned for you. I admit that I was hoping that you would allow me to do what was needed, but I guess I will just have to go for plan B."

He took a step back and stood aside, leaving a clear path into the forest for me to escape. My hopes started to lift as I thought of making a mad dash for the forest. He encouraged it once he saw my look.

"Run, Bella. I am not a tracker like James was, but I do all right for myself. I think this would be better. I can get better at tracking and you may have a few more minutes of life. Now run!" He hissed his last sentence and my legs felt commanded by his order.

My feet struggled not to stumble on the tree roots and the large rocks on the path. I hated that I couldn't use the excuse that I didn't have on the proper attire or shoes to race through the forest. I almost found it comical that I currently feared for my life, now, as a sadistic vampire chased me through the very woods I had first professed my love for Edward.

_Edward_. Where was he? Why hadn't Alice foreseen this?

It may or may not have been my beloved's fault, but I still loved Edward too much to blame him. It was me. Edward couldn't help that bad things were always happening to me and that he was powerless to stop it. Even as a supernatural vampire, he couldn't stop _life_ from happening to me. That had been one of the reasons I wanted to enjoy immortality, to never be hurt or killed by most things. Everyone wanted to hurt me. Everyone wanted my blood. When did I suddenly become so special?

I tripped and fell hard against a tree. Blood smeared the cuffs of my light sweater as I heard a manly guffaw echo in the trees. "You'll have to do better than that, my sweet Bella!" Laurent bellowed. His laugh echoed as my heartbeats increased, thinking and savoring the one memory that I could bear to pull up so quickly in my final moments, before my death.

_Jake_.

Oh God. I hadn't even gotten to see him. I hadn't even gotten to tell him that I hated him — loved him — whatever and whichever. I needed to tell him that he was my best friend. Tell him that I didn't deserve him. Tell him how sorry I was that I had sent him away though we had been moments away from kissing.

I had almost kissed my best friend. I had been willing to kiss my best friend.

The burning in my chest was undermined by my elevated pulse as I realized I had no answer to Laurent's question back on the beach's cliff edge: Who had I been thinking about that moment I had become aroused?

Had it been Edward? I couldn't remember. I didn't think so. It hurt less to think about him, but I certainly didn't dream about having those moments with him when he was always so quick to stop me from making my fantasies my reality. Was it Jacob then?

_No, no, no_.

My head shook and it took effort for me to fight through the dizziness. I didn't want my last thoughts of my Jacob to be images of him naked in positions that would put the Kumasutra to shame. I couldn't be that friend—that friend who secretly wondered what it would have been like to have a normal, healthy relationship with a normal boy who adored her and for a normal girl to want to be adored. That wasn't my life, but it could still be for Jake. Without me to occupy his time, he could have normal friends. Friends who weren't always getting in trouble with mystical beings or stay stuck inside a paranormal epic novel that its fans never wanted to have ended.

Tears fell down my face as I felt my body slow down from exertion. It wouldn't be long now. I could hear Laurent's breath not more than a few paces behind me. He was dragging it out. He must have thought I wanted to keep living.

_No, I was ready now_.

I stopped at the end of the tree line, on the outskirts of a clearing. I briefly recognized the meadow that had once been Edward and mine. The flowers were now dead and brown grass grew in numerous patches on the floor. The lush green that I had ran through to get away from Laurent did not reach this place. The meadow was void and lifeless, just like my life without Edward had been, and just as my week without Jacob was like now. And once Laurent was finished draining me dry, I would be a corpse.

My legs felt like jelly as I half crawled and felt the sweat chill on my skin.

"I'm impressed, Bella. You put in quite an effort to get away, though it was futile," Laurent gloated.

Foolish. I hadn't wanted to get away, really, and I was already trying to run away from my problems long before Laurent had smelled me. I couldn't stand his tone anymore. I couldn't stand me anymore. I wanted it done. I needed it done and over.

My last words were simple. "I'm sorry," I uttered. I closed my eyes as I stopped in the middle of the clearing. I hated for my last real image to be of Laurent, but I immediately focused on visualizing Edward and Jacob, the two halves of me that I would be leaving behind.

I could hear the triumphant smile on my killer's face. "Don't be."

My neck felt the tiny pricks of his fingertips beginning to trail my skin when he suddenly stopped. I thought time was against me by slowing down before my death, but then I heard a low menacing growl off to my right. My eyes flew open.

Laurent had been by me, side by side, but he was no longer interested in my blood. His face contorted in fear as a giant animal stalked slowly out of the forest. The giant animal's almost pure onyx eyes glared at us, and its mouth was pulled up into a snarling grin. The creature's teeth shivered in anger as he deliberately placed one leg in front of the other, his shoulders moving together with each step, and his massive russet red colored head ducking lower and lower the closer he approached. He was closing the distance quickly.

Terror froze my limbs as I felt myself fall to the ground. My head was next to Laurent's knee. I wasn't sure which beast was worse. I almost screamed when the wolf focused on me, but the air left my lungs as my eyes quickly assessed his face.

The wolf was beautiful. He was simply beautiful.

I could feel his fur under my fingers and against my toes for warmth as if the two of us were not in this meadow with a stone-hard killer, a vampire. I could see his wolfy grin match my wide smile as I lay beside him in the sun. I could feel wonder seep into me as I ran through all the different scenarios of just how this wolf—this particular beautiful, and majestic marvel could have meant so much to me. I was suddenly afraid for this new creature. Surely he couldn't beat a vampire. They were indestructible. They were vampires! Laurent may have been stunned now, but it wouldn't last for long. Laurent would tear this stunning massive wolf in two and then drain me dry, leaving us both in the field.

A hushed, indescribable noise left my lips.

A few more twigs cracked as I saw more giant wolves leave the outskirts of the forest to advance on us. Their noses sniffled and scrunched as if smelling a foul odor in the air. I quickly counted four more wolves. The black wolf stood the tallest and appeared next to my claimed wolf to steal the lead, while the others slowed their pace. It looked as though they were hunting us, circling us.

"I don't believe it." Laurent spoke first and the wolves arched their backs with their teeth exposed. Laurent stepped back further from me and seemed able to clear half the field in the few seconds after his sentence.

The biggest one, a majestic black wolf, faced me, but kept its distance. His focus was on the vampire and the other wolves followed his lead, except the russet wolf. My throat felt dry as I sat fixated on him and him on me. Tears escaped my eyes and the wolf cocked his head as if it didn't understand why I was crying. A slow realization seemed to spread across his face when I heard more snarls leave the lips of his pack.

A silver wolf turned its head toward us, almost as if he was telling my wolf to pay attention. The russet wolf turned to me and suddenly looked sad.

The next three seconds were the longest in my life: My hands fell back in surprise as the wolves suddenly howled, scaring what nearby birds were left in the trees into an abrupt flight, and Laurent ran toward the forest in haste. My short cry filled the air as my wolf took one calculated step toward me, licked my face swiftly without hesitation, and then roared. My dreamy state wore off. The heat from the wolf's mouth hit my face like a slap, and I scrambled back toward where I thought I'd come from when Laurent had been chasing me. My legs found strength again as I pulled myself up quickly and ran, hoping that the wolves wouldn't suddenly change their minds and abandon their current chase.

My breathing was the only sound I heard as I raced back toward the beach. I strained to hear the waves or any people that may have been nearby, but I heard nothing. I almost lost hope when it seemed that the forest was getting denser until I heard a girl squeal in delight and then a very loud splash follow. I had found the beach.

My Chevy was exactly where I had parked it, and I hugged the steering wheel. Dirt covered my face and dried blood made my wrists appear scabby and brownish in color. My labored breathing slowed as I threw my car in gear to drive back home. I didn't start to shake again until my knees crashed to the hard floors of Charlie's house.

I wanted to call Charlie and tell him about what I had seen, minus the vampire who had chased me for fun, but I was afraid for my "heroes." I was afraid for my wolf. My wolf had saved me, and then growled at me. _Why? Why had he done that?_ I hated being so feeble, but those giant wolves left me feeling as if there was little else I could do. Sobbing was my next action as my next new batch of thoughts plagued my lucidity. What if Laurent hurt that poor wolf? What if my wolf or one of his pack died because they had decided to intervene in my destiny to become a vampire's next meal? I had a habit of causing calamity. It was apparent that my bad luck now extended to freakishly large animals in the forest too. More tears escaped my eyes.

I should have been grateful that the other wolves hadn't tried to make an appetizer out of me before they went after the vampire as the main course, but I was still in shock. And I felt a dire need to understand what had happened. I twisted my bloodstained cuffs and rocked myself.

"I wish I knew Jacob was okay," I said softly.

If those wolves were there and Victoria was coming back to town for me, it would have been in Jacob's best interest to stay away from me. Clearly our paths were not meant to cross.

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***A/N: And again - Read, Review, Recommend.**


	7. In Bloom

***A/N: Aah, Long weekends are great. :-) Happy belated 4th of July!**

**I wrote the chapter this way for a specific reason, leaving some details of imprinting out. The pack in my story doesn't know as much about imprinting as they did in SM's story. So a lot of the stuff is a 'best guess' scenario and I go deeper into detail in later chapters. **

**Yes, Jacob did imprint on Bella, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy for these two to be together. My feeling is that imprinting is a lot like nature & puberty; it hits you whether you are ready for it or not.  
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**Thanks to all my reviewers, commentators, and questions. They made me so happy. Please continue.**

Chapter Summary: Jacob has just stumbled onto an unforeseen situation within his new-found family, but still doesn't understand the significance beyond meaning that he has a life long bond with a very good friend. Jacob and Bella truly have no idea of the risks involved, the feelings that may occur, or the hurt that infatuation has them bounded to. Jacob almost loses focus on the more important things and Bella remains fastened to Edward's memory, hoping one day he may return, however unlikely that may be. One brief moment fast-tracks these two friends forward, leaving immaturity & their pasts behind them.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Eclipse is still my favorite book, and TL & Jacob are my favorite natural whores. TY Nirvana.  
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Chapter VII Title: 'In Bloom,' by Nirvana

**(JPOV)**

_Focus, Jake. Focus_, I pleaded with myself. My haunches were shaking, my breaths were stuck right between gasps of air and small choking fits, and my heart…my heart was soaring. Everything felt good. Everything seemed whole. I started to pant from excitement when Embry's voice pricked into my mind like a rose's thorn.

_Calm down, _Embry begged_. You have to stay calm. Just stay calm_—

_You idiot! He's already in wolf form! _Paul bellowed_. We calm down so that we DON'T phase_!

Embry looked hurt_. You're the idiot, Paul_—

_Everyone shut up_! Sam's voice cut through everyone's thoughts_. The leech is close_. _Jacob, I will explain later. Right now you need to pay attention_.

_Explain_?_ Explain what_? My paws were still moving in a gentle rhythm, but my thoughts were jumbled all together. My chest ached and my eyes burned, but I felt liberated. _I saw Bella_. _I looked into her eyes and saw that she was okay_. She hadn't been broken all over again like with Cullen. At least not completely.

_Yeah, I guess you didn't mean as much to her as the bloodsucker_, Paul thought cruelly.

I ignored Paul as best I could, but my thoughts began to haunt me with what I had just done to Bella in the field. _What did I do?_ _I yelled at her. I roared at her like an animal!_ I cried out, but it came out like a loud moan. I felt my pack getting aggravated because of my lack of focus on the important task at hand. I knew there was a vampire lurking somewhere; I could smell him, but I had to let it out. As free as my body was feeling, I now suffered from my emotions being caged. _Bella hates me. She wasn't broken over me, but I know she hates me_.

_You did what you had to do to get her to move_. Sam's voice was urgent, _She wouldn't have ran otherwise__. It was for her own good._

_Don't baby him_, Paul groaned. _The "vampire girl" would have deserved to get bit. That's what she gets for messing with them. Too bad our "resident snitch" had to give away our position first_.

I seethed in my anger. Paul was going to make me attack him. Screw the leech. _That parasite was going to hurt her_!

_The vampire was on our land, Paul_, Embry's voice called from somewhere behind us, but it just sounded like a kid wanting to play with the big boys. _He had been chasing her since the cliff, so we would have had to attack him anyway. I don't think he's a Cullen though_.

_It doesn't matter_! I barked. _I don't care what anyone says—he was going in for the kill! I wasn't going to wait for him to bite her_!

Paul grinned, if you could call it that. It was more like I could hear the beaming in his voice. _How is that our problem, really? If she loves them so much, she should have gone with them. Did you see how she looked when the bloodsuckers first left her? What a mess! And you daydreaming about the life that you two had before you became a wolf isn't doing anyone of us any favors. _Paul continued to sneer._ That girl will run you to the end of your rope, after she's finished collaring you_.

**(APOV) Author's point of view**

Jacob turned to snap at Paul when Paul's silver mane suddenly got caught—between two pale hands. Paul grunted loudly and the sweet sickly smell overpowered Jacob's relief at seeing Bella again and was replaced with an urgency to protect and defend. The vampire's snarls egged Jacob on to confrontation. The leech wouldn't let go of Paul, but he couldn't crush him either. The vampire would need all of his strength in case Jacob decided to jump on him for the attack.

The pack circled the immediate surrounding area, but the vampire knew they would. He had been counting on it. He only needed to take out one or two of the wolves at the most. The others would be so broken up that they wouldn't have the fight left to chase him down.

Jacob jumped suddenly and caught the vampire's rock hard shoulder inbetween his teeth. Skin tore, sounding like sheet metal and nails. Jacob felt his stomach lurch at the horrible taste, but his saliva made him look more vicious. It made him look rabid.

"Leech!" He barked.

Two monsters. Two supernatural beings were battling on the field. The vampire continued to circle, using Paul as a shield; Jacob lunged this way and that way to try and get the vampire to drop his pack mate first, before he attacked again. Jacob wouldn't hurt Paul, but Paul wasn't putting up a fight trying to get loose. Paul seemed to have gone limp. He was useless.

Jacob taunted Paul, _All that trash talk and you can't even defend yourself from this bloodsucker_?

Paul yipped as the vampire's grip tightened around his body and Jacob used that opportunity to leap once more; at the same time, Sam's black coat hit the vampire's leg. Sam caught the leg's hard flesh and ripped it from its owner, while Jacob turned his muzzle, sinking his teeth into half of the creature's face. Jacob's hind legs hit the grassy earth as he landed, but he kept his hold on the vampire, twisting around to rip off the head while he kept his front paws on the intruding parasite's back for leverage.

Embry and Jared joined in to tear off another two limbs from the vampire's torso. Sam went to check on Paul, who was sitting off to the side, seething in rage at his inability to defend himself. Paul loathed being a liability to the pack more than anything else.

**(JPOV)**

I did my best not to breathe more than I had to. If I took a chance at breathing, I would have to swallow eventually, and I couldn't risk it. The leech's flesh had tasted worse than anything else I ever had before. His hard crystallized skin rubbed on my tongue, agitating my gums and the roof of my mouth. It felt like pieces of glass stuck in between my teeth, forcing me to spit, chew, and gag at least a dozen times more before I trusted the taste of it not to follow down my throat. The stench was almost as bad as the taste; the sick, but horrid smell of cleaning solution, bleachy, bled in the air, making my eyes water.

My mouth yawned, but I wasn't tired. _The attack was too quick_, I muttered to myself. It had been almost too easy.

_Not for Paul_, Embry joked.

Paul flew toward Embry in a rage. Without thinking, I slammed my russet-colored body into Paul's and he bounced off me, hitting a nearby tree. The shaking tree had a large impression, as if a small crane had hit it in an attempt to knock it down with one sloppy blow. Paul always did do everything half-assed.

_Get out of my way_! A roar escaped Paul's mouth and I grinned a little. I had only been phasing for about a week or so, but I was already way ahead of Paul. I was almost his size even. My coat shined in the few patches of sunlight that reached the forest floor and Paul's silver fur looked mangy, dirty, and unkempt.

_I can get you groomed at the pet store, you know. Playing with leeches does nothing for your coat. It doesn't have that polish_—

_I said get out of my way, Black_! Paul repeated.

_I just saved your life_, I threw in his face. _If you hadn't been teasing me about Bella_—

_Just because you imprinted on the leech-lover doesn't mean that everyone in this pack gets to be her new pet! You still shouldn't have made our presence known until after we were all sure that he was going in for the kill_! _I'm not risking my life to protect your imprint_!

I roared, _I said that he was going to hurt her_! _And she's my WHAT_?

_Sit down! Both of you_! Our Alpha's voice loudly commanded.

The earth even felt different between my toes. The air sent goose bumps through my fur. _What the hell is an imprint_? I asked.

_Fate choosing who you love for a price, is what it is. Imprinting is some bullshit that gives a dame the power to decide whether you get to bone her or be her "big brother" for the rest of your life. In dog years, of course_, Paul added bitterly. He laid with his back on the floor, stomach and throat exposed for Sam.

I actually had better control and I couldn't be that submissive so easily. I just tilted my ears back and sat on my hindquarters. Paul was always trying to prove that he was the better "pup."

Sam wasn't impressed by the display anyway. _Paul, knock it off,_ Sam continued. _Jacob, an imprint is like finding a reason to exist for another person almost. Sometimes it means love and other times it doesn't. All it really means is that you were destined to be entwined with this person, in their life. No more and no less._

_That sound like love at first sight bullshit_, Jared coughed.

My pulse raced. I tried to get up, but Sam had yet to lift the injunction. My hind legs would not cooperate and stayed folded under me though my upper body bounced in anticipation. I had to see Bella. I had to tell her. _ So Bella's my true love? I knew it! I knew_—

_No, Jacob. That's not what it means. You can only tell or give her what she needs at the time._ Sam hung his head down_. You'll have to wait_.

My ears slumped even lower. _Wait for what_?

_She'll have to decide for herself what she wants from you, at all times. And that's really all you can do_. Sam held his stare._ It's not an excuse to get laid_.

_I know that! _I yapped and then I lowered my voice_. So she decides what we will become together? What if she wants to leave me?_ I had to understand. I just had to understand.

_Then she'll leave you_.

_But you can't survive without your imprint! Isn't that what the legends say? Isn't that the point of finding your soul mate_?

Sam scoffed; it was unlike him. _That's a myth. You won't die, but it may feel like it. Your humanity is lost without your imprint_. _Still_, _an imprint has to always be given the choice or she's not really an imprint. She becomes a conquest. _Sam added softly, _You can't be equal with your conquest_.

_She's never been a conquest for me. I won't give up. How will I know what to give her even if she doesn't know_? I asked.

_You don't. But if it's really your fate to be together_—

Paul's voice cut in_. His heart is in the hands of a selfish, parasite-loving, hormonal girl? That's just perfect._

I hushed Paul with an angry growl.

_Don't talk about her like that_! I grumbled.

_Just because you have a new haircut and some new muscles, you think you're so god damn irresistible?_ Paul snickered. _Face it, that vamp still has you beat._

My mouth twitched as I briefly thought of separating Paul's bottom jaw from his mouth, but Sam intervened before my thoughts could get worse.

_They were destined to be together in some way, but not necessarily romantic. That's all. There's nothing more to say about it. You'll just have to wait it out. Your heart may have heaved and time may have stopped when you saw her, but you're still only her friend now. You protected her by getting her to run home and you have to protect her now, from this new threat. Or are you forgetting just how you found out about your bond to her_? Sam questioned. _Burn the remains of the leech_, he ordered Jared and Embry.

Sam silently lifted the injunction and I got to my feet. He was right. This was not the time to figure out if Bella and I were going to be romantically involved one day.

But I had to keep hoping. I was feeling something and this would explain everything. Why I was never able to stop thinking about her. Why I always felt the need to be around her. Why I seemed to be the only one that could have made her happy. I was her soul mate. I knew I was. And I would tell her tonight.

_An imprint doesn't work that way. You can't demand what you want and expect to be given it_.

_But she can demand what she wants from me!_ I whined.

_It's different. You can't lie to your imprint, but you have to do your best to protect her at all times. You can't go against fate or time and tell her something she is not ready to hear or something she doesn't really want to hear. You'll have no choice but to oblige her. It'll be what she wants and not what you want_, Sam reasoned.

_I still think it's a way for a chick to break his heart_, Jared piped in. _I don't believe it. Fate can't tell me who to love, who can be my friend, and all that shit. It's garbage_.

_Aww, Jakey's in love. Now life makes sense again_, Paul finally rolled over to stand on his four feet. I wanted to knock him back down.

_Careful_, I warned. _Another leech could be walking by_.

_Enough! I hear noises_. _It's coming from the Atearas'_. Sam heightened his ears and Jared used his sight to catch commotion on the reservation, a few miles down the hill. _It's Quil. He might phase soon. I can hear his voice getting louder with his grandfather. A few hours at the most_.

Embry ran to Sam's side. _We need to go to him now then_.

_No_. Sam turned to face us. _We still have land to protect. The Cullens are no longer here and—Jacob_!

I growled at the mention of the Cullens' name.

_That's enough. Jacob and Jared, you two run patrol over our lands. Paul, you patrol the mountains. I'll cover the rest. Embry, you watch for Quil. If anything happens, we'll decide who to send back to help_, Sam ordered.

I shook my head. _I need to see Bella. I need to see if she's all right_.

_After patrol_.

_NOW_! I insisted.

_After_. Sam was calm. _She's fine. You can see her after patrol. Give a few hours and then leave at ten if you so desire_.

Paul was enraged. _Why does he get_—

_She's his imprint. He needs to see her_.

_But even the leeches left her_—

Sam turned to Paul and bared his teeth. We felt Paul's anger slip and change to concern for his placement in the pack. Even Jared whined and nudged Paul by his backside to shut him up and keep him moving.

Sam then looked at me. _Do I need to make it an order for you too? After you finish patrolling, you may go_.

My eyes widened as a reflex, but I had no intention of arguing. My limits had been tested enough.

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***A/N: I'm leaving for Cancun, Mexico with some friends next week for vacation, but I will try to post two more chapters before I leave. I will definitely get one more chapter in. If I can't get any more than one chapter in, I'll double the chapters when I get back.**

**You'll have me till then. In the mean time, please continue to Read, Review, Recommend.**


	8. Use Somebody

***A/N: Thanks for being patient for this chapter. You shall all be rewarded with praises and a good story. _My story._**

**Oh, and I haven't thanked my betas in awhile.**** TY, my two wonderful betas: Wolfskill & Carrie36. They like my story almost as much as I do. And thanks for all those who reviewed and alerted me. Happy J/B reunion-it's about damn time! :-)  
**

**Enjoy! Leave plenty of presents (reviews, comments, and other goodies)**

Chapter Summary: What's going on in Forks? Laurent's recent news of Victoria coming back, intent on making Bella pay for the slaying of her vampire mate, has Bella afraid but that's not the only thing. The pain of still being unable to see her best friend, the loneliness that has reopened the wounds she once thought were healed, and the fact that she was saved by five gigantic wolves has Bella believing that she has stepped into a supernatural dream. She seeks to be awakened from the nightmare and back to a normal life, but fears she will never be the person that she once was before her move from Phoenix. And where is Jacob? What has happened to him? Doesn't he miss Bella at all?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own nor abuse Twilight, but Taylor and Jacob can use me anytime they please.**

Chapter VIII Title: 'Use Somebody,' by Kings of Leon

Later that day...

**(Still JPOV)**

_Why don't you believe in imprinting? How do you know about it anyway_? My questions fired off one after the other at Jared, who looked bored as we circled our border in the same line, careful not to make too many prints in the dark in case we were being tracked. Toward town we had heard some activity with the local law enforcements picking up extra shifts, due to "bizarre" animal attacks along the Peninsula coast. I was even more anxious to get back to Bella but not before I could find out as much as I could about imprinting.

Jared shrugged before answering me_, Sam thinks about it all the time. He and Leah were pretty serious until Emily came along, but it was "fate" as he put it. I don't like anyone choosing who I like, don't like, care about, or anything like that. That's what parents are for_. A few of Jared's brown hairs got caught in my nose as we turned in unison at the brook.

_But I already cared about her_, I argued.

_You can still care about someone without having to be tied to them for life. Imprinting sounds like forever when it doesn't have to be. Suppose the leech lover—sorry—Bella, only wants to be your friend? Then what? You'd still go on living. You'd still be in her life and you'd live_. _You learn to deal with it_.

_Not having Bella like I want is no way to live_, I disagreed.

Jared looked thoughtful. _Well, then I guess we all know what you want from your imprint. But just because you know what you want doesn't mean she knows what she wants or even wants the same thing as you do. You only hope she does. Now can we please quit talking about this? I am starting to feel like a girl_.

_I thought I was listening to two girls for the past couple of hours_, Paul jumped in. _I can't wait till you phase back, Jakey-boy. It'll be nice to listen to real man thoughts for a change_.

I would have responded, but I glanced at the dark sky and knew it was almost time to go. My eyes felt heavier and heavier but I had no interest in sleep and my anxiety was dragging down the rest of my heightened wolf senses. Twice I had almost hit a tree in the last hour while Jared and I were switching sides.

_Just go, Jacob_! Jared cried out. _I doubt Sam will care if his protégé leaves a half hour early. You and Bella aren't even dating and you're whipped. Do you see why I don't like imprinting_? He questioned rhetorically. _It's pathetic!_

My wolf grin appeared as I took off in the opposite direction of Jared. The dirt wouldn't slow me down as I ran past the familiar trees and I wouldn't be distracted by the quiet but haunting stillness of the forest as I raced toward Bella's house. This past mid-morning felt like so long ago. I could finally tell her that I had thought of nothing but her. That I missed her face, her eyes, her hands, and her smell. Oh God, her smell! I would bury my nose in her hair when I phased back. I would inhale her sweet strawberry shampoo and forget about that horrible sickly smell of my enemy. _Our enemies_. Bella was mine. My enemies were her enemies and we would share everything. I would keep nothing from her now that I knew we were destined to be together. Destined to be in each other's lives.

Time was neither slow nor fast as my paws almost screeched to a halt when I came nearer to her house. I could see that her light was off and that Charlie was home. I didn't care. I would be quiet. I just had to see her again. Without my brothers present. Without the threat of that leech to distract our world. It would be just us. Always and from now on, just us.

I pulled my bundled shirt and shorts from the string tied to my leg and put them on swiftly. I was truly better coordinated after I had fully phased for the first time. My fingers tapped nervously on my hips.

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**(BPOV)**

I took a long shower. After dealing with letting go of Jacob this morning, seeing Laurent (_and those huge wolves!_), and then chores the rest of the day so that I could forget everything that had happened, I was just plain exhausted. It was all I could do but not to fall down in the shower.

I slipped on some snug shorts and a loose tee. The weather was humid out and felt worse during the night than in the day. At least it had rained, temporarily giving water to the plant life. At night, the rainwater had now begun to pool and remain stagnant on the various surfaces it touched. This was when the rain in Forks drove me crazy.

I had heard Charlie walking to his room about an hour ago and he started to snore gently soon after. I looked at my alarm and noticed that it was just after 9:30 p.m. I had no pressing chores tomorrow and tried to use that as comfort to help me drift to sleep when a few taps on my bedroom window disturbed the quiet darkness that had enveloped my room.

I began to hear hissing.

"Hsst! Bella!"

I turn halfway in my bed, convinced that the voice was not real. I must have been dreaming.

"Bella, it's me! It's Jake! Open the window!" His voice was familiar to me even in the dark.

I almost ran to the window and pulled at it to get it open. Jake was downstairs looking up at me. He held up his hand and gave a small smile.

My eyes blinked rapidly. "Whoa." Jacob had cut his hair drastically short into almost a buzz. It looked fantastic. I already missed his long hair, but at least now I wouldn't feel like such a homely girl standing next to a boy with too-gorgeous hair. I was jealous of the wind that swept through his newly acquired haircut. I could see every line in his still sweet, albeit less babyish, face and felt my uncooperative breath cease in my lungs. I had to think _inhale, Bella_. _Don't forget to breathe_ as if I were swimming underwater.

I forgot about the anger I felt suddenly. My heart ached upon seeing him and my knees knocked into the bottom of the window sill. The ache was overpowering my sense to keep him and me safe from hurt. Safe from the damage that we could do to each other. He could have burned me and I would have let him. He could have blown me lightly and I would have fallen. I wanted my best friend. It was that simple. He made sense and I didn't.

"Come up here," I whispered down at him.

Jacob looked surprised for a moment, but graciously looked up at me and then toward the old spruce tree next to my window. Before I could cry out, he began to quickly and effectively climb the limbs and swung himself into my open window in the few seconds it took for my eyes to register what had just happened; Jacob's feet softly sounded on my wooden bedroom floor. He looked pleased that he had been able to slip in undetected.

Jacob just grew into more muscle and talent more and more each passing week. Had he grown since I had last seen him? Or had he always looked like this without me realizing it? I shook my head, hoping to lose some of my impure thoughts with it.

As Jacob stepped further from the window, his light cream-colored tee tore on a loose nail and the piece exposed a bit of his stomach.

_Wait—Jake had abs_? _Was that an 8-pack_?

I knew what his back looked like from all those times I had seen him turned away from me while he worked in his garage, but he always got grease on the front of his shirt and dirt on his back; therefore, he always had a change of shirt and he never took it off in full view of me. He knew I would only blush. Whether or not he knew it was because I was attracted to him or not was another story.

Jacob took a step toward me, lifting his arms, but then suddenly thought the better of it and instead folded them in front of himself, trying to cover what the holes in his shirt showed of his stomach. I suddenly wished that the nail had torn off the whole shirt instead.

I sucked in a breath, smiled, and shocked myself by giving him a great hug. He shook slightly from the force of me, as hard as that seemed, and responded back. My fingers slid through his short hair and I felt the remembrance of the wind that had me green with envy just a moment ago as he had waited for me to open my window to let him in. I felt him smile as he inhaled my hair and touched the middle of my back. His embrace was hot. And so was I suddenly.

"You cut your hair." And then I became angry. "Where the hell have you been, Jake?" My voice rose as I slapped his chest. That was wrong of me. My hand actually stung a little from our contact as I pulled it back.

"Bells." He looked like he was searching for the right thing to say. "I've—you're—" His lips folded under each other despite his obvious protest. His fingers clasped around me and he began shaking. I almost thought it would be a repeat of what happened at the carnival, but he regained himself seconds later.

"God Jake, I don't even care!" I threw my arms around him again.

He said nothing.

This was the first time Jacob spent the night with me in my room, without Charlie's knowledge and without intent to read or do school work. I had missed him so much in the short time he was gone. I had been so excited to see him that I made no mention of my wolf or Laurent. I didn't want anything to spoil our moment just yet. I was certain that there would be enough time for me to mess things up later.

Jacob stayed off my bed and sat in the rocking chair. He did seem to notice that my breathing had become a bit more erratic the closer he got to me and my pulse nearly broke through my skin when he brushed my toes. He actually made a move to grab my foot to give me a massage, but I had squeaked my "no" so loudly that Charlie had stirred, and from that point on we merely settled for talking across the room for the night.

It wasn't until an hour before dawn was about to break that he moved next to me and put his finger to his lips to "sshh" me. My hands started to sweat.

"Bella, do you remember that day on the beach? The day we saw each other when you came back to Forks?"

I nodded.

"Do you remember what I told you? Anything? Anything about…our legends?"

"The "cold ones," right?"

He rolled his eyes. "Figures you would remember that. But I mean about us? Anything else? About my tribe? I'm—I had to stay away from you, but now I can't anymore. There are things that have changed."

"Nothing has changed. You're still my friend, Jacob Black. Always." My hands reached out to touch his face, but he pulled away, almost like he was mad. His hands shook a little, but his sharp breath cut it off and he reached for my body to yank me closer.

"You're not ready," he whispered.

"Ready for what?"

"I can't say anything. It won't let me."

"What? What won't let you say it? Has someone threatened you? Did that 'La Push Gang' get to you, Jake? Tell me!" I almost screamed.

Jacob continued as if I hadn't spoken. "You must not be ready to know. You'll have to figure it out. You've got to know!" His voice raised and he looked around frantically. "Bella, you have to think. You have to know what's wrong with me!"

"Jake, there's nothing wrong with you. Whatever has you this upset—"

"Bella, please think! You know this. Please think about the legends, the stories I told you. I can't do it."

Jacob got off of my bed and I followed him to window. I waited a moment and came up directly behind him. My fingers had barely begun to cover a few inches of his shoulder when I felt him tremble under my touch, but it felt different than when he had been shaking earlier. He was biting his lower lip. I almost had to squint when I gazed in his eyes; they shined so bright in the moonlight though dawn was close. I was amazed that the night had no clouds for once that week and it made me relish his tone, his build, his expression. It was like—

"Bella."

He interrupted my thoughts. It was just as well. I hadn't appreciated where they were going. I didn't want to rethink about the familiar, gnawing heat that had begun again in my lower stomach, tightening my arms and chest, and moistening my inner things.

Jacob's voice wavered, "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything, Jake." I should have thought that sentence through.

He took a hesitant step to me and then moved his entire body in front of the window, almost blocking the moon. It was okay. I didn't need light to see how much Jacob shined for me. I hadn't even felt myself take a step back until I felt my body hit my bedroom wall.

Jacob looked at a loosened floorboard in my room before his eyes darted back to me. "In school, I'm studying my native language, in Quileute. Well, I am trying to study my language…and I learned a couple of things. I mean, about our ancestor's stories, the words, and what each can mean." He stopped himself.

I had meant to encourage him as a friend. I had meant to keep things safe the way that they were, but when I reached up and gently trailed my fingers down the side of his face I heard Jacob sigh heavily and close his eyes. I could feel his body give way to the rush of the excitement, the anticipation, the yearning of more from our bodies when we touched.

When he opened his eyes again after that long second, he spoke "Ti'iyahl, wisatsu'upat wihl."*****

A smile played on my lips. It was simple and short. Both magical and not. I had no idea what he had said, but I felt as though I should have.

"What did you say, Jake?"

"I said 'Man, woman as one.'"

"Oh." I felt it was safe to look down after that beautiful sentence and that was when I felt it. The hurried movement of warm breath and flesh pressed against my lips. My body stood frozen despite the increased pulse and the flush that arrived at my cheeks even moments before Jacob's lips touched mine.

Suddenly I felt flesh break and tasted rusty salt.

"OW! Jake!" I exclaimed. I clamped my mouth shut, afraid that I might have wakened Charlie, but his slow snores hadn't broken their tempo once.

"I'm sorry!" Jacob looked embarrassed.

Jacob had bitten me. In his haste to make a, presumably decent, quick kiss he moved too sharply and had anticipated too much. It had made him nervous and in an attempt to conceal his inexperience, he bit down.

As a result, my lips wore a light red stain without the aid of lipstick.

"Jesus, Bella! I am so sorry! I don't know why I did that! Please don't be mad! Shit! Damnit, Jake! Way to go!" Jacob scolded himself as he covered his eyes with his hands.

I tasted my lips. The blood was already slowing down. I had done plenty worse to myself without the help of Jacob.

_Jacob_. What was I going to do? I wasn't angry for some reason. The sweet, but brutal, kiss had given me a bit of fresh air into my lungs. An extra flashlight in the dark. Feeling the way I had been feeling about him since I saw him on the beach. His attention. His curiosity. His gift to make me laugh. I had suddenly felt different about what things were like. How things must have been for him. Rethinking how things were for me, it made me smile.

The blood had stopped. I licked my lips again.

"It's fine. It's fine. Look, no damage. Still Bella."

He looked at me then. Even his eyes were screaming with the hope that I wouldn't hurt him back or threaten not to see him. I hadn't even thought of that possibility as I said my next statement.

"Don't be so nervous. You were just a little too intense. Loosen up."

His eyebrows rose. "Loosen up?"

"Yeah. You know, from the little experience that I've had, it's um…kind of hard to kiss when you're nervous about stuff. And I mean any kind of stuff. Just relax."

"Relax. I got it."

"Okay then," I looked down sheepishly and dropped my head about an inch. I heard him inhale as he whispered his next words.

"Relax," I heard him repeat in his husky voice. "Bella."

He lifted my head and pressed his lips softly to the bottom of my chin, to both of my cheeks, gently brushed my nose with his, and then kissed my quivering bottom lip. That did it.

His warm breath shared the space with my own mouth and my increasing heartbeat started to hit the walls of my chest so fast that it hurt. And then the early morning wildlife noises from the outside ceased to exist.

The fevered heat from Jacob's beautiful, russet skinned hands on my face stole what was left of my air; at the same time, he continued to touch the broken, fragile skin on my lips with his tongue. It was as if my lips had instantly healed and my fingers began to travel silently along the soft edges of his cheek, believing that they could commit the outline of his very flesh to memory, even if only for a few moments. I could never do this with Edward. Edward, no._ Jacob, yes._ Their kisses were so different. Edward's urges had been kept at bay, always leaving me wanting more. Jacob's eagerness thrilled and excited me, to the point where I almost couldn't wait. A cry escaped my mouth that was everything but passionless, and I allowed my mind to dive further and further into a place where only Jacob could take me.

I felt the rest of my senses dropping slowly into a warm and gentle rain as my lower body collided with his lower body. I could want and feel nothing more than each kiss deepen, each breath of air that escaped inbetween gasps, and each of our fingers tracing the other's body. Jacob wouldn't stop. He wouldn't let me go. And I couldn't let him go.

I pulled his shirt collar to move him even closer to me and the shirt tore a little more in my hands. His hard abs were softened only by his warm skin scraping against my stomach and then I felt his thumb gently push against my shirt. I felt my moistness spread as his finger slowly separated the top of my sleep shorts from my body. I gasped.

"Jake, wait—just wait." I almost stuttered as I pushed away from him.

Jacob realized his mistake. His breathing stopped and he looked horrified at what he had been about to do.

"Oh no! Bella, I am sorry. I didn't mean that. I don't want that—I mean I do, but I don't—I—God!"

I had to laugh. It kept me sane.

I had wanted him to go further. To go faster. To keep going until there was nothing in between us or clothes on us. But reality hit me and I hit it back.

I didn't want Jake to be embarrassed for kissing me nor did I want to feel bad for allowing him to. I kept the smile on my face hoping that he would follow suit. To show that there were no hard feelings.

He returned the smile.

I casually draped my arm and used it to cover my attempt to fix my shirt and shorts and he took the time to tuck his shirt back in to his pants.

I shook my head at him and gave him another smile.

Jacob progressed toward me again and I felt my heart resume its previous "hummingbird" pace, but he just slowly tilted my head up. He only moved to kiss my forehead, leaving me with an imprint of his warm lips.

* * *

**A/N: "Ti'iyahl, wisatsu'upat wihl" really does mean 'Man, woman as one' in Quileute. It is a dying language, but they do share a few words in a couple of documentary books. I did not make up these words. I actually researched and read books to get them.**

**Show me your appreciation by Reviewing & Recommending. That's all I ask as payment. :-)  
**


	9. Sober

**A/N: Guess who's back? :-) I had an awesome time in Cancun and one of the first things I did was turn on my computer to FF and start to work on my next chapter. This chapter name could not have come at a better time-I was NOT sober for most of my trip in Cancun. Sorry, but you are only in your 20's once so I had to make it worth my while. I was away from you guys for a week, after all.**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed, commented, messaged, & alerted me while I was away. I smiled, cried, and then smiled some more. Do it again! ;-)**

Chapter Summary: Jacob's admission (and the help of a dream) enlightens Bella to the fact that vampires are not the only things taking over the small town of Forks, WA. Bella struggles to hold onto her best friend and his new secret while testing the boundaries at the same time. Will Bella accept her new relationship with her best friend or is she bound to Edward still, though it's clear that he is not coming back? Bella also finds her own way of coping with her best friend's new secret, threatening her denial of her own interest in Jacob. No longer can she pretend that there is nothing going on between them.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and I don't need a drink to see just how sexy and cute my two favorite boys are.**

Chapter IX Title: 'Sober,' by P!nk

_My hands caressed my wonderful wolf-hero and his warm eyes no longer held contempt or fear for what I might do to him. I wouldn't hurt him. I wouldn't do a thing to him. I cared too much about him. We were inexplicably linked to one another now. He was mine and I was his. Who would dare separate us? What could possibly tear me away from those sweet, understanding eyes? _

"_Bella, you're ignoring me."_

_I turned at the sound of a beautiful, melodic tone. "Edward?" I was surprised. What was he doing back in Forks?_

_Edward stood there in front of me, his skin glowing in the modest sunlight. It would only be a few more minutes before the sun would ravish his stunning Adonis-like body, making him sparkle prettier than a thousand girl's best friends._

"_Bella, don't go. Stay with me." Another voice cut through the forest, shedding the remainder of light from the trees and added to the weight of my heart._

_I moved closer to the other sound, without realizing it right away. Instead of my wolf, there laid Jacob shivering and naked. I touched his cheek and he was cold. This wasn't the Jacob I knew. My Jacob was never cold._

"_Don't you remember me? I saved your life. I saved you." A tear left his eye._

_I couldn't remember. I didn't remember seeing him. He had abandoned me, hadn't he? He must have. Why else would I be so mad? He broke his promise. We haven't spoken since the night of the carnival. Since the night he got sick. Since the night we almost—_

"_No, Bella. I came back for you," Jacob's voice cut swiftly through my thoughts. "I came back to be there for you," he soothed and then his attitude turned hard as he viciously pointed at my true love, "He's the one who left!"_

_Edward snarled on my other side, "Dog!"_

"_Leech!" Jacob fell to the earth and his hands turned to paws. His eyes lost their warmth and turned as black as a hungry vampire and his skin exploded, red fur replacing it instantaneously. Jacob was my wolf. Jacob had saved my life._

"_Did you know Quileutes were descended from wolves?" Jacob's voice echoed in the background._

_I was skeptical. "Wolves?"_

"_That's the legend of our tribe." Jacob, as a wolf, howled back at me as I reached for him. Edward had faded back into the tree lines, but Jacob had remained. He was still there just as he promised. I reached toward his body, but something pulled me back._

"Jake? Jacob! Jacob!" My voice broke the silence, becoming a scream, and my vision didn't clear quickly enough. I finally woke when Charlie, frantic, shook me awake.

"Bella? Bella! Honey, Jacob's not here. You have to calm down. Calm down." Charlie patted my head and my back.

My voice became recognizable again as I spoke, "I have to see Jacob. I have to go and see him." I didn't know when Jake had snuck out after our kiss. I thought my eyes had closed only for a brief second as I felt the security flow from his arms rendering me safe again, but the dawn had finally caught up to me and had let me fall asleep. I wished Jacob hadn't left. I wished he had stayed in the room with me. Maybe that's why I had had that dream. Maybe that's why I had had my horrible dream. My stupid dream catcher, a birthday present from Jake, didn't work. _No, Bella!_ _You figured out Jake's secret. You figured out that he was a wolf_. A wolf? _That's right, a wolf_. My mouth hung open for what I thought was a brief moment, but my throat was dry and hollowed out. It felt like someone had scraped the walls of my throat similar to the bottom of an empty plastic container. Where was Jacob? I had to see him. I had to know if my dream was real. Was he really what my dream said he was?

"It's nearly seven in the morning, Bella. I think you may want to wait until other people wake up first."

I nodded solemnly. "Okay. Sure, sure."

Charlie looked at me and chuckled. "You guys hang out too much. Try not to give him too hard of a time. You haven't seen him in a week and I'm sure you'll let him have it when you guys meet up."

_That's right_. Charlie didn't know that Jacob had snuck into my room and that I had been with Jacob late last night until this morning, but I _knew_ that I had seen him. The warmth he had graced my skin with. The raised hairs on the back of my neck he left standing. The rush of his reverent lips colliding with mine. I was completely intoxicated by the unexpected and irrefutable new feelings that I had for him. My lips found a way to smile, remembering the memory.

"I have to go to work. Remember what I said about letting the boy sleep." Charlie didn't wait for my answer and he excused himself quietly from my bedroom. My head fell on the pillow and I anxiously watched the minutes creep by until I could see Jacob and ask him about everything. He had said I hadn't been ready, but I was now.

* * *

"Come on. Come on, please."

My truck and I groaned simultaneously as I pushed it past the 65 needle mark on the way to Jacob's house. My truck was getting better. It was usually 55 that I had had problems with in the past. I barely put it in park before I ran out of the truck and banged on the Blacks' door. I peered inside. It looked like neither Billy nor Jacob was home again. Catching these two at home was proving to be hopeless. Where did a wheelchair-bound, elderly man and a young teen (_and was apparently a werewolf_) could have gone during the day? I sighed and paced twice on the tiny porch before I barged in. I was in no mood to have a replay of what happened yesterday on the cliff. I was sure that Laurent had gotten away, which did make me nervous since he would surely report back to Victoria, but I was also relieved that at least my wolf, that Jacob, had not been hurt.

I knocked more quietly this time on the door again, more so out of politeness than anything else, and then just pushed the door open after a few safe seconds. I straightened my red-plaid shirt for the thousandth time since I had put it on an hour ago. I called out to Jacob and Billy to let them know I was in their house.

I heard nothing.

The door to Jacob's room was slightly ajar. I held my breath to listen for a sign that he was in there, but still heard nothing. If Jacob was still asleep, he should be up by now. We needed to talk.

"Jake? Billy? You guys in there?"

I doubted that Billy was in there. Jacob's room barely had enough room for Jacob, much less Jacob, Billy, and Billy's wheelchair.

I pushed the door open.

The small bedroom hadn't changed much since Jacob had picked up on his new night activities; a dresser, a small desk with chair, his humongous bed, and a small closet adjacent to it. That was all. The window took up a big part of one of his bedroom walls and it was left wide open. My hands listlessly fingered the desk as I headed toward the window. There was something out there, turned almost completely away from me.

The same russet wolf from my dream had his side facing me as he stared at something ahead of him. He suddenly shook his furry head and took a few soundless steps forward and changed…to human.

Jacob stood before me in all of his glory. I couldn't stop my eyes from focusing on his hard, streamlined body. I clutched my stomach and chest as my eyes went ahead of my mind and I started trying to figure out exactly what body part went where and why those textbook editors never discussed or modeled _anything_ about La Push boys' anatomy in high school biology. Jacob's chest was bare, and it looked like the heat of his body was drying the light dew drops from the forest shrubbery even though he had to be freezing. _Wasn't he freezing?_ His back muscles twitched as his head turned. He looked unabashed but surprised that I was in the doorway of his room. _His room_.

I was staring at my best friend—naked—from the doorway of his room.

"Bella?"

"Jesus, Jacob!" My hands flew to my eyes and I turned as red as my face would have probably allowed. I didn't know why I was so mad at him. I had been the one staring at him. _Why hadn't he heard me_? _Wait—was this a trick_?

I kept one hand covering my eyes and then yelled at him, "Jacob Black, put some clothes on!"

"Sure, sure. Sorry." I could have sworn he sounded amused. _See anything you like, Bella?_ *snicker, snicker. _Oh God, no!_ I gulped loudly, almost able to block out any other bad thoughts my mind could create.

I heard the glass window creak a little as he opened it, but I heard nothing else. His feet were silent as they moved across the hardwood floors of his house, in his room. _In his room, naked, with me?_ I imagined his powerful body slipping through his bedroom window just as he had climbed the tree and entered my bedroom's window last night. His massive size was sure to make any girl feel welcome next to it. Underneath it. On top of it.

Then I felt squeamish. _His size_? _Oh gosh, had I really seen his_—_?_

I backed away so hurriedly that I slammed back into the doorway, nearly knocking myself out from the force. I felt hands on my face as I slid a bit toward the floor.

Jacob's voice was frantic. "Bella? I swear! Are you okay?" I pushed his hands away, afraid that he was kneeling beside me without any clothes on. _My best friend was kneeling next to me without any clothes on?_ Jacob swatted my hands away. "Let me check your head."

"I'm fine! I'm fine! Get some clothes on!"

"Bella—"

"I am so serious! Please, Jake!"

My vision was slightly blurry, but he looked as though he finally understood and made a move toward the right of his room. I heard some things being shuffled around and then he was back by my side.

"Jeez honey, you hit your head there pretty good. Doesn't look like any blood though. Can you see me okay?"

I allowed my eyes to focus after I opened them. The concern on Jacob's face was almost as stunning as the smile that he had inherited from Billy. I felt the throbbing begin to dull as I looked at my savior a moment longer than necessary. I wasn't sure if I was smiling before, but I knew I was now. I was feeling too grateful toward him not to. I was feeling too much for him, period, not to.

"You know, you're sort of beautiful."

Jacob blinked before my words actually sank in and a coy smile graced his lips. "How hard did you hit your head?"

He helped me up…or tried to. I stumbled and tried to catch my balance. I reached out and grabbed Jacob by his waist. He had slipped on blue jeans, but he was still shirtless. His pants gave way a little and my hand tensed as it draped across his stomach.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I pulled my hand back so quickly that it looked like I had just finished slapping him with it.

Jacob was understanding, once more. "It's okay. It's all right."

Jacob grabbed my hand back and swallowed it into his two hands. He then turned one of my palms outright and placed it on his chest, letting it go. I realized that he wanted me to touch him. He didn't mind if my hand memorized his body, let my eyes take in his beauty, or allowed my tongue to taste the scent of his citrus shampoo and spring soap that still lingered on his skin even after being a huge, seven foot werewolf. My Jacob _wanted_ me to feel comfortable. He didn't want me ashamed of being a walking calamity. He seemed to like me just as I was and as only I could be.

My fingers played across his chest for a few minutes before I felt the courage to look into his eyes. I began to feel the euphoria in my stomach, jumping several degrees in body temperature. I automatically tightened my inner thigh muscles, enjoying the sensation.

He gently kissed the tip of my nose and turned my face a little before kissing my bottom lip. That warm sensation. That rush of air. That increased tempo of a heartbeat. I wrapped my arm around the back of his head as he deepened the kiss and he tugged on my pants to pull me to him. I couldn't believe the tenderness of his unmarked flesh. I would never distrust my eyes again if it had anything to do with Jacob. Kissing him and feeling his soft lips was like no more pressure than kissing the light spring wind. The feeling of his hands on my body, even through the shirt, made my chest want to soar higher into his. I pushed my hips further into him each second our kiss progressed. He let my tongue lead his and I felt his lips curl into a small smile. I felt the aura of his cockiness, but for once I was impressed. He simply felt that good. He simply felt made for me. My small fingernails dug a little into his skin.

I wanted nothing to get between us. I wanted nothing to pull us apart.

"Yo, Jake! You in here? I see Bella's truck outside—Whoa!" Quil's voice called.

"Whoa." Embry repeated quietly as he came up right behind him.

And I tore my lips away from Jacob. It almost physically hurt.

"Oh!" I pushed past the two Quileute boys whose mouths were agape with surprise. I couldn't even look them in the eye. Or be plagued with guilt at seeing the hurt look on Jacob's face as I cut our passionate kiss short, once again. I ran from Jacob's room and to outside, fumbling toward my truck so that I could sit in it without being watched right away. I heard Quil break the silence first.

"What the hell was—?"

"DON'T YOU TWO KNOW HOW TO KNOCK?" Jacob's voice hollered.

If my face had been any redder at the moment I would have sworn that I had turned into a tomato.

Jacob eventually found me outside beating my fingers against my truck dashboard. He was fully dressed. He knocked lightly on the window and I shook my head 'no.'

"Bells, come out here."

Again I shook my head and gestured toward the house, thinking of Quil and Embry.

"Its fine, Bella. They're cool with it, you know. It's not a big deal."

_Not a big deal_? _Not a big deal_! Here I was feeling all of these different emotions and feeling as though the heavens were shifting the two times we had kissed and Jacob was standing on the other side of my truck door shrugging that it had not been a big deal.

My face turned deeper than the color my Chevy had once been and I grabbed the door handle, flinging it wide open, and attempted to hit Jacob with the door on the way out.

"Whoa, Bella! What is it?"

"Not a big deal?" I repeated, shrieking.

Jacob shrugged. "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to sweat it or are you still determined to pretend that nothing's going on between us?"

I got indignant. "There is nothing going on and there never will be!" I huffed and walked away from him. Quil and Embry had walked out of the house at that time and gave me two matching quizzical looks. I turned on them in a heartbeat. "And you _two_ definitely need to learn some manners! Jacob is right! You two do _need_ to learn how to knock!" I slammed my truck door on them, but not before I heard Quil snicker.

"Wow…so Jake, did you by chance get to tell Bella that she just kissed a werewolf?"

I screamed again and pulled at my hair.

"Yup, she knows," Jacob said humbly.

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**A/N: You know what I like. Read, review, recommend.**


	10. Bad Influence

***A/N: I'd like to keep this author's note short. :-)**

**Thanks to my awesome betas. Thank you for the reviews, comments, questions, & alerts.**

Chapter Summary: Bella has learned the fate of Laurent, but her worries are far from over. Bella's life has just become a little more complicated; her school work is not getting any easier as the end of senior year approaches, a vampire hell-bent on revenge is after her, and her new best friend is werewolf. A werewolf whom she finds very attractive. Life was sure a bit simpler when she lived in Phoenix. Yup, no vindictive vampires or hot werewolf best friends running around there. The worse thing to ever hurt her was a cactus.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but it had a horrible influence on me. TL, Jacob, & this story have completely monopolized all of my time.**

Chapter X Title: 'Bad Influence,' by P!nk

**(BPOV)**

La Push was throwing a bon-fire party to celebrate a "coming of age" for a few of the boys on the reservation six days later.

Jacob was one of the boys.

I felt obligated to go, but I wasn't thrilled about it. I even wore a skirt for the occasion. A simple cotton, black skirt, but it was still a skirt nonetheless. I hated it, but besides wearing the same khaki skirt that I had worn with Edward..._The new, unremarkable black skirt it is, _I sourly thought. I was still upset with Jacob for not seeing the severity of the changing dynamics in our friendship and he only seemed concerned with letting me know at every waking moment that he was not interested in staying just friends.

He thought that since I had taken to the idea of him being a werewolf so maturely that there was nothing that the two of us couldn't handle together. I disagreed with him and told him so on numerous occasions. "You're good with weird," he stated openly.

"I like you better as a wolf," I said to him nastily one afternoon. "You talk less."

He had shared details about the pack hunting and killing Laurent, which had me relieved, but I felt far from safe again. Jacob figured that if Laurent didn't report back to Victoria, she would just assume that he had met his match with one of the Cullens and that everyone in Forks would be safe. I knew the nature of a vampire better than he did.

"You know that Victoria is after me, right Jake?"

"The redheaded leech? Don't worry. She won't get you."

I swallowed. "Why do you call them that? Leeches, I mean. What did they do to you? The Cullens never harmed you or anyone."

Jacob's eyes grew dark as he looked at me, seeing right through me. I knew that he was thinking that at least one of the Cullens _had_ hurt someone. My jaw tightened as he said carefully, "We hate them for existing. We're supposed to. They're the reason that we have to protect our land. When a bloodsucker moves in on our territory or close by, the few of us in the tribe that carry the gene get this fever, for lack of a better word."

"What fever? The werewolf-fever?" I asked, feeling stupid.

Jacob slowly nodded. "I was born this way, Bella. The Cullens weren't born vampires. It's in my blood, in my heritage to protect our land from the likes of those parasites. Do not defend them." His eyes flashed anger, but it quickly faded. "Bella, honey, we will protect you. Nothing will hurt you. I won't let them. My pack won't let them."

"But you guys are just—"

"Give us some credit, Bells." Jacob brushed the side of my face with a breath and small smile. "Your lack of faith in us is starting to become a little insulting; this is what we're built for."

I subconsciously touched my lips with a free hand and immediately had a dirty thought: _that's not all you're built for_. Jacob's mouth turned a little upward, making the way for a smugger smile before I sucked my teeth and pushed him away with my sweater-covered hands. I wouldn't allow myself to touch his hot skin any more than necessary, out of fear of what it might do to me again.

By the night of the party, I was still pretty upset with Jacob. He had been to my window every one of the six nights since our second kiss, but I never invited him up and he didn't ask. He would watch me from the window and every other hour or so I would get up to check on him, seeing if he was still out there. He never left. But I wouldn't give in to him either, convincing myself that it was just part of his patrol.

I would lament and pray to see Jacob every chance I got, but once I saw him, I would get angry with him all over again. I'd imagine hugging him as a human or burying my face in his fur when he was a wolf when he made it over before his many late afternoon patrols, but then I would turn him away as soon as he actually appeared. I needed my small daily fix of Jacob and he always seemed satisfied enough to give it to me no matter how little I gave back to him. I knew I couldn't keep it up. Soon, just seeing him wouldn't be enough and I would have to shed my long-sleeved clothing just so my skin could disappear into his. In the end, we were two cars trying to finish the same race.

"Hey vampire girl, you want another drink?" Embry's voice called from my far right. I gave him a nasty look from the table before he took a shy step back. "Sorry. Want to be called 'wolf girl' instead?" Quil held in a chuckle unsuccessfully and I saw Jacob flinch. Jacob looked tense and I turned away from the boys. I pulled on my skirt and tried to focus on any other thought besides Jacob. I was quickly running out of options.

"So which one of these dogs are you here with?" A pretty girl with cropped hair asked me, cutting into my thoughts. She was pretty and I felt intimidated; her eyes had almost the same intensity as Jake's, but there was no warmth, only fire. Her skin had a natural red flush, but I had the feeling that this girl would have been angry or unmoved by any person within twenty feet of her. Though her fingers tapped impatiently against the plastic cup, waiting for my answer; I amicably accepted the distraction she provided. We were sitting at the small picnic table as she fingered her dark-colored drink freely after she was certain I was going to answer her question. I was certain I had seen her before. Perhaps she was one of Charlie's friend's daughters?

I blinked and answered her question with one of my own, "You know too?"

"Know what? That all men are dogs, especially La Push guys? You learn soon enough." And she sipped her drink.

I had been nursing a beer when Emily approached us, looking sorrowful. "Leah, what is that you're drinking?" _Leah? Harry Clearwater's daughter?_

The girl called Leah sighed and gave Emily a nasty smile, "I think it's called a refill. And I'm fairly certain that I'll have another while you two chat about me behind my back." She turned away from us and proceeded toward the other small picnic table, which was serving as a refreshment stand. "Emily's great for that. Talking and taking things behind peoples' back," Leah called from behind her hair that suddenly covered her sad eyes. I almost hadn't recognized the mourning type of anger that inflames and consumed equal amounts of your time and your heart, except that I once wore the same look some weeks ago.

"I'm sorry about that. She doesn't…well, she's still dealing." Emily stated apologetically, but she didn't look embarrassed. In fact, she still seemed somewhat protective.

"Still dealing with what?" I wondered out loud.

Emily's eyes moved across my face before her lips pursed together. "It's not my place if Jacob hasn't said anything, but there are no secrets in the pack. Not for long, anyway. Do you see that girl over there? Kim? The one sitting on Jared's lap?"

I nodded briefly. I recognized Jared from the carnival, but the way he was with that girl seemed unreal. He had been cold and unfriendly at the fair, siding with that other mean boy, Paul, whom had been also standing off to the side with Sam. Now I watched him smiling and giggling, playing with the pretty, but average Quileute beauty's hair.

"That's Kim, Jared's imprint. They met earlier today."

"What's an imprint?" My drink held less interest now.

"It's a way for the boys—the "protectors" of our tribe—to find their soul mate. Or someone equivalent thereof."

"Like matchmaking?"

"Something like that."

I glanced at Jacob, who was intently staring at me. My annoyance flared. "Has Jacob found his?"

Emily looked at me. "I can't really say. It's not my place."

My temper seethed into a slower boil as my mind ran through the possibilities of Jacob finding and meeting another girl. Another loved one to protect. As his friend, I would have nothing to say in the manner and he would leave me, alone. I'd have no Jacob. I'd have no Edward. Fair was fair. Life was short and horrible.

"I need a drink," I stated suddenly.

"Bella—" Emily was cut off by Leah.

"I heard someone needed a drink. Here. Took the liberty of spiking it myself. Paul didn't put enough in it." Leah smiled as she pushed the drink into my hand. I took it without bothering to ask what it was.

I was on my 3rd rum and coke less than an hour later. After about two beers in between I didn't feel as though they were doing the job fast enough of helping me to forget the anger I was feeling toward Jacob. Jacob had tried to speak with me three times to talk me out of my anger, but in the end my stubbornness to keep him at bay finally gave him a hint. _Bella Swan was not to be messed with tonight_.

I thought vaguely about switching to a vodka and tonic, but I think I had read somewhere once that you shouldn't mix the liquors. I would have to check when I was a little more up to it…and sober.

I knew I was drunk. I couldn't even lie about it.

I could hear someone chatting in my ear telling me that they wanted to dance. I hated to dance. I had not been blessed with the gift of rhythm and movement, but the rum made me invincible. I wanted to be something more. Again, I wanted to feel normal. I had been dumped by my vampire ex boyfriend and my best friend, whom had given me two amazing kisses now and whom just happened to be a werewolf, hadn't thought it was a big deal to kiss me.

My best friend was an ass. My father was a police chief and if no one started to drink simply because their father was a police chief truly wasn't normal. Well, I couldn't be normal anyway. No guy I had been involved with since I came to Forks had been normal. I wondered briefly if Tyler was secretly a Martian here on Earth on a sports scholarship and Mike was really an ogre who fed on unsuspecting teenage girls that weren't blonde. That would explain Mike's attraction to me. I was just so goddamn edible to everyone else. Why not him too? I needed to do something different than what I was doing because I certainly was not making much progress.

Music played. Some upbeat tempo that wasn't in English. I moved as best as I could without feeling ashamed. I suddenly wondered why I didn't drink more often.

Maybe I should kiss another werewolf. It relaxes the mind and dulls the senses. I giggled internally. _No one could ever kiss you like Jake, Bella._ I felt tears pushing to get out behind my eyelids, but I compelled them back with a forced smile. "Except maybe Edward." My heart immediately sagged, but it didn't deflate. Even Edward hadn't been able to kiss me like Jacob. Jacob didn't hold back from me and I never had to ask him too. I exhaled loudly. I wondered if my fondness for Jacob was now the glue that now held me together. I shivered as I swallowed another large gulp of my drink and threw my arms around the unnamed boy in front of me.

**(JPOV)**

God, Bella was really mad at me. She was doing her best to ignore me and it was working. I had seen her knock down at least two drinks of rum and something else. With her weight, there was no way she was going to be able to walk or see straight enough to get home. I couldn't let her go back to Charlie like that.

I watched her move on the dance floor with some kid I didn't know.

_I can take him_. Immediately I thought of the worst case scenario: I'd have to bash some guy's brains in order to keep his hands off Bella. She wouldn't want my help, but I didn't think she'd be too hard to handle if she dared to take another drink.

"Girl's got a few moves," a grave voice taunted in my ear.

My arm jerked as a reflex. Paul was starting early. He had already tried to coerce me into another fight earlier in the evening, but I had stayed focused on Bella. I couldn't let her get hurt. I couldn't stand the thought of her getting hurt.

I swallowed back a nasty comment and took a long swig of the warm beer I had been holding instead.

His unkind grin sent a small tremor through my back. "Hey, you old enough to drink?"

Paul was really testing my patience tonight. I was already thinking about using my almost empty beer bottle to smash over his head.

Embry's voice suddenly erupted through my train of thought. "Jacob! Jake, man, I think she's down!"

I pulled my attention from Embry to Bella. She was slowing down in her dancing and she slumped a little, but she wasn't down. Not yet. Another half hour or one more drink later and I would have to carry her out. I scowled at Paul for making me lose my concentration even for just a second on Bella.

"That 'vampire girl' is a bad influence on you. You used to be fun. You use to _want_ to fight." After I didn't respond for a few seconds, Paul shrugged and walked off; probably to fight with someone who wanted to be provoked on a night like tonight.

I began to watch Bella again. The simple way she moved, the way her hair blew, and the way her breath rushed out of her even when she had no words to say drove me wild. The way her eyelids moved when she slept and said my name out loud. I had almost jumped out of the bed the first time I heard her sigh my name. I had listened even closer, begging and praying to hear my name escape her lips again and again. I vowed to make her think of nothing but my name if she would only let me. I couldn't believe how much power she had over me.

"Jacob."

It was Sam's voice this time.

I rushed over and Sam already had one arm around Bella and the other hand was holding off the guy that Bella had been dancing with. I immediately felt a little jealous of Sam touching my Bella and my arms tensed at my sides, starting to shake—

"Jacob, Bella should get home."

"I'm sh-finesy. Stils drswinking," Bella slurred. Even I rolled my eyes at her inadequacy to talk.

I nodded curtly toward Sam and took over Bella-duty.

Her arms flailed. "S-no! No! I'se mad atcha! So mad atcha! Youse don't likes me! Youse don'ts like mes at al!" Bella struggled against me.

"Bella. Sweetie, stop."

She tried to pull away but I grabbed her waist, accidentally lifting her shirt a little. A jolt passed through my body and I felt myself get excited. Her touch was making me crazy. This was worse than her saying my name in the middle of the night; feeling her pulse through my fingertips was enough to make me shiver from more than just her fair skin. It was torture.

I implored her, "Stop it, Bella. Come here."

I leaned my body more toward Bella and then hoisted her up in my arms. She really wasn't heavy at all, even as a dead weight. Well, a _dead drunk_ weight.

Bella finally seemed to have settled and she wrapped her arms around my shoulder. She passed out with her face buried in my neck. I carried her home, listening to her breathe heavily, and enjoyed every minute of it.

She said my name once while I carried her, but then she had uncharacteristically cursed right after. I would have a lot of making up to do when she woke up.

I laid her down in my bed when we got back to the house. Once my arm left her head, her eyes fluttered open.

"Jake, don't. Don't leave."

She sounded sober. She didn't look sober, but she still looked gorgeous. She still captured my breath. My heart still slowed and quickened at just her touch.

"I'm here," I whispered as low as I dared so that she could still hear me. "I'm not leaving. But I think you should sleep. You've had a lot to drink."

She lowered her eyes and then her hand touched my face. "Jacob. Mine Jacob."

I knew what she meant. "Yeah, Bells. Your Jacob."

She sighed and gestured me closer. I couldn't resist kissing her gently. Much gentler than I had actually wanted to, but I didn't want to take advantage of her. And I also didn't want to get overexcited. I was internally speechless and wanted to use my tongue for nothing more than to support and empower her. I forced myself to remain calm as our noses bumped and our lips grazed each other's. I closed my eyes to better memorize the shape of our mouths linked together, as it should have been. As it could always be. All I wanted was for her to feel safe with me. That redhead could not have Bella. Those Cullens couldn't have her either. She was mine.

I used both of my hands to caress her face as we continued to kissed and then I suddenly felt her hand on my lower stomach.

Her next words tumbled out of her mouth. It was what every man wanted to hear: "You'se won't needs those." Well, it was sort of what every man wanted to hear.

Bella tugged at my jeans and the bottom hem of my shirt. I grabbed her hands lightly but forcefully said, "No, Bella. Stop. Stop it."

Her hands drew back and she looked as though I had broken her, like I had dropped her into an abyss that she had not seen and then left her there to wallow alone. And then she looked pissed enough to have uprooted a whole oil well by herself.

Bella reached for my clothing in what I think was an attempt to rip it off. She then scratched at my shoulders. I grabbed her again and she shrieked in anger.

"Geoff me! I'm gouin home! I wants gouin home!" She struggled uselessly and I pulled her into me, desperate to keep her calm, and to keep her on my bed. I began kissing every part of her face except her lips. Each kiss bringing equal amounts of pain and pleasure to my heart and aching loins. I whispered my favorite nickname for her, in Quileute, into her ear. Other words, I am sure, I just made up. I begged her to stay. I begged her to be quiet. I begged her to just be happy.

She was my heart, my soul, my hìtk.*****

She would never be taken from me. Even my ancestors were aware of how much Bella meant to me. How much I needed her to be in my life, in some way.

Bella settled finally and kissed (while drooling) my lower chin. My erratic breathing began to slow and then my thighs began to feel heavier.

"Jeez. Not now," I moaned to the ceiling. And then my eyes settled on her pearly thighs.

Bella's skirt had raised a considerable length on my bed. I couldn't help my thoughts, which were already sinking lower and lower the longer she slept on my bed. _Don't be an idiot, Jake. Don't be some overactive, teenage boy._ My fingers trembled as I touched her bare skin. A knot formed in my stomach and rocks anchored the rest of my body. My knees almost knocked into the floor. I succeeded in straightening her skirt and covered the rest of her beautiful legs with the bed sheets. I was crazy not to do more. I knew I was, but I just couldn't do it. I drew in a small breath and her scent was all over my room. I would never wash my sheets again. At least, not until I was sure that she would lie on my bed again. Lie in my bed again, with me. _Jesus, Jake! What's wrong with you?_ I cringed internally.

Now calm, Bella looked like the angel that she was. The beauty that I knew was there. Her skin matched the moon's reflection in the water. Her hair reminded me of the burnt autumn leaves just before the winter. Her breathing even slowed to the sounds of soft moaned pleasure; the same moans that escaped from her lips when we had kissed.

I walked over to the bathroom hunched over, towel in hand, and unable to help myself.

The whole process took me less than 10 minutes. And I did it twice.

* * *

**A/N: Hìtk means 'heart' in Quileute.**


	11. Easier

***A/N: Thanks to my new reviewers and alerts. It helps when writing, it really does. Stay tuned for my short author's note at the bottom.**

**I want to thank one special reviewer actually, mcc3564. Reviews like these actually make me pay closer attention to my Twi-facts and spell checking before I even send it out to my betas. I am posting this chapter early because of that. So you can thank the selfless reviewing by reviewing yourself. Thanks!  
**

Chapter Summary: Bella fights for control and her freedom to choose who she wants to be with. An unexpected break with a classmate and Jacob's stubbornness to not be only a friend to Bella leaves her taking drastic measures to make Jacob see just where her heart lies. But will that be enough to sway Jacob away?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but writing about Jacob is easy.**

Chapter XI Title: 'Easier,' by Radford

"_Bella? Bella?"_

"_Jake, don't leave."_

"_I'm here."_

_I looked up at him. "Jacob…mine Jacob."_

"_Yeah, Bells. Your Jacob."_

And then he disappeared.

**(BPOV)**

Something fell from a great length from the tree outside and the small animal chattering ensued thereafter. _Was that a squirrel_? _Where was I_?

I sat up too quickly and my head spun though I had made no attempt to move out of the bed or open my eyes to more than a squint. The unfamiliar, dark-blue sheets and heavy quilt further added to my confusion. I dared to open my eyes a little more and saw three simple white walls, and one wall covered with wood paneling. Some jeans and various shirts were casted aside on the small desk, chair, and floor. The sun shined too brightly in the room, making the enclosed space seem more welcoming than it should have been, but still not bright enough to blind you to the room's actual small size. _This isn't my room_.

I fought the dizziness to look at myself. _All clothes still on_. Check. _Okay, I wasn't violated I don't think_. Nothing was hurting except my head. _Wait_! I pulled up my shirt. There were no handprints, bruises, or surgical scars on my clear, pale skin. _It's still Bella_. I sighed in relief.

After the fear and light tremors subsided as I looked harder around the room. I knew this room. I wasn't sure why I hadn't known it right away. I figured the reason was the massive head pounding. I almost felt like throwing up, but I couldn't do that in Jacob's room. I would at least find a bathroom to be sick in.

I gingerly felt through to the door since I didn't trust myself not to get vertigo by simply walking. I was surprised when I didn't fall. Maybe I walked better after waking up from a binge. _A binge_? _How much did I drink last night_? _I was eighteen, experiencing my first binge_? _Oh great_! Wait, where was Jake? I had complained about him not being old enough or mature enough and here I was, practically passed out for the rest of the party. _What if he were hurt_? _What if he passed out drunk and was taken advantage of_? _What if he_—

A snore interrupted my next horrible thoughts of what could have happened to the poor boy. I turned my neck too quick and immediately got dizzy. I held onto the wall as my vision finally focused on the huge figure sprawled out almost half on the sofa while the other half lay on the floor. Jacob didn't look too comfortable on that small couch, but he sure didn't look like he cared. How could a still growing boy (well, werewolf I guess) be so tired that he could fall asleep on that small sofa? The sofa had been barely comfortable for us when we sat upright.

Jacob's eyes were twitching. He was sprawled out on his back, with one arm under his head while the other hung down to the floor. I had to smile. I didn't think anything would mess up that face.

I walked over to him. I knew I looked a mess. I knew I most likely had morning breath. Hell, I usually had morning breath without all the drinking I had accomplished last night. The anger and hurt that had existed melted when I saw how sweet Jacob looked while being uncomfortable. He had given up his bed for me.

I kissed the side of his mouth that I could reach without waking him. He stirred slightly. I laughed a little and then decided to risk it; I kissed the other side of his mouth too. This time he didn't move.

I thought about it. I held myself over his angelic face and contemplated kissing his lips even for only a second. I was determined to find out if it was a dream. I was desperately seeking the answer to know if Jacob really did find kissing me to be "no big deal." It had meant so much to me and I thought it did to him. I asked myself a thousand questions when his eyes fluttered open suddenly and he answered for me: Jacob pulled me on top of him, kissing my lips roughly, without tongue.

"Ah! Morning, beautiful!"

My face contorted in anger. "Darn it, Jacob Black!" I pushed away from him and got dizzy.

"Easy, honey. I am sure you're still a bit hungover." He grabbed my wrists trying to steady me and I fell down anyway. My butt bounced on the hard floor and his smile grew wider.

"Wow. What a backside. You know, there's a really great way to—"

"Shut up, Jacob! And you better help me up."

"Sure, sure." He got off the couch and pulled me almost into his lap.

My skin tingled when it made contact with his chest and then I did the worse thing; I actually put my hand on his stomach trying to push him away. It felt like he had burned me and my hands broke out into an immediate, hot sweat as he reached out to gently touch my ear with his enflamed finger. His lips started to move closer toward me when my hand shot up to cover my mouth as he was less than an inch away.

"Morning breath," was my muffled excuse.

"I'll risk it." Jacob tried to move my hand away.

"I won't."

He looked hurt. He raked through his short hair with his other hand. "Bella—"

"Not now." I rushed to get up, spun around twice, and then stumbled to the bathroom.

I leaned up against the bathroom's door, covered my mouth with a clean looking towel, and screamed into it. It did not make me feel any less insecure. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw a wreck. My skin was all red around my brown eyes, my nose looked oily, and my hair was sticking in three different directions. One side was weighed with sweat, another with grit, and the other was immersed with even more sweat. I couldn't believe Jacob, looking as beautiful as he did, still wanted to kiss me looking like this. _What was wrong with him_?

"Bella? Bella, sweetie, Charlie called. I gotta take you home."

_Crap_! I had forgotten about Charlie. _Is he mad_?

As if reading my mind, Jacob answered through the door, "Don't worry. He's not mad. He knew where you were."

Again, I had underestimated how much Charlie liked Jacob. But of course, I also underestimated just how much I liked Jacob as well.

"Bella, can we please talk?"

_Oh no_. _Not now_. "Jake, I can't. Okay? We will later. I promise." I had no intention of bringing it up ever, but I knew that he would. I would have to find a way around that.

"Bella, I really care about you—"

"Not now, Jake!" I turned on the water from the sink full blast and began splashing my face. I was hoping to block out anything that might have lingered after that last statement, in case Jacob didn't want to listen to me.

Since I still felt a little dizzy, Jake offered to drive my truck back.

"How are you going to get home?"

"I'll phase and run back. It's a nice morning. See if the pack picked up any new scents or trails."

I didn't argue. I really didn't think I could see straight enough to be able to drive and the last thing I needed for my nerves was to hit somebody. _Anybody_. Or hit one of Jacob's brothers. The trip was short and over too quickly as I hesitantly put my hand on the door to escape into my house before Jacob could say anything. No such luck.

"Bella."

_Oh no_. Please don't ask me what I think you're going to ask me.

"Can I come over sometime this week? I want to today, but I have patrol—"

I was so relieved that I cut him off with a hug. Jacob was surprised for half a second before his hands and arms heated my skin through my dress shirt from last night. Tiny pools of sweat concealed themselves in my hair and I feared that once again my body betrayed just how much I cared for him. I knew Jacob could feel me. I even thought he could smell my fear and anxiety of being this close to him.

"Sure, sure. Okay." I agreed and dropped my arms around him. He smiled a little and wordlessly exited the car. He was usually chattier. Thank God this morning wasn't one of those days.

* * *

I was doing Lit homework when the doorbell rang unexpectedly a few hours later. Charlie was at work and I knew Jacob had meant what he said about his pack responsibilities so I didn't know who that could be. I looked down quickly to make sure I had on enough clothes.

_Okay. Baggy shirt and sleep shorts. _Clothes on_. Check_. I walked to the door and froze in confusion for a second. Tyler was at the door. Correction; Tyler was at the door with flowers in his hand.

_Oh no_.

I pulled the door open.

_I am not seeing this. I am not seeing this. It is only a dream. I'll just close my eyes and shut the door before he says anything_—

"Bella. Hey Bella, wait!"

_Crap_. That really was Tyler's voice. In all of my confusion with Jacob, I had forgotten that Tyler was planning to ask me out. Oh no. How was I going to blow him off this time? How was I going to avoid him? How was I going to?

"Bella," Tyler whistled. "Anyone home in there?"

I stared back at him, recognition unenthusiastically clouding my eyes. Tyler looked confident and puffed out his chest before saying in one breath, "Hi, Bella. How are you? That's great. I'm fine too. Listen; want to go out with me this weekend?"

_No, no, no_.

I looked at him. I felt a strong sense of déjà vu as I looked at Tyler. I hesitated. Not for myself, but I instinctively thought of Jacob. I doubted that he would be ecstatic to share how my date would go with Tyler, but I also wanted to show Jake that we just could not be any more than what we already were. I felt that I would have to reinforce our boundaries constantly by doing small acts such as this, to keep him from doing exactly what Tyler was in front of me doing now.

That doesn't mean that Jacob would like it though.

Tyler's arm had started to lower and then he looked unsure of himself. I glanced at the flowers and noticed that they were daisies.

I didn't like daisies. I liked wildflowers; wildflowers and orchids. Jacob would have known that. Even though I had never said it, I knew that he would know. He would have seen me stop countless times to look at the various flowers on our walks by the beach or have noticed me picking a petal here and there from a random flower patch. He would have waited patiently and smiled, seeing my face light up as I inhaled the fragrance of summer and of him as he came closer to grab my arm to gently nudge me back in reality.

Jacob never asked what was wrong if he saw me space out. He would only worry at the correct time. He would worry when he could see the lines in my forehead knit together or my hands shift to cover my chest as if I had been hit by an imaginary force. Only then would he have known that it was okay to go beyond the "friendship boundaries" that I had set and hold me; rocking me in his warmth until I could stop shaking. He'd gently close his eyes and sleep only for a few moments while resting on top of my head, and blow gently on my eyelids as I fell asleep against him on really chilled nights. I could see him doing all of this, as if he were the one standing in front of me. Except it was not an over-friendly teen werewolf; it was a hormonal, teenage American boy.

_Tyler didn't know shit_.

But I knew I wouldn't want Tyler the same way I wanted Jacob. Tyler would never be mine nor did I want him to be. The choice seemed safe and it was just easier.

"Sure! Sure, I'd love to go out on a date with you!" _Okay, there Bella_. Maybe "love" wasn't the right word to have used. Stop overdoing it. That's how you got in trouble at the carnival with Mike and Jacob, fighting over which one would take you home. _Shoot!_ I mentally cursed.

Tyler seemed satisfied with my answer, though; extremely satisfied.

And later that week, Jacob was pissed. And visibly so.

_Thank God he didn't phase when I had told him_, I thought gladly. But he may as well have.

My Jacob had made it a point to glare at me across the dinner table for two nights in a row and when I asked if he wanted to do some more of his homework with me upstairs, he merely glared some more.

Yes, my Jacob had a temper.

His nostrils flared. His warm brown eyes focused on everything else, but my eyes; I hated when he didn't look directly at me when he had to address me. Yes, I did say _had to_ address me. Jacob wasn't talking too much to me either.

Charlie noticed the abrupt change, but didn't say anything. Jacob huffed and turned sharply every which way and he even gripped the handlebars of poor Billy's wheelchair earlier this week, nearly turning the chair so fast that Billy barely had time to hang on to the sides in time.

Jacob had started mumbling too. It sounded worse than his stomach when he was hungry.

His sullen mood did not enhance mine, but I couldn't even blame him for the recent shift. I hated that he had responded less than warmly to my date with Tyler this Friday night, but I wasn't going to change my mind and Jacob surely didn't dare ask me to.

With just Thursday night left to get through, I figured that Jacob's anger had run its course and that his wrath wouldn't get any worse.

I was wrong.

Thursday night, Jacob picked up stomping and grinding his teeth. I think he even threw in a few curse words just to get Charlie's attention.

I saw the look in my father's face and realized that Jacob had come dangerously close to being asked to leave. Charlie probably thought that Jacob was just now going through a rough patch of puberty and bad mood swings. I knew that Jacob was not.

I moved to get up from the kitchen table, with a sour-looking Jacob watching me." Jake? Jake! Let me walk you outside."

Jacob slammed his textbooks closed and swept them into the bag that he had brought with him. The plan was for me to help him with a science project that was due on Monday. I was just supposed to get him started. But for the past two hours all he had done was sigh very loudly, look crossly at me, and kick the poor dinner table's leg every couple of minutes.

In his defense, Jacob always looked down to make sure that my leg was never in his path to the table leg.

Jacob got up with the same look he had been wearing since I first told him about the date. I couldn't believe I had dealt with him almost a whole week. Sun (and werewolf) or not, he was burning my last nerve.

He got outside and turned to me, sharply, again. He had been practically spinning on his angry, but imaginary Earth axis for just as long and I felt a very enormous tremor of annoyance.

"Bella—"

"Stop. Just stop. I realize what the problem is and I am sorry that you don't agree with me going out with Tyler tomorrow, but I am going and you can't stop me. You are supposed to be my best friend and right now you are acting like—like an overprotective mutt!"

That hit a nerve. He looked as though I had slapped him soundlessly awake from a dream that he had been having. His mouth parted and began trembling.

I continued, not willing to be moved by his "puppy-dog" eyes or his "sort-of-beautiful" face. "If you can't respect my decisions, then you don't respect me. Don't come back or visit me until you learn what kind of friend you can be to me—AND THAT'S ALL you can be to me!"

Without waiting for his reply, I turned away from him and walked back into the house, slamming the door noisily behind me. Charlie had noticeably winced; afraid I had broken the glass with my track record, but didn't say anything. He might not be so much "in the dark" now if he had heard me screaming at Jacob.

Or if he still hadn't heard, one of the neighbors could fill him in.

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***A/N: Ugh, I want J&B together. You guys are slacking with the reviews again. I just can't post again until I know that you guys want them together as much as I do. Now my next chapter is already written. If you want them together, send me a note in a review and scream "YES, I want them together!" If I can get at least seven 'yes's in the next day or so, I will post the next chapter, no matter what shift my job has me working this week. Count 'em, seven different 'yes's.' Or if you want to review me on just my story period, that's cool too. 8-)  
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**Come on. I know you guys have it in you. You can do it. Don't let my two favorite reviewers be the only two people I thank in this story. Just click the review button at the bottom. Only seven 'yes's will make me spit out the next chapter faster. Just click it. It'd be so much easier.  
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	12. Control

***A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. One of my betas had a computer virus, lost the chapter, I had to resubmit it, blah, blah, blah. The point is, we are here now. :-)**

**Thank you for all the reviews, alerts, & all CAP "yes's" to my last chapter. I received way more than the seven I asked for, so thanks for that. Now if only you guys would do that for every chapter...**

**I also wanted to remind everyone that this story is 'M,' so if you stumbled onto my M rated story by mistake (haha, yeah right), then you should probably hit the little red 'X' at the corner of your screen because...well, you figure out why.**

Chapter Summary: Bella's "easy" way out of being with Jacob leaves her with more just longing in her heart. A late night rendezvous takes a drastic turn that neither expected and both parties involved take steps to keep their feelings restrained from one another. Jacob's fantasies become a reality and Bella's former fixation with her vampire ex loses ground the closer she gets to Jacob, but is it really what she needs right now?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but the way that Taylor & Jacob touch me…I'll just say that it makes me see stars. Like these *******

Chapter XII Title: 'Control,' by Radford

I was hurrying to put on my dress when Charlie called up to me and I had almost decided to rush to put on makeup as well, but then I realized that this wasn't like a real date for me. I didn't want it to feel like a real date or treat it as one either.

I settled for a simple blue spring dress and matching blue flats. Nothing special. I started to wear flip flops, but I knew I would break an ankle if I did. Flats covered my feet the best and helped maintain the flat surface that I so desperately needed to keep walking without much embarrassment.

Tyler drove up in a Nissan Sentra. I was slowly becoming aware of just how many different cars were around for the boys of Forks to drive around in.

Tyler had chosen to take me to dinner, at an Italian restaurant. I was almost impressed since I loved Italian food, but then Tyler ordered for me and ordered pizza. _Who went to an Italian restaurant to order just pizza_? It seemed "off" to me.

We talked about nothing in particular. Tyler was a good sport, until he attempted to play footsie with me under the table. Seriously, who still does that? At least, who did it when one party was clearly not interested?

Maybe I had been too polite in the past. I hated to ruffle feathers and I really did want to keep a few of the friend that I had made in Forks. I reminded myself of that piece of information every time Tyler's foot rubbed mine. Well, at least I hadn't been blushing when I told him to knock it off.

Later that night, Tyler attempted to take my hand, four different times. For each occasion, I kept finding places for my hands to be, but I was actually running out of areas on my body. I finally got fed up and just asked to be brought home. I almost thought Tyler was going to leave me in the restaurant, but he must have thought the better of it because less than 20 minutes later I was home, removing my flats from feet. What a shame. I can't even wear flats without feeling yuck. The date was completely uneventful.

I looked around the small porch of the house I had been born in. I knew Charlie was waiting up for me, but I suddenly didn't feel like going inside just yet. It was only 8. Why should I be in so early just because my night was lousy? I tossed my shoes across my truck's seat and without even giving it a second thought, I drove down to La Push to see Jacob.

The drive didn't take as long as it usually did. It might have been my anticipation. With our first kiss out of the way (God, it still did things to my mind when I was alone) and now the frustration/tension phase, I actually felt like Jacob and I might have been getting to the good part of our new relationship; though, I had to admit that I didn't know exactly what it entailed.

I worried that Jacob would be out on patrol, but almost as soon as I turned down the small road to his house, Jacob was running out of the edge of the forest, tugging on his pants and a messy shirt. I blushed when I remembered the last time I caught him coming out of the forest just after a phase.

"Bells!" I barely opened the truck's door before he pulled me into his arms. "Honey, I am so sorry I was upset. I was going to come see you after your…meeting." Jacob looked flustered and I pushed him a little. Very little. He was still holding onto me.

"You gonna put me down now?" I grinned.

"Never." Jacob slung me over a shoulder and turned.

I was half annoyed and the other half was…aroused? _How embarrassing_. "Jacob Black, put me down."

He swung me forward to look at me eye to eye, but would not relinquish his hold. I almost felt like a bride being held up by a giant 6'4 man—or was he taller? Did this kid ever stop growing? Werewolves ate and grew way too much.

"I would have come to see you, you know. I would have climbed into your bedroom, stole you from your bed, and brought you back here with me."

My eyes lowered to avoid watching his lips move anymore, but even hearing his voice was messing me up tonight. "And how would I have gotten here and back home?" I questioned.

"You would have ridden on me," he said matter-of-factly.

I blushed at the double meaning.

"Want to watch something with me?" He asked suddenly. "And no romance. They suck."

I rubbed his shoulder with a free hand, trying to signal him to put me down. He paid attention and placed me on the ground. "Don't you have to take care of Billy or anything before we settle in for a movie?" I asked, straightening out my dress.

"No. He's over with Harry. He'll probably just stay over there. He hates being in the house by himself. I was supposed to patrol tonight, but I asked Sam for an early break. I had to see you, Bells." His eyes met my gaze though he tilted his head slightly.

"Oh." I felt foolish that I had made such a big deal for no reason. "Well, how about we check to see what's on? Since you adamantly hate romance," I joshed.

"I don't hate romance. It's just weird. Oh 'I love you.' 'Oh I love you.' 'Jim.' 'Marsha.' 'Jim.' 'Marsha.' Yuck." He made a face.

"Ugh. How will you handle being married? Surely your wife will want you to say 'I love you' every once in awhile. After all, she'll be saying it to you."

"Yeah? You don't tell me anything."

"I'm not your wife."

"Okay, but you still don't say it. Whatever happened to love between two friends?"

Feeling my back tense, I struggled to keep my expression taut. "Oh, we're friends today?"

His face held a resigned smile. "We'll always be friends, Bella. Even if I think it's wrong."

I did a double take. We had reached his house and I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him from turning the door handle. "What? What's so wrong?"

"Us. Us only being friends."

"It's not wrong. It's the right thing."

"It's not the right thing."

"You're young. You wouldn't understand."

"Right." He shook his shoulder loose of my hand and pushed the door open. He then bowed and ushered me inside. "My lady."

I rolled my eyes and stepped into the house before turning to him, "You are a pain, Mr. Black."

"And I love you too, Bells."

I looked at him. He had folded his arms in front of himself and was staring back at me. I knew he wanted me to retort. Or say the words back. _Could_ I even say it back? I wanted to. I knew that he knew that I wanted to. I felt him pushing it. He was even willing it in his mind to make me say the words. Even if I only said it as one friend to another, I knew that he would accept it. Maybe he would have secretly dreamt it was something else. Maybe he would even dream and replay this moment at a later time.

If I would actually say it. If I could only say it back.

I stuttered a little. "You mean that as a friend, right?"

Jacob walked passed my still trembling figure before answering with a wry smile, "Sure, sure. Best friends." He waved his hand dismissively and sat on the couch, flicking on the TV. I sighed even though I wasn't the least bit relieved and plopped right next to him.

He did his best not to look at me in the next twenty minutes. I bumped him with my shoulder. He bumped me back. I then ruffled his hair and he caught my hand to kiss my wrist.

"I knew you wouldn't say it," he announced after his lips left my skin.

"And just how did you know that?"

He shrugged. "You hate showing emotion even though your face says it all. I can always tell what's on your mind."

"No you can't."

"Yeah, I can."

I put my hands on my hips and turned to him. "What am I thinking right now?'

"That's not fair," as he pointed to my two folded arms, "too easy. And I also don't think Charlie would appreciate the words you just used about me inside your head."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

Before I could do any thing else, Jacob grabbed and pulled me toward him. A kiss followed. I adapted quickly to the warm feeling in my stomach, and his hands held my face closely fastened to his. He allowed a few breaths to escape between us, but nothing more. Jacob seemed determined to have me, determined to not allow me to think of anything else; as if I could. My hands suddenly had a mind of their own. I found myself moving Jacob's hands from my face and toward my waist instead. He responded warmly to the idea and pulled his navy shirt out of his pants to place my hands on his middle chest.

My breaths turned heavy as he used his forefingers to gently stroke the side of my stomach up to just under the bottom of my bra, through my dress. It felt like nothing would stand in the way of his heat. It didn't even feel like a dress anymore. It felt like an extra barrier that we had to get through together. Between my legs a fire burned that was worse than waking up from my dreams at night. It felt so much worse since the person whom I had been dreaming about was right here in front of me.

And he was kissing _me_.

Each kiss made me suck in more and more air in an attempt to keep breathing right and not faint from the thought of this wonderful, yet sensual boy that was kissing me.

He finally moved away from my lips and dragged his tongue softly down to my neck, kissing various areas of my collarbone in no particular order. I grew bold and reached for the bottom of his shirt and struggled to pull it off of him. He gave a short laugh before he pulled off his own shirt with one hand and threw it somewhere behind us. I didn't dare to look. I knew I had already seen him shirtless, but I was afraid that if I found any more reason to find him perfect, I was going to lose control right there. My heart was already losing the battle.

Jacob unexpectedly got up, his fingers gently tugging my wrists. "Come on. Not here," was the only thing he whispered.

I had no idea what he meant, but I followed him anyway, too scared to speak. His fingers continued to stay closed around my small hands, leading me toward his room and he closed the door behind us. He began kissing me again and then picked me up to place me on my back, onto his bed.

He kept kissing me as he lifted my dress more than halfway up to expose my bra and panties. He bit his lower lip and my nipples hardened on sight of him doing so. Jacob's eyes widened in wonder as he watched me reach toward my back to undo my strapless bra's clasp, but I kept the bra over me, a little afraid of what he would think of his best friend lying bra-less on his bed. His thumb ran along the bottom of my loosened bra seconds before he just gently pushed the obstructive piece of clothing away, revealing me.

Jacob gently rubbed my nipples for a few moments before he started to kiss them. I ran my hand along his back and heard his heartbeat, though I was sure mine was beating slightly louder than his. I was still speechless when he finished kissing my breasts and began kissing my upper stomach, slowly making his way lower.

I began to get nervous and took in too much air much too fast. _What was he doing_?

"Relax. Just relax," he whispered in my ear. I swore that he was using my previous suggestion of 'relax' to his advantage. I bit my lip and shook my head a little at him. Whatever he was planning, I couldn't do it. A small sweat broke out on my back. This was too fast, this was just too fast. I couldn't stand it. Why was he doing this? Why did I feel this way about him?

"Jake?" I just managed to choke out.

Jacob wasn't discouraged. He positioned himself over me and kissed me again. Jacob gently pulled my tongue out of my mouth and my fingers trembled against his forearms. I urged my head further into the kiss, concentrating on how his lips moved with mine; the kiss was perfect, just as our other kisses had been. When I shifted my head, he moved his in perfect sync with me. When his face and lips left mine I tried to pull him back by pulling on the lower half of his chin with my teeth, but he gently thumbed my forehead, pushing me back down to the bed. I could feel the heat from his arousal near my stomach and he snickered, apparently feeling mine as well.

Jacob fingered a few strands of my hair before giving me a reassuring smile. "I'll go real slow. You can tell me when to stop, okay?"

I nodded, not sure if I could speak words yet.

But I wanted it and I knew I did. Whatever he wanted to give me, I wanted it.

I could feel myself pulsating and it was starting to hurt. I was actually wincing from it every few seconds. Jacob slowly, but definitively popped the three buttons near the top of my dress and pulled it quickly over my head. My underwear had a yellow puppy on the front and "Rawf!" on the back. He smiled, tracing the puppy's outline with his pinky, gently tugging at my lower lips with his teeth for a moment through the thin cotton before pulling my panties off too, with his fingertips.

My face was no longer the only thing bare and pink in front of him.

"God, Bella!" He actually growled at me.

Jacob kissed my inner thighs a few dozen more times and I began squirming under his grasp, steadily going crazy because he wouldn't put the one yearning fire out. I felt ache. I knew I was throbbing. I knew what I needed from him.

I didn't know how else to get him to see the hurt I was constantly feeling every time he came near me or touched me. For weeks I had pleasuring myself in the only (and safe) way that I could and I had secretly wanted this moment to happen. I wanted myself to let loose, knowing that it was safe to be this way with him, to be safe in wanting him, period.

My body's squirming came back. And so did the wetness.

His careful tongue strayed to just outside my center. I sniveled, not even able to feel his heat since my temperature was beyond hot. I felt like my blood was 110 degrees, at least, to his 108. His bottom lip grazed my clit twice and I whined again too early, afraid of the reaction I would have once he started. I felt bashful and I was certain that Jacob was too, though his soft lips quivered very little; his fingers wrapped around my upper hips, pulling my lower half closer to his waiting mouth. It was the only clue that I had about his nervousness. The few seconds of quiet seemed like an eternity. And then suddenly, Jacob was no longer shy about it.

He began devouring me.

At first he did it slowly, as if he wanted to see what I liked and how I responded, but he didn't know that I wanted _everything_. The gasps, the clenched fists, and the movements suddenly became unconscious reflexes as I struggled to hold on to whatever I could, as he persistently pushed his face and tongue deeper and deeper into me. I closed my eyes so tightly that I could see different colored spots in the darkness. That was my twilight.

I tried not to call out. Not to scream. It wasn't lady-like. But then I remembered that Billy wasn't even in the house and I began all the necessary grunts, moans, and trembles as his tongue explored my insides for the first time. The noises filled the house, my ears, and nearly blocked out the pleasant chuckles that Jacob let slip out his mouth.

His quiet laughter vibrated my insides to the core. My eyes teared as his tongue licked, sucked, and _loved_ the entire length of me. The deeper his tongue went, the further my head and eyes went back into the surface of his pillow.

The growing heat inside of my body was phenomenal. I tried to back away from it (and him); I hit one of Jacob's bedroom walls in the process. He grabbed my hips more tightly, grunted, and wouldn't let me move away any further. I clawed at his hands trying to get him to let me loose, but he merely smiled without slowing down, watching me with desire in his eyes. The amazing things this boy was doing with his tongue…

I had never felt like this. I couldn't even think of Edward during this time because there was no comparison. The movements, the feelings, the aches were completely different. I was different. Edward had never let it get this far and here was my Jacob, doing it without being asked. And he was grateful for it. He was great at it. _So great at it_.

My back wrenched upward involuntarily as I felt close to climax. I could feel it. It was right on the tip of my sex. I could finally let go. I could finally release it in the proper way. My eyes started to tear more from being held closed so tightly. Jacob kept "working" and merely watched for it.

"Oh, I—Oh!"

My lips started to part and my neck lurched further toward the ceiling. I wanted it out. I just wanted it out. My legs started to shake. I briefly worried if I would accidentally knee Jacob in the face from the energy I was about to release. I had no idea what to expect. When I had done it previously, I always knew how much since I was the one who was doing it, since I was the one who was controlling it. I tried to calm myself, despite Jacob's hard work, and I reached for him then. My hand found his hair.

His hair. His beautiful, short, raven colored hair. The hair I use to ruffle when I wanted his attention, when I was playing around with him. When I was trying to get him to relax and not take all the things I said so seriously.

_His hair_. _My best friend's hair_. My best friend, who was now between my thighs, doing what no sixteen year old boy should be doing—least of all, with his best friend.

_Oh God_! _What was I doing_?

I panicked. "No! No—stop! Stop it, Jake!"

I tore myself from him. I jumped out of the bed and reached for support from his dresser. My warm fluids were already leaking down my thighs and legs, but I didn't care. I frantically reached for my dress at the same time when Jacob tried to reach for me. I backed away from him, nearly falling over his chair in the room.

"Bells? Honey, what's wrong?" He sounded so concerned. And I didn't deserve it.

I allowed myself to look at his face. _That face_. The one face I sought after when my day was really, really bad. That face that had made me laugh thousands of times by now. That same face that reminded me of Billy, sometimes.

That same innocent face that had been buried within my thighs not just a few seconds ago, that face that still had reminisces of me all over his lips.

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't keep doing what I was doing to him.

Jacob reached for me again and I slapped his hand away before bursting into sobs.

"Bella, tell me what's wrong. Did I hurt you? Was I hurting you?"

How could he look so innocent after doing what he had just been doing to me? He had been so willing. He had been enjoying himself. _I_ had been enjoying myself.

"I—I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you," I started.

"Did what to me? Bella, I wanted to—"

"No! No, you didn't. You didn't know what you were doing. You didn't know that it was wrong."

Jacob looked confused. "Wrong? Bella, you were just about to—"

"No! No." I shook my head. I shook my head so hard as if I were trying to shake the tears away. As if I could shake the tears away. "I can't, Jake," I pleaded. "Jacob, I have to go home. I have to leave."

"Okay, let me just wash up a little and I'll go back with you."

That was the worst thing he could have said. It was _me_ he needed to wash off. It was _me_ he needed to be done with.

"I have to leave right now!" I insisted. "You have to stay. You have to stay here!"

"Bella, honey—"

"Stay here!" I furiously shouted at him and pointed toward the bed. I then looked down and shuddered. There was still some wetness on the bed. _Christ!_ _That was where I had almost_—I cut myself off. I had to get out. I had to leave.

I pulled my dress the rest of the way down, not bothering to try and find my panties. I hadn't even seen where Jacob had thrown them and I was too embarrassed to ask him for them now.

My face wore its usual shade of blush as I struggled to find all of my stuff (minus the underwear). I finally made it outside and climbed into my truck. Jacob ran outside not seconds after me.

"Please don't say anything. Please don't say anything," I chanted to myself.

"Bella, please! Please, just listen for one sec—"

My truck roared to life as it started and I began to move the gear shift.

He put his hand on the wheel through the open driver's window. I didn't dare look up.

"Okay, okay. Just…just call me when you get home, all right?"

I barely responded. He released his grip on my wheel finally and I tore down the road away from the La Push reservation.

Away from the bright full moon that lit up the sky. The moon that had been Jacob and mine's light when we had done what we did. What I had let him do to me. What I _wanted_ him to do to me.

I drove away from him. I drove away from my Jacob.

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***A/N: It was my first time writing this kind of chapter, so review to let me know what you think. **

**And don't curse me out-I'm not finished with J&B yet. **


	13. I'm Sorry

***A/N: Thanks for the wonderful reviews and comments. It was seriously my first time writing a 'lime' so I appreciate the feedback. I'm actually more of an action-writer (like battles & gory stuff) so to hear from people that my first attempt at a lime was pretty decent, thank you, again. Thrilled, as always.  
**

** Thanks also to my wonderful betas (Carrie36 & Wolfskill). It'll just be Carrie36 and I for awhile until Wolfskill gets off hiatus. Bummer-I'm missing her already. :-( Let's review in her memory so that she and I will have things to smile about later.**

Chapter Summary: A terrible mistake has ruined the once blossoming friendship of Bella Swan and her best friend, a werewolf named Jacob Black. Bella is not sure what she wants and Jacob is too ashamed of his behavior to demand anything more than a few moments of her time. All he needs from her is one look to make things right with her once more. Will it be enough to change Bella's mind? Pushing Jacob away is one of the hardest things that Bella has ever had to do, and she fears that it may be hurting her worse her worse than Edward's abrupt departure. Is she wrong?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I am sorry I don't have legal rights to Taylor and Jacob.**

Chapter XIII Title: 'I'm Sorry,' by Theory of a Deadman

"Bella, Jacob's on the phone for you!" Charlie called up to me from the stairs. I scowled in the direction of my bedroom door. He knew that I didn't want to talk to Jacob on the phone, or see him when he came to the door. I had told Charlie (countless times in the past week) that he was to tell Jacob that I was not there, or take the message and then throw it away.

And then for the last two days, Charlie had gotten sick of it and had started trying to get Jacob and I to talk.

"He knows you're here already Bella. He hears me yelling over the phone." Charlie raised his voice even higher when I didn't answer him.

"No, Dad!" I screamed back as I buried my nose back in a new library book I was reading. I couldn't read many of the old books in my room anymore. I had read most of them with Jacob.

"Hold on, I'll let her know." I heard him murmur. "Bella, Jacob said he's going to be over here in about 20 minutes and asked if you would please answer the door," Charlie yelled.

I threw the book down and shouted at Charlie from the banister, "For the last time...NO!" My eyes met his.

"I already said he could come over, Bella. I'm letting him into the house."

"Fine, but he can't come into my room. So, that's where I'll be."

Charlie's tone was sympathetic. "Bella, the boy has had me apologize so many times that I want to say 'I'm sorry' and I didn't even do anything. Will you put this kid out of his misery?" He indicated to the phone in his hand.

_Some kid_. My body shivered again with the thought of what happened a little over a week ago. Eight days to be exact. You know it has to be bad when you actually count the number of days it's been since your best friend actually pleasured you with—_Ugh_! _God, Bella_! _Get a grip_!

"She'll be right here, Jake." Charlie hung up the phone.

"I am not talking to him," I argued.

"Bella, honey—"

"Don't call me that!" I cried. It was what Jacob had called me that night and other nights; but especially that night.

"Isabella."

Jeez, I hated when Charlie called me by my full name.

"Bella," Charlie started after he noticed me wince, "What's wrong? What did Jacob do? Did he hurt you or something?"

I held back a tearful moan. "No, he didn't do anything."

"So why aren't you speaking to him? He sounds pretty upset. I think you should just explain that whatever he did _or _didn't do to hurt you has you upset—"

"I am not speaking to him. And I am not having this discussion," I added a little more quietly. I stormed back into my room, slamming the door, and pressed my face into the book with unnecessary force.

The doorbell rang almost half an hour later and heard hushed voices soon after. Then the sound of someone on the stairs. I knew it wasn't Charlie. There was a game scheduled to be on and even if there wasn't, it was way too early for Charlie to come upstairs.

A terse knock echoed off my locked bedroom door. "Bella? Bella, this is ridiculous. Will you please let me in?" Jacob's voice sounded a bit miffed.

The last thing I needed to do was to let Jacob in. I quickly swore to myself that I would never allow myself to be in another room with him that had a bed in it. I closed my eyes and prayed that he would go away as long as I stayed quiet.

"Jeez, Bella! Can't you just…alright; is this about what happened last week?" He lowered his voice. I almost hadn't heard him. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you…I made you feel uncomfortable. I am. I swear. Just talk to me, Bells."

I kept silent. I couldn't believe he was apologizing. He hadn't actually done anything. If I hadn't allowed him to go so far with me, then we might have been fine. If I was the one who hadn't wanted him, if I hadn't needed him. God, the way I had needed him last night, the way I needed him now.

I crossed my legs as new thoughts came into my head. I felt disgusted with myself. There was a former best friend of mine, hurt and angry over something that I had allowed him to do. I grew angry with myself even more over the fact that I could be thinking of what he could be doing to me right now, if I would only let him in. Even with Charlie downstairs. I could have asked him to cover my mouth as he made me moan and cry out at the numerous releases that he was sure to give me.

I had unknowingly reached inside my shirt to touch my breast. A tear left my eye from what I had become. And my anger at myself came out as anger toward Jacob.

"Leave Jacob! I don't want you here!" I screamed as I readjusted my shirt.

"Bella, don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

"What did you do?"

"I lost my best friend."

I got up with more tears in my eyes and placed my hand on the bedroom door. I couldn't open it. I had to get him to go away. I had to get him to leave me alone.

"Jake, you need to leave." I could barely raise my voice above a whisper. I was trying to keep the tears out of it, but I was sure Jacob could hear me. "Please leave, Jacob."

"Bella, what do I have to do? What do you want me to do? I'll do whatever you want, just don't ask me to leave yet. Not until you hear me out. Please open the door. Just talk to me just this once, face to face, and I'll leave right after. I promise—I swear. Just talk to me."

I could hear his head hit the door as he struggled to say his last words in the closest thing to a whisper as he could get so that Charlie wouldn't hear them.

"I don't want you in my room, Jake."

"Then come out here. Come outside. I'll meet you outside. We'll just talk."

I shook my head for a few seconds before realizing that he wouldn't be able to see it. My fingers started to walk the hardwood floors as I sank in my bedroom, when I noticed a loose board that my stuffed Cerberus had fallen next to. I childishly kicked my carnival prize that Jacob had given me a short month ago, across the room and my eyes concentrated on the board instead of Jacob's hefty, but rhythmic breathing on the other side of my door. My heart tensed as I pulled it back a little and saw a small box with a few assortments of a past life. A life Jacob had almost succeeded in allowing me to forget.

New sobs left me as my fingers danced over the pictures during my last birthday with my other family, my vampire family. I couldn't even stomach looking at a picture of Edward and I. Things had been so perfect. Edward had looked perfect. I was nothing and now Jacob was being torn down to nothing.

"Bells, I can't leave you. Please don't do this," Jacob's voice continued to break through my locked door. "Bella!" His voice rose.

My eyes carefully looked over Esme and Carlisle's birthday gift to me—two tickets to Florida. I knew I would never go. I didn't even have anyone to go with.

"Leave." My tone turned cold, "You need to leave."

"No." His voice was obstinate. "Let me explain—"

"There is nothing to explain, Jacob." I closed my eyes. "We're not friends anymore. A line was crossed and—"

"Bella, I will break this door."

Was he getting ready to phase in Charlie's house? "Jacob, get away from the door. Leave this house and go back home. Run back to Sam," I cried nastily.

"Bel—"

"Stop saying my name and leave. You will leave, now."

"You're not my god-damn alpha." I could feel his anger flick from behind his tongue. That amazing tongue—_Bella_!

I stuttered my next sentence. "It's over Jacob! Just let me go." I felt hollow. I remembered repeating those words to Charlie almost a year ago. That was when I was trying to save Charlie from coming after me when a tracker, James, wanted to hunt me for sport. Now I was repeating them again to someone else I cared about. Jacob had to listen. He had to listen to me now. I had meant every word. I meant it though I whispered it, but I knew his wolf ears could hear me.

His breath turned shallow. "I…if you change your…" The doorknob was suddenly very hot to the touch. I looked up from the floor thinking that I could see him through the door. Feeling as if I could see him clutching the knob, wanting to break it, but not wanting to hurt me since I was just on the other side. "Please change your mind, Bella. Please, I miss you so much and I just…" His tired sigh vibrated through my core. I heard him walk away from my door slowly and I had never felt lonelier.

**(JPOV)**

"Jacob? Jacob? Son, are you all right?"

I looked across the table. My Dad was looking at me. His lips pursed together and his arms were tense, as if he were ready to catch me if my weight suddenly decided to give out on me. I felt a knot in my throat. My eyes felt as if they had been in a horrible fight though I hadn't seen Paul for almost two days now. I hadn't seen _any_ of my friends or brothers in almost two days now.

I still hadn't even seen Bella.

That was the friend who mattered most to me at this point.

My chest suddenly felt compressed. _Was someone sitting on me_? They couldn't be—I was sitting up. _Or I think I am sitting up_. I looked around my surroundings. I was in the small kitchen with my Dad. He was eating a small TV dinner. _What was I eating_? I looked down and saw that I was eating a small TV dinner myself. _Where did this come from_? _What was it_? _Why couldn't I taste it_?

"Son? Son! All right, that's it! I'm calling Sam!"

_Sam_? _What could he do_? He couldn't make me stop thinking about Bella. The way she made me feel. Forget the look of wonder, then horror on her beautiful face. She wouldn't even let me see her. She wouldn't even open her bedroom door. She wouldn't even come to the phone when I called.

"I'm fine." I sounded mechanical even to my own ears. I couldn't put any more feeling behind it. I didn't want to. I was a wreck.

The pack knew what I was going through already. They could read my mind. It was great when we had to coordinate for the hunt, but it sucked for everything else. At first Paul and Jared had teased me for letting Bella get away when she was so "close," telling me that I couldn't "close the deal" for her, but then they felt the anger and pain that came after Bella ordered me away. It now had them feeling almost as broken and lost as I was feeling, all the time. But I knew I couldn't force myself on Bella, if was what she needed, I couldn't refuse her. She was my imprint. My imprint had ordered me away and I was forced to listen. And possibly die from a lonely existence. Myth or not, humanity lost or left in tact, I was losing a bit of myself everyday by not having Bella around me. I wasn't sure if the wants outweighed the needs, but I knew I wanted to see her and I needed to feel her, but it wasn't my decision. It had to be hers, willingly.

"Jacob, you haven't phased since…" Billy looked even more worried. "Can you phase, son?"

Sam had told me not to phase anymore. He said it caused the pack too much pain to feel what I was going through, but nothing could be done about it. Bella had to accept me on her own. And I didn't have the strength right now to make myself see her. I didn't have the will to fight her one wish of me, though I had been willing to grant her one wish that night.

_But it had felt so good_.

I loved every minute of it. I loved the taste. The expressions that spread across her face as she scratched at my hands and tried to crawl across the bed in an attempt to get away from me. It had done her no good. I had her. I wouldn't let go.

My hands burned at the memory of them wrapped around her hips. Even I had trembled when her shivers came out in various waves at different times. I had lacked actual experience, but I knew Bella. Somehow, I knew what she liked. I knew I hadn't hurt her. I would never have hurt her. That Cullen guy had hurt her plenty, but I was the one who had loved her in that way. The way her body moved and responded for me made me sure that the Cullen had never made her feel that way. Together, we became unstoppable. The impending bliss of smelling and feeling her against me on the couch had been too agonizing for me to control myself any longer. I had to have more. Touching, inhaling, hearing, and seeing my sweat Bella was not enough; I had to finally taste her. I felt that nothing would stop me from giving her all the pleasures she deserved, until she pushed me away from her.

_What had I done_?

I hated feeling this way. Not being able to see her face didn't help me. I had to know what she was feeling. I had to know what she wanted from me. I could be her friend. I could go back to being her best friend. I knew that it was wrong and that we should have been more, but I would accept being her friend now.

In time, I could show her—I _would_ show her-that I could be anything she needed. Everything she wanted. She just had to let me talk with her. She just had to look at me.

She couldn't think that I only wanted her for one thing. I would never, I hadn't even planned on doing what I did to her. I just couldn't help it. The scent of her excitement weighted with my anticipation, and smelling her in the air became the last crack to an already flimsy wall. I just couldn't hold back anymore. I didn't want to force myself onto her without giving her the satisfaction of every act, every desire, and every fantasy that I could perform on her. I knew her mind. I knew what she wanted. I knew her body now. I could feel what she wanted.

_Or I thought I had_.

My father waved his hand in front of my face to see if I could actually see him. "Son, will you please talk to me? Talk with someone? Do you need me to talk with Charlie so that he can talk with Bella?"

My gaze suddenly focused on his face. He had said the magic word. _Bella_.

"She won't talk to me. I tried. And Charlie tried. It's no use."

Billy looked defeated. "What happened?"

My face contorted in sudden anger. "Me, is what happened! This 'inheritance' happened! I found the one person I was destined to be with and she won't let me near her! All because I couldn't control my—I'm a fuckin' animal! I'M A DOG!"

"Son, you're not—"

I turned away and bolted out of my chair. I heard a few splinters. I might have broken the chair jumping out of it as I had. I'd fix it later. Right now, I had another pressing matter, another setback.

I felt sick suddenly. I raced to the bathroom and held onto the toilet. My body struggled to keep still, and lost, as I convulsed and threw up. It tasted liquidity. That was all I knew about the former contents of my stomach. I flushed the toilet before I opened my eyes.

I continued to sit there on the floor until I heard the slightly noisy wheels of my Dad's chair. He came to just outside the bathroom and paused there.

"Son, I don't know what is going on and I don't want to make you tell me, but you need to straighten this thing out soon. I don't like you sick like this. I—I can't take you sick like this." I even grimaced as Billy choked on the last part of his sentence.

I gripped the toilet even harder. I was a horrible son, a horrible friend, a horrible everything.

When I didn't say anything for awhile I heard my father sigh and turn his chair toward the other direction, heading for the door. I had hoped that he heard me when I called out, "I'm sorry!"

I was saying that a lot lately.

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***A/N: Yes, I will try to get J&B back together as soon as possible, but the characters are being really stubborn. I even took the weekend off to find a way around Bella's self-denial. Who wouldn't want to be with Jacob? Hell, if I would know.**

**Anyway, read, review, recommend. That's my mantra.  
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	14. Down in a Hole

***A/N: Screw the note-let's get to the story. Thanks to my wonderful beta, Carrie36 & all the alerters and reviewers, new & old. For those reviewers I could not respond back to, thank you for reviewing me too.  
**

Chapter Summary: Bella is fighting a losing battle and Jacob is losing his mind. Jacob's need for Bella only escalates when he gives Bella a surprise and Bella's feelings only deepen, reaffirming things she already knew; the one person she _can_ count on is here and he's not going anywhere. Jacob's second display of affection might be more than Bella can handle right now, but it might be the start of something worth saving later.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight & Jacob chained me to the bed and wrote this chapter himself. Eh, it's not like I didn't enjoy it anyway.**

Chapter XIV Title: 'Down in a Hole,' by Alice & Chains

**(BPOV)**

My eyes were held half shut from the amount of crying I had done all night and part of the previous afternoon. I felt déjà vu all over again, only this time I had asked for it. My legs moved sluggishly as I walked over to my closet to blindly pick clothes. My fingers settled on a large, loose-fitting top. I pulled it over my head, shouldered my bag, and straightened my collar as best I could. _This shirt is too big_, I thought, but I was in too much of a hurry to go back into my closet to change it. I needed to feel the air on my face this morning, even if it was the air of Forks.

I carefully avoided my desk which I had stuffed the contents of my forgotten memories of my vampire family in the top drawer. I knew today would be a long day. I was sure of it. I knew today would continue to be horrible, a continuance from yesterday and every day since I had told Jacob to stay away from me. I wished now furiously that he would fight for me. I wished that he would have found a way to be with me regardless.

I guess even werewolves had limits.

**(JPOV)**

Light shone in my face from the sun. Of all the days, today the sun decided to show itself. I still didn't have Bella. I still didn't have any hope.

Since I wasn't patrolling, Sam had told me to start attending school again. I hadn't gone yesterday and no one had said anything. I didn't think another day would make a difference. As I pulled my legs to my arms I suddenly felt a little different. My heart unexpectedly felt a little less torn.

Maybe I hadn't shown Bella enough. Maybe that's why she couldn't see what I was willing to do for her. What I could do for her if she'd let me.

I had it, I had an idea. I knew what I needed to do.

My feet hit the ground and I was almost a mile away from my house before I realized that I needed shoes. I glanced at the clock when I returned to my room and saw that school had already started and that I would have been late even if I had decided to go. I didn't hear my father anywhere in the house and I picked through the cleanest clothes I could find and ran back outside. I wanted to phase to get to my destination quicker, but I couldn't run the risk of Sam or the others knowing what I planned to do. That and I hadn't phased in almost a week. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough _to_ phase just yet.

I was quick enough on my feet, it would have to do. I had to wait for Bella anyway. I had to reach her as soon as I possibly could; I had to get to Bella. I had to see her at school.

That way she couldn't walk away from me. She couldn't hide behind a door. I would be able to finally see those beautiful eyes as she had to look up at me and tell me why she wouldn't let me make her happy. She had to answer me. She had to tell me.

I felt as if I were on my bike or in my car already as I reached Forks High School in seventeen minutes flat, running at top speed. Now I just had to wait until I could slip in unnoticed. During a time where there was no class for her to run into. I would wait until some traffic died down. I would have patience.

**(BPOV)**

"I am serious, Bella. Would you seriously consider a face lift at forty? I mean isn't life pretty much over at forty?"

Jessica played with her gum in her fingers as she balanced her tray on the other hand. I didn't even notice when she popped her gum anymore. She had been doing it since my first day of school. She smiled and I smiled back somewhat warmly, trying to encourage her to keep the conversation going so that I wouldn't have to talk. I had a lot on my mind.

I had been struggling with the idea of finally just giving in and calling my former best friend. I felt that it might have been time. I felt as though I owed him. I had heard Charlie and Billy on the phone last night and Charlie sounded concerned when his best friend relayed that Jacob was acting somewhat catatonic lately. There had been no friends for him. No talking. He hadn't even gone out to the garage to work on his car or bike.

That didn't sound like Jacob. Not _my Jacob_, anyway.

I wasn't even sure if he could be considered _mine_ anymore. I had figured that I had deprived myself of that choice when I had decided to be rid of him.

I moved with the line in the cafeteria. I wasn't too hungry so I picked up just a wheat sandwich, a juice, and an apple. _This should get me through the day_.

"Uh, Bella? Someone's here for you."

"Huh?" I turned to where Jessica was looking.

I recognized the rigid, tense stance of a huge figure by the cafeteria doorway and clutched what little lucid thoughts I had left. _Do not look at him, Bella. Do not look at him._ Jacob was here, in the cafeteria. _Why was he—oh no_!

My eyes blinked and the tray started to shake from the failing strength in my hands. I would have dropped it had Jacob not decided to move suddenly to be next to me and grabbed my tray, carefully balancing it between us without touching my hands.

I still felt the heat from his body as I avoided his gaze. _That smell. He still has that smell,_ I cried inwardly. His musky, wood scent claimed the air in my nose and tore all sense and reason from my mind, replacing it with a demand only for him. _I need him to breathe._ Jacob could have commanded my very body to be still and it might have listened, with no help from me. I stared at his bottom jaw from the corner of my eye. His white collared shirt should have ripped from him moving so quickly, but it somehow held, outlining his pectorals and corrupting my mind with images from that night. _Good God, get this boy away from me! _I shook._  
_

"We need to talk, now," he whispered harshly, bringing me back to reality.

There was no pleading with him. He sounded determined and the bottom half that I could see looked almost angry. I had never seen him angry really, except with Paul. I was sure he had a defiant look on his face and yet I still managed to shake my head, despite my abrupt breathing problem. His skin looked paler, but I knew he was still gorgeous. His hair was still short, but it was in complete disarray. A severe case of the "bed-head" look that Calvin Klein models would have killed for, but that wasn't how Jacob was meant to look. This look was not on purpose. Jacob was obviously suffering. It made me hurt even more.

"I—I'm sorry. Not right now. I'm at school." I started to turn away, but this time he did touch me, by grabbing the cuff of my purple shirt. I wished suddenly, that I had worn a turtleneck. My shirt fell off one shoulder slightly. It was in fact too big. It came off like an off-the-shoulder tee and I felt too much exposed in front of him. I scolded myself for not changing the darn shirt when I had had the chance. I started gasping for air in the abruptly spinning cafeteria. _Please, this can't be happening. Don't let this happen,_ I pleaded with myself. Everyone in the cafeteria seemed to have quieted down to watch us.

His voice panicked, yet he sounded sure enough. "Bells, please. I can't take it anymore. You're—"

"Not now!" I hissed loudly. I frantically looked around and I was correct; most people were watching. I blushed and turned away a second time. _What was he doing out of school_? _Did he play hooky just so that he could talk to me_? I felt annoyed by his disregard toward his school work, but then I was almost touched that he had risked truancy just to talk with me. I asked myself to be strong enough to just send him away, even if it was the last thing I wanted him to do. _I can't be feeling this way about him. I just can't be. He's a friend. He's my safe harbor._ Keep him away from me until I could make sense of all this again.

My heart seized soon as I felt a hand. Jacob slid his arm around my waist quickly, pressing my back against his stomach, lowered his head, and kissed my exposed shoulder intimately. His teeth clicked gently and my heart fluttered soundlessly on contact.

My skin felt the kiss right before it even happened. It was warm, it had completely and successfully made my inner walls tighten from the touch. My nipples hardened instantly and my mind replayed the second where he and I had almost made it possible for him to taste me. _More of me_.

I gasped and dropped my tray. My mind was confused and then I reddened in embarrassment. Jacob must have wanted to humiliate me. He must have. Who would kiss a friend so intimately in front of a whole cafeteria full of students? As if the line between two friends hadn't been crossed. Jacob did all of this and it made me irate.

I spun out of his arm, running away from him and the eyes of the cafeteria. I was unable to say anything, unable to stop the blood from rising to my cheeks and my entire face, unable to stop the flow of tears as I reached outside and struggled not to yell. I was sure I would have phased if I had been a werewolf.

I fumbled in my pocket for my keys to the Chevy. My fingers were shaking, causing me to continuously drop them. Hearing them cling and clank each time brought another fresh tear to my face. I was able to achieve getting into the truck, but my hand trembled so much that I couldn't start it. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I hated being feeble. I hated that Jacob had been able to do this much to me. I hated feeling the tangible bond that existed between us that everyone seemed to be able to see but me. I hated it all and I needed to get away from it.

I reached for my cell phone and got Charlie right away. He said he'd be awhile and didn't ask why I was suddenly begging for him to pick me up. I hung up the phone and made sure my doors were locked. Jacob had been staring at me the whole time. My eyes bounced off the bottom of his tense jaw, but I would allow my eyes to look no further. Even the glow of his red skin made me feel as if my vital organs were being punished under the binds of my skin.

"Bella, just talk to me please. You have to talk to me."

I shook my head at him.

"Look at me. Bella, look at me!" He shouted into the window.

People were starting to come out. I could swear that the whole school knew about what had gone on in the cafeteria and that was all Jacob's fault. _Why did he kiss me like that_? _What had made him do it_? _Why had it felt so good_? I glanced at his fingers against the car frame. I continued to shake my head and saw his fingers ball into fists and then his arms jerk, like someone that I couldn't see was pushing pine needles into his body.

I was scared. I wasn't sure if I was scared of him phasing in front of everyone or if I was more afraid to look at him and admit to being wrong. "Jake, please."

His shaking stopped and he opened his fists again to place his palms on the window. "Bella, talk to me. I just want to explain. I just need to explain."

My shrill voice echoed in the cab. "Explain what? What, Jacob? What is it exactly that needs to be explained?"

"How much you mean to me. What I could do for you. How I can make you happy."

"I can't be around you like this." My voice shook. I placed my hand on the passenger door and crawled across my seat to get further away from him. "Charlie is on his way. You should go."

"I can't. I'm afraid that I might—that I'll never be able to see you again."

"I told you that we weren't friends anymore. I told you that things were done. That we couldn't be friends anymore—"

"And I'm here anyway. You didn't mean it. Something must have changed."

I scoffed. "What? You can read minds like Edward could?" I hadn't even winced when I said his name out loud. It seemed so ordinary now. My vampire ex abandoned me and now my werewolf best friend was begging me to date him. _Great choices, Bella_.

"I just—I just know you. You have to look at me, Bells. Just once. Just look at me and tell me why we can't be—"

"Why did you kiss me like that, Jacob?" I asked suddenly. "In front of everyone?"

"I—I never thought—"

"That's right!" My hand covered my cheeks. They felt warm even in the cold. "You never thought! You weren't thinking!" My tone dropped. "You only think of yourself and now you are by yourself."

I reached for the door handle and exited my truck. I hated being scrutinized and looked at by the high school bystanders. We were drawing another crowd. I started for the wooded area behind the school. I didn't like all the green, but I hadn't liked the conversation I had been having with Jacob either.

"Bella, just wait—"

I shrugged his advances off. It would never change. I would never stop hurting those around me or stop putting myself in harm's way. I was so insignificant. I was so ordinary. This supernatural boy would leave me too, just as my other Godly boyfriend did. It couldn't be helped and I was powerless to stop it. There was nothing that tied us together and I was determined not to allow it, if I could. My heart tore with each step I took away from Jacob and the public eye.

**(JPOV)**

I felt my whole body tremble. I knew I was overreacting. I knew that I could calm my body down if I could just think clearly about what had just happened. Then I wondered why it was happening this way.

_Why, Bella_? _Why couldn't we be friends_?

I hoped that showing up at her school would make her realize that she had missed me as much as I missed her. That it was impossible for us to stay away from each other. That it hadn't been a mistake to let me explore her and feel for her the way that I had, the way that I did.

The way I still do.

I still wanted her. I had heard her. I heard her loud and clear. I didn't know why she was pushing me away. I had kissed her like that plenty of times before, albeit, I was thinking different things this time, but I was still only kissing her. Only kissing the part that I could reach at the time without ripping at her clothes, regardless of how many people were staring at us.

I felt the crowd's eyes. I could feel the tension in the air right before Bella's reaction. I felt like the crowd was egging me on with their minds. They wanted to know: _what would he do_? _What would I do_?

I hadn't acted on the attention. I had acted on her. I knew she would enjoy it and she did. I heard her wavered breaths. I saw her skin immediately glow right under my lips. She looked radiant. She had looked happy. Her fingers had clenched around the tray as if we were back to that night where I had tasted her sweet essence. Had felt it on my lips, on my tongue, and swallowed down into my throat. Her skin had tasted just like it.

That's why my kiss had lingered. That's why I had tried to keep my lips pressed to her as long as I possibly could. I wanted to taste her again. I wanted to stay in her scent again.

And then she dropped her tray.

The realization had hit me when she looked at me with a sudden furious expression. I wanted to say that I was sorry; I had only wanted to make it right between us. Was it so wrong to want her the way I did? I thought she would have been thrilled. If she would only stop holding back from me, I could make her feel all the things she needed to feel. What I knew she wanted to feel.

I would wait. I had to be patient again. I didn't care how long it took, but I would make her see me. I could make her realize that what she needed was me. Even if it was only as a friend, even if she did finally let me touch her in that way again and I only got to have her just once. Just once, that would make the difference. That would make her see what I had been trying to tell her all along.

She wouldn't have to give in to me. Not at first. Not right away. Even if I didn't get to have her physically, I would have her in some way. She was more than that to me. She was more than that now, even as she walked away from me. She would come back to me and I would make myself be there for her when she did. I would make myself better for her.

But for now, I had to be something different than that leech. We were nothing alike. I had to be what was right for her. She didn't need someone who wanted her sexually. She needed a friend right now. And I knew that at all costs, I had to be what she needed.

It was easy once I thought about it. Discomfort and burning anguish journeyed at lightning speed through my body. I tried to keep quiet as my hands and feet collapsed to grip the soil.

**(BPOV)**

I heard an abrupt whelp and my feet stopped mid-step, despite the warning I gave myself to be strong. To just breathe and let go regardless how much it felt against nature. It just couldn't be so easy to want and need someone like I did. I actually cursed for what Jacob was about to make me do. "Darn it, Jacob. I said—" I turned around and stared, unable to look away or finish my sentence coherently.

Jacob had phased and turned into the russet colored wolf that had saved my life in the forest. I hadn't been this close to him since that day, though I had seen him phase. My pulse throbbed against my skin, feeling contained and obstructed by the external barrier once more. My eyes watered in relief and my hands shook as I stretched all ten fingers out to touch him, to feel his fur, to blanket myself within the very embodiment of him. Not even inhaling him would have been close enough.

"Jake." My middle fingers reached him first. I slid my palms against his nose, the sides of his mouth and face, and then buried my tears into his neck after sinking to the ground. He still smelled the same. The light pine sage wood, his citrus shampoo, and the light aroma of rain symbolized everything that I needed at that precise moment.

My body shook against his as he buried his muzzle back into my neck. His paws stood a foot apart, allowing me room to put my legs under his while his hindquarters sat motionless and patiently on the floor. He allowed me to brush his coat with just my hands, breath, and face. I struggled to hold onto him tighter, afraid that he wasn't real anymore. I couldn't stand it if something else this wonderful had suddenly left me. That may have been what I was afraid of all along.

My sobs quieted as Jacob whined lowly into my ear. I knew that it was really a person trying to comfort me, but I could not stop pressing my body to every surface of his. His heartbeat thumped against my chest. His breath blew lightly against my teary face. His paws stayed still against my throbbing legs. I was amazed at what he could do.

And I was amazed that I had been about to let him go again.

"Bella! You there, honey?" A voice called not too far away from where I was sitting with my wolf.

_Charlie_! I couldn't let him see Jacob like this—wait—he wouldn't even know. Charlie might have hurt Jake and asked questions later. I couldn't have lived with that.

I called back, "Yeah! I'm here Char—Dad! I'm coming out. Don't come out any more. You shouldn't get lost in here."

"Bella, for Christ's sake…"

I ceased to hear the rest of what he said. I backed away slowly from my wolf, still on the forest floor. More tears escaped me as I looked into his warm eyes. His ears laid flat against the side of his head and his tail wagged slightly.

A nervous chuckle started my next sentence, "Will you be allowed to come visit me tonight like this?" I felt silly for asking. I wouldn't speak to him human, but I was willing to see him as a wolf. I could barely contain the resentment I had for myself.

But my russet wolf merely nodded, looking at me with complete acceptance of my request.

A smile shone through my tears. My jaw hurt from the entire trauma I had put it through the past few days. It felt longer than a couple weeks, when I added it all together. "Please come see me tonight, Jake?"

Again, he nodded.

I pressed my nose to his as a type of silent and joint kiss and got up to walk toward Charlie. Stepping closer and closer back to civilization, I saw that Charlie had indeed gotten back in the car. I had almost looked back at Jacob, but hadn't had the heart to accomplish the task just yet. I was too afraid that Jacob had already phased back and I would be forced to admit that I didn't want to do without him. Or I couldn't. I wasn't sure which.

I couldn't even be sure if Jacob was being this way for himself or more for me. I had a feeling it was somewhere in-between.

* * *

***A/N: Tell me what you think. ****Read, review, recommend, as always. Never stop. :-)  
**


	15. In Between

***A/N: Hey guys! It's going to be harder to post as often as I like. Life just keeps getting in the way. :-) Who knew that my real-life friends would actually want to spend time with me? It's hilarious. They actually complain about how much time I spend writing this story. **

**I want to thank the sudden 'influx' of readers, reviewers, commenters on my story. Thanks you so much, because it means a lot. To all those that I could not respond back to, thanks for reviewing.**

**I quoted straight out of SM's saga in this chapter. I wonder if you guys can guess what scene, book, and the page that it's on. I'm sure you can. We're all in love with SM's Twilight. **

**Read, review, recommend. Come on-it's so much fun!  
**

Chapter Summary:

Jacob's sacrifice to be more to Bella, even more than she could have ever thought possible, is taking its toll on Jacob and everyone around him can see it. Jacob hasn't been himself for quite some time, but he refuses to acknowledge just how unhealthy and one-sided his relationship with Bella is drastically changing him. Can he continue to keep his promise to her or will Bella have to be strong enough to let him go?

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but it would be a dream to be in between TL and Jacob.**

Chapter XV Title: 'In Between,' by Linkin' Park

**(BPOV)**

_Two weeks later…_

"Ms. Swan? Dr. Chad will see you now."

My hands were clasped in front of me as I walked through the Port Angeles doctor's office. I had driven a little over two hours to get here so that I would have some privacy. Too many people in Forks liked to talk. It was a little strange to not have my mother here with me and Charlie himself was at work. Jacob would have come, but I didn't think an almost seven foot Timber wolf would go unnoticed in an office. The thought of Jacob sitting in one of those hard metal chairs in his wolf form trying to look as comfortable as possible made me snicker.

I was still laughing quietly when Dr. Chad walked in not too long after I sat on the examining table. He flipped through his clipboard quickly. I was sure he already knew what I was here for.

"Isabella Swan, what can I do for you today?" His eyes narrowed at me through his glasses. He looked so mediocre and normal compared to the company that I had been keeping lately, that I barely bothered to analyze his appearance. I knew I would only need him for today.

I didn't bother to correct him with my name as I usually did. This was too important for me to be petty. "Birth control," I blurted out.

"Alright, let's get you examined and we'll see what we can do."

The examination was quick and he wrote out the script after a brief lecture on responsibility, the dangers, and asked if I had any questions. I kept my head in the same "no" motion for most of it. I had a lot on my mind.

It wasn't as if I was planning on being with anyone, but with my hormones being out of whack, my acne starting to resurface from stress, and a fear of not wanting kids at the tender age of eighteen, I figured the pill was the best alternative. I secretly wondered if the pill would have any other side effects on me. _Well, I guess that was a question you should have asked Dr. Chad,_ I harshly told myself walking to my Chevy.

Rain clouds were descending quickly and made it very dark for three in the afternoon. I had left school early to make it on time for the appointment. I also figured that there would be less people for me to run into during a school day.

I was right. The parking lot was pretty empty, except for a dark, shaggy figure sitting on the parking lot edge by my truck.

My eyes rolled in minor annoyance, but a smile played on my lips. "Jacob, I thought I told you to go to school. I think you've been skipping."

My wolf trotted to me and placed his head in my waiting hands while I leaned beside him on the cement ground. His fur had gotten a bit disheveled in the past two weeks since he had phased that afternoon at my school, and started following me around, showing himself to keep me company whenever I was alone. I was grateful and I rubbed behind his ears roughly.

"I think I still like you better as a wolf. Have I mentioned that? You stay pretty quiet," I joked. "And you're cuter."

Jacob snorted.

"Okay, maybe that part's not true. Want a ride back home or do you want to run alongside my truck?" I grabbed the fur on the back of his neck a little to pull myself up from the low ground. He hopped into the opened door of the passenger seat and I began to drive us back to Charlie's. I talked a little bit along the way about the doctor's. I hadn't told Jacob why I was going, but I hadn't wanted to keep the visit a secret either. Jacob merely looked me and perked his ears up every time one of the topics got good. It was a clear sign for him when I blushed.

We were just pulling the truck up into the short graveled driveway. I started to tell Jacob about a planned senior trip to Seattle in a few days when a chocolate-brown wolf with spots on his back darted in front of the truck. My brakes screeched in protest as I mashed my foot down, afraid to hurt one of Jake's pack mates that had come to call. Jacob growled from the seat, wrapped his paw around the handle (with amazing dexterity), and pushed the door open with his nose. I was still digesting what had just happened when snarls erupted from a slightly bigger, silver wolf. This wolf was a bit smaller than Jacob, but bigger than the chocolate wolf. The two circled my Jacob and Jacob veered his head back, concentrating his aggressions and thoughts toward the silver wolf.

After a few moments the silver one retreated, bounding back into the forest and the chocolate brown one looked empathetically toward me and walked away from Jacob after a short howl.

"You guys okay?" I asked.

Jacob wagged his tail and licked my hands. I guess he wanted me to forget about the questions I asked. It worked.

"Ew Jake, gross. You know, kissing hands as a sign of affection is less disgusting when it's between two humans." I scratched his head and felt a tug at my heart. I suddenly found what I was doing horrible. Jacob was not meant to be a wolf for my own selfish reasons; he was human. "Jake—"

Jacob's head suddenly gave a sharp turn; he stood on his hind legs to give me a quick lick, and ran into the forest edge. Seconds later, Charlie pulled in from work early.

"Bella? Bella, what happened? Are you alright?"

I was confused. "I'm fine. What happened?"

"You skipped your last few classes."

"Oh yeah. I had women stuff to deal with, but I'm okay now." I knew the subject would be dropped. Charlie hated talking about that kind of stuff. Another reason birth control was out of his element of "father-daughter skills."

"Ah, that's fine. I'll write you an excuse. Just be careful, will you? Around town even, because there's been some attacks in Seattle. Animal attacks. It's starting to become a regular thing and I was thinking that maybe you shouldn't go on that senior trip—"

"Dad, you're overreacting," I replied, shaking my head.

"It's my job."

"I want to go. Please? Its a few days trip and it'll do me some good to hang out with my friends for the last time."

Charlie shifted from foot to foot. "Okay, but if I hear anything, I'll be driving up there to bring you back. And Bells, try not to bring home any strange animals."

Think it'd be strange for Charlie to see his daughter being kissed by a seven foot gentle beast?

**(JPOV)**

_You're a common dog! You're a disgrace to our tribe! Protector? You're her pet wolf_!

Paul was livid. His jaw was pulled back in a horrible grin as he continuously advanced toward me, unafraid and determined to tear me down.

_Leave me alone._ I was in no mood to fight. I was already anticipating the next time I would be able to see Bella. I was already fighting the urge to turn around and just wait outside of her window until later that evening, when Charlie would be glued to the TV, watching a game. Bella might be able to slip outside without him noticing her. Then she could sit with me in the forest. I'd lie in her lap while she rubbed my head. I would nuzzle her face as she would smile shyly at me. My tongue fell from my mouth as I continued in a slow run, circling a small area of the woods not far from Bella's house as Paul continued to bait me with his thoughts.

_Your very tongue shames the land it rests upon as it drags and salivates for her, you dog!_ Paul cried, showing himself not too far from where I had been circling. I saw Quil and Jared not far from him.

Quil and Jared stepped closer toward me, to get between us, if necessary. My paw and thoughts were already gearing for an attack.

_Paul, quit it. Bella is his imprint. He has to be what she needs him to be_, Jared thoughtfully sympathized.

_Don't side with him, Jared! Did you see him? He licked her! He gets to keep her company all fuckin' day while the rest of us pick up his patrol shifts! And the increased shifts are for HER_!

Paul snarled at me again and I kept my legs somewhat apart, ready to jump the distance it would take to land him on his back and teach him a lesson.

_You know what? You've been on my last nerves, kid, _Paul began_. Ever since our pack let you in, you and your imprint have been the damn focus of all this bull_—

_Paul_! Sam bellowed, suddenly appearing. He then turned to me, _Jacob, you need to phase back to human and come home. Your father hasn't seen you in two weeks. You've been a wolf for her for too long. And your coat is becoming shaggy too. It makes it dangerous for battle. What if a leech is able to grab onto you—_

_I need to be like this. She won't see me any other way_, I begged. I still hated that the pack could read minds, but at least it cut back on talking out loud.

I heard Sam's sighs even in thoughts. _I understand what you're feeling, but she won't choose you for the right reasons if you stay like this for her_. He chose his words carefully. I swallowed hard, feeling even more insignificant.

_I just want her in my life_. I continued to whimper as Paul looked on angrily, hearing every word that transgressed. _And imprinting proves it. She's supposed to be in my life_. _Sam, let me do this_, I pleaded.

_But she may never be what you want. She may never be yours even if you're hers_.

The words stung, but I forced the effect they had on me away. I would stay like this until she was ready and Sam couldn't come in between us.

None of my pack could.

* * *

**(BPOV)**

"Isn't this great, Bella?" Jessica squealed in my ear as she dropped her bags down on the ground floor hotel suite. There were four beds in a room connected with a shared living space and small kitchenette. I prayed that Angela would grab the bed next to mine. My luck almost held; Jessica grabbed it, but at least I wouldn't have to share with Lauren who was also in our room.

The bus ride to Seattle hadn't been so bad. Jessica and I were on more friendly terms now that she and Mike were back together and Angela had always been a great friend. Lauren was not so forgiving. I shook my thoughts of her as I opened the patio door to the bedroom to let a little sun in though the sky was overcast again. I couldn't wait to spend some time with Jacob as long as no one was around. The hotel backed into the nearby forest, but I wasn't sure how he could sneak around without being seen. Seattle had so many people and the streets could have been dangerous for my wolf if Charlie was right and there had been increased attacks.

"Earth to Bella. You coming?" Jessica snapped her fingers in my face.

"Leave her here." Lauren replied nastily. "She's probably ignoring us again and feeling all depressed. I think she relapsed." She smiled sweetly.

"No. No, I'm fine. Just tired."

"You rode the bus, Bella. You didn't push it."

"Leave her be." Angela piped in. Lauren shrugged, grabbed a short form-fitting coat and walked out of the room. Jessica followed. Angela squeezed my arm and walked out.

I sighed and fell on the bed with my thoughts in a million places. I hoped that Jacob wasn't fighting among his pack. His wolfy appearance had me concerned since I was worried that he hadn't been taking care of his human responsibilities, but I knew I wouldn't see him otherwise. I was still embarrassed about what had happened between us in his room, but I also knew that I wouldn't have traded the feeling of his kisses and affection for anything. They were almost worth all the memories of Edward.

_Almost? Huh, I wonder why I admitted that_.

I had just pulled out the book with Edward's picture in it when I heard light scraping on the deck. I smiled and saw Jacob looking nervously through the opened glass door. I nodded and he walked in, jumping onto my bed to bury himself in my arms and sheets.

"I missed you. I was afraid you wouldn't be able to get here. Seattle is crowded, huh?"

Jacob stared at me in admiration. A guilty stab went through me as I forced a smile. "I think we need to get you a girl dog. One for you to play with."

Jacob continued to stare and I blushed for an unknown reason. I was suddenly bold. "Jake, you don't have to answer—well, you don't have to shake or nod your head—but have you ever…" I trailed off, trying to implicate a delicate situation with a few hand gestures.

Jacob got the point; my wolf shook his head.

I sighed in relief that I wouldn't have to keep doing dirty motions with my hands. I was also relieved that Jacob and I had something else in common. "Me neither. Edward and I never made it that far. Edward was a virgin too. I think it sucks because I wanted to, but he was always weird about it. I hated that part the most. Like it was some unnatural thing for two people to be that way."

Jacob let out a very human scoff and placed his head in my lap. His breathing became very slowed as I rubbed his head idly. "Ready to be read to?" I asked him rhetorically. I placed the photo far in the front flap of the book and began reading Jacob's favorite part:

'_With a wild gasp, he brought his mouth back to mine, his fingers clutching frantically against the skin at my waist._

_The jolt of anger unbalanced my tenuous hold on self-control; his unexpected, ecstatic response overthrew it entirely. If there had been only triumph, I might have been able to resist him. But the utter defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. My brain disconnected from my body, and I was kissing him back. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange, confusing they'd never moved before – because I didn't have to be careful with him, and he certainly didn't have to be careful with me._

_My fingers tightened in his hair, but I was pulling him closer now._

_He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the color fit, matched the heat. The heat was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't—_"

"Hey Bella," Jessica's voice sang through the room, "we got all the way to the small club down the street when we realized we forgot to bring ID—AAAHHH! It's a wild animal! BELLA, GET AWAY FROM IT!"

Lauren screamed right after Jessica while partially blocking Angela from view. Jacob's head whipped around and took off through the still opened glass door. I gasped in shock from their sudden arrival back into the room and Jacob's departure from it.

"What the hell were you doing with that monster on the bed? We are sleeping with this patio door shut and that bed is YOURS!"

Lauren frantically called the police and I sat there on the bed feeling as if it was my entire fault again. Jacob had been found and I knew Charlie and the locals would be here soon to try and find him. I hoped with all my heart that he had ran back home.


	16. Unaffected

***A/N: This is shorter than other chapters, but it is important.  
**

**As usual, I want to thank my awesome betas for putting up with all my issues. From my commas to my time restraints and my obsessive/anal personality. Eh, who am I kidding? They love me too. :-)**

**Thanks to all those who reviewed. New and old. I do my best to respond back to everyone, but sometimes I get lost while browsing FFnet. No vampire memory to help me, sorry. But I will get to you, even if it's a month later. To those I couldn't respond back to, I give thanks for you guys too.**

Chapter Summary: Somewhere in between, Jacob loses sight of who he is in an effort to be what Bella needs him to be. Jacob endures ridicule and heartache while Bella, it seems, is standing idly by, ready to let her best friend take the fall for her, but that is not the case. Bella desperately wishes that she could do what is best for Jacob, but doesn't that mean that she would have to do what ends up being worse for her? She still has yet to properly let go of Edward and time is running short. Victoria's plans are set in motion and Bella is, once again, thrown in the middle. Does Jacob have the strength to protect both himself and Bella?

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***Disclaimer: I do own Twilight, but this chapter is owned by Jacob Black, and he left me **_**very**_** much affected. Bastard kept me awake all night to make me write it. He didn't like the minor part he played in the original chapter.**

Chapter XVI Title: 'Unaffected,' by Hoobastank

The next morning, Lauren and Jessica said very limited words to me while Angela tried to cheer me up. Mike and Ben were objectively trying to keep neutral at my sudden love for "big and unusual" animals while Tyler and Eric cracked jokes at my expense, siding with Lauren and Jessica. I barely paid attention. I hadn't adequately explained my calmness about the large wolf in my room to my roommates nor to the local police (and my father) who had shown up not long after Jacob took off. Charlie appeared a few hours later, begging me to stay close by, though all he really wanted to do was take me home. I could see it in his eyes. He might have thought I was losing it again except other people had seen the giant wolf fleeing from my room as well. I couldn't even come up with a decent cover story to save my best friend or myself. I was useless.

I walked alongside Angela on the streets of Seattle toward Lake Washington Blvd., not really seeing any differences in the big city. Sure there were people, but they were so busy with their noses down or walking swiftly from place to place, it was a small wonder how they didn't bump into each other, much less notice my wolf running around.

Nonetheless, there were a lot of people around and I was to blame for the predicament that Jacob was now in. I never meant any harm. I even thought that I was protecting him by keeping him a safe distance away from me; after all, I was a walking calamity. My mind was consumed with thoughts of Jacob; over and over again I kept tossing in the bed that had been "awarded" to me by Lauren, and was not comforted by the nightmares I had of Jacob being captured, drugged, and trapped inside a zoo cage for the rest of his life. The relentless night had been filled with his yowls and cries, shifting from his wolf to human form, asking me why I was doing this to him. Shaking and wet from the fear I felt, I could not answer him. It took all I had not to wake up screaming, awakening my roommates and further fueling their belief that Bella Swan had gone completely nuts from the loss of Jacob Black, her sort-of-beautiful werewolf best friend and the unknown whereabouts of Edward Cullen, her perfect vampire boyfriend.

Well, maybe they didn't know about the Edward-being-a-vampire part.

I sighed, causing Mike to throw a concerned look my way and produce an annoyed look from Jessica. I kept praying that Jacob was alright. Now it felt like I almost hated his wolf form. I knew I carried the whole conversation with Jacob as a wolf, but it had been just too comforting to let him stay the way he was. I was starting to think that I just didn't want to be held accountable for pushing him away like I had done that night. And now, not a night had gone by when I didn't wonder what my first orgasm would have been like with Jacob if I had just let him continue. If I had just let my body do what it had wanted to do; to be with him all along.

My lower lip disappeared partly under my teeth as I imagine Jacob's _very_ human arms around me. He was warm as a wolf, but he felt more whole to me as a person. I inhaled deeply and smiled a little. Suddenly I saw a darkish figure moved across a tree in the park. My hopes lifted. Did Jacob stick around after all?

"Guys, I'm going to go for a walk in the park. I'll see you guys back at the room."

Their less than interested faces slipped my mind as I took hurried steps toward Frink Park's heavily wooded area, intent on not tripping, and searched desperately for Jacob. I would tell him to go home. I would tell him to stop playing my game of the girl and the family pet. I whispered his name while turning over a few big bushes. The park wasn't too crowded and the sun was actually out a little, a pleasant change for Seattle skies. I imagined Jacob and I lying on the beach with sandwiches, laughing with one another as I continued to harshly mutter his name for the next ten minutes.

Wind rushed through my loose curls and I heard a distinct menacing growl behind me. "Jake? Is that you?"

Guilt was infectious, plaguing my mind with memories from the past. _Much too long ago in the past was more like it_, I thought somberly. I remembered the shy and gangly boy that had once been too nervous to hold my gaze for too long and now Jacob was struggling not to bring much vermin into Charlie's house on his fur. I could reminisce about all the tender moments that we should have had, but had been too selfish to let happen simply because he wasn't the one that I had wanted to touch me like I needed. Edward would barely touch me at all, making me wonder if there was something wrong with me, if I would be the one to steal his virtue and chastity from him. But now I found myself not even caring much for Edward at this point.

I could still see Jacob's sad eyes, confused and broken on the night I had ran from him. How easy would it have been just to give in to him? To let him hold me and comfort me like I really wanted to be? I didn't need a pet, I needed a man. I needed Jacob.

A heavy step echoed in my ears, louder than all the voices, memories, and pain I had earnestly been trying to hide from. _This can't be Jacob_, I finally concluded. Jacob never made a sound when he walked anymore. My breaths slowed without my aide as I turned around, as much as I hated to turn. As much as I suddenly didn't want to face whatever menace was behind me. The air smelled putrid almost immediately after my body had finally made the 180 degree turn. _Please let this smell be Paul_, I cried. _Please let this smell be coming from Paul_. Paul wasn't the most hygienic wolf in the pack.

The ground shook slightly, spraying dirt into my eyes. I squinted and was barely able to make out the dark fur, the even tempered breathing, the wide silhouette that suddenly blocked my path, and the horribly golden-rod eyes. My feet took several very shaky steps back. I tried to force my eyes to focus, but the burning smell invaded my nostrils, making me feel tired and almost sluggish. My feet gave out from under me as I hit the ground. I started to feel confused as my eyes watered from the very odor of this unknown creature before me. My stomach felt itself raise, my heart devoid of all emotion while feeling no reason to run.

I felt unashamed for giving up even.

I quickly ran out of tears to shed. I felt the presence loom over me and my tongue felt heavy inside of my own mouth.

A sudden howl crashed my absence of the fighting spirit and a light, familiar aroma practically smacked me in the face. I heard a sickening crack and thud as the unearthly presence was no longer over me, but fighting against my wolf.

My eyes blurred at the two unknown beings in-sync movements, but I could see the red flashes of my brave protector as Jacob quickly stepped forward as the threatening, nameless form stepped back. I could still feel the ground move and several rocks and trees were torn in half as they threw themselves at each other, four legs against four legs. Two sets of teeth.

Jacob jumped suddenly onto its back and tore into one shoulder. A great yowl erupted from its throat as it tried to grab Jacob's tail. Jacob's size worked to his advantage. The other creature was clearly twice my wolf's size, but Jacob was fighting harder, moving quicker, and seemingly feeling less winded. Tears returned to my face as I crawled across the soil to move closer to them. They barked at each other, vapor spitting from their mouths. The smell nearly overwhelmed me as it reached my cheeks and burned them. I felt my skin flush from heat and my throat tingle from being too afraid to swallow.

The monster caught Jake's long, and ragged fur swiftly. "JAKE!" My voice called to him before I could stop myself. The attacker's yellow eyes focused on me as it threw Jacob from its back, mercilessly, and Jake landed with a dull, but echoed sound. My hands flew behind me in an attempt to crawl away backwards before the giant could reach me.

It growled and then yelped, reaching for its left side—Jacob had bitten into its rear leg. The creature stood upright and a blow landed right into Jacob's back. It held onto Jacob's fur and swung him again, but then my wolf suddenly swiped at its body, leaving crimson marks etched into its face and tearing off a side of its nose. It howled once again in protest.

Jacob fell back and the creature shook unsteadily from being maimed. I grabbed a fistful of dirt, knowing that it wouldn't do much, but Jacob limped quickly in front of me, lowering his head in an attack position. The creature continued to stumble back, now bleeding noticeably, letting out a huge deafening roar, and turned to bound off deeper into the park woods.

I grabbed Jacob's tail and saw that his whole side had been caved in and was caked with blood. I did not know how he had been standing as he had. "Jake—oh God—" I pulled his muzzle to my face and began tearing. He whimpered loudly and his pulse raced. I was worried that the adrenaline that had fueled him for his fight was wearing off and then he would notice just how hurt he really was. Sobs fell out of me as I heard loud sirens approaching and saw lights in the distance. Had the fight really lasted so long that it darkened the skies? I blinked back more tears and tried to calm my voice down for Jacob. Charlie would be here soon. Worry weighed my thoughts as I started to think of what they would do to Jacob, thinking that he had attacked me. I wasn't sure if I had blood on me that was mine, but I had noticed that Jacob began to bleed more, and he would die if I didn't calm him down.

His heartbeat continued to beat loudly. I grabbed his head with both of my hands and began to smooth his ears and fur. "Jacob, listen to me—you have to phase. Phase back now."

Jacob shook his head slightly, his brown eyes dimming and falling under the pressure of his eyelids. I shook him awake. "Jacob, honey—please! PLEASE! You have to phase back! PHASE BACK!"

His head continued to ebb from the effort of holding it up. I lifted myself from under him and stood up, running a little toward where I had last heard the local police. They were close. I could hear their hurried steps on the pavement and if I could hear them, I knew Jacob could, even if he was bleeding out.

"Jake, I can't lose you too—I can't! Please phase back! JAKE!" I took a step toward him as my voice continued to break from my sobs when Jacob's fur changed into his beautiful russet colored skin, smooth even though bloodied and bruised. His hair was longer and matted with grime and his breathing was heavy and inconsistent. His fingers gripped the dirt on the ground and I sank to my knees to crawl to him, afraid to swallow in case I started to wail too loudly. I shook as we touched.

His arms wrapped around me and he felt almost clammy at first. Jacob's body hardened against me as I ran my fingers through his hair, getting caught in his tangles and felt his breath and small, hurried kisses along the base of my throat. Jacob jerked in my arms, his teeth vibrating along the skin of my collarbone, and then he suddenly became warm again. His legs stayed curled in a fetal position and he began murmuring over and over again. I almost thought he was speaking in his native language.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop it. I wasn't strong enough for you."

My heart broke. He saved my life and he was apologizing for getting hurt, for being flawed. Jacob was far from that. He was so much more special than that. "Jake, no. No, its okay. It's alright." I rocked him and he clung to me even harder. We were so in tune to each other that I never heard Charlie approaching with the other men and police. He cleared his throat, and I barely looked up, continuing to run my fingers through Jacob's unkempt hair and my other hand along his upper back. I didn't dare venture any lower.

"Were you guys attacked, Bella?"

I nodded. "Jacob scared it off," I stated dreamily. I just concentrated on rocking him. I just kept the fear out of my voice, afraid that Jacob would phase in my very arms if he got the sense that I was in any danger again. I didn't care if Charlie would wonder just how Jacob had scared off anything, or wonder how Jacob had even gotten to Seattle. I would answer all his questions later. I was sure he would have them. Right now, all I could concentrate on was the shivering, quiet boy sitting almost between my legs, and blurring my eyes from his touch alone.

He was my wolf, my protector, my Jacob.

"We need to get you guys to a hospital. You guys okay? Jake…you alright, kid?" Charlie took a careful step toward us and Jacob buried his head in my shoulder. I doubt if Charlie ever heard his muffled "Fine," fly from his lips.

I could feel him almost healed, grateful that that had been one of the perks of being a werewolf. He would be whole again soon. His outsides would match how he made me feel inside. My tears fell onto his blood stained skin and I shook again.

"Bella," my father's voice was monotone, but I recognized the laced nervousness. "Bella, sweetie, let him go. We need to get you guys to the hospital, him especially. Please?"

Charlie was rarely afraid. This was serious. I pushed myself forward and felt Jacob's grip tighten. I softly blew in his ear, "Its okay. I'm fine, Jake. I'm fine. We have to take you the hospital."

"Bella, I won't leave you."

"I want you to. You have to be healthy too. Who's going to look after you?" I chuckled and lowered my voice, "I don't have any super healing abilities like you guys."

Jacob loosened himself from around me, but didn't laugh. He said nothing as the officers and EMT helped get him out of the woods and onto a gurney. I walked alongside Charlie with my eyes completely on Jacob, and Jacob mimicked me. I had been lucky; the EMT's found no bruises and no blood aside from Jacob's, and Jacob was healed with the exception of some light black bruising and his dry blood that covered him entirely. EMT's didn't know what to make of it.

The ambulance drove off with Jacob inside anyway, just to be sure. I almost cried out when I saw a huge black wolf follow through the trees, but then was calmed as I saw other colors follow close behind. Sam looked at me when I gasped. I ran to the edge of the street, tripping. I didn't feel embarrassed anymore, even when all the other wolves except for Sam snorted in laughter.

I kept eye contact with Sam before he raced off after Jacob's ride, "Tell him he'd better make it." My arms covered my chest to hold myself together again.

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***A/N: Action chapters are like my favorite drug. Tell me what you think.  
**

**Class & work is making it really hard to post. It's great and it's not. I need money, but I love writing. **

**Well, review and I'll promise to work on it. :-) I'll put off completing a practice expense report for accounting in order to write 5,000 word essay describing Jacob Black's chest. Seriously, I would.  
**


	17. Waiting

***A/N: Don't worry; I am not separating B & J again. :-D **

**I got upset with my story and didn't write for eleven days, teaching it a lesson. In the end I lost; I couldn't stay away from my favorite wolf any longer. And ironically, this chapter is a bit mushy. In my opinion, anyway.**

Chapter Summary: Jacob and Bella's relationship is back on track and Bella is finished with pretending that she no longer wants Jacob in her life. Jacob proves that he knows just the right words to say when Bella needs it most and Bella prepares herself for the rest of her human life without Edward, while awaiting her graduation from high school.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. And I'm extremely impatient; waiting for TL's new movie 'Abduction' is agitating. Anyone else second that feeling?  
**

Chapter XVII Title: 'Waiting,' by Trapt

**(BPOV)**

"Bella, this is crazy. When am I going to get to see you for longer than five minutes?" Jacob whined over the phone. "No one ever leaves us alone anymore."

I laughed mirthfully. It was true. Charlie now demanded that the door be left opened when he had taken me to see Jacob twice at his house in the past week, but had only allowed me to stay for a few minutes. Jacob had been welcomed graciously back into Billy's house, back into the pack, and had cut his hair again, looking devilishly handsome with his trademark grin and warm brown eyes lighting up every moment they rested on me.

"Which reminds me, now that we are somewhat alone," I teased, "did you finish your _late_ school project? How much 'pull' do the elders have over your school work anyway?"

"I don't know. They know what I am. Everyone is still grateful that I made it back alive and now we're still trying to figure out just what the hell that thing was."

Light goose bumps raised in my skin though I forced myself to keep smiling.

Jacob seemed to hear my heart stop over the phone. "Bells, don't worry. I'll die before I let anything happen to you. I'm yours."

"You're not the 'family pet' anymore, Jacob. You're human and you're my best friend."

"Can this best friend take you to the prom, I wonder?" Jacob teased.

I made light of the situation and laughed nervously. "Your grades are actually good enough for you to attend your school's prom? Aren't you only going to be a junior next year? Sophomores don't have proms."

"Not my prom, Bella. Yours."

I nearly dropped the phone. "I'm not going to my prom."

"Why not? I dress up real nice. You've seen me. I crashed your last prom and I even managed to avoid crushing your feet."

"Those were your pre-phasing days, you know. Does your wolf grace extend to your dancing abilities?"

"Only one way to find out, Bells."

I drew in a breath and glanced at my dresser draw that hid my recently recovered pictures of the Cullens. Of Edward and I, during my last birthday. I hadn't wanted to go to my prom last year, but Edward had convinced me that it would be a human experience that I would not have wanted to miss. The evening was magical; I remembered that was also when I had asked him to turn me. I had been so ready. I had wanted him so much. _Too soon, Bella. Too soon_. I wasn't going to let disappear into that dark hole of my heart again; not after Jacob had been able to pull me out. But to let Jacob corrupt a happy memory that I had shared with Edward last year, it was just too soon.

I swallowed. "Jake, I really do not want to go to my prom. I think you just want to see me in a dress and trip all over myself so you can save me."

"Well, I do enjoy putting my arms around you. I am quite irresistible, being a hot werewolf and all."

I knew he was only teasing, but I blushed anyway. "Sure, sure."

"Why won't you let me take you to your prom? Is it because of him?"

I turned away from the phone, my silence indicating my answer.

"I'm sorry. Bells, I'm sorry," Jacob quickly amended. "I just thought that…we'd go as friends, you know. You'd get to see me wear a real tux, I'd pick you up, have a corsage for you—"

"You can't ask me to my prom, Jake," cutting him off. It sounded rude, but I knew he would understand and I was also hoping that he would drop the subject too. "You don't attend my school so you can't ask me to _my_ high school prom. You must really think you're hot stuff," I scoffed.

"One-hundred and eight oh-point nine degrees over here," he clarified. "Okay, fair enough. How about I ask you to my prom instead? In another year?"

"Think you'll be able to keep up your grades till then? I don't date deadbeat, high school dropouts," I kidded, then stopped my mid-sentence laughter. I suddenly realized that I had used "date" in a sentence to a hormonal, teen werewolf. I swore that I could hear his eyes light up over the phone, but he gave no indication that anything had changed.

"Tell you what, with your help, anything is possible. Study partners for the summer?"

"Alright," I agreed. "What else do I have to do for the summer, anyway? Maybe I can inspire you to become a great educator or something."

"I'm taking a lot of tech and workshop this year."

"For auto mechanics?"

"Uh-huh. It's boring. I know the stuff already."

"Oh, well then you won't need me."

"Wait, wait. Okay, I have issues with…uh…Shit!"

I grinned, but scolded him for cursing. "Jacob."

"Sorry."

I loved that he still couldn't lie to me. My grin got wider as I fingered my bed sheets.

"So," Jacob said slowly. "We got a deal? About prom?"

"If you pull up your grades and are allowed to go, then I will go with you. But I hate that you are making me commit to this."

"Hate is a passionate emotion."

"I hope my good influence rubs off on you soon."

"Yeah, okay. We already established that you are the bad influence; plus, I'm older than you."

"No, you just look older."

"Okay, true, but I don't know how you would know that. You haven't seen me for more than a few seconds lately. And you still never answered my question; when can I see you?"

I shifted the phone to my other ear. "I hope you're not taking history this year." I started to tease, again. "You are really not too good with history. What did you get on your last exam, by the way? The one that you missed?"

Jacob chuckled. "Stop trying to divert my attention, Bella. When am I going to see you for longer than a few moments? That's not nearly enough time to make you blush or to effectively smell your strawberry scented shampoo…and something else now."

I stopped smiling. "What?"

"Your smell. You smell great still, but this past week you've smelled different. Like, I hate to say it, but you smell ripe."

My face scrunched up. "Ripe? Like a fruit? You think I'm a fruit, Jake?"

"Something like that. I don't mean it to be bad, but you just—"

"You mean I smell ready? Like aroused?" My voice was laced with fear. I was almost certain I knew what he was talking about. It scared me that Jacob could pinpoint almost exactly when I had started taking those pesky birth control pills. I still wasn't planning on anything with him or anyone, but my acne was already starting to get clearer and my breasts hadn't grown yet, but were already feeling swollen. It may have been just in my mind.

"Not aroused, Bells! Jeez. I'm sorry. I just meant…it's a wolf thing. I'm sorry. My nose just picks up stuff like that."

"You know what, its fine." I began to grin again. "You could probably give me a head start of when I'm supposed to menstruate."

"Ugh! Gross, Bells! That's disgusting!"

I heard Jacob gag and I immediately began to feel better.

"Bella, let me see you," Jacob started. "I am completely fine. My bones actually healed before I even hit the hospital. Sue Clearwater was just babying me this past week. I think her son, Seth, conned her into it. He looks up to me, you know. I'm like a hero to the kid."

"Modest, Jacob Black. You're very modest."

Jacob ignored me. "I really miss you, Bella. I even got you a present while laid up here in the bed."

My eyes widened. "You made something in bed?" I knew Jacob carved small animals, a technique learned by the men in his tribe, but I had never seen any.

"No. I bought it, but it was made by somebody." He laughed again before continuing, "Bella, just let me drop it off. I'll swing by your room, we'll hang out—"

"You will see me for graduation this weekend. No prom, but you get to see me graduate. You'll see me in a dress after all; however, I do reserve the right to change in the car. We already set a date and you can't break it." My forced smile was evident through the phone. "Do you miss being in my room that much? Is it like your second home? Are you homesick?" I ribbed.

His tone turned stubborn. "I'm not homesick. It's more like 'hìtkwotl͌ítali.'"*****

I smiled at the use of his native language. "What's that, Jake?"

"It means 'heart-sick,' Bella."

The phone cord twisted between my fingers and my breathing felt cornered within the walls of my chest. I prayed that I really hadn't heard what he said. We had never spoken about what happened between us that night. I had just been assuming that it was over and it wouldn't happen again. But now his voice was layered with a thick, lustful tone that made me sorry that we weren't more. "Were you guys able to work out a better schedule for patrolling? I know it's been crazy, being a wolf short. And now you don't have to spend all your time with me either now that we're talking almost every day—"

"Bella, stop changing the subject. I'm serious. Friend or not—"

"Graduation. We will see each other then. You have to finish up with your classes and you're lucky you can take your exams later than everyone else too. Until then, you better keep your nose clean and out of my room, Mr. Black. You got it?" I mock-threatened.

"Alright, Bella. I got it."

We said our goodbyes and reluctant clicks followed afterwards. I dove into my neglected school projects, determined to get a passing grade so that I could walk during graduation. I exhaled loudly a few hours later when the dark filled my room. My pencil hit viciously across my knuckles (with my own power) and then I couldn't help but sigh again, walking reluctantly to my empty bed. I slammed things down. I pushed and pulled the pillows and throws on my bed. I almost considered stomping around just to make some noise to cover my sudden tears, to cover my anger. I missed my best friend maliciously, but I was sick of playing selfish and the "damsel in distress" bit. Jacob had a life too and he should enjoy it.

Several taps began to knock my window. I thought it was rain, knowing that was what Forks was notorious for, but when I kept hearing the noises I rushed to my window and threw it open. My eyes fell on a small purple box and my fingers shook as my fingers connected with the very light package to open it. Inside was a beautiful white gold anklet with a tiny red wolf charm, its eyes closed and head thrown back in an uninterrupted howl. The detail was absolutely breathtaking as I turned it in my fingers. The anklet still caught the light from the dim and setting sun and the charm itself looked as though it was handcrafted from some kind of rare stone, the red matching perfectly to Jacob's burgundy skin.

A note fell from the box and I felt immediately fussed over it. I knew this had to be Jacob. I couldn't believe how glad I was that he had not listened to me; leaving my graduation gift while stealing a look at me in the process without my knowledge was crossing the line, but I wasn't angry. I unfolded the note. I was half-worried that it would have been in his native language and that he would have cursed me for denying him to see me for as long as I had, but it was in English. And there was no cursing.

_Bella,_

_ I am not very good at writing my feelings out on paper nor am I very good with feelings. Period. But I am willing to give it a try._

_ You were right to not want to see me, Bella. I didn't take responsibility for my duty toward my father, my family, or my tribe when I was with you for those weeks and I should not be rewarded with seeing you now, though I crave it more than anything. I didn't even try to balance it at all—I just wanted to be with you, whichever and how ever you would have had me. I could have spent the better part of forever with you and not have cared how many opportunities passed me by as long as I didn't have to leave you. I was content to stay where I was and let fate catch me at will and then decide what it would do with me later. I could not have cared less. That was the life I was going to live if I could have stayed selfish and had you the way that I wanted._

_ But you aren't my possession. You aren't a fragile doll without hopes, opinions, beliefs, or love. You are capable of making difficult decisions. The same decision is now responsible for what I am going through. Responsible for every line that I write on this page and every word that I speak to you after this day: you are still my heart, Bella._

_ My 'hìtk'. Now and always. The moment we stopped speaking I felt cold, lonely, and angry. I walked around ungrateful toward my loved ones and the tribe. I hated my friends. I hated my family. I hated looking in the mirror when I washed my face. I got scared of touching things or going places that reminded me of you, of what we use to be. What more we could have been if things had been different. I even dare say this: what I hope to be with you one day again._

_ I am sorry that I wasn't the patient and caring friend that first made you like me in the first place and I'm even more sorry that I couldn't face you, offering more than a letter with my chickenshit handwriting. I don't have anything without you. Maybe one day I can be the man you need me to be and we can be there for each other more than we ever were before. _

_Please tell me yes, Bella. Please let me know. Tell me that we can still make 'us' work no matter what._

_Xabá, (My all)_

_ Jacob xoxo_

My fingers shook with quiet intensity and the sudden gasp that left my throat actually startled me. I couldn't believe that Jacob was sharing these feelings with me and I didn't even know what I had done to deserve them. Yet I was somehow comforted in knowing that he was willing to apologize for what past things we had done to each other and he was willing to accept whatever I wanted us to be. I wanted us to always be friends. This moment was it and this second was the only time to live for. My fingers reached for my new anklet right away and I fastened it to my left.

It was the perfect fit.

* * *

_May, graduation_

"Bella! Bella, quick! You have to get in the picture with us!"

Angela's squeals made me wince. I knew she had a good heart in trying to get me to be more "excited" about graduation, but I was secretly just waiting to get out of my heels and back into my bed. No pretty dresses. No more crying teenagers—well, young adults now. And no more heels.

It should have been outlawed that girls had to wear so much to look beautiful. I glanced around the decorated gymnasium in my old high school. Most of the boys were wearing jeans.

I guess no one dressed up anymore.

"No way, Bella! You _have_ to get in the picture with us!" Angela had walked over and grabbed me. She pulled me into the small crowd of our friends and Angela's mom (Angela was an exact replica of her mother) began snapping pictures.

Charlie seized the opportunity as well and snapped a few of their own. It was probably so that he could send some back to Renee since she couldn't be here.

She and Phil had somehow managed to book a flight to one of the Caribbean islands and then missed their flight back home. It wasn't that they were having so much fun that they forgot, but my mother had actually left a few things in various places of the hotel room and they had to keep turning around to go get back to get things. After going back about three different times, they had missed their flight.

I had actually laughed. _That was my mother_.

I gave up for the rest of the graduation ceremony and allowed myself to have my picture taken with other people who came up to me and asked.

Mike and Tyler both kissed me on the cheek at the same time for one of the pics. Charlie had almost had a fit but snapped the picture anyway. Maybe he could prove to all of his buddies at the station that I wasn't such a homebody with two guys kissing me at the same time.

Lauren had even tried to be nice to me, sort of. After the walk around the different clichés (to "circulate" herself) she had walked up to me and bluntly stated, "That's a very pretty anklet that you are wearing. The russet red in the wolf is a perfect match to your hair."

I looked at her in surprise and managed to sputter a "Thank you."

She nodded once and then walked away. Sometimes I was still expecting her to turn away from me to fly off on her broomstick.

I patted my leg in a nearby chair. Jacob had called this morning and stated that he wouldn't be able to make it in time. Some late break on the familiar scent of vampires and something else. He was thinking it might have been that thing that had tried to attack me in Seattle. I tried to sound happy that we all might have been able to sleep safe soon, but I was still missing my best friend. Even more so since the night I had received his gift and beautiful note.

Forks High School graduation was not that long. Only a few hours. The real fun was supposed to be at the town dinner where all the graduating seniors get a discount for eating there and bringing their families. I was sure that it was just a money pit for them.

Charlie and I celebrated with Angela, Ben, and Mike's parents. All of us seniors were laughing and began to even throw a few things at each other from across the table. The rest of the families joined in when Ben accidentally hit Angela's younger brother with a fry.

I had actually been having a good time.

An announcer began speaking into the microphone at the diner (they had a karaoke night every so often) and began: "Graduates, parents, and fellow high school alumni I give you this year's graduating class!"

After the diner experience a few of us actually went down to the beach celebrate. Angela pulled me closer to her and Ben as Mike and Jessica strayed not too far from my right. We stayed in the local small park reserved for some camping, bonfires, and small parties with the proper permits. We weren't the only ones who decided to celebrate the day's events. A few other graduating seniors who weren't in our usual group had tagged along. There were too many names for me to try and remember all at once. At the beach I stayed as close as I could to my group without wandering off and we met with some of the La Push graduating seniors too, throwing a party to celebrate.

I didn't see Jacob anywhere in the crowd and was a little disappointed. I wouldn't even focus on the other faces.

"Bella!" A male voice called.

I turned though I knew it wasn't Jacob, but I did recognize the voice. Paul was the one who reached me. "Bella! All right! How you doing, _senior_!" and he hugged me. I was taken aback. Paul was not affectionate. I staggered back a little as he let me go. "Hey look guys; she can stand on her own on the beach this time!" I blushed as Paul made a reference to the night I was drunk at their last beach party. Someone needed to catch him doing something bad and then rub _his_ nose in it.

"You'll have to forgive Paul. He is just so thankful that he was actually able to graduate with his horrible grades." Quil said turning around to me to give me his own hug. It looked as though I should have paid closer attention to who was sitting in the small gathering after all.

"Yeah, they didn't want him anymore!" Embry's voice shot out from somewhere in the group. I was still too afraid to look in case he wasn't there. I couldn't believe how nervous I was to see him. _Now Bella, you have seen the kid since he's phased back. He still looks the same. I doubt he changed. His voice is the same. His feelings are the same. He's still Jacob. He's still your Jacob_.

"Hey, Embry." I desperately tried to place the general vicinity of the voice so that I would not have to look. I just couldn't do it.

Luckily Embry walked over to me and gave me a big hug as well. All these boys had even more abs. _Was this normal_? _Were all sixteen and seventeen year old kids supposed to have abs_? Jeez. I looked up at Embry and saw that he got taller too. Only a couple inches, but it was noticeable. I then took the opportunity to glance around the group. Sam seemed to have been the only guy that _didn't _grow any larger. No Jacob, though.

"We're heading over to the cliffs in a little bit. We're going to cliff dive."

I glanced nervously at Embry and looked down at my flimsy graduation gown. "I don't have a bathing suit." And I wasn't sure if I actually wanted to dive since the last time I was on the cliffs, I had been chased by Laurent.

"I think you can let it slip this time. Come on." Quil urged me when Embry simply looked dumbfounded. I wasn't exactly sure why.

In spite of that fact, I began to smile. Everyone looked happy to see me and I certainly had missed them all. I had missed them so much. I was actually feeling my eyes water again. Paul started to fake a gag reflex at my display of emotions when Quil's smile suddenly widened in front of me.

"Bella." A voice called directly behind me.

I knew that voice. _I knew that voice_. My hands started to shake. My feet buried themselves into the sand. I had to turn around. I had to turn around. _Oh God_.

"Jacob." I turned slowly. I swore that it was the longest turn in my life. It was like my life flashing before my own two hands. I could do this. _I could do this_.

I stood face to face with Jacob's chest at first. _Did it get bigger_? I couldn't be sure. I saw his well defined pecs. He had no shirt on. _Of course, he has no shirt on_. _He was the sun_. _Why would he need a shirt on_? My lips were suddenly cold and my hair now blew behind me instead of in front of my face. I begged the wind to change direction in the next half second. I didn't want to be able to see his face. I didn't want to see _that_ face.

It would mean that he was real and that I would be able to hold him. I could hold him for as long as I wanted. I wouldn't have to worry about either of our fathers walking in on us or Charlie saying that we had to leave when we really didn't. It meant I could thank Jacob face to face finally and not hide behind a phone or cut our short time together. Everything would be alright. Everything would be back the way it should have been when we were friends. _When we were friends_? How long ago was that? Friends didn't make you feel the way he made me feel. Friends didn't do what this kid could do with just a finger tip or the touch of his lips. His smell was drowning me into a slight fever. It had hurt not to be able to do what I wanted with him, but it scared me to do _anything_ that I could with him too.

My head stood immobile. I couldn't look up. I couldn't make myself face him. I was ashamed again. I knew people were watching and I was ashamed that so many people would be seeing me like this. See me scared of this boy, afraid of this remarkable, stunning, teenage boy. This gift that was given to me, but I threw away because I was so dumb, because I was so stubborn, because I was so afraid to let him touch me.

I saw his hand move and I instinctively closed my eyes. His thumb touched my neck and then he gently nudged my chin upwards.

"Open your eyes, Bella," he whispered on my face.

I came apart at the seams; held back by my stubbornness to remain his friend, but completely lost in the simplistic way his eyes lit up for me. I saw him. I could see him as if he had always been there. My Jacob was back. My Jacob was back and the world stopped.

My voice came out in a dry whisper. My throat was suddenly thirsty. "Hey, Jacob."

"Hi, Bella." He smiled.

My arms reached up to hug him and he let me. Jacob wrapped his arms around my still shaking frame that had nothing to do with the wind, and he hugged me. I allowed myself to tear again. I touched his shoulder, slowly making my way to the top of his neck, cautiously patting his head and hair. His beautiful and remarkably ebony-colored, short hair. It felt wonderful. I almost passed out from blissfulness when Paul screamed out, "God! Get a room, you two!"

Jacob just squeezed me tighter and placed his head into my neck. His breathing quickened as he softly said in my ear, "I missed you so much, Bells."

I ran my hand through his hair again. I couldn't believe how long I had been without seeing him. Even though it really was only for a handful of minutes out of the week, it didn't feel long enough. It felt unreal. And to hear him state so willingly that he had missed me too seemed to make this moment more like a dream than I thought possible.

I kissed the side of his face and whispered, "I missed you too."

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***A/N: Thank you to all my past reviewers, you get this - :-) To the people who haven't reviewed me, not even once - :-( **

**Your reviews are my only means of patronage for this story. Push me over 100 reviews before I abandon all hopes and dreams for finishing this story before school work.**

**Oh, and the term 'hìtkwotl͌ítali' does really mean 'heartsick.' messed up the accent marks, so it looks different but that really is what it means.**


	18. Victim

***A/N: Thank you, my wonderful beta Carrie36. And of course, thanks to the past reviewers, alerters, and comments. You pushed me to 100. Yeah! Thanks to Jake'sLola for being my 100th review. And to mcc3654, 82c10akaLynn, and 2angelwings who keep giving me feedback on my chapters.  
**

Chapter Summary: Upon seeing Jacob after her high school graduation, Bella feels indebted to him for doing more than just saving her life, but giving her something to look forward to. She has been ridded of the nightmares that have haunted her since Edward vanished but a new predator, something far worse than what Bella had encountered before with the Cullens, seeks to claim a new victim, whether she is well protected by her best friend and his pack or not.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I would love to play Taylor and Jacob's 'victim.' I'll even let them win if they want to play the villains too.  
**

Chapter XVIII Title: 'Victim,' by Trapt

_At the cliffs…_

"You guys really do this? Are you sure you are really going to let me do this?" I fired questions off at Jacob as he continued to smile at me. I stubbornly held onto the fact that I was several hundred feet above the Fork's shattering waves, which made me positive that it would hurt going down. Especially if I missed the water completely. _Edward is going to kill you if he finds out_, I thought. _If he finds out? If he finds out? Who cares!_

Edward would have never let me cliff dive. It would have been too dangerous. He would have said that I was too delicate to let the wind blow through my face and hair as I would hurl my body into the crashing water below. I sighed, keeping in most of my breath behind my tongue, lodging it somewhere deep in my throat. I hadn't succeeded in looking down and over the cliff yet. I was too scared that I would remember what had happened, when I wanted to jump off the cliff and never be heard from again.

But that was before I had seen Jacob. It was before I had Jacob and the wolf pack in my life. It was before Jacob had saved me, over and over again. How many times would he save me from falling? How many times could he push his sweet breath into my mouth to feed me the necessary oxygen I needed to survive?

Jacob's fingers pulled on my graduation dress, but he did not do it urgently. "I'll hold you on your first time down. Then you can do it on your own. Deal?"

His grin gave me a little confidence as I smirked back in response. "Deal."

My hands trembled as he made contact with my very skin. He backed up slowly toward the edge, taking me with him, and my eyes widened. I was worried that he might hit his head in an attempt to keep me calm by not letting me look directly down, but he shook his head, seemingly able to read my thoughts. "Relax, honey. I will never let you go."

_Jacob_.

With no shirt and cut-off basic black jeans, his words were affecting me more than his impressive body. Jacob's fingers moved behind my ears, pushing my hair and more of my apprehension back. I grew bold and fingered his hair some more without thinking, giggling nervously."Your hair is too short for me to push behind _your_ ears, Jake."

He laughed, shaking us both. "You want me to grow it out again?"

I shook my head. His hair felt no differently than it had _that_ night and that was the way I liked it. My pulse raced. I couldn't believe I was touching his hair again. It felt so completely right since we were already standing so close. I repeatedly fingered his scalp, raked through his hair, and allowed his warmth to blaze my raw fingertips, my core, and my emotions. My hand drew back a little and Jacob misunderstood. "Bells, I promise you, you will not get hurt. Have I ever lied to you?"

I swallowed, not answering his question. "There must be other things you'd rather be doing right now. You don't want to be hanging around with me all the time." I looked down, careful to keep my eyes averted from the waiting cliff. "Me being pale-faced and all." I wasn't sure why I had said that, but I didn't feel Jacob stiffen or sigh from annoyance. His heartbeat stayed the same. The pads of his fingertips burned more into my skin and the strength of his gaze somehow made me feel less self conscience of just how foolish I was being.

"There's no one else I'd rather be with, Bella. No one."

I tried hard not to smile. I settled on blushing furiously. "You can't say things like that to me, Jacob. What would the pack say?"

"They need to mind their own business."

"No secrets in the pack," I repeated, remembering what Emily said.

Jacob's eyes suddenly clouded with doubt and sadness. "You're right. No secrets."

My arms went tighter around Jacob's midsection and we took a smaller step closer to the ledge. I had to estimate that we were no more than a few more inches from our own little piece of edge of the world, but it felt like the two of us had already stepped over our boundary lines. Jacob and I had come too far and somehow I could feel exactly what he wanted because it was the same thing I wanted. Why wouldn't Jacob say something? _You know why_. My own thoughts about myself were harsh as I remembered the last time he had tried to tell me his feelings. The last time he had tried to make me happy by doing things I hadn't even asked him for and I had rewarded him by making him stay a wolf for weeks. No wonder he was doubtful. No wonder he wouldn't will himself to say anything more than he had. I wasn't sure how much longer I could take being in his arms like this.

I opened my mouth to speak, though I couldn't be exact on just what I would say, when Jacob suddenly buried his face in my hair, pressed his hard body even closer to mine, and took the very few remaining steps back. We fell backwards into the ocean water.

I felt the rush as the wind pushed my hair back while my body felt pulled down in a separate direction, into the water's instantaneous cold. It flooded the color back into my skin. My breaths were incomplete, but Jacob's hold on me kept me from going crazy. I felt his lips graze the very top of my shoulder and I felt something in me that had been broken finally being fixed. My wet dress clung to me, but Jacob felt even closer, closer than anything else at the moment. My nose touched the underside of his chin and he sighed as if the greatest pleasure in the world was me not letting go of him, even after we floated closer and closer toward the beach. I wanted to look into his eyes. I wanted to see if he was thinking the same thing I was.

_But what if he was? Was I ready for Jacob? Was I ready to be rid of my feelings for Edward?_

No. _No, I wasn't_. I shook my head slightly and I felt Jacob tremble. He shook me in the water and I heard his teeth grind. Had I done something? Could he hear my thoughts?

I started, "Jake—"

"Wait, I smell something."

I looked around. "What? What do you smell?"

Jacob shook his head and held me to him as he continued to swim backwards to the beach. I felt his powerful legs kick the water as he forced it to move around us. I almost sank into the focus of his brown eyes before I felt the sand beneath my feet. He detangled his legs from mine and called over to his pack. Sam threw a large towel at us and Jacob placed his hands gently on my face. "Do not move from this spot, Bella."

"But I want to help—"

"Help me by not moving." Jacob's eyes challenged mine and I briefly nodded. It didn't satisfy him. "Embry," he called over to his packmate, "stay here with Bella. Make sure she doesn't move. She's not even to move to save a crab from a seagull. Got it?"

Embry looked grounded as he sat next to me. Jacob ran off, throwing off his pants, and phased almost immediately.

* * *

**(APOV)**

"They found us." A small blonde vampire hissed at the large animal next to him. "You should have done as you were told. You should have been able to finish the task my master set before you in Seattle. What went wrong?"

The creature growled low at the vampire next to him and crawled along the floor. It continued to let the little parasite talk and rant as if that would make things suddenly better. A wave of shame and regret hit its chest. It had never failed a task before. Not ever. His own master would be very displeased. His master would thing that it couldn't do the job. His master might even look to replace him suddenly with another.

"What do we do?" The young vampire insisted. The beast's eyes went lower as it lifted its nose in the air for a scent. "_They" were close. "They" would be on them soon_. "Ugh! Wipe your drool!" He shouted, nearly giving away their otherwise quiet position on the beach front.

The animal snapped at the pale little monster and the vampire snarled back. They didn't like each other, but their separate masters had a dual-purpose for them, and they were doomed to each other's company until completed. But there was someone that the beast hated more than his little blonde companion.

_That dog_. That small, irrelevant, and pointless existence of a wretched dog had gotten in his way.

That mutt had beaten him. He had kept him from his mission long enough for the animal to doubt himself and had made him take his eyes off of the task he had been set out to do. Of course he had decided to attack too early, but what did that matter when you were an animal such as he was? Nonetheless, he had been thrown off his game. He had underestimated the fighting spirit of the little ingrate, but he would no longer. He would see to it that every one of them paid. That everything that had gotten in his way would suffer. That included the little blonde vampire by his side, if he had to.

He hoped he would have to. He anticipated the moment of when he would finally succeed. Maybe now he couldn't get to the human girl, but he would eventually. He couldn't kill her, but she would be just as good as dead by the time he would bring her to his master. Or the blonde's master. Whichever one would have her; he didn't really care. Having two masters was something he never had to deal with before, but he did as he was asked. He could only do what he was commanded. The redhead was his master for a time, but she would never own him. He couldn't be owned by anyone except who he chose.

The vampire stared intently at the girl on the beach. She was next to another boy. Another dog. They were all mutts to him. He was the only thoroughbred, in his eyes.

The girl laughed suddenly, but it sounded awkward. It didn't matter. The vibrating sound that escaped her and floated to his pinned back ears had pissed him off anyway. He was ready to make off with her now. He was ready for the fight now.

"Let's get out of here, Rover. We need to let my master know what's going on with the girl. You should consider my master as your master too."

His legs stiffened under him as he rolled onto his side. He could hear them. They would be on them in mere seconds. He let out a gruff in appreciation for the fact that he had been so focused on the girl's laughter that he had almost missed the sound of the dogs approaching. Perhaps he wasn't ready to take them all on in a fight yet.

"My master is fixing to get them all. She has plans for that one who got away. She wants her all to herself. That was the mate of the one who killed hers." The blonde's voice sounded resentful and for once the monster, Rover, couldn't blame him. It seemed that they both wanted the girl to suffer, if for no other reason than just being intolerable. Everyone seemed to want to protect her. It was disgusting.

* * *

**(BPOV)**

"Why does stuff keep happening to me? For once, I'd like to be normal. I'd like to go out, have fun, not have my life threatened, come home, and go to sleep. Is that too much?" I asked Embry.

Embry shrugged. I sighed and gave up trying to discuss my abnormal affairs with him. He seemed grateful that I had finally quieted down and then a look came across his face. "So, what's going on with you and Jacob?"

I looked at him and he dropped his eyes. Apparently, braveness was a learned trait in the pack. "What did he say?"

"Nothing. He said nothing," Embry insisted. "But his mind is—"

I rolled my eyes. "I know. No secrets in the pack," I groaned. This repetition was getting ridiculous. "We're friends, Embry. And you can replay this memory for him too."

"He really likes you." When I didn't say anything, Embry continued, "He's quiet about a lot of things, you know. And you underestimate yourself."

"Huh?" I stared back at a blushing Embry.

"He was getting ridden really hard by the pack about staying a wolf so long for you, but he didn't care. He said that he had to and that nothing was going to keep him from being that kind of friend to you."

I was taken off guard and pushed my million questions back. It felt weird having Embry tell me things about Jacob that not only was I not aware of, but I suddenly felt strange finding out. "He's a good friend. He really is," I muttered.

"You have to know that he wants and can be so much more—"

"We couldn't find anything. Whatever it was, it must have caught wind of us and hustled out," Jared interrupted, using his wolf speed to approach us almost instantly.

Paul was directly behind him, nodding his head in agreement when he slammed his body down next to Embry, shaking little mounds of sand next to us. He turned his enormous body to me, "Your _friend_ is pissed, Bella," he started in a jeering tone. "I think he wanted to impress you by getting you a big, fat, piece of leech for your graduation present. It's a shame we don't have the resident parasites here anymore. We could have chased them for fun for awhile, let them think they were getting away, and then we would've—"

"Knock it off, Paul. Don't talk to her." Jacob's eyes narrowed and I jumped to my feet, ready to stop either of them if a fight broke out. I wasn't quite sure how I would actually stop them though.

Luckily, Paul's dagger-eyes didn't regard me at all as he stared threateningly at Jacob. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize that not only could I not kill a leech with you riding my tail every damn second, but I also can't talk to your precious Bella. You are seriously—"

"Quiet," Sam swiftly spoke and Paul's mouth closed. "Jacob, stay with Bella. The rest of you spread out and pick up the new trail. We have a lot of ground to cover."

My arms covered my stomach as the wind picked up and the guys left. I certainly knew how to clear a beach full of werewolves. I knew how to make anyone leave. I let out a sob and crashed into Jacob, who had his arms waiting for me. "What's wrong? Did Paul upset you? Don't worry, I'll kill him—" I buried my face in his upper chest, cutting him off, and I heard his breath flutter a bit. I almost pulled back, afraid that I overextended myself when he his cheek covered the top of my head. "Please, don't. I want to keep holding you, if that's okay."

I wished that it wasn't okay, but I couldn't imagine feeling anything better than feeling Jacob against me. Friend or not, he was the world I was living in now. "Its fine, Jake." I felt myself waking up in his arms from a dream that we shared, but I didn't remember falling asleep. I felt my blood being revitalized and my heart become complete, but I suddenly couldn't place just how it had become torn apart in the first place. I felt anew. I was silent, but I had so many questions for Jacob. My brain wanted to scream out that there wasn't enough time to get all my inquiries answered, but my heart knew I was just being impatient. And my heart knew that Jacob and I had time to get things sorted out. He would be there for me.

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***A/N: My term at the top 'At the Cliffs' in not in relation to JoinTeamJacob's story "At the Cliffs," a fantastic read by the way. It is purely for setting purposes only.**

**I'm also anxious to start more MA themes between JxB, but I honestly can't do that until you guys let me know how I'm doing so far. This isn't an ego boost; I just think if you enjoy _The Burning of a Cold_, you should say it. :-D  
**


	19. Dosed

***A/N: This chapter was unplanned, but I had a muse (of course it was J.) and I had to write about it. I just liked it so much that I worked it in. And I want to thank sillygirl15 for her review (I couldn't respond back) and tell her that I was entertained by her colorful description of Bella. :-D I also wanted to say that I did not begin writing this story for JxB to be just friends. I just don't like rushing my characters. They really do tell me what to do by themselves.  
**

**My best friend, Eric, and I listened to this song on a bus on the way back from a cross-country trip for hours. It was a great song then and it's still great now.**

**And today is September 11th. My father lost his bout to cancer, but he made it home even after the Twin Towers fell. That determination was its own brand of courage within itself.  
**

Chapter Summary: A surprise call from Renee, Bella's mom, asking for a visit sends Bella and Jacob to Florida, testing the strength of their friendship and wearing down Bella's walls that she worked so hard to keep up in Jacob's presence. On another note, Jacob invades the one last place that Bella can see Edward, but was he wrong to assume that she needed him?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. And the word 'dosed' is not even a real word, yet it explains so much...  
**

Chapter Title XIX: 'Dosed,' by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

**(BPOV)**

"Bella, honey when are you coming to Florida to visit? Those plane tickets will be expiring soon and I really think you should use them. Oh—and you should bring your friend! Jacob, is it?" Renee giggled like a school girl over the phone.

I twirled the phone cord through my fingers and rolled my eyes, regretting that I had even told my mother about the plane tickets from the Cullens. I was even annoyed by the fact that my mom pretended not to know Jacob's name. I was sure that Charlie had already briefed her about our growing friendship and I really should have known that it would only be a matter of time before the questions would start.

Jacob and I were still friends. That much was true. I was slowly allowing myself to smile and become more of myself again with him around. That much was true too. Jacob was still a werewolf and had other duties to the pack. That was also true. "I can come down. I don't think Jake would be able to make it," I stated uncertainly. "Besides, Char—Dad would never allow it anyway. Us traveling on the plane by ourselves."

"Nonsense. You're eighteen years old now, Bella. You are a legal adult. I already spoke to Charlie all about it anyway and he thinks it's a great idea for you to see your mother. And I did miss your graduation. It's the least you can do, really."

The guilt trip was working, but I still didn't want to commit Jacob to anything. "I doubt Dad was actually okay with it—"

"Ask him yourself when he gets home. Now really, you graduated a few short days ago, you didn't find a summer job yet, and you already told me you're taking the semester off to reinvent yourself—whatever the hell that means."

"Mom!" I exclaimed. That fact was true as well. Since everything about my future had been determined by whether Edward would turn me into a vampire or not, I hadn't put much thought or energy into college. It hadn't seemed right. I just started applying for the spring semester when Charlie had started to voice an opinion about it a few months ago. Now all I had to do was find a job to help pay for at least the first semester. And this was after I figured out just where I wanted to go.

"Don't 'Mom' me. I am serious Isabella Marie Swan; you are to visit me before you start find yourself. I miss you too. If I had known that you would have taken to Forks so much, I would have stayed there!"

My bottom lip quivered and the fight was lost. "Okay, okay. I got it. I will talk to Charlie and see when he gets in."

"Oh good. And mention Jacob coming too. Bye!"

"Wait, Mom—I didn't say anything about Jake—" Click.

A few hours later Jacob and Charlie were eating my spaghetti for dinner when I asked them both at the same time. Charlie muttered an "okay" while Jacob nearly grinned in the middle of his shoveling. I was dumbstruck.

"Dad, you're okay with Jacob and me going to Mom's in Florida? Alone?"

"You won't be alone. Your Mom and Phil will be there. And Jake here is a respectable kid. He'll protect you, right?"

Jacob laughed with food still in his mouth.

"Ew. Gross, Jake. Will you finish swallowing first?" I flicked spaghetti sauce in his general direction before asking, "Jacob, want to go to Florida with me? Is that going to be okay with your Dad and…the guys?"

"Sure, sure. I could use a vacation anyway," Jacob stated. I grinned without hesitation while I continued to stare at Jacob, who was in the process of using his stealthy fingers to creep onto my plate to steal one of my meatballs.

He was a growing werewolf, after all.

Jacob's grateful smile reached his eyes and I experienced déjà vu of a long lost love that use to smile the same way, only this time I didn't feel a pang of worry or fear as I stared into my best friend's warm brown ones. Edward wouldn't have been able to go outside much in the Jacksonville sun anyway; his sparkles would have been a little hard to explain to my mother.

* * *

**(JPOV)**

The breeze felt different on my face tonight. It felt like hands; Bella's soft fingers interwoven in my fur, snorting air hard through my nose just to taste it on my tongue. Just because the scent that was her rushed into my lungs, making my chest puff out and swell with pride as if I was Alpha already. It was glorious to be alive and it was even better now that I had Bella back. And just beyond where I was patrolling, I thought of the angel that was sleeping peacefully in her bed, just a little beyond my reach.

_Shit, J. Everything reminds you of that broad._ A voice wheezed somewhere behind me.

My ears reared back, already feeling a growing pool of saliva form in my mouth. I snapped, _Why on God's green earth did I have to be stuck patrolling with you?_

Paul grinned. _Trust me, I asked Sam the same question. We all are stuck having a share of the great wonder that is Jacob Black. I don't like being here with you either, bro._

_Don't call me that! _I growled back_._

_Ooh. Oh no, please don't hurt me, killer. _Paul taunted.

I paced back and forth between two trees not a few yards from Bella's bedroom window. I felt exceptionally protective of Bella tonight. It felt like something was going to go wrong. Initially, I was almost certain that I would have to beg Sam to be given the opportunity to watch over Bella, but he had been surprisingly okay with it. He knew I was up to the task and the fact that I had already been with her so many times just this week made certain that I knew the in's and out's, the hidden trails, and the recent back ways all throughout the wooded area just beyond her house. I didn't care what Sam's reasons were for having me watch Bella's house; I just didn't want to lose her.

_Could you please not talk to me for tonight?_ I asked impatiently. I was, however, upset that Sam deemed it necessary to partner me up with Paul the first night of my official "Bella duty" though.

'_Could you please not talk to me tonight?'_ Paul mocked back. _Could you please not talk about your Bella tonight? I'm sick of it already. I'd rather hang out with Embry. At least when he thinks about your Bella, her mouth is so full of him that I can't actually hear her—Ugh!_

I pushed Paul back with my forelegs, his body thumped onto a nearby boulder. His head went to my right and I turned, swinging my hindquarters into the dirt so that I could pull the fur of his collar with my teeth. He made a small gurgling sound as I almost immediately began to gag from feeling the grit of his neck in my mouth.

_Geg…off!_ Paul was barely able to hold in his breath or think clearly as my teeth began to crush his windpipe. I suddenly felt pain as his front paw stomped onto one of my mine by sheer luck, since my hold was now causing him to begin blacking out. I grimaced, but kept my grip as Paul tugged me with him, our feet wrestling back and forth in the dirt for a few more seconds before our Alpha screamed, _Knock it off! Do I need to find someone to pet-sit you two? This is getting old._

_He started it!_ Paul cried as soon as I let him go.

_He said something about my imprint_, I complained.

'_He said something about my imprint!_' Paul continued to tease me again. _El cachorro es una verdadera coño._

I glared at Paul, not even bothering to care what he said about me. _You can barely master our language and now you picked up Spanish?_

_I don't limit myself to one thing. That's for guys who are whipped by their imprints._

I rolled my eyes and sat down. Sam was quiet in the background now that Paul and I had stopped fighting. I didn't dare say or think anything else as Paul paced a few steps in front of me and grumbled. _What now?_

_I want to go home. This wolf thing isn't fun anymore, _Paul whined_. I'm missing a date to patrol with you._

_I didn't want you here, _I stated_. I would have been fine doing this on my own. _

_Yeah, yeah. We all know you're Superman._

_Ask Sam to send you home_, trying not to appear too happy at the prospect of Paul being allowed to go leave me alone to my thoughts.

_Why don't you send me home as acting Alpha?_

I arched my eyebrow. _Now you address me as Alpha?_

_Long enough to send me home._

I snorted, figuring that he had to be joking when I suddenly heard a crash in Bella's room. It sounded as if something had fallen off of her desk, but I had to be sure. I ran on all fours, phased back to human, and was in my blue sweats seconds after I heard the initial noise. "Cover me!" I harshly whispered into the darkness, knowing that Paul wouldn't go very far anyway. He never liked missing any action, if there was any to be had.

My fingers shook as I pulled on the window and hit the floor in the same breath. My adrenaline was high and my senses were alert as I scanned the room, caught between relieved and grateful that there was nothing in the room besides my best friend and a broken, clear CD case on the floor. I waved at Paul who was looking up from the forest floor, making sure I was not keeping him from anything pertinent. I was intent on rejoining him when Bella suddenly began panting heavily. I looked behind me, nervous that she had caught me in her room without permission but her eyes were open but filmed with exhaustion, her hair in a light frenzy, and she clutched her body pillow with such desire that I would have thought it was a long lost love that she had been holding onto.

"Edward," she muttered.

I growled instinctively. _Figures._

I tried not to let my feelings get hurt, but I knew better. I couldn't actually be mad at her since I was technically invading her privacy at this very moment, but I grew annoyed anyway. I sniffed and smelled her; her heat all but set fire to the room that we were both in. I shook my head, not wanting to get caught in her room by her, but also not wanting to leave her just yet. Regardless, I was punishing myself and either way, she was not dreaming about me as she moved under her bedroom sheets.

Suddenly Bella yowled. Shock at the sound overtook me as I stepped closer to her; Bella turned toward the window and started shaking into the pillow, sobbing. I thought she was in pain. I ripped the covers off trying to find the hindering creature that was hurting her; maybe I couldn't see it under the blanket. All I saw her was her legs, barely covered by her long sleep-shirt. I gently touched her to rouse her awake when Bella started to shake more violently against me. Fear attacked and burrowed its way into me as I jumped into her bed, clutching her, afraid that she would knock something else down in her sleep.

"Oh Edward, you're here…It's hot. Edward. You're never hot. Are you sick?"

I kept my mouth closed, trying to fight back my growing resentment for her vampire, whom she shamelessly had been expecting and calling out for. I almost screamed into one of her pillows myself when Bella suddenly climbed on top of me. I gasped. Suddenly, I was not the only one hot in the room as I felt a slight tingling between her legs.

"Edward, you feel like Jacob. You feel just like him." Her mouth moved closer to my ear and I groaned, trying to shoulder her weight away from my own growing excitement. My arms dropped a little and she whimpered. "Jake…"

I swallowed hard. "Yeah, honey?"

"You stole a meatball off of my plate at dinner," she stated calmly with her eyes closed.

I held back a laugh. It appeared the nightmare was over. "I'll buy you a whole plate of meatballs in Florida."

"Mmhh…okay." She pushed her face into my neck and I increased my grip as she wrapped her legs around my right thigh. My lips touched her burning forehead and her heartbeats quieted, as she wrinkled her nose before smiling lightly. I knew she wouldn't be having any more bad dreams that night; I would make sure of it.


	20. California Bound

***A/N: I loved your reviews. Every single one of them. I never thought a last minute chapter (literally) would receive so many good reviews. Thank you guys so much! Best overflow of emails ever! :-)**

Chapter Summary: Bella gets her own taste of how others view her and Jacob's relationship status that is outside of the pack and it doesn't help to settle the ambiguity in her heart.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I am gagged and bound by Taylor and Jacob almost every night…okay, I only wish that I were.**

Chapter Title XX: 'California Bound,' by Carolina Liar

**(BPOV)**

Airport traffic was horrendous. With the other area high schools still putting on graduation ceremonies for the high school seniors and all the post graduation trips Saturday afternoon at the Port Angeles airport was just unreal. Mothers were clutching their small children, boyfriends held onto their girlfriends, and other young teenagers pointed and gawked at the staggering numbers filing into the small glass-enclosed airport. It was quite a sight.

Jacob and I arrived together with Charlie giving us a lift. Charlie was insistent about it and replied that it was the least he could do to celebrate me graduating.

I linked arms with Jacob, actually reaching for him first. Charlie came around the car after unloading our stuff, stating something between a, "I'll miss you," and "Don't have too much fun," to me and a firm handshake for Jacob. "You'll watch out for her, right? I don't want her to bring home any strays."

I elbowed Jacob at the remark as Jacob struggled to answer through his amusement. "I'll keep her in line, Charlie. Are you okay with checking up on my Dad?"

"You bet. I'll keep the old man in line too. Just make sure nothing hurts Bella. Who knows what kind of trouble she could get into in a different state."

"You know, that's the same thing Sam had said when I told him about the trip. All the guys have a bet going; they think Bella will spend about ten hours down in Florida before she breaks something."

They laughed.

"Hey, I am standing right here. I can hear everything." I shook off Jacob, hugged my father, and reached for _my sun_ again while he shouldered our luggage on one side, wrapping his other arm back around me.

Sam had been willing to let Jacob off the hook for patrols for the week that we would be down in Florida. Sam had actually considered it a job. Apparently, watching me was driving the pack wild and me leaving for vacation would allow them a little more freedom and slow down in patrolling the vast land they now had to cover. I was both annoyed and relieved by the back-handed compliment. Paul had actually hugged me (again) and replied, "Thank you. I get a week off from that vermin you call a friend."

Jacob had almost phased at the term.

Since this morning, I had been smiling so much that my face begun to hurt. I was trying the whole "_We're here as friends_. _We're here as friends,_" chant in my head the whole walk to the proper airport terminal.

The truth was that Jacob was really stunning. His skin already looked perfectly tan, his muscles were slightly stretching the light blue V-neck shirt he was wearing and though he claimed it was a Men's XL, his black jean shorts hung casually over his hips without the use of a belt, and his matching white gold bracelet set off his white teeth and the whites in his wonderfully warm, auburn eyes. They burned with so much more intensity since we had been seeing each other on a regular basis, regardless of whether he had patrol duty that night or not.

His white gold bracelet was the exact male version of the anklet that I now proudly displayed for all to see, wearing my blue jean cut off shorts and white tee. He had bought the matching pair in one of the reservation jewelry shops and had saved for two months to be able to buy the set together. He had been elated that night when I had told them that I never took off my anklet.

The airport crowd was overwhelming, but Jacob had most people steer from our path without so much as a bad look. Terminal 27 was ours and we waited calmly for our plane to board. I couldn't believe Jacob was really going with me (_as a friend, as a friend_) to see my mother, to see another part of my family. He already knew so much about me.

"It's weird; I always wanted to visit outside of Forks," Jacob said suddenly.

"You visit Port all the time. And you just went to Seattle." I chuckled, but then cut it short when I remembered how he _left_ Seattle.

Jacob noticed and kissed my forehead. "Yeah, but I always wanted to visit other places too sort of. I love Forks, but I like sun too. It'd be nice not to have to provide it all the time." He nudged me at our private joke. I had been telling him for weeks that it was his duty to provide me with his warmth and sunlight. We called it a "Jacob thing."

"Well, Florida is sunny. There's plenty of sun."

"We should go to California. There's nice sun there too."

I gave him a look. "Let's just see how this trip goes first before you obligate us to another trip."

He smirked at me. "Trust me, Bells; you are going to have so much fun with me, you'll want to pack me in your suitcase wherever you go."

"I don't think I could find a suitcase big enough."

"Ah well," and he dramatically paused, "just hold me in your arms instead."

I laughed as he batted his eyelashes and gave me a smile.

"Bella? Bella? No way—Bella's here! Hey guys!"

I turned and faced Mike. My mouth gaped as I saw Mike, Jessica, Lauren, and a girl I didn't remember. I knew her face, but couldn't recollect anything else.

"Wow, what a coincidence. What are you guys doing here?" Jessica looked from Jacob and me and smiled, but it wasn't terribly friendly. Lauren and the other brunette looked at me as well, but then their gaze strayed to Jacob. Their stares became too friendly.

"We're actually going on vacation. We're visiting Bella's mom in Florida for the week," Jacob easily replied.

I gave him a horrified look and started to give him a little jab to stop him from saying any more before I was cut off by Jessica. "We're visiting Florida too. Sort of like an after graduation party. With all of us going away to college this upcoming semester we figured this would be the last few times we could get together. We never expected to see Bella here."

"She did seem rather taken with the wild animals and the rain here in the Washington area. It was quite a mystery as to why she had been doing so well these last months, but now we see why. How did you manage to bring her out of her shell?" Lauren smirked. I felt my flush beginning to surface.

"Katie's parents own some land in Florida and we all just wanted to have some fun with everything that had been happening lately." Mike's eyes were downcast, looking ashamed that his company was being so rude.

"Understandable. Us too." Jacob smiled and I thought I heard the brunette, Katie, wheeze in a reasonable reaction. It still made my stomach turn over.

I stepped away from Jacob a little, feeling claustrophobic under my former classmates' scrutiny. "I'm just going to get a drink from the stand." I walked toward a kiosk, grateful for a distraction. After some seconds I peered over my shoulder quickly as I heard abrupt giggling and decided to hit a vending machine instead. I opened and sipped my soda silently after my purchase. The taste did not register and it didn't soothe my anger either, but at least I was being provided with a tiny diversion. I couldn't believe that my day had been going so well. Jacob and I had been having fun. We were going to visit my mom and we had been happy. _You can still be happy, Bella._

"Hey, Bella. Hey."

_Or not. _I resumed to thinking sourly.

I turned and saw Lauren and Katie walk side by side up and stood on the other side of me. _This couldn't be good_. Lauren had addressed me personally. The soda can made an odd crushing noise in my hand. If I wasn't careful it would surely cut into my hand and Sam and the pack would have won the bet. Oh wait, I hadn't gotten to Jacksonville yet.

Neither Lauren nor Kate seemed to notice the self made assault on my soda can as they paused for a second or two. Lauren addressed me. "Could you do me a favor? You and that Jacob kid are like really good friends, right?"

"Yeah. Best friends." I added defensively.

"Great! Could you introduce us? I mean, like formally introduce us? Katie here really likes him and I just never had the chance to talk to him personally myself so I figured that you could do it for us. What do you say?" Lauren chattered excitedly.

I saw colors. I couldn't believe that I was getting angry that Lauren and this Katie girl would be sinking their hands into my sweet Jacob. How could I stop them? How could I warn Jake?

"Hello, Bella. Still waiting here." Lauren persisted. "Come on. Be a pal."

The brunette, Katie, chimed in. "Oh please, Bella? Please? He is so cute. "

"He's only sixteen."

The two girls giggled even louder to each other. "Who cares? Would you care with a boyfriend looking like that? I mean I realize that you had the Cullen kid and all the other guys in high school were just ordinary in comparison, but come on—that Jacob kid is HOT!" Lauren and Katie looked like they had came together on that last sentence.

I couldn't see a way out of it. I knew I was mad, but I didn't really know Katie enough to think that she would be bad for Jacob. And I did want him to have a good time too. I couldn't actually think that Jacob and I would be spending the _whole_ week in Florida together even as best friends.

"Sure. Come on." Lauren and Katie latched onto me and I felt even heavier as I approached Jacob. He looked at me concerned for a moment and then a small smile played on his lips. I was getting madder by the second. I guess his wolf instincts picked up on the girls' excitement.

I introduced them formally, though Jacob had already seen them minutes before. My voice came out brusque and slightly drained. "Jake, this is Katie," pushing the brunette toward him a little (not that she needed help flying out of my arms), "and this is Lauren." Lauren had already dropped her arm around me and moved to replace it with Jacob before my sentence finished.

Jacob glanced back and forth between his two new "accessories" and his grin got a little wider. It still wasn't the same smile that he had been giving me, but at that moment my eyes couldn't tell the difference. I bit my lip and turned away before I could make a fool of myself.

"Thanks, Bella! You are a doll!" Lauren screamed at my back. I was sure when was still looking at Jacob when she said that, not wanting to break eye contact.

"Sure, sure." I muttered to no one in particular.

On the plane, I sat next to Mike and Jessica. Katie and Lauren laid claim to Jacob and had him settled in between them. I was annoyed. The attendants had actually allowed them to change their seats without so much as a nod. My anger was seething.

"It was so nice of you to let Katie and I borrow Jacob like this for the plane ride, Bella. What could we have done on the plane without you with us?" Lauren's voice was syrupy, but it fed into my annoyance.

I turned angrily, "Jumped out of it."

Lauren pretended not to hear me and began lifting the arm rest to make the three-seater across from us into one big seat for her, Katie, and now Jacob. Jacob was placed in between the two girls and I moved my eyes to stare out the window.

"Bella, you alright?" Jacob's deep voice still sounded the same from that morning, the morning that felt so long ago.

I was still fighting back tears when I replied, "I'm fine, Jacob. I just don't like the flying part too much."

"Well, isn't that point of an airplane? To fly?" Katie stated.

I decided that she and Lauren were two twins cut from the same womb. I crossed my arms and legs to prepare for the flight. If Jacob and his pals were going to be this close to me, I was going to need a lot of daydreaming to block out their noise and a pair of headphones.

After a few minutes in the almost fetal position my legs started to get cramped and the plane hadn't even taken off yet. I tried rubbing my legs without trying to draw attention to myself, but Mike noticed.

"Yeah, plane seats are like major uncomfortable. I don't know how people do traveling as part of their business arrangements. I am not that fond of the small spaces either."

"They're great for intimate moments, I think. Don't you think about the 'mile high club'?" Katie grinned at Mike and then back at Jacob after her suggestive remark.

I bit back a comment. It seemed fitting that Katie (or Lauren) would always shift the conversation back to themselves. This plane ride was going to definitely be too long.

I continued to rub my sore legs when Jacob turned to Katie and asked her, "Kate, can you do me a favor and switch seats with me?"

Katie shrugged and then moved almost immediately after Jacob had asked; Lauren looked as though she wanted to strap a bomb under Katie's newly acquired seat.

Jacob reached across to me and gently touched my knee with his hand. "You okay, Bells? Want me to rub your legs or something?"

I looked at him and quickly shook my head. I didn't need these two girls making my whole plane ride (and possibly a part of my trip) miserable if they saw me monopolizing Jacob's attention.

"Bella, come on. You've been rubbing your legs for almost ten minutes. I'm really good at it. I do my Dad's all the time." His eyes pleaded with mine.

Again I shook my head, but he reached for the leg that was closest to him, placed it on his lap, and began to rub. And against my better judgment, I allowed him to continue.

He was right. He was good. He had started first at my ankle where my anklet was and carefully massaged around the charm and links so that he wouldn't break it. The anklet was pretty strong though. I hadn't had to replace the clasp yet and I had already snagged my leg a couple of times getting out of bed. My leg would be red, but the anklet was always in tact. It was just me. _It was just Bella_.

Jacob then lifted both of my legs to place on his lap while he stretched out his legs to go under my chair. He now had more space to give his own legs a chance to breathe. He removed my sandals and started to rub my feet before moving back to my ankles, legs, and then upper thighs. My eyes widened at first, but he gave me a small smile and "sshhed" me. I bit my lower lip and leaned my head back enjoying his touch. Enjoying the feeling.

I imagine Jacob's hands roaming my body, free from holding back. Free from my voice pleading with him to stop. Free from the eyes of all those horrible girls who gladly would take advantage of him. I knew that Katie and Lauren wouldn't be the last. I was also almost terrified that they were watching us, watching me enjoy Jacob's hands on my legs, but I couldn't stop him.

Then I was suddenly wishing that he would keep going. Wishing that he wouldn't ever stop.

"Everything okay here, guys?"

My eyes flew open to two flight attendants. I blushed when I realized that they might have been there for awhile, watching my reaction and my "day dream" while I sat completely unaware. I had also noticed that Jacob's hands were still on my thigh, with my feet still in his lap.

"I had a…cramp?" I finished lamely. Jacob grinned at me. If his nose picked up anything, he didn't let on; it didn't seem likely, but I was sure he could read my expressions well enough. I then looked out the window again, still embarrassed. We were already in the sky and above the clouds. I hadn't even noticed that we had left the airport. I covered my face as best I could, but I could still feel Jacob's eyes on me. This bond that Jacob and I shared and his intuition about my feelings was starting to wane my last nerve, but excited me as well. My best friend was my soul mate? What a made-for-TV- movie. I dismissed the idea.

"Wow, Jacob. Care to do me next?" Katie held out her leg expectantly. Suddenly her already short yellow dress seemed shorter. Everyone in the group, except Lauren and I, laughed at Katie's bold manner.

Jacob focused solely on me again as if the other two girls didn't exist. Katie tried at first to get a little physical with him, but he shook off her advances quite skillfully. I wasn't even sure that it was a rejection until I would notice that he was still holding on to my hand or that we were still locked eye to eye as the flight went on. The rest of the flight wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I was sure that it was because Lauren was biding her time trying to come up with a way to get back at me for stealing Jacob's attention.

Katie eventually just gave up and started talking across to Jessica and Mike. Lauren was suddenly not up for much chatter. Katie even switched seats with me and Jacob turned it two person 'love seat' after I was securely by his side. We watched one airplane movie together, "Sex and the City." It was horrible. I fell asleep and Jacob allowed me to sit almost fully on his lap and held my face close in between his chest and shoulder. I inhaled the familiar forest and musk scent and felt his lips lightly brush my nose as I slept. I wasn't sure how I felt it, but I knew it was him who did it.

I was still sleeping against him when the plane was making its final descent into the Craig Municipal airport. Jacob nudged me awake with his fingertips and whispered in my ear, "Bells. You don't want to miss us landing in Florida, do you?"

I yawned at him, smiling. "I've been on a plane before, Jake. Maybe we should switch so you can see the view."

"I like the view I have already."

I rolled my eyes, but I could already feel the pink starting to show on my face. Jacob carefully turned me toward the window so that I could see the buildings, the trees, and the rapidly approaching runway. I smiled at him and he squeezed my shoulder. I could already feel the beaming sun through the window glass and Jacob's arms reemitted the feeling of paradise that had existed from that morning. I suddenly couldn't wait to see what more Florida had to offer us.

Renee and Phil were waiting for us at the airport. My mother couldn't resist seeing us arrive together though I had explained to her that we could have easily just arrived by cab.

"There's my little girl! There's my graduating senior!" Renee hugged and kissed me a few dozen times before she smiled warmly at Jacob. "Jacob Black, how are you? It's so good to meet you! Have you been keeping Bella out of trouble or helping her get into it?"

Jacob grinned. "No ma'am. I've been a great influence on her. Right, Bells?"

"Isabella, what a striking young man. I mean really, keeping us from meeting him for all this time—"

"Mom!" I flushed. "Jeez, Mom. He's my friend."

"She's shy. What she really means is that I'm her best kept secret." Jacob threw his arms around me and Renee giggled in delight. I could see it then; Jacob had charmed my other parent.

"Ugh." I threw his heavy and hot arm from my shoulder. "This is Phil, _by the way_," looking at my mother as I said it.

Phil and Jacob shook hands and smiled pleasantly enough to each other. My mom clasped her hands together and got in between us to start pulling us along toward the exit. Jacob grabbed both of our suitcases easily with one arm and started to walk. My mom and Phil both looked impressed at his display of strength.

"I don't just fill out pretty in shirts, you know." Jacob's personality shining through.

"I see that." Renee squeezed my arm tighter and I rolled at my eyes at both of them. "Oh Bella, you will love the new house! We live in Cobblestone County and there's a beach a few blocks from us called Beacon Hills. It has its own harbor—it's beautiful. There's always something to do at that place. Simply gorgeous." I was sure Renee would have gone on and on as she clung excitedly to Jacob and I had it not been for another female's voice interrupting my Mom's friendly chatter.

"Jacob! Hey, wait!"

I chagrined as I saw Lauren approaching again. If I never saw her walking toward me in my natural life, it would have been too soon.

She stood close to Jacob. "We'll be in town for the whole week too. If you guys want to get together or something to hang out, we could do that. Just give me a call." Lauren slid a piece of paper into Jacob's shirt pocket, lingering on his top pecs that showed through his shirt and casually bit her lower lip. "See you around. You too, Bella." Lauren didn't even glance at me.

Jacob nodded, too polite to say much else, but his eyes didn't linger on her as she walked away. They met mine.

"You hungry, Bells? Anyone else here hungry? I feel like I can take down a moose." And his stomach growled for emphasis. And just like that everyone's good mood returned.

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***A/N: Aahh! Sorry, I just had to write something scary right here. **


	21. Coming to Terms

***A/N: Two jobs, school, & my story do not play nice, but I am doing my best to keep going at it. I hope the next few chapters more than makes up for recent lapses in-between my chapter postings.**

Chapter Summary: Bella's heart is undecided as other emotions creep in while she and Jacob enjoy each other's company, but their seemingly long friendship status is not set in stone. Jacob pushes very little against the now failing resistance of Bella. Bella soon sees evidence of how her body reacts to Jacob and about the imprint bond, still unbeknownst to her. Can she figure it out on her own finally or are her feelings about Edward still keeping her from seeing the truth?

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But who cares-I've got Jacob and TL all to myself. Those are wonderful terms I could live with. :-) Couldn't you?  
**

Chapter XXI Title: 'Coming to Terms,' by Carolina Liar

"You are going to love the new house, Bella!" was an understatement. As my mother gushed about the new home and how much fun it would be now that her daughter came to visit her I was actually quite astonished by the curb appeal. On the cul de sac, the bi-level ranch style home had four bedrooms, three and ½ baths, a backyard with pool and backed into the woods. The deck was out back and the balcony facing the front provided modest shade for the three car driveway and garage. All Jacob could do was say, "Wow" and all I wanted to do was beam. I was a girl of modest taste, but my Mom and Phil had truly outdone themselves with making their home their own.

We walked into the loft ceiling living room and my eyes had to take several seconds to adjust to all the incoming light. Phil stated that he had to go out to practice and Renee stayed to give us a short tour of the kitchen and the rest of the house. Jacob was holding a cold-cut ham sandwich as Renee talked and walked, trying to contain her excitement.

"Okay, you guys can fight over which bedroom you two want to share. I couldn't care less."

My foot stopped mid-stride. "Mom, Jacob and I don't—"

"What? Sleep together? Of course not. Not under Charlie's roof, I bet. He's so old fashioned."

Jacob laughed while sputtering bits of sandwich over the floor, with his cheeks redder than I had ever seen them before.

"No. Mom, you don't get it; Jacob and I are really just friends. We don't sleep together at all."

"Fine, dear. That is fine. Then you two can sleep separately. I do not care one way or the other. Just be safe about it. Condoms are in this bathroom and there are some extra in my night stand if you need. Bella, are you on—"

"MOM!"

Jacob dropped the suitcases and the sandwich. He held his stomach and his laughter turned uproarious. "This is too much! You guys are killing me!"

My anger started to fade as I glanced at my mother's innocent face and my best friend's mirth. I was still embarrassed, but at least my mother was comfortable with broaching the subject of me being an adult. Jacob was just being an ass.

I stuttered though I had begun to chuckle a little as well. "Fine, Mom. Okay. Yeah, we got where the 'stuff' is. Thanks a lot."

Renee was happy once more and started talking about the house again. Jacob put his arm around me and whispered, "Don't worry about it. We'll use up a whole box and make water balloons to throw around in the pool when they are not looking. Make 'em think we're sexually depraved by going through the box so fast."

I slapped his chest and pulled back a red stinging palm. _At least it wasn't granite_.

Renee looked at us for the rest of the afternoon, content on watching Jacob play with my hair or nuzzle my neck. Even her eyes widened as Jacob turned my wrist upright and kissed it affectionately.

Jacob, however, was not completely to blame.

I made everyone pasta for a light late lunch after Jacob's stomach had started to growl a mere hour after his huge sandwich (he even ate what had dropped on the floor during his laughing earlier) and fed him what was left in the serving bowl after everyone was done eating. His hand clasped around my upper arm as I held the bowl and fork to his mouth and I sometimes stabbed him with the fork on purpose when he would lick the fork in an obnoxious way.

"That's it!" I threw the fork in the almost empty bowl. "Feed yourself. I'm going to my mother."

Jacob whined and reached for me while I shook myself free. I ruffled his hair and moved my chair closer to my mother. She smiled as Jacob shrugged and ate what was left in the bowel and then left to see if there was anything left in the kitchen.

Renee stretched her neck to see that he had indeed disappeared into the kitchen and looked at me. She ushered me over to the couch halfway through the dining area and the living room. "Now that we have a few minutes, I wanted to talk to you."

I looked skeptical. I knew Jacob's ears could hear everything that we said, but my mom didn't know that. I shook my head, but she continued anyway.

"Charlie was right. Jacob seems like a really nice guy and so good looking. Bella, he is such a great friend to you. So attentive. So responsive. And to be so young…"

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could. She couldn't know that Jacob was only technically sixteen with the body of a twenty-five year old. What a gift to be a werewolf, to never be able to age until he stopped phasing on a continuous basis. Everyone was blessed with being stuck at the age they were except for me and it was beginning to annoy me. Jacob and Edward had both been right; I was obsessed with age.

"Yeah, he is a good buddy to me," I swallowed.

"Bella, you and he really do look rather good together. Take it from me; that boy seems to see you as more than a friend—"

"I'm not ready. I mean Edward…not enough time has passed for me to think about someone else like that, yet." My eyes begged for her to drop the subject. I hated that Jacob could hear us. I knew that he could. I couldn't even hear him moving stuff around in the kitchen anymore.

My mother got the hint and looked at me thoughtfully. "Well, that's settled then. I hope you two continue to be friends."

"We will." I was sure of that now. I would have staked my life on it. It seemed unkind to not have Jacob in my life anymore. Even when I had been made at him I had missed him and it had been such a selfless act for him to remain in his wolf-form for so many weeks just to make me more comfortable.

Renee rubbed my hand. "That's good."

"Hey, I'm back. I ate all your mayo. Sorry." Jacob announced as he dropped on the couch next to me, laid his head in my lap, and began to eat more pasta. My arm strayed from under him to play with his hair and the top of his head. Renee and I continued to talk as if he wasn't hanging on our every word.

* * *

_That same__ night..._

"You sure you guys don't want anything while I go out to the store and then pick up Phil from night practice? I'll be gone for a couple of hours. Sure you don't want to come?" Renee called out while half behind the front door.

I shook my head and Jacob mimicked me while bouncing his knees against mine on the couch. I hit him with a pillow; his knees were hard. "No thanks, Mom. Nothing at all. We're going to watch a movie or something. Maybe walk around the state park or hit Beacon Hills Harbor like you mentioned earlier or something."

"Well don't go without Jacob, Bella," Renee warned. "Charlie told me about all the mishaps you got into."

"Not all, I hope."

Jacob laughed and threw the pillow back at me. "I'll be the best watchdog ever." I giggled at the inside joke and Renee turned to leave.

I got up and walked over to the kitchen counter for junk food. Jacob reeled off directions on how to make a simple bag of popcorn for kicks. As if I would succeed in burning down my mother's home while making food; cooking was not my flaw.

Jacob's warm breath in my ear jump-started my heart. "Popcorn?"

"Check."

"Remote?"

"Check."

"Body oil?"

I looked up from the counter at Jacob before he laughed and backed away.

"Teasing, Bells. I am only teasing."

"It's not too late to kick you out, Jacob. I'll make you run home in your wolf form from here."

"I'm the big bad wolf. I'll just nab little Red Riding Hood and make off with her Ferrari."

I stared at him. "She didn't have a Ferrari."

"She does in my story."

I chuckled. "Then I'll just send you to bed and not to my bed either. I don't care what my mother thinks about us."

"I couldn't take your snoring anyway."

My hands raised to my face. "I snore?'

"No," Jacob admitted. "You breathe heavy though. And you talk in your sleep. A lot."

"Shut up. What do I say?" I flushed with embarrassment for the 100th time that hour.

"Oh the usual: 'Jacob, my love.' 'Jacob, my darling.' 'Jacob, don't leave me.' That kind of thing," he laughed.

I joined in his laughter as I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You'll never leave me, right Jacob?"

"Never." He sounded certain.

"Even if a vampire comes back to suck my blood?" I raised my hands to make "air quotations" in the air, knowing now that vampires do indeed suck your blood.

Jacob scoffed. "I'll kill every last bloodsucker to protect you, Bells. And that includes that thing I fought in Seattle too."

"What was that thing anyway? Do you guys still not know?"

He shook his head.

"When that thing was over me," I began, "I was so calm and submissive. It was like I was ready to die. I was really ready and perfectly comfortable with dying."

"You won't die. Not from that. You're going to die of old age with me."

"You know, I was willing to die for Edward. I wanted to be with him and his family forever. It was the only way I could have continued to exist with them and for everything to still be okay. I wouldn't have to worry about them wanting to kill me. I wouldn't have to have Edward be so careful around me. It would have been easy for us to be together. Like breathing."

Jacob sighed uncomfortably. "That's just it, Bella; you wouldn't have been breathing. You would no longer have been human and we would be enemies, natural enemies. I would have had to hate you. I would have not had a choice."

"You could never hate me, Jacob."

"Not willingly." He glanced down, looking afraid to speak. Jacob's eyes grew unexpectedly hard and dark as he fingered my arm, directly over my vampire scar; one of the few reminders of the world Edward had forced me to forget, but even Edward hadn't been able to take the painful memory of James away.

Edward's ability to suck the venom back out of my blood had been another gift to me, though I hadn't seen it as such at the time; but it had to be a gift. I hadn't been turned that night at the ballet studio, and for once, I was a little grateful. It allowed me to see Jacob for the person that he was; for the special friendship that we shared with each other. Jacob's warm fingers passed over the crescent shaped scar, his eyes blessing and cursing the spot. He had been gazing at it for so long that I had started to feel self-conscious, when he quickly, but gently pulled my arm closer to his neck. Jacob's quiet examination of my arm seemed forgotten. "Never become like them, Bella. Just don't do it. If something happened to you, I would lose my mind. You mean so much to me." He hugged me suddenly, burying his head in my hair. I could hear and feel him inhale while trembling. "You will never be one of them, Bella. I won't let you."

I said nothing. His fingers trailed my lukewarm skin and his lips quivered against my collarbone. I only closed my eyes and touched the back of his neck. I couldn't believe how warm he was getting and how much he seemed to be affecting me. My breathing quickened as I listened to his calm heartbeat, while mine had become more erratic and feverish. His hair moved across my chin as he lifted his head to look at me.

"Did you mean what you said to your Mom?"

I blinked several times. "What? What did I say?"

"About us always being friends?"

I felt a rush of relief. I wasn't sure what answer I would have been able to give if Jacob had asked me to be more than just friends. Jacob was truly too remarkable for me to grasp in its entirety just yet, but he had abruptly become more than just a friend for me. I was now picturing myself with him and with no one else but him. I didn't even want to see a world without him, least of all without him being my friend.

I nodded in answer to his question.

His breathing became even easier. "Good. I would hate to have to phase to wolf form every time you got mad at me," he joked.

"Remember; I did like you better as a dog."

"I don't think my kisses were the same."

I shrugged. "They both had their shares of pros and cons."

"Ouch. I'm that bad of a kisser?" Jacob feigned a hurt expression.

I shrugged again.

Jacob smiled, his lips quickly pecking mine at first and then he kissed me again, holding onto my upper lip. My coherency ceased as his soft tongue rubbed my top lip, outlining each groove and bump. Jacob touched the side of my face, feeling more confident when I didn't push him or his kiss away. His curve-lipped smirk searched to include my bottom lip into his "drawing" pattern as I gasped openly into his mouth. I subconsciously crossed my legs in front of me and his other hand draped carelessly over my thigh as he purposely controlled our breathing during this unexpected episode of bliss. I began to groan in annoyance when he pulled away slowly.

"I missed the way you tasted, Bells," he quietly confessed.

I blushed at the compliment and he kissed the side of my face before he sat back in the couch. "What do you want to watch? I'm kind of in a horror mood. How about the 'Wolf Man?' I love how Hollywood keeps fuckin' up the image of werewolves."

I looked at him in shock. I just wasn't sure if it was more from him cursing or from his easy slip back into normalcy after our kiss. But to be on the safe side, I kept my mouth and eyes closed during the movie anyway.

My eyes weighed down with exhaustion after Renee and Phil got home with the groceries one and a half movies later. Jacob carried all twenty-four bags from the car in one trip. I had to smack him when neither Renee nor Phil was looking and reminded him that they did not know about him being "abnormal." He grinned, gave me his signature line "Sure, sure" and his trademark smile. I allowed my eyes to glance over his entire body and began to feel conflicted. I imagined the way he would feel against me. His chest, his shoulders, his fingertips, and his tongue sent me into a frenzy that I wasn't sure how to control. My excitement at seeing him swing the bags and food over his shoulders to place in the higher cabinets became more noticeable (and embarrassing) when Jacob suddenly sniffed and turned to me.

"Bella, you okay?"

Nodding was my only retort.

"I think Bella is just tired. She had a long day. Right, honey?" My mom placed her hands on shoulders and shook me awake from my small daydream of Jacob kissing me again on the couch.

I could not leap into my bed fast enough after the groceries were packed and I said my goodnights' to my mother, Phil, and Jacob. _Oh God, Jacob_. I wore a long shirt and panties as my skin felt the soft sheet of 800 count Egyptian cotton against my skin and I began to sigh and moan my favorite name in whole world. I imagined Jacob watching me at the very moment I placed my hand in my bra over my left breast and my other hand down my panties. I was already wet from the anticipation of seeing him smile and his sienna burnt eyes turning toward me in hunger. He wanted me. He needed me. He was only waiting to feel me. He was waiting for me to say the word and admit it freely without shame, worry, or hindrance. No drama from an ex vampire boyfriend. No fear of intimacy from a family friend. No Victoria or Laurent to crash our party suddenly when we were so entwined with each other and only each other.

His name could not be uttered enough from my lips. Jacob's touch would not be removed from my skin. I felt his arms around me, imagined being in them for as long as I dared, for as long as I would not burn. He embodied all the things that I had ever wanted to be and feel with Edward and more and the best part was this: I didn't have to wonder what it would have been like. I didn't have to completely imagine what it would feel like to want him the same way he wanted me. For him to not be afraid to touch me for fear of breaking me, killing me, or maiming me. Oh sure, there were risks involved. Of course he was still a werewolf. But he was mine and he wanted me. I knew he did. And I wanted him. I began to throb and hurt from the intensity as I continued to slip my finger in and out of my womanly folds and rub my nipples as if the very air I breathed would soon be gone with not a moment to spare.

My face burned with frequent colors as I convulsed while underneath the quilt. Tears stung my eyes as my release only added to my fears as well as desire to be with my best friend, to hold him and have him whenever I pleased. Let him hold me, period, lacking repercussions of what the end result would be. I felt time alter without my permission as my hand covered my face and I cried angry sobs into the pillow. I didn't have Edward anymore and I couldn't hurt my best friend by using him as I would indeed have ended up doing. _No, not Jacob_. Had I not been so selfish, I would have seen the effect of the hurt of my inability to choose one life over the other.

I wasn't meant for anybody.

* * *

***A/N: Thanks for reviewing, of course! I will be posting again later this week just in time for Halloween. Hoo-ray! **

**Plus this chapter was short. My characters are getting antsy and are ruining my six hours of sleep in between work shifts.  
**


	22. Glow

***A/N: Good Lord-finally! Pass the popcorn ;-)**

Chapter Summary: Bella has seen Jacob before; hanging out on the beach, watching him eat during dinner, lightly scolding him when he should have been paying closer attention to his homework assignment during afternoons when they studied together. Bella has even seen Jacob in some compromising positions, but she never dreamed that she would want to see more. Just one word would make all of Bella's denied dreams possible and Jacob's own internal conflict and insecurity is pushed back to make way for Bella's sudden need to be his, completely his.

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight nor Taylor, Jacob, or the copyright to AAF's song. **

Chapter XXII Title: 'Glow,' by Alien Ant Farm

_CRASH!_

A loud sound woke me up and I reached blindly for the clock. It was only 2:12. _Only 2:12_! _God, what the hell_? I sighed angrily, tossing the bed sheets still laced with my arousal from a few hours before. I briefly wondered if it was my mom eating a late night snack half asleep. I got up, not bothering to put on a robe or pants and opened my door. The kitchen was a bit under the stairwell and I half ran and half tripped down the oak-stained stairs. I rounded the corner and stopped. Jacob was leaned over the back of the couch, his eyes clouded in black, and his lips pulled into a sneering growl. He looked in my direction, but didn't see me. I knew he didn't. _He's sleepwalking!_ I realized quickly. His nose sniffed in several directions searching for something as he crawled over the couch and across the floor.

I freaked out.

"Jake!" I whispered harshly. "Sweetie, wake up! Jake, you're scaring me."

He jumped back at the mention of his name shaking the nearby table. I was glad that Renee and Phil's room was toward the back on the second floor where I had just left. I knew that Renee could be a heavy sleeper and from experience I was sure that Phil would have been beat from his practice earlier that previous night. I was still worried for Jacob. The way his fingers scratched at the floorboards and the darkness that filmed his once beautiful eyes reminded me of a predator hunting. It reminded me of that thing in Seattle though I had never actually succeeded in looking it in the eye. It reminded me of the ferociousness of Edward as he had attacked James in my defense. It even reminded me of Jasper when it had been _my_ blood he had so desperately craved.

Jacob growled and I grabbed his arm. He turned quickly and swiped at me, making contact with my left arm and scratching my right upper thigh with two long scratches. It began to bleed lightly almost immediately. It felt like my arm had been slammed against a boulder. Forget that not-feeling-like-granite comment from earlier. My arm and thigh stung as I reached for him again, determined not to let him hurt himself. Sweat plastered his hair down and he looked like he had been in the rain for hours. His pants clung to him, complimenting his build from his legs to the outline of his butt. His back and chest was mostly covered, but his shirt had been torn and ripped. Shards of white cloth were in his hands.

I hissed at him once more. "Jake! Honey, wake up! Wake up!" I threw myself at him, risking the possibility of him throwing me off of him. I pressed my body into him with my nipples enlivened and my panties still drenched from earlier. I felt him shake and start to pull back, but I wrapped my arms tighter around him as we fell a little back into the couch. His arms swallowed my upper torso and I heard his heartbeat become less aberrant, his breathing slowing down as he inhaled my scent again. Every scent. My blood mixed with sweat, fear, strawberry scented shampoo…and stimulation. I felt sick when I realized I was excited by him, even being in the state that he currently just came out of.

"Huh? Bella? Wha—?"

"Sshh. It's okay. It's fine."

Jacob looked at my thigh and was speechless for several moments. "Oh God—what have I done to you? Bells, I am so sorry. Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. Was I—what was I? I thought that animal had come back for you. I didn't see you—I couldn't see you—"

"He's not here. Nothing is here. It's just us." I pulled him closer into my lap and rubbed his back. His skin was still too hot, but I was afraid to let him go. I began to sweat more as my fingers moved from his back, to his neck, and then to his hair. I licked my lips, closing my eyes. My stomach felt itself tie in knots and my breathing stayed irregular.

I would have thought I had gotten lost. I would have thought I had stumbled back into my dream I had those few short hours ago. Face first into a warm, sweet bath that was made only for me. I would have had to think that way because that was what my senses were telling me. That was how my mind was protecting me. It didn't matter though. I knew it was still Jacob that I was holding against me. Whose arms were burning into my skin; but it was a fire that I could deal with. I had learned to expect it. The fire even became something to love.

And _my fire_ felt the mood change. I felt my body deliberately press itself further against Jacob and my hands managed to reach under his disheveled and ripped shirt to feel across his chest once more. I knew his heart rate would increase to the same speed mine was currently going. My inner walls began to moisten on our continued contact and contracted involuntarily as Jacob brushed a finger across my cheek and pressed his lips against me. I was sick of fighting it. I was sick of wanting him. The months that had flown by during our friendship and strong bond, turning into lost time between us, only made us want each other more. He pulled me closer to him, holding me firmly but tenderly, as I straddled his lap. My shirt left it easy for him to feel my heat and it made it worse that he was emitting the same energy from his own body.

I pulled away from his lips and he looked nervous, as if he had done something wrong. I smiled at him for reassurance and lowered my head to kiss his neck and collarbone. I then pulled his shirt over his head and began to kiss his chest softly, letting my teeth graze the small and few spaces in between his pecs, abs, and trailed my tongue over to his biceps and forearms.

"Bella, wait. Wait."

I stopped, now afraid. Maybe I had overstepped my own boundaries. Maybe he didn't want me in that way anymore. Maybe he—

"What's wrong?" I interrupted my own thoughts for a change.

He bit his lower lip. "We can't do this. We shouldn't do this now."

I kissed him. More of a light sweat broke out on my forehead as I began to think of all the things I had been missing when I wasn't with him. I remembered all the wonderful feelings I had felt, sexual and non sexual, and it was driving me crazy inside that I could actually have what I wanted. And I wanted to be with him. I wanted to stop denying myself and hurting him at the same time.

"Jake, I want this. I want you." I wasn't ashamed any more. I pulled him closer and he put his hands around my wrists to stop me.

"Bella, I can't. I can't do this with you," he repeated.

I breathed into the nape of his neck. "You are not making me do anything that I don't want to do Jacob. Let me have you."

"Honey, you're a…and I'm—"

"We'll be just fine. Please?" I faced him to try and convey how serious this was becoming and quickly. My fingers swept the side of his face and I could already feel myself becoming even more enthused at the possibility of our bodies being together in that way for the first time. Feeling him at the same time he was feeling me. Even releasing our energies back into each other at the same time made my kisses feel rush and plentiful against his russet colored skin, which was now flushed with more than just his natural red shade.

"We shouldn't. Your Mom and Phil are upstairs. Charlie trusted me with you to keep you safe. The pack is counting on us—on me to bring you back whole."

"Being with you would make me whole, Jacob. I want this. I need this. And I need you." I buried my face in his neck and he started shaking. He was close to giving in. He was close to wanting it too. _One more push, Bella_. _One more_. "As a friend Jake. Just do this as my friend. We can be whatever you want later. Just be this way for me now."

His exasperated groan breathed into my mouth as our lips clashed and wrestled for supremacy in the one another's cavity. I could feel the tears on his face as he struggled to resist me. I knew he would have stopped and been grateful if had I said something, anything to make him stop. But I wouldn't. I had made the decision to be with him. I had known that the decision was right as soon as it was in my head and my resolve lifted the weight in my chest allowing me to breathe air into my lungs and take in his scent with it.

I fumbled with his sweats as his hands reached up my night shirt to pull down my panties. There was no looking to see what pretty animal was on them tonight. The couch was suddenly in the way of everything we wanted to do to each other. Still kissing him, I started to move across the couch in an attempt to get him to the floor. My shoulder grazed the small coffee table, but Jacob put his arm underneath my back, shielding me from the floor's impact. He balanced himself perfectly between my legs and I gathered my courage to reach in to his partially pulled-off pants. "_It" _met my hand.

A short gasp escaped my lips. He was ready. He was warm. _Oh shit_, _he was huge_!

Jesus, had he grown since that late morning when I had watched him emerge from the forest? Were we rushing into this? Should I wait until we have prepared ourselves better? _No, Bella_, I silently argued within myself. I had waited too long for him already. It was inevitable; I needed to be with him. I kissed him more urgently, clawing at his neck

I started to pull his pants down more when Jacob suddenly stopped kissing me and looked panicked. I almost matched his face. "What? What's the matter?"

"I don't have anything. Protection, I mean. Should I try and find an open store?"

I started to shrug it off since I was on the pill, but then remembered that Renee had almost thrown it in our face that afternoon. "Bathroom. There's some in the bathroom." I whispered.

"Bella, we can't. What if they count them and realize some are missing? What if they know—"

I pulled his mouth closed with my teeth lightly and his tongue flicked across the tiny nudge on my upper lip. "Get the condoms, Jacob," I silently mouthed back, knowing his wolf eyes and ears would pick up every word I had just uttered.

He looked out of the breath as he quietly understood, pulling his pants up. I saw him briefly and inhaled as quietly as I could. He was not going to be a simple first. Jacob knelt down to peck me, "Don't move." He left as I nodded, moving toward the kitchen to sit on the counter and grinned a little.

I'd like to say that I took the time alone to reflect how incredibly stupid and impulsive we were being. How nuts all of this seemed. I was about to sleep with my best friend who just happened to have a father that was best friends with mine. This best friend was also only sixteen.

This best friend was also one of my few reasons for not being lost and alone as I sometimes felt. He was the beginning of my normal and comfortable existence. The kind of life I knew I should have. The kind of life I wanted to have. Jacob was so much and had given me so much. What I was giving to him hardly compared. His friendship was worth more than I had even saved in the hopes of finding half a guy that was his worth. He was that special.

I was still smiling and on counter when Jacob came back. I looked at him expectantly and he displayed about four condoms wrapped in silver foil and attached to each other. He looked back at me with a wary expression.

"Did you change your mind? We don't have to do this—"

I leaped off the counter and almost tripped as he caught me in his arms. I began to frantically rip at his pants again, attempting to make contact with his skin faster. I pushed his hands up my shirt and his fingers burned with such intensity that I shivered when one found itself inside of me.

He took a large breath."This ok?"

I nodded feverishly. He picked me up and placed me back on the counter.

"I am going to do this one at a time, okay? It helps. Tell me if it starts to hurt too much."

Again, I nodded.

He placed one hand on my hip and the other opened my willing legs. He pushed the shirt up a little bit more and then pushed his middle finger deeper inside of me. As he gently fingered me, he watched. He looked for any signs of pain or pleasure and then began moving his finger faster.

I clutched the counter as I whispered hoarsely, "More."

He nodded once and slowly put another finger in, kissing me lightly at the same time. I felt my wall give a little to the pressure of his added finger. I was wet. I was soaked. I was ready now.

I moaned, "Jake, please."

Jacob whispered, "Not yet. Not yet." He placed his other hand on my lower back to keep me still as I began fidgeting on the counter.

He was driving me crazy. He kissed my chin, my neck, and trailed down to the top of my breasts. With one hand he popped the back clasp of my sleeping bra and slowly pulled off the bra with his teeth, kissing my shoulders and upper arms along the way while still letting me keep my shirt on. I cringed a little as he passed over my sore arm, but his lips grazed it over just slightly before he kept going. He would not be deterred by my temporary physical limitations and I was even happier that he wouldn't. I was shivering uncontrollably now and my knuckles turned bleach white from holding onto the counter for so long.

Jacob didn't try putting any more fingers in. The two that were already there stayed and were like a constant vibration that I felt between the clicking and chattering of my teeth. With one stray finger, he gently massaged my clit as he leaned his head forward into my chest where he continued to kiss my already hardened nipples.

My breathing began to fluctuate, my thoughts slowly becoming irrational as moments passed. I began disappearing into that warm bath and imagined myself reemerging clean, free, and glowing.

Jacob's lips tensed against me as his fingers moved slightly faster and I couldn't say anything. I wanted to tell him I was ready for him. I wanted to shout it out. I wanted to tell him that I could take the pain of having him be inside of me if he would just fuck me. I was mentally begging him.

My mind saw him pleasing me and wanting me as much as I wanted him. I could see myself slipping into the calm soothing waves that would render me completely and totally whole. The desire that had previously felt for him seemed so long ago. It was nothing compared to this feeling now. That old feeling seemed hollow since I knew what would happen and what would become of me once the heat inside of my body died down after I had released it with my own fingers. This fire wasn't burning down. This fire was peaking. This fire was smothering me.

"Ja—Jake." It became difficult for me to swallow.

He used a reassuring tone, "It's okay. It's okay."

"Oh m—Oh!"

Jacob used one of his outside fingers to nudge over my main, mounded tissue of nerves just once before the smothering released itself all over my body. It leaped from my stomach and spread through my legs, toes, breasts, and even the tip of my nose. My eyes flickered shut as my personal tremors began to subside, but they weren't gone. Jacob had released them, but they weren't gone. I could feel his kisses on my lightly perspired neck and my lips gently curled back into a grin as an aftershock shook my body on the counter. I pulled him closer to kiss his neck and turned my head toward his ear, "Jake, I want you."

I barely waited for his response as I seized one of the condoms, ripped the foil, and grabbed his pants with much more force this time.

My eyes widened again in momentary surprise at his size, but I was past that stage with him. I kissed him fiercely as I reached in to begin stroking his length, not completely sure if I was hurting him by pulling so hard, but he moaned a little into my chest as if the speed were fine for him. The skin around his shaft was tight; there was no more room for him to grow (I prayed). He was big and ready enough. I kissed the top of his forehead and placed the condom on myself. His pants slipped down to the marble kitchen floor.

He used his hand to place against one of the columns in the kitchen for support, pulling me closer, as if trying to pick me up though my butt was already off the counter, awaiting him.

I was confused. "Jake, sweetie, what are you doing?"

He looked embarrassed. "I just thought—I just thought we'd do this right. You know, in the bed."

I looked at him. He was so sweet. He wanted me to be as comfortable as possible. He really wasn't trying to take advantage of me. He wanted me to enjoy this as much as he knew I could.

The bed seemed too far away. I wanted him _now_.

"I want it here," I said vehemently.

"Bella—"

"Here. Here, Jake. Right where you made me come for the first time."

His last bit of fight left his eyes and lust replaced them instead. His fingers stroked my sides, lifting my shirt over my head. He stared at me, brazenly, and completely naked. He gripped onto my butt, thrusting me upward, kissing me, and placed himself directly outside of my waiting lips.

I knew he was trying to be gentle. I knew he wanted me to be sure. He must have been wondering if I would change my mind in the midst of it all and suddenly hate him for what he had done to me. He shouldn't have wondered; I wouldn't change my mind.

"Jake, I can't take it. Please." I was willing to keep pleading. He had to do this. He had to help me. I couldn't deal with possibly _not_ having him now that I had made up my mind.

"Bells…" His eyes looked worried as he scanned my face once more to see if there was any hint of doubt. Any feeling that he or I couldn't trust. _There wasn't_.

And I lost my patience.

I was sitting up, facing him as I reached around my elevated leg and grabbed him, shoving him partially into me for the first time. Both of our mouths flew open at the sensation. I wrapped my legs around him as tight as they would allow so that he couldn't pull completely back out, and Jacob struggled to keep his face composed as he slowly pushed himself deeper into me, inch by inch. He hissed a little as he rubbed my nipples with the tips of his fingers and I felt myself open very little to receiving any more of him. I didn't dare look to see if he had actually succeeded in getting it all to fit yet.

My body formed itself around him, _but God was it hurting_! My lips pursed together in protest and my hands balled into fists against his chest. I attempted to crawl backwards a little before Jacob grabbed and held one of my legs to keep me in place. An agitated sigh escaped from my mouth and Jacob gritted his teeth as he sought to push through my resistance. He grabbed my wrists, opening my palms, and clasped our hands together. He moved even slower making the pain seem longer than it had to be.

"It hurts. God it hurts, Jake," I cried softly with a pained expression.

"Just a little more, Bells." His face that had previously held uncertainty now held determination. He pushed himself further in and my mouth struggled to form the perfect 'O' shape as I squeezed his hands with mine even tighter. Jacob locked his lips with my own at the same time as he gave a final upwards push, while my body tensed from my hymen "popping" and the immediate heat of his hips finally meeting mine. His lips inched away from mine, but stayed close. I could hear his breaths better than I could hear my own.

A smell of rust and salt hit my nostrils. _God, am I bleeding? Am I supposed to bleed? _What did that mean? _Blood had no smell, Bella. Blood has no smell._ Who had said that? Someone had told me that. Blood had a smell. Blood did indeed have a smell and I was bleeding. My lips started to quiver and I began to tear, afraid that maybe Jacob and I had done something we should not have. Panic gripped me for a moment; Jacob saw my face and slowed down, washing me with a comforting stare. My chest slowed in breathing and I tried desperately not to over-think; to just let my body feel what it needed to feel, to let myself just feel good, for once. My breasts moved slightly from the friction of his deliberate, methodic movements. _Our movements_.

I was still feeling pain, but it was quickly dulling away to the immense pleasure of feeling him; to have that horrible anguish and urge gone, to feel your fantasy lift you out of your nightmares and help you ascent into heaven felt unbelievable.

"Bells, are you okay?" Jacob slowed down his movement to almost a crawl and the sharp pain dissipated. "Is it still hurting?"

I pressed my forehead to his and tried to keep my face as composed as possible. "Keep going, Jake," I replied through my gnashed teeth. I felt one of my legs twitch suddenly.

His perfect lips moved further away from me as he lowered me to the counter, so that my back felt the cool stone counter as the sturdy surface it provided to us in our moment of passion. My head started to inch its way off of the counter as my eyes slowly lulled back. I couldn't believe how something that had hurt so much now could feel so good. My hands left his and I placed them open palm on his flexing biceps.

His hands held my waist closer to him, while a light sweat broke out across his perfectly featured face that no longer looked like the young boy I had once known even a year ago. Still, with my head half way off of the counter, I reached for his face, found it, and lightly caressed it. My fingers found his mouth and as I started to sketch out in my mind his beautiful, soft lips I felt his mouth around my finger tips. It sent shivers up my spine to feel the inside of his mouth again.

I hadn't been paying attention to the time and closed my eyes. I was now afraid to look at him. I was afraid that the moments we were sharing would not be real if I didn't keep my eyes closed. But I knew he was there. He was breathing with me, watching me. But all I could feel was an almost neverending wave of happiness that outshone any other wishes that I had had before Jacob was with me. He had done this to me. He had done this for me.

I murmured, "Oh God, Jake," and my mouth pressed back into a hard line.

The feeling came back, fast. I couldn't believe how it felt. How much stronger it was than before and then it was worse than before. This one felt angry and I was sure that if I didn't let out it would come back to haunt me. It would come back for vengeance. That it would never let me have another moment's peace with Jacob as long as I held it at bay. I wouldn't hold it. I couldn't hold it.

"Jake, you feel so…" I felt tears. I was almost ashamed of how emotional I was becoming with him, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to help it.

My eyes fluttered open and I saw him. His face wore a tight smile as he shifted me even closer to him. My hips looked slightly pink and _my sun_ looked a little redder. I saw light rosy fingerprints imbedded into my lower stomach's skin from where Jacob had been holding, but I was certain no one would ever know. I had hidden marks on my skin before. My fingers left his mouth and I placed them back on the table to cling to it. I was beginning to feel a pleasurable numbness yet my eyes wouldn't allow me to close them again. I wanted to see him and I wanted to see me, through his eyes. He had allowed me to feel, but now I wanted to see.

Jacob's eyes turned ocher yellow and his facial expression was fierce as his head lurched backwards and his one hand flailed out to grip the kitchen column while the other hand scratched into the side of the granite counter. One of the counter's doors actually creaked quite audibly and sounded as if Jacob had succeeded in warping it a little. I saw a few cracks appear in the column's drywall and my eyes widened in honest surprise and light amusement.

"Bella, oh—I—" Jacob's face was remarkable, if not scary.

I cut him off as my legs tightened around him from the force of my own orgasm. I had clenched my teeth and had barely been able to get his name out in time before he too quickly succumbed to his own desires, answering his own prayers with a call to God of his own. His fingers pressed my skin and the muscles in my stomach tightened to an almost less than bearable sting. I felt his size curve inside me as he swelled a bit more and my hands held onto the back of the counter again. My eyes teared and I prayed for the slight pain to go away so that I could enjoy the moment even more with Jake. I knew that my first might hurt; I had read enough books when I had contemplated being with Edward. Edward? _No_, I shook my head. Edward wasn't here, but Jacob was. I forced the pain from my face as best I could to look at Jacob once more.

I clutched onto whatever I could grip my fingers around in pain as Jacob's onslaught manifested into a tingling, laboring sting in my hips. I briefly cried out, shaken again by the turn in events of Jacob's power, but I was also reawakened by a nameless force. My tired, but resolving sigh only served as proof that I wanted him again, as many times as I could stomach him. Whether I would be able to stomach him completely and repeatedly again would be a different story, but I knew I wanted more of Jacob.

His boyish charm and friendly manner had me hungering for him before I had even been able to be with him, before I had even been able to recognize that my dreams, urges, and well being had all started with him. No one was like him any where and no one ever would be. Edward was gone; I had to accept that.

I blinked back tears as Jacob's shoulders dropped and the perspiration across his handsome face began to lax. His eyes flickered back to their usual brown, but his breathing heightened a bit when he overlooked the somewhat minor damage he had done to the kitchen column and counter.

"Shit!" His voice was hushed whisper. "Bella, are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

"I think you hurt the furniture more than you hurt me," I answered while laughing softly.

"God! I'm sorry, honey."

"Relax." I lured him in for a kiss, focusing exceptionally hard on the feel of his gentle lips but became excited over his light exhaling back into my mouth. I wrapped my legs around him again, anxious for him to continue.

"I'll talk to Sam about controlling myself. I'll get better."

"We'll get the hang of it either way," I said, still smiling. "However long and however many times."

His relieved grin made my heart flutter despite being blessed enough to have been able to come with him as I had…and twice. And I was looking forward to more. I felt the sweat from our bodies on the counter and felt absolutely content that we had made this leap together.

Jacob leaned himself down and still managed to kiss me as he filled me, completely and wholly, for the first time.

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**A/N: (*Sigh) Happy Halloween! 1st lemon. Let me know.  
**


	23. Feeling You, Feeling Me Interlude

***A/N: My betas and I got swamped with real life. Sorry; I also started a new story too, but do not yet know if I wish to begin posting it or not simply because it's a lot on my plate to do two stories, work, & attend school at the same time. I know it gets tedious hearing about it, but this story was supposed to be therapeutic and I find myself writing on post-it-notes during work hours and writing tidbits in the margins of my school notebook. Not cool; I'll figure out what I want in this story at some point. In the meantime, let's get started with this short little interlude I had entirely too much fun making up.**

Chapter Summary: The morning after is a big step that our two favorite lovebirds continue to take. Bella takes on a whole new role as she explores her and Jacob's new relationship even further and Jacob finds it hard to say just the right words in the new predicament that Bella has put him in. Some may think that that's a good thing.

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***Disclaimer: I don't think I need to keep saying it but I will—I do NOT own Twilight, but Taylor and Jacob have touched me in ways that you can't even imagine…better yet, don't.**

Chapter XXIII Title: 'Feeling You, Feeling Me Interlude' by Alicia Keys

Jacob's next 'victims' were the guest bedroom's headboard, the right side of the bottom frame, and the bed sheets. I was glad I had gotten the throw pillows out of his reach in time; down feathers would have been harder to clean up after.

Jacob's virility had me exhausted and bruised, but free at the same time. I raked through his hair, which was resting comfortably on my bare chest and his breathing was rapid but constant. His lips were slightly apart and his fingers rubbed the sides of my rib cage idly. As if the sheets hadn't been enough for him to damage, he had dug into my sides in an effort to keep me from moving away as his last orgasm continued to make him thrust violently into me after he had already came. I had enjoyed the motion immensely and two small orgasms had made themselves known after the friction finally slowed down.

_At least we had finally made it to the bed_, I thought with a chuckle.

I felt Jacob swallow and his tongue slowly dragged itself from the middle of my chest up to the bottom of my chin. I tried to calm my body's natural instincts to keep from getting excited, but it did no good. I still craved to be near him. I still wanted him to be with me. I lowered my head down and kissed him intently before letting my fingers drape down his back. I was feeling for any damaging scars I might have left behind and was only half grateful that Jacob was a quick healer. He had left me plastered with sweat and sore, but he had no more than a few welts on his back that had already begun to heal during our few minutes of break in between "sessions." I had been proud of the distinct marks I had left on his back.

Apparently I was quite a scratcher.

Jacob's eyes suddenly looked fearful, but I was uninterested. I saw that the sun was already beginning to break and figured that Phil, my mother, or both would be up soon to drop Phil off at the training center and Renee would either go to work or stay home with us, but I knew she would never knock on my door with Jacob here. She'd be polite and respectful. Had he not been here or had she not liked Jacob it might have mattered, but I knew Jacob and I were safe. And I was touched that he still wanted to retain anonymity in order to keep our newly formed pact a secret, for my sake.

"I hear your Mom and Phil stirring. They might get up in like twenty minutes. The most."

I grinned easily at him, shocking him a little. "I guess we'll have to make our next escapade quick."

His lips curled back into a smile as his lips touched my skin, making me shiver all over again. His urgency suddenly had me leaning over the edge of the bed and just as I was about to fall he caught me with his hand and slid both of us to the floor. I positioned myself on top of him and while he gently rocked me back and forth I pushed my hips against his roughly, determined to make him pay for what he had done to my body earlier. Silent gasps and moans echoed from our mouths together, ensuing for several long minutes until Jacob wrapped his gigantic arm around my waist and used the other hand to grip the wood dresser table leg. It was reduced to splinters in seconds.

"Damn it, Bells," he breathed. "Wow. Your Mom and Phil won't have any furniture left if we stay here any longer."

My hips were almost the color of ginger, but I allowed myself to be lowered so he could kiss me again. Our teeth clicked against one another's as we continued to smile through the kiss and through our next few orgasms together.

A loud knock jolted us from our sleep. "You guys need anything before I take Phil to training? I made breakfast. Help yourselves," Renee's voice called.

"We're fine, Mom."

"You guys sleep okay? Need any extra blankets or anything?"

_New sheets would be great_. "Nope. Jacob is fine on the floor and I'm fine in the bed." It was a lie, but I didn't expect our new relationship would be so easy to take in right away; especially since I had yelled at her several times yesterday that we weren't sleeping together. _Well, it had been the truth yesterday_, I thought defensively to myself.

"You should have just let Jacob sleep in the bed with you, Bella. What a horrible thing to do. Jacob, you get in that bed with her. Don't let her make you sleep on the floor."

Jacob chuckled silently and moved closer to me under the remains of the sheets. "You suck at lying, Bella."

"You want to try?" I whispered back.

He shrugged before calling out, "You got it, Ms. Renee! I'll get her! Punish her real good for making me sleep on the floor! She's gonna—Ow! Ms. Renee, Bella bit me!"

I wiped at his shoulder where the slight impression of my teeth began to rise in his skin. I knew it would be gone in less than a minute.

"Bella, don't bite your friend! Behave you two! If Charlie gets a whiff of anything he'll never let you two visit again."

"Yes, Mom." I felt like I was two again. Jacob shook his finger at me and mouthed "I got you in trouble" a few times before I kicked his shin. He disappeared under the covers and began pulling at the skin around my hips. I squealed and then hissed quietly, "Stop, Jake!"

"Okay, I'm going," my mother's voice rang out again. "I want to spend some quality time with you two when I get back. You got it? So finish up, eat breakfast, and then hang out with your mother for the morning. Okay?" My mother's voice had gotten lower and lower as my focus was no longer on her.

"Uh-huh," I muttered. Jacob had buried his face and tongue between my thighs. My eyes began to close as all other sounds around me disappeared equally into two categories: "Who cares?" and "Not important." My face etched itself into the one pillow that was left on the bed and I felt my insides melt under the much reckoned force of this astounding boy. I moved my body to the rhythm of his tongue and I had to clamp my hands over my mouth in the short time it took for him to make me completely forget where I was. I felt a short scream leave with my orgasm and his smile was all I needed to ease any other horrors I had felt before last night/early this morning had ever happened.

"I absolutely love this, Bells," Jacob motioned to my lower lips with his nose, wearing an ecstatic smile. "Every last drop." His emphasis on his one and only "p" made me dizzy.

"I'd love to taste you, you know," I replied back. His eyes widened and I nodded eagerly.

I propped a pillow for him on the bed and gently pushed his back onto the bed as I leaned over him on my knees. I kissed his chin and worked my way from his neck to his check to his stomach. I stayed on the stomach, kissing around his belly button until I was able to carefully ascertain just what I was about to do. I grabbed his length without looking and he was already excited.

My eyes widened at his size again when I looked finally, but I would not let it change my mind. I carefully swallowed constantly in the few seconds that I had to get my throat ready as I licked his tip first. He was already wet. I licked the slightly tangy fluid off; I wanted the real thing. I swallowed twice more for the sake of my throat before licking his head and then slowly allowed it to enter my mouth. My lips kissed the opening of him and then I let my tongue slide down his head and onto the beginnings of his shaft. Jacob threw his head back in pleasure.

I was scared I wasn't doing him right. I was sure that I was wrong in assuming that it was this easy. That there was really nothing wrong about how I was giving Jacob a blowjob since he had already pleasured me several times by going down on me. I kept that in mind as I continued to slide down his size slowly with just my mouth. My throat still had a few more inches to cover.

It was several minutes before I could get Jacob almost completely inside of my mouth. My throat felt clogged as I fought back the reflex to gag and tried to hold my mouth open as wide as possible. I had a fear of biting him. I began to swallow a bit more and felt spit and drool coming out from the sides of my mouth. I would have tried to slow down but the amount of wetness actually made him slide in and out of my mouth a bit easier.

I began to move my mouth back and forth in hopes that he was happy, in the hopes that I was doing it right. I stole a look at him and Jacob looked…blissful. His mouth was twisted open as he struggled to keep his breathing and gasping under control. He bit his lower lip when I went extra slow around his head before I would jam him back down my throat. I still had a couple of inches that just wouldn't fit, but Jacob and I had time. I would eventually get every single inch into my throat.

"Oh God, Bells. I—" His head fell back into the pillow as he fought the urge to place his hands over my head to keep me there. I reached for his hands and placed them lightly within my hair. He used one hand to hold my hair into a sloppy ponytail and the other he placed on the bed-I suspected to keep himself from falling through it.

My throat began to moisten and take the pain a little better. His shaft was creating enough friction within my throat to numb it and I was able to move at a faster speed. I tasted more liquid on my tongue as the minutes went on. I placed my hand on his leg and the other I used to massage his balls. I kept my teeth as far as my mouth would allow, but slipped once when I moved to get a better angle. I heard him suck in a deep breath.

"It's okay. It's fine. Just keep going." His voice disappeared in my concentration to not break my current speed. I felt him enlarging in my mouth. I wasn't sure how much bigger I could take. My throat began to tighten as less and less space was available and I now focused on breathing through my nose instead. His tip kept grazing my uvula. I kept at it anyway. He began to taste a bit stronger. Less tangy and more…what was it? Was it more of a chalky feeling? I wasn't sure.

His head started to tingle my cheeks as it started to move without the help from me. I felt the large vein suddenly pulse and begin to move against the weight of my tongue. My throat was now completely moist but too numb and full to be able to swallow the pool of spit that had been forced to stay put. I felt Jacob's grip in my hair tighten as he let out more and more breaths of air.

"Bella, you're going to make me—you're going to make me—Shit!" Suddenly I sputtered and gagged as the force from his hands and the thrusting of himself into my mouth overwhelmed me and my cheeks and neck felt sore from being held in one position for too long. I almost felt as if there was a hole in the back of my head by how raw the inside of my mouth now felt. Five strong squirts shot straight to the back of my throat; some of his seed overflowed out of my mouth as some of my spit dribbled down my bare breast. I almost jumped back but kept my lips closed around the head instead. I wanted as many drops as I could get. I continued to suck on his shaft and used it to help swallow what was left in my cheeks and to get the numbing feeling back. It was working; my tongue was barely able to register the taste.

I was still licking what had dropped onto my face when Jacob kissed me, forcing me back onto the bed. "Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, honey."

I shook my head, but I felt his eyes grow with alarm as they settled onto my neck. I could feel the light bruising already, but I was completely okay with it. "I don't care. I'll be fine." I said in between kissing him. "Stop treating me as if I'll break. I hate that."

He nodded appreciatively and kissed my neck softly. "I'll talk to Sam today if I have to. I'll get less rough. I just get so excited. I break furniture, rip sheets, and bruise my best friend."

"This best friend asked for it."

"This best friend is the most amazing, beautiful girl I ever met."

I hummed contently into his chest.

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***A/N: I know it's short; hence the word interlude. Also another note I should have mentioned earlier - my next few chapters have quite a bit of sexual implications, if you get me. I am trying to show the evolving dynamics in BxJ's relationship. I do not wish to corrupt minds, so if you are not old enough or find sex offensive, I apologize in advance and have enjoyed your attention to my story thus far. I would not be offended if you stopped reading.**

**For the rest of you, I can only hope my story continues to satisfy your wants. :-) Thanks to all those who have reviewed and those who have not, I am still waiting patiently for you to come around to _our_ side. You'd have fun.  
**


	24. Learning to Breathe

***A/N: I rewrote this chapter twice and decided to leave it just like it is now. Rewrites drive my beta & I nuts. But I've always LOVED this chapter's song title!  
**

Chapter Summary: A surfing date brings Bella out of the house, but the outcome pushes Bella back into her old way of thinking; is Edward really out of her life or is Jacob just a pleasant, friendly distraction that she doesn't mind having around? Jacob is finally able to reveal what has been in his heart since day one and Bella is finally able to hear the truth; or at least part of it.

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***Disclaimer: None; I do not own Twilight.  
**

Chapter XXIV Title: 'Learning to Breathe,' by Switchfoot

I had ice on my neck all through breakfast. Luckily Renee didn't get home until closer to eleven so most of the swelling had gone down and I pulled my big shirt over my neck while holding my knees to my chest as we talked. Jacob sat across from me and my mom went back and forth between our faces before she finally exclaimed, "Bella, you don't have to hide your hickey from me. I'm not Charlie. But honestly, I would think that you'd be more careful since you are so pale."

Jacob laughed at my expense again as I turned crimson. I still refused to prove Renee even half right with a visual.

After one in afternoon, I heard Renee's phone ring and she turned it over to me. I looked at her in confusion. I knew it couldn't be Charlie. He didn't like to hover and would have allowed me to make the phone calls first. "Hello?"

"Bella? It's Jessica. What are you and Jacob doing today?"

I looked at Jake knowing that he could hear the conversation well and he shrugged back at me. "We're not doing anything yet. Why?" Not liking where this was going already.

"Want to go surfing at Jensen or Harbor Hills? Really nice beaches. Their harbor isn't far from where you guys are so we can just go that one. Lauren and Katie wanted to invite Jacob, but we wouldn't mind if you came along too. It'd be one of the last times we could all hang out. Come on—you guys will come, right?"

I began to shake my head as Jacob laughed at my facial expression, sounding too much like Billy.

"Is that Jacob? Put him on. Lauren wants to talk with him."

I gave over the phone, annoyed, and watched Jacob talk for a several minutes to a screeching and enthusiastic Lauren. I watched my mother in the kitchen from the corner of my eye and kicked Jacob's leg lightly trying not to show my discontentment, but not trying to allow him too much of his own thing either. It was a fine line.

"Yeah, we'll both be there. Uh-huh. Okay, bye." He handed the phone back to me and I hung up without even knowing if someone was still on the other line or not. "What?" was all he would reply when I continued to give him a nasty look.

"I don't want to surf."

He shrugged again. "I'll be there the whole time."

I was adamant. "I do not want to surf. Why are _we_ going anyway? They only want you. Only Mike really wants me there."

"Well, I'd be okay with you there too. Like I said; don't worry. I won't let anything happen to you. Promise."

The colored bruising seemed to have spread from my neck spread upwards toward my cheeks as Jacob softly touched my skin.

On the beach, Jacob made good on his promise and he seemed just as certain of himself in the water just as much as he was on land as wolf, though no one else knew about that last bit. Lauren and Katie had wasted no time in trying to get him to help them "stay" on their beginner's foam surfing boards. He helped them without losing patience, but I was afraid that I was fighting a losing battle with Jacob and how the rest of the world saw him.

My irritation was calmed only by wanting my best friend to be happy. I had stolen his innocence as easily as I had given away mine, but I didn't feel as if it had been a waste. I felt like it was more of a step for the two of us to have shared what we did. I tried not to rub my neck too hard in case the waterproof makeup started to rub off, but tears stung my eyes worse than the brine from the sea. I fingered my green and white stripped two-piece and felt insignificantly small compared to both Lauren, Katie, and Jessica's fuller figure. I was really just readjusting the shorts I was wearing, to make sure that it covered the scratches Jacob had made on my upper, inner thighs, but my hands just as soon settled there as my thoughts continued to strain my pleasant mood. I had never been vain nor had I wished for things that did not belong to me, but I felt unable to hold on to anything at all.

A little sigh came out suddenly, and Jacob's head turned toward me as he helped Katie on to her board again. He swam effortlessly over to me. His wet hair was plastered down and his expression showed apprehension. "Bells, you okay? Need some help?"

I shook my head. Even Jacob, my sun, didn't need help to stay afloat though he had never been surfing. It was like perfection all over again. It was almost like Edward all over again. I knew that Jacob was not Edward and that he never would be. He would never fill my heart quite the same way as my beloved had, but at the same time he formed his own place deep within me. I never understood what had made me fall so unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward, but it hadn't mattered at the time. His very existence was so magical and so unplanned that I hadn't cared what could have happened as long as I was able to be with him.

My heart tore in two. That was the moment I had feared for my life even; the moment when I could not make a choice between living as I had lived before Jacob Black had came to me that day at the beach or to leap back from the cliff's edge. I had been stopped from jumping that morning. Laurent had spared me mere minutes before I would have been introduced to Sam's pack and reintroduce Jacob in my life, but that was no longer enough. I needed help, but would Jacob be able to accept things as they already were until I was ready?

Jacob moved toward me and touched my shoulder. I hissed back, frustrated that he had interrupted my self-revelation about how selfish I was being. "Don't, Jacob."

He looked hurt. "Bella—"

I slapped my body purposefully against the foamy board and looked away from Jacob. I didn't need to see his eyes. I didn't need to see the agony that would certainly tear into me. I didn't need to see what I was doing to him. "You don't need to be this close to me." I had to reestablish our boundaries. I had to push him back over the line.

"Bells, what's wrong? Are you upset with me? Did I do something?"

My eyes squeezed shut. I did not need to hear him. I did not need to see him. "Can you please move away from me? I really just need this time by myself."

I heard him sigh. _Just go. Please, just go_.

"Can I just say something?" I didn't answer him. "Bella!" Jacob exclaimed.

"Lower your voice," I murmured at him again. "And no, you may not say something."

He obeyed me by lowering his tone, but would not be swayed from talking to me. "Can you please just talk to me, Bells? Bella?"

I shook my head, not bothering to answer him.

I felt the boards move and the front of my body hit the water with force suddenly. My head submerged completely under the water as I felt the density of the air change and my lungs screamed out to feel air in them again. I sputtered and spun around to look for my former best friend whose neck I was going to throttle until his long wolf tongue hung out from his head. I was going to watch his skin turn purple as I—

Warm hands pulled me back under the water. My vision was blurry as I saw the underside of the ocean; I was amazed momentarily by how much the beautiful sunny sky looked the same underwater as it did on the surface. The cold pressed itself into my chest, taking the heat away and replacing it with the fear that I had tainted the one incorruptible thing I had left in my existence. My head stung as the weight of my thoughts, my painful memories, each represented by one strand of my hair felt like no matter how long I could keep from opening my mouth and nose to breathe in the air that did not exist underwater, I still didn't have Edward.

_How could you do this to me, my love? Why would you think it was better for you to leave? Did you really want to save my soul? Take it; I don't want it without you._

I closed my eyes, feeling unworthy to even look at my golden apparition of Edward. I didn't need my sight to see Edward again; I would remember him for as long as I lived, until the moment I would descend deeper into the clear ocean. _Let it be quick. Let me fall now._ The temperature of the water started to become freezing, keeping my mind focused on the dwindling pain in my upper thighs as my legs continued to float almost aimlessly; dead in the water. _Let me sink. Please God, let me drown._ It began to feel comforting; Edward wrapped his arms around me by way of the freezing water, my faith in us being reunited returned with a burn.

_A burn?_

The images of Edward started to fade as I called out his name; Edward could not leave me again in this silent, watery tomb. Not now, not ever again.

"Edward, don't—" I called out before I could stop myself. What air was left tumbled out and a sharp prick burrowed into my lower body. I gasped a mouthful of water before I opened my eyes, despite the burn, and saw the outline of Jacob's body within arm's reach of me. I resumed briefly thinking about choking him under the water, but I knew that the added combination of the water and his inhuman speed would not allow my strangling to have been very accurate. Jacob looked at me apologetically, his fingers gently stroking the side of my face as he pulled me closer with his free hand. My hands raised themselves in defense from the warmth of his body, but he shook his head and pressed his lips to mine.

He gently pushed air from his mouth into me, to allow my lungs a few breaths and my legs and arms felt limp, unable to fight him anymore. I felt my nipples become aroused through my bikini top as his nose brushed back and forth across mine. He never seemed to have run out of air to give me as he spent each moment and every second continuously deepening each kiss that we shared. It was pure ecstasy and agony all over again. My mind felt a pull toward my old life, but my body was committed to staying wrapped in Jacob's arms and forever in his sweet, breathy kisses. I tried to keep my eyes open, but they started to burn furiously. Jacob rubbed his thumb over my eyelids once to close them without interrupting our kiss. He had known what I needed without me saying anything and he hadn't kept anything from me. He knew I could do this. He knew I was ready for him.

But I didn't want to be just yet.

I tore my tongue from him and managed to swallow another mouthful of water as my brown hair broke through the surface. I sputtered again, feeling my heavy eyes and Jacob used the moment to establish contact with me again, burying his face into my wet hair. I was felt so wrecked with emotional havoc that I couldn't bear the strength to push him back nor even lift my head to look at him as I should have.

"Don't shut me out, Bella. Please don't shut me out. I was so close to losing you before when that night happened—"

I started to pull back, but he fastened his grip.

"No Bella, just listen. Just listen to me; Bella Swan, I'm in lo—"

"Jacob, let me go. I can't deal with this. I won't deal with this right now." My head fell into his body. I could not look into his eyes. I could look anywhere except those eyes. The way he had looked at me when we had became good friends. The way he understood me when there was something I didn't want to discuss. The way he looked when he had me in the bed that very morning, under him, over him, with him, and because of him. It made me dread those eyes even more than realizing that Edward Cullen may no longer be the only man to make my heart go weak.

"Wait." His grip continued to press into my wrists. If I fought him, I knew he would let me go or risk breaking my wrists. I knew he would rather die than knowingly hurt me. "Bella, please just listen to me for one second—"

"WHOO! Did you see that? I stood halfway on the board all by myself! That was awesome! I will be a great surfer yet!" Mike suddenly screamed some distance away.

"Fascinating, Mike. You could be the substitute surf instructor if Jacob calls out sick," Lauren's voice called and it sounded dangerously nearby.

Katie chimed in from an even closer proximity, "Well, if Jacob is out sick from teaching class then I guess I'll just have to cut school. What's the point if you can't watch the hot teacher?"

My pulse quickened and Jacob half snorted as he dropped my wrists and placed his arms around my lower waist instead, backing me into the floating surfboards in case I slipped from his grasp. I doubted that Jacob would have allowed a second for me to possibly get away from him.

My ex classmates swam closer, flat on their stomachs with their surf foam boards.

"Aren't you two cozy?" Katie exclaimed, green with envy radiating from her dark blue eyes.

"No," I began stuttering. "I—I was just—I was just a bit cold." I kept shaking my head. "Jacob was just showing me something, I fell off the board, and was cold but now I'm warm. Right, Jacob? That's all, right?"

"Something like that." His tone was condescending. I struggled against him a little, but he kept his grip. Lauren noticed.

"Jacob, why don't you let Bella get back on her board and you can ride back in with me? There's this beach bar on the beach that I scoped out last night that we should try. You'd love it. I'll buy you your first drink—oh, wait. Do they drink on the reservation? Like fire water or something? Maybe you could show me a thing or two." Lauren laughed.

Jacob continued to stare at me, making me uncomfortable. I shifted a little in his clutch. "How about it, Bella? Want to come drink with _us_?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "I think I'm a little tired."

Lauren's smile widened, overjoyed. "Oh that's no problem. Jessica and Mike will walk you back and then join us later if you feel more up to it later on tonight. Then you should definitely come back out. 'Kay?"

"Bella's fine." Jacob's voice sounded snippy but he smiled. I almost thought he started to tremble for the commencement of a phase, but it was only his eyes and pitch that had given him away. This particular grin looked unnatural on him, but it was also breathtaking at the same time. Katie and Lauren's eyes widened and Mike looked concerned for my safety suddenly. Jessica didn't seem to care one way or the other.

"Bella, are you okay?" Mike reached with his hand toward me and Jacob turned slightly protective, twisting me away from him and placing me back on the board in one swift motion.

"She's already got a daddy. She doesn't like being taken care of, Mike," Jacob sneered.

Mike turned defensive. "I'm only looking out for her as a friend. That's all."

"She's already got one of those too. Why don't you keep track of what you have before you lose what you've got," Jacob challenged.

I hadn't missed the absence of a question in his tone. Now I was worried that Jacob would phase. "I'm fine, Mike," I answered while still looking at Jacob. "I guess I will have that drink with you guys." I didn't want Jacob and Mike to be together in the bar, alone. Mike could not have known what he was up against even if Jacob wasn't a teenage werewolf.

* * *

_Later that night..._

I watched Jacob drink another round of Hudson Bay Rum, supposedly 180 proof. He had uttered to me that because of his high metabolism as a werewolf he would not be able to get drunk. He was testing the theory, currently, on his seventh straight shot in the past hour. I had never gotten the chance to look up and see if mixing drinks would be dangerous for a normal person, but Katie and Lauren were not prepared to listen to me anyway as they desperately tried to keep up with Jacob. If Jacob had been the type, he could have easily taken advantage of the two and they would have never known the difference. Or maybe that's what they would have wanted.

Mike was looking annoyed with Jessica who was now whining about being stuck on shot #2. I was on #3 and Lauren & Katie were on #5. I had actually quit in my mind, but I was waiting a little bit before attempting to walk with Jacob back to Renee's. She only lived a few blocks away from the bar that didn't card the underage. It was extremely lucky that Renee was very understanding about the teenage/young adult frame of mind. Charlie would have had a stroke.

Jacob's eyes were red, but he looked very much in control. Even if it wasn't for his metabolic rate I didn't think that anything would've brought this kid down. His sheer size and weight alone made me fear him and he was my best friend—or former best friend, depending on how you looked at it.

Most of the late afternoon had been spent with Jacob trying to get me alone to talk about what had happened between us last night and what was happening earlier on the beach. I knew he was going against his primal instincts to carry me over his shoulder Tarzan & Jane style, demanding to know what was going on with me. Begging me to answer why I suddenly couldn't look at him, why I wouldn't allow him to touch my bare skin, or even why I wouldn't allow myself to inhale when standing right next to him. His last attempt in the shopping center by the Ice Cream Shoppe had been almost a downright plea for me to talk to him. His voice had cracked within hearing distance of Jessica, who had then strained to hear the rest of the conversation. I had hushed Jacob and given him a look; his rage had slowly been boiling at the surface since. A few tremors had made his chest shake, but nothing more. There was no other indication of him being who he truly was or what his ancestry had bestowed upon him for his tribe's protection and for his very survival.

"Jake, I think you've had enough."

"No, I haven't."

"Can you please stop?" I pleaded. "I think we should get back. I don't want Renee to worry."

"I think I can handle myself. Are you worried?"

"No." I lied and hesitantly watched his hands close around a small shot glass. I urged him further. "Jake, please?" My hand touched his arm and he flinched back. I was hurt and he looked as though I had stabbed him with just a mere look.

"I…" He looked ready to break until he swallowed and threw his head back for another shot. That was #8. "Sorry. I want to keep going."

I hit my final resort, "I really think we should talk. Let's go back and talk, okay?"

"We don't need to talk." He slid off his bar stool with ease and his fingers grasped the back of my neck. A sharp intake of breath drew into my mouth as his lips fell across my shoulder and I felt an inferno beneath my very epidermis. "Why talk, Bella, when I can do this to you? Make you feel this way?" He whispered into my hair, beginning to kiss me in between words. I couldn't smell the alcohol. I wondered if he or I were actually sane since I couldn't smell his inebriation.

"Jake, what are you doing? Don't do this—"

"Come on, Bells. Let me make you happy here. Let me help you 'talk' right now. I'll make you say everything that you need to say." His kisses began to make my head feel congested, but my chest felt voided out. This wasn't how he had felt to me the night before or even this morning. He wasn't behaving like my Jacob. I didn't know who he was anymore. This afternoon, he had become possessive and hideous. Now he was hormonal and obnoxious. I peered at our small group, but thankfully no one was paying attention to Jacob's sudden touchiness.

"Damn it, Jake—stop!" My voice half screamed and half whimpered. He was thrown off by the stress in my voice and my cursing, but he was not dissuaded by it. He chuckled lightly, thinking I hadn't meant what I said.

"Bells, it's me. It's your Jacob, remember? Bella, I can make you happy. Right now. I promise." He kissed me again in between sentences. "Don't leave. Let me make you happy. Can you do that? Just trust me." He closed his lips around mine and I felt my knees shake again.

My hands found his lower abdomen to push as hard as I dared and I bit down on the tongue that had flitted in and out of my mouth so carelessly just a few moments ago. He pulled back. I felt his skin scrape and tear, but I didn't taste any blood. _Thankfully_. Jacob's nostrils and temper flared in an instant.

"This is bullshit, Bella! You're such a fuckin' tease! You have one miserable, failed relationship with my enemy and you're leaving the one good thing—"

"Good thing? You're a 'good thing,' Jacob Black? You're a cocky, selfish little boy who has no idea what it takes to be able to be responsible for someone other than yourself—"

"I kiss better than a cold, callous rock," Jacob whispered angrily. "He could never do what we did last night, what we did this morning." My eyes widened and I silently tried to hush him with my mind. "What did I do to you, repeatedly?" He continued. "What did we do together? How many times did I make you come? There was no mistake what happened between us."

"Stop," I begged. "Stop it, please."

"He could have never kissed you like I kiss you. You said it yourself; you two couldn't even be intimate together. Because he would kill you—right? Well, guess what? He still killed something in you 'cause he left. He left and I'm here; he's not. Where is he? Has he even tried to call you since? Has any of that family you hold onto so desperately tried to speak with you? Where was he? Where was he when that black-haired leech was running after you in the forest? Where was he when you were alone in the woods crying for him, begging for him? Where was he when you called out to him in your dreams? The dreams that _I_ watched you have? The dreams I comforted you during and you never even knew?"

I looked around nervously. Still no one was listening to us, but I couldn't bear to let Jacob talk anymore. I didn't want him to continue bad-mouthing Edward. Edward loved me. I knew he did. Once a long time ago, Edward loved me. I shook my head and Jacob continued, angry and shaking.

"You can't keep me quiet any longer, Bella. I've been there for you. I'm here for you now. I'm fighting for you and you don't seem to care. That leech is _never_ coming back for you, Bells," Jacob sneered. He had lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. His angry gaze pierced into my teary eyes. "He hurt you, Bella. How badly? I saw you that morning. I saw how broken you were, how much life you had given up on just because your bloodsucker left. You're still holding onto him like he's air when he's not your whole life anymore."

"You don't know what you're talking about. He protected me."

"I'm protecting you!" Jacob hissed softly. "Me! I'm the reason your heart still beats. I'm the reason you were able to laugh again. I'm the reason your cheeks flushed as you came on the counter, on the floor, on the bed, _and_ on me. I did that, Bells. You want to be with me and you just can't stand the thought that I'm the better choice for you. Loving me would be too fuckin' easy for Ms. Perfect Bella Swan who needs to complicate life. Who needs to stay selfish and not give a shit what other people want—"

My cry was quiet and the sound of the slap that I gave him became the only noise that I could hear in the small bar. It was the only thing that mattered. My hand throbbed and immediately swelled, but I would not hold my hand in pain in front of him. I would keep as cool as I could even if I had been the one to actually put my hands on him first in a fit of rage. My cheeks were beyond red and I had run out of tears during his rant. His shallow breaths were deep enough to block out the vibrations of my own heart thumping against my chest and his old tear tracks did nothing but streamline his beautiful face, which I didn't care for quite as much right now.

I made a move toward the exit as Jacob made a move to touch me. I inhaled deeply and shook my head once, "Find your own way back, Jacob."

My heels took off through the door and the harsh warm wind blew against me like a sudden climate change in the desert night. I felt empty and suffocated by the hurtful things that Jacob had said, what I had allowed him to say before my body reacted with such a violent burst that it had scared me. I was lucky he hadn't changed. I was truly blessed that Jacob hadn't phased on the spot and accidentally hurt me physically as much as I had obviously mentally stifled him. Had he really said all those things? Had he really meant them? Had I been living in denial the past few months when I was with him and I believed he had truly understood all that had been going on?

I had no answers to my internal questions as I fought to keep Renee from seeing my tear-stained face without much success. She had been sitting calmly on the sofa, reading a book when I walked in, but when her eyes met mine she became alarmed. I put on the breavest front that I could as she asked the two questions I most wanted to avoid.

"Where's Jacob? You two okay?"

"We're fine. Jacob's staying out a while longer and I'm going to bed. See you in the morning." I had it rehearsed. I was becoming a better liar already. It had not been easy pretending to be alive when Edward had first left me, but I survived and I would survive this time too. It was a horrible feeling, knowing that Jacob had been the very one to help me get back my life, but I had started to wonder if I truly had needed him.

I scorned myself with a laugh. "I needed him. I need him still," I exclaimed into the nearest pillow I could bury my face into. I shook with a few loud sobs as I heard Renee walk toward her bedroom.

But I would not let him ruin me. I just wouldn't allow this hole to be torn into again. Not now. Not when I had come so far. Not when I still felt the power I had just been given back.

I opened the door to the balcony deck to my mom's guest bedroom I was staying in, locked the door, got undressed, and wrapped myself in a towel. I was fussing with my hair when a soft, but firm knock echoed from the door. "Mom, I said I was okay. Now go to bed," I called over my shoulder.

"It's me, Bella. Open the door." _Jacob_.

My eyes closed. He didn't sound angry and he still sounded like Jacob, but I didn't need to face him right now. I was thinking about hitting him with a curling iron. Heat on heat. I would see how resistant he was to pain. I pushed the horrible image away. That wasn't the type of person I was. "I'll talk to you in the morning. I'm really tired," I said out loud, instead.

"I'm not leaving until I talk to you, Bella."

"Go sleep in the other guest room. Or lay down in the kitchen on the floor like a good doggy," I threw in for hurt.

He didn't seem to hear it. "I will force this door open, Bella. And I'll fix it before anyone even knows. Phil's asleep and Renee is already a stage away from dreaming." Jacob added defiantly, "I will get in."

I sucked in a breath and stomped over to the door. He was quickly becoming a pain. My fingers turned harsh pink from the grip I used on the door handle and as soon as I turned it, Jacob pushed himself in, grabbed me, and forced me to face him when his back hit the bedroom wall.

"What are you—?"

His lips were on me quickly and he began to pull at the tight knot of my flimsy towel. My heartbeat and breaths accelerated, despite the gnawing anger I felt. Jacob pressed my entire body with the top of his. One hand snaked its way across my stomach as the other continued to jerk at the knot, but I knew he was playing "human" for me. He could have ripped my towel in half with just his teeth.

"Bella, I am so sorry for what I said to you. You have to forgive me," he begged.

"I don't have to do anything. Get out of my—"

Jacob's hands covered my thighs and his mouth wrapped around mine, silencing my words and my lucid thoughts. His kisses turned calm instead of hungry and desperate and my mind was suddenly clear. I knew exactly what I wanted as I felt my towel slip down to the floor. I heard the door lightly shut. His kisses began comforting my hands; my swollen fingers that I had used to hit him with earlier were numb and serene when he was through. Our positions switched as he placed my naked back against the wall toward the opened door of the balcony and I began to feel wet as I heard the faint sound of foil ripping in the distance.

He could open as many condoms as he wanted and I would have made it a personal guarantee that we would have used them all.

His hands were on my hips and he picked me up holding me in the air for a moment. "Do you forgive me, Bella?"

Tears were coming out of my eyes as I nodded.

He touched my face and kissed just under my eyes. Then he faced me, whispering, "Bella, I love you. Do you understand? I am in love with you, Bella Swan."

"Jake, I—Oh!" As his hips slipped further into mine, my head leaned, sinking into the wall and then nothing made sense anymore. Every moment that we stayed together as we scraped across every surface of the wall or every bit of the balcony floor was a moment that we were both equally thankful for. Jacob lusted for each and every powerful release that my body could give and he received them, openly and without prejudice. He was content to let me do what I wished once more and I rewarded him by calling his name in hushed screams, moans, and muffled cries. Not one cry (or orgasm) felt or sounded the same, but they all meant the world to him.

Unknown to me, he had resolved to make me forget any and every thing that had to do with my previous existence. I was to forget my life as I had known it, without the supernatural, in Phoenix with my mom and Phil. Jacob was going to excuse my time with the vampires that I had come to know and love in Forks for these next few nights of bliss with him, as many and as often as I cared to give him. I was to disregard the existence I had, period, before him. Everything became about us. Everything was a step and an approach toward what we could become, unhindered by what people would think of us. There were no barriers with us anymore. The only thing stopping us was me.

Jacob breathed his love again and again into my waiting mouth, but he never asked me that night if I felt the same. He covered every inch of my body with his hands, his breath, and his own cries as much as he could without scaring me away. He knew just what to say to me. He always knew what to say to me.

I started to hate that "enough" was not enough for me anymore when it had to do with Jacob. I felt protective of him. More than I had in the past. I couldn't stand for another girl to get their hands on him anymore than he could stand if Mike would ever make good on his resolution to be with me. I suddenly didn't want him to give up trying for me, fighting for me, or loving me. I loved that Jacob Black was in love with me. As egotistical as it sounded, I wanted him to stay around for me. I needed him around me. I wanted to be as gluttonous and ungiving as he could stand for me to be, and in return, I would let him be with me. I would allow him to be around me, inside of me. Anything we needed each other to be, then that was what we would be for each other.

I felt him twitch as another orgasm released itself into the condom and remnants of the shock were absorbed into me as I closed my eyes with a tight smile. His tongue swept the very base of my neck and his thrusts hurt considerably less than our previous night. He was learning to control himself better. He was learning to read exactly what I wanted and exactly what I needed from him in this relationship. My eyes quickly viewed a few cracks along the floor, by the baseboard, but Jacob could fix anything. He had already proven it. He had fixed my truck. He had fixed me. I loved that he was exactly what I needed. He was exactly for me and no one else. I loved that he was still willing to be my Jacob.

And I then realized I had fallen in love with my Jacob.


	25. Addicted

***A/N: My own disclaimer - safety first. I do not condone unprotected sex, but let's face it; characters only get sick, pregnant, or die if the author wants them to...and I'm not one of those authors. So enjoy, but be safe about it. :-)**

Chapter Summary: Bella & Jacob's last few days in Florida turn eventful; Bella admits outloud what has been going on as she and Jacob dive into a new dimension of their relationship, immersing themselves deeper into each other than ever before. Boundaries continue to be crossed, but for once Bella is not ashamed of the steps she is taking to be closer to her wolf.

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and its nothing to be ashamed about; SM did an amazing job, but Jacob wasn't in enough chapters for me. He's addictive…hey, he's my personal brand of heroin.**

Chapter XXV Title: 'Addicted,' by Saving Abel

**(JPOV)**

_Don't think about it. Just don't think about it_.

I looked over my shoulder as casually as I could trying not to get excited about Bella Swan, lying naked in the sheets without me there next to her. _Isabella Marie Swan lying naked in bed sheets without me. Aaargghh_! _This was too much. How was I going to do this? How was I going to keep my thoughts from straying to her from the pack? _I shook my head. _This was too important. This had to be done._ I had to check in with the rest of the wolves for updates and _then_ I could spend the rest of the day with Bella. _And the rest of the night with Bella, however long she would have me._ My thoughts were interrupted as I felt my skin sting, my pulse accelerate, and a low growl force its way out from my chest to my mouth.

I knew the pack and I could communicate from a far distance, but I didn't know if cross-country counted. My short nails tapped against the cold linoleum floor of the guest room's balcony. It felt different from when Bella and I had been sprawled across it late last night and then again this morning. My long tongue lulled out of my mouth and my tail began to wag back and forth a little more. Even as a wolf I could still feel her under me, as a human, as a man, _her man_. She molded me and made me whole for her. I would bend to her will and do what she wanted, when she wanted. Even the morning's wind chill couldn't hold a candle to the feel of her breath across my chest as she sat on my lap. The way her skin felt under my lips as I kissed her shoulders and back. The way her hips moved against me, my hands unnecessary to guide her, but became more like simple props for a show that only the two of us would put on.

She felt so right. She felt so unreal. And she had given herself to me. She had asked it from me.

_Jacob_.

My thoughts were hushed. I heard Sam's voice ring through my head. If he was alone, I wouldn't have to fight so hard to keep the images of us together out of my mind. Sam would understand. He would know exactly how I feel.

_I do, Jacob, and I congratulate you on your new experience with your imprint. Have you told her_?

I shook my head and lowered my eyes. I didn't feel the need to answer the painful question with a snippy remark that could be misconstrued as a threat.

Sam understood again._ She's not ready yet, is she? I am sorry. She will be one day_.

_When_? I whimpered and then felt ashamed that I was asking my Alpha what to do about my relationship with Bella. It was so frighteningly new. I had never experienced anything like this with a girl, let alone a girl that I was so fond of. And I admitted that I loved her. _I love her. I want to be everything for her and I know I can be_.

_She has to make that decision, Jacob. You cannot force it. You cannot change it or wield it to do what you want it to do, _Sam continued_. If she decides to only be your friend, then that is all you can be. If she chooses to keep you out of her life, then you will have to let her. If she chooses to go back to the bloodsuckers_—

My shrill bark cut him off and I heard very light stirring come from Bella's sleeping form. _She will NEVER go back to them! I will not let her. She is mine_.

Sam thought in his quiet voice_, She's supposed to be your equal. Not your property. _

_I won't lose her, _I argued_. And I won't go back to being her friend. I can't_.

_You just don't want to. When you deny the imprint then you deny yourself. Could you live without your soul_?

_No_, I sulked.

_I didn't phase to discuss this with you. We'll talk more about it when you get back. I have news to share_.

My belly hovered over the floor as my legs lowered to a laying position. My warm body wouldn't heat up the surface of the hard rock used in formation of the balcony.

_Seth, Harry Clearwater's son, has begun phasing. We think a threat of vampires is strong and evident. He is not the only one. _Sam sighed. _Colin and Brady have shown signs, but they have yet to phase completely yet. They are still too young. Maybe in another month or so if the parasitic threat looms closer still, they might_.

I stayed quiet to take in all the new information. _Three new wolves. Wow_. _This will be the biggest pack since our ancestors, Taha Aki_.

_Four_.

_What_? I wondered if I had skipped much too school. Was my math off? I never was very good with my studies except for mechanics, but you needed some basic concept of math and graph design. _Is my algebra that bad, Sam? Who did I miss_?

_I only mentioned three, but there are four. _Sam sounded sad_. It's Lee-Lee, Jake_.

_Leah? Seth's older sister_? My chin dropped and my muzzle shook in protest with the wind. _But she's a girl! Worse—one of us? How?_

_We do not know. When the elders found out, they researched and tried to pull everything they could on the subject and to no avail. We don't know what to make of it and Leah is making things…difficult for the pack. We didn't expect you to know since you haven't phased since you've been in Florida, but now you do know_.

My mind reeled slowly at the new information before my paws hit the ground as if I were coming to a complete stop from a full out-fledge run. A new thought crossed me. _Sam? Isn't Harry on the council_?

Sam said nothing.

I had my answer. _How did he take it_?

_Not so well. He had a heart attack. He's in the hospital and he's critical, but they do expect him to make it. Leah feels awful about it, but if he pulls through we can put it behind us and concentrate on finding out how and why the ancestors have turned so many of us at one time. Things are becoming interesting to manage_.

I could see clear visions of a few of the pack members arguing, phasing on the spot, and fighting. It was mostly Paul who did the fighting. I snickered. _I see that_.

_There's another problem. A leech might have slipped through and got into Bella and Charlie's house within the last few days. Don't worry, _Sam interrupted me before I could start_. Charlie wasn't home and we now keep a closer watch on the house_.

_What happened? Did they just drop by with a note? 'Missed you. Will be back,' sort of thing_? I asked sarcastically.

_I just wanted to let you know so that you wouldn't worry. It didn't look like they stayed long and it wasn't a scent that we had been tracking. It was a brand new leech. They didn't bother with much or with anything, like I said. You may tell he_r—

I cut him off, _Thanks for your permission, Dad_.

Sam allowed me to cut him off and didn't even sound upset as he made his next request_. I will need your help to manage things when you get back. You are handling your responsibilities better since…since your imprint has become more accepting of you. I would like for you to run second. I would like for you to become Beta_.

_Paul might have something to say about that_. My wolf grin reflected in the glass. _I accept_.

I reveled a little in the small glory of finally finding a place where I fitted in a little bit more clearly with everyone. After a few more minutes with Sam I began to get antsy and paced along the length of the balcony for a few seconds more before phasing back to my human form. The feelings I felt in my chest matched the longing I had in my lower loins for my imprint. She would never need anyone else. She would never feel incomplete or torn by two halves of herself again. There was the former life and then there was the life she would have with me. My breath turned husky as I inhaled her hair, smelling traces of yesterday's shampoo, her sweat, and my own scent. I would comb through every inch of her hair with my fingertips and tongue if I thought she would smell just like me forever.

I could no longer contain myself, instantly becoming more alert as I draped the edge of my pink along her belly and lower chest, pushing away the sheets that impeded my view from her beautiful pale body. I kissed her skin open mouthed as her eyes fluttered open, her mahogany hair still in her face. "Jake? You okay?"

She was still sleepy. I wanted her awake. My teeth flashed for her eyes and I let the lower half of my body collide with hers, allowing her to feel just how "okay" I really was. A slow smile spread on her lips as they reached for mine and I disappeared into her. I left no marks on her body nor did I destroy any more furniture in the room for that moment. I might have heard everything that had been going on in the house for the next few hours, but it never registered. I was the composer and my soliloquy was to concentrate on making Bella happy. Her sweet gasps and indistinct comments were the only notes of music I needed to hear and I vowed to not stop until we stained the sheets with our duet.

I would tell her about the leech visit later.

**(BPOV)**

"Bella, where are you and Jacob going for your last full day in Florida?" Renee turned to me at the same time she was making a sandwich for the boys in the living room. I could hear them both laughing, Jacob dominating the conversation with his constant chatter, and I too was trying hard not to laugh from the conceit I was feeling. Everything about Jacob surprised and warmed me. If Florida didn't already have the sun, then it would have for almost the whole week Jacob and I was here. Even my mother had a hard time not smiling at him when he did something as simple as a cartwheel off the diving board in the pool or helped himself to fixing a few other things around the house. His constant radiance kept her young and free from worry about me for the whole week. Jacob's magnetism continued to work in our favor, despite him being only sixteen.

"Beach party; Mike invited us yesterday when we went bowling. It's some public beach event or something." I popped a chip in my mouth out of the newly opened bag of potato chips before dumping more than half the bag into the bowl.

Renee's eyes widened. "Honestly, I still don't see how that boy can eat so much and still seem so fit. I know he leaves to go jogging in the late morning, but that doesn't seem enough with his constant appetite. How does he do it?"

I bit back a laugh. "Genes. It's a 'Jacob thing.'" And I left it at that.

Renee cut a third sandwich in half. She was still helping me make Jacob's plate. "Speaking of genes and passing them on…are you and Jacob still using…"

I almost choked on the 2nd chip I was eating. "Mom! Yes, we are. Could we not discuss this though? This is like ultra-embarrassing." I turned red.

Renee would not give in to my blush. "I think you two should have a back up. I don't mind you guys sharing your feelings and all, which I could see from the way you two were in the airport anyway," she proclaimed proudly before continuing, "But I think maybe you should consider birth control. The two of you are so young and the way you two go at it—"

"Okay, okay. Good Lord." I covered my face and I heard Jacob chortle. I knew it had nothing to do with what whatever Phil was saying. "Look, I'm on…I'm on birth control and I have been for almost two months. Okay?" My voice dropped. I felt my insides closing and my eyes teared from the awkwardness of where this conversation was headed.

Renee absorbed my disclosure and was content with it. "Whew. What a relief. I was not looking forward to being a grandmother anytime soon." She went back to happily cutting the rest of the sandwiches. "I am sure my grandchildren will come out gorgeous though. That hair is simply beautiful. It's so soft and thick. It goes perfect with his skin."

I tuned out my mother's rant about Jacob's assets with a smile and went back to thoughts of my own. Jacob still hadn't mentioned anything about me not being able to say that I loved him back when he had already freely admitted it to me. It didn't make our shared intimacy any harder, but at times I could feel him willing me to say it just once to make him feel better. Each time the words left his lips, I felt closer to saying them back. I could feel them in my throat. I could feel it emanate from the once broken pieces of my heart that he had taken the time to heal and repair. It was because of him that I was able to do what I was doing now and it was Edward who had abandoned and left me to fend for myself. Where was he? He left me with the other monsters and magic to feel better about himself. Edward had forgotten all about me. His immortal mind never had thoughts of me, never contacted me, and he had acted like he had never loved me. That last hurtful fact had made me think that if an immortal could be so sure and definite about loving me but truly did not, then what hopes did I have of Jacob being able to stay in love with me?

"Hungry. Still hungry." Jacob's stomach announced his arrival into the kitchen before he stepped in and put his arms around me. "Bells, feed me. I'm starving."

I fingered half a sandwich and started to lift it when his head swooped down and picked it almost whole from my hand. I shrieked playfully from feeling his teeth against one of my fingers. "My apologies, Jacob. Did my fingers get in the way of your sandwich?"

"I forgive you." He kissed my cheek in full view of my mother before grabbing another sandwich off the plate in front of me. He then grabbed a handful of potato chips and started popping them in the air and into his mouth, one by one. He caught every single chip in less than a minute.

I rolled my eyes. "Vacuum cleaner."

Smiling, he replied, "Love you too."

* * *

At the beach party later that afternoon, Jacob's back was hard as he shifted my weight from shoulder to shoulder in the ocean water during a game of beach volleyball. The poles to hold up the net had been placed (actually Jacob had inserted them into the actual rocks) not far from the shore so that everyone could play in the cool water instead of the hot sand. My feet had gotten tired and heavy as we served the ball in the water back and forth for a couple hours until Jacob had lifted me onto his back. Jessica looked at us and tried to climb onto Mike's back, but after a few minutes gave up when Mike couldn't swim in the water to hit the ball and carry her at the same time. Katie was actually splashing Jacob and me with water while laughing and Lauren overlooked from the beach bank. She hadn't spoken to or acknowledged me since we had arrived but she had nodded politely towards Jacob.

Jacob's blue baggy beach shorts clung to him even more so when wet. I even enjoyed looking at his faultless legs part the numerous waves in the water. He became an entity not to be reckoned with in my eyes suddenly. As my friend, he remained compassionate and patient. As a wolf, he became breathtaking and instinctual. As the man he was now, even with his actual age in my thoughts constantly, he was confident and masculine. My excitement rose as the daylight wore itself out to make room for the night and I could not feel cold with Jacob so close in proximity to me. Other women had been looking and watching us almost as soon as we stepped out onto the beach, but his eyes were not distracted from me. I was the path his intentions were taking and he refused to be dissuaded from his ambitions. My mind imagined all the things that we could do. All the things that I now needed to do with him.

I sat on my crossed legs in the water trying to at least slow down the growing tightness of my thighs and the water was doing little to sway the slickness inside of me. Jacob splashed me a little with his leg. And I imagined my leg being wrapped around him that precise moment. "Bells, are you tired? Want to go back?"

I shook my head with a small smile. "Nope. It's not that late. Want to walk on the beach?" Jacob nodded and picked me up by my hands. He grabbed my towel and our few extra clothes from the beach as I waved to Katie and Mike who were still kicking in the water. Most people had gone home when it turned twilight, but Lauren and Jessica were still there sitting on their towels as if they were still getting sun; however, they had each put on a hoodie to shield their arms some from the wind, but they left it open to accentuate their curves.

Jacob grabbed my hand again once we were out of sight and I bit my lip. I watched him from the corner of my eye and looked around. I lead him towards the nearby boardwalk and we took to walking under them to enjoy some of the conversations we could overhear through the planks. But we mostly tried to give people their privacy. I was going over and over again in my head exactly what I wanted to say when Jacob suddenly turned to me, "What, Bells? What's on your mind?"

I played innocent. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You keep watching me from the corner of your eye. I can see you. Wolf, remember? Nice peripherals." He smiled. "What's going on? You're not worried about that leech going through your room, are you? I told you that you'll be fine with the pack protecting you."

I shook my head. It had worried me a little when Jacob had told me that the pack had sniffed a vampire in my room, but there was little I could do and no one had been hurt. Charlie wasn't even home. That was the most important thing. None of Jacob's pack had been hurt and he was safe, here with me in Florida. _And we were about to be together again_.

My smile was my only response to him as I forced my tongue into his mouth and his back hit one of the posts to the boardwalk. He seemed surprised and then quickly raced his fingers against my skin, which felt like burn marks through my thin shirt. We stood there for a few minutes kissing before I yanked my towel from around my neck, heard it hit the sand softly, and started to pull the top of his beach shorts. He pulled away unwillingly. "I think we should get back to your Mom's."

I teased him. "Why? Are you embarrassed to be seen making out with me?"

"No. Aren't _you_ embarrassed to be seen making out with me?" he retorted.

His serious face annoyed me momentarily before I smiled at him again. I placed his face in my hands and kissed right underneath his mouth, standing on my tip toes to do so. I ignored his question and pulled on his shorts again. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to have all of him. I wanted to see every reaction and stomach all that I could bear from being with him. He had forced me shed my defenses and now I would make him glad that I was the one he had this experience with. I took a small step back and pulled my shirt over my head. My bikini straps were already untied and all I had to do was slide down the straps part of the way to display the tops of my cupped breasts. I covered them with my hands.

Jacob stared and grabbed me, unable to hold back any longer. He kissed my chin, my neck, and pulled my top away almost knocking me to the ground from his eagerness. I held his head in position and closed my eyes. I had only just begun to get wet again when he suddenly whispered, "Honey, I didn't expect us to do anything out here. I left the condoms back at your Mom's. Why don't we just stop by the store—?"

I hushed him with a kiss and slipped my hand into his pants. There was no way he nor would I wait to get to the store.

"Ssh. It's okay. I want you to…" I let my voice trail off suggestively and kissed his ear.

"Bells, I've never done it without…what if I—?" Blush crept into his face.

I pulled away from him and held his face eye level to mine. "It's okay." I kissed him. "Don't worry about it." I tugged on his pants a final time and succeeded in sliding them down.

Jacob gently pulled me to the sand with him on the towel and allowed me to straddle over him. He used one finger from each hand to take my shorts and bikini bottom down at the same time. I begun to crouch, in preparation to ride him, and had his tip at the base of my opening when he stopped me again.

"Bella, are you sure about this?" He suddenly looked more nervous than he did the first time we had spent the night together. It made me love his face all the more.

"I'm sure about you." And I balanced myself against his lower stomach as I slid down lower and lower slowly, still unable to take all of him into me at once.

His hands trembled against my back as he fell backwards into the sand from the intense connection of us having sex, feeling each other without holding back or any barriers for the first time. My mind blurred at how differently he felt inside of me. I could feel every moment. I could feel the sweltering heat from him throbbing and growing as I pushed myself against him. I felt like ice being melted; my hands caressing his chest as our thighs continued to meet, and my mouth moved with a fever, inaudible words falling from my lips. The burn from Jacob was almost too intense, tears trying to level out the pain that I was feeling with my yearning to just let him take over me. Finally a small noise echoed from my throat and Jacob placed his hands on my back to keep me moving, gently rubbing various areas with his fingertips; my body relaxed under his direction, the rest of my senses yielding to his reactions.

Jacob was barely talking. He was barely breathing and I enjoyed watching every second of his face as I continued to move and moan with him. I then felt calmer; this was the way Jacob and I were supposed to be with each other. This was why I was unafraid to be with him like this. My hair masked some of the light sheen that emitted off of my face as I brought my head closer to his, his neck propelling closer to the beach's night sky. I watched his face with a triumphant look on my own, happy that he was slowly struggling to swallow. I matched his gentle thrusts with my own harder ones, determined to make him feel the way he had made me feel every moment that I was with him, completed joy and satisfaction in being with someone that he cared so much for. It was me that I wanted him to truly love.

I felt myself close when he suddenly sat up and flipped me over putting me in missionary. He grabbed my legs and pulled my hips into his once my back hit the damp sand, sealing my orgasm's fate, making me come as soon as his head passed my clit. Jacob realized his hastiness and slowed down for a mere second, drawing himself back out; I could feel his restlessness to continue to feel my comforting grip around him, and I nodded as if giving him permission. He positioned himself over me and I immediately began to quiver from my prior climax when he pushed deeper into me again. I gasped against his body as he increased his thrusting. I felt myself losing air from my chest contractions, my breaths becoming lost, but more rapid as I felt him grow and felt my perspiration increase. I could not believe the control he had over me. My shoulders tingled from his heat in my front and reacted to the cold sand on my back. His steady motions were already working on my core, making it recommit to another powerful release when he began to speak.

"Bella, tell me you're mine." Jacob held fast as I tried to back across the sand in an effort to fight off my next peak. "Say it. Say you're mine and I'll let you come again. Now!" He growled.

I shook from the intensity of his voice. "I'm yours. I'm yours, Jake." My head leaned even further into the sand. He was controlling me again. He possessed my body. He owned my orgasms and I was in love with the feeling.

"Tell me what I want to hear," Jacob pressed as he whispered in my ear. I could feel him starting to get close as well. He suddenly began to swell inside of me and I felt him inch past my stomach. The sensation was beginning to dull all the other feelings of guilt, worry, and stress. I knew all of it would leave my body if I could just get that release. If Jacob would only let me come again.

I wanted to tell him anything he wanted to know. I wanted to tell him everything.

"God Jake, don't stop."

"Then tell me," he commanded in a whisper. "Tell me you love me. That's what I want to hear, Bella. Tell me, tell me, tell me." His speed increased slightly, but it was the way he was looking at me, the way he kept a hold of his emotions, the way his chest felt as it grazed my exposed wind-burn nipples. His deep voice and dark eyes as he watched every facial expression I made without judgment, disbelief, or worry. He was confident. He knew I wanted him. He knew I loved him.

And he was going to make me say it.

"I'll tell you. Oh God—I promise I'll tell you—" I couldn't hold on much longer. My legs started to shake around his hips and the beach noises were beginning to fade into silence. I was so close.

"Tell me now. Tell me what I want to hear, Bella."

I cracked. "Oh my—I love you! Jake, I love you!" I clutched his back, digging my nails into him. I felt his skin break as he and I both climaxed together. My fingers tingled and began to weaken as I felt Jacob's seed spill into me. I felt completely satisfied. Neither of us moved nor spoke for the next few minutes as the words and actions began to sink in from what we had both just done. What we had both just committed to.

I had been scared to admit to Jacob that I loved him and now I had just screamed it. There would be no denying or going back. And Jacob…Jacob, I realized might not yet know what he wanted to do with my declaration as of yet. My heart started to beat faster out of nervousness of what things could possibly mean for us when Jacob suddenly lifted himself from my side, touched my face, and gave me a long breathy kiss. When his lips left mine he gently wiped a few beads of sweat from my forehead and whispered smiling, "I knew you loved me too."

His cocky attitude made my heart soar and I sought to close my arms around him. Jacob felt completely calm while my heart was pacing so loudly that it reminded me of the first night we kissed in my room, the earth feeling as though it stopped and slowed at the same time. Everything else became less significant as we continued to lay there naked, partially covered, and apparently in love. Neither my ears nor his focused on what went on outside of us. We didn't hear a few footsteps approaching or the muffled giggles of the two girls walking not far from where Jacob and I laid. We were at peace with ourselves and could not be bothered by the idle chatter that came about or the envy that practically permeated out of the pretty blonde when she overheard a part of what had been said and all of what had been done.


	26. OneEighty by Summer

***A/N: Another song I thoroughly enjoy.**

Chapter Summary: Bella's perception of her new-found love is exactly what it implies, found out. Embarrassed by the new developments, Bella seeks isolation once more forcing Jacob to take the upper hand and allows him the opportunity to jump in with both hands and paws after her.

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* * *

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Taylor tied me up while Jacob stood guard. And I have to say this—**_**it wasn't awful**_**.**

Chapter XXVI Title: 'One-Eighty by Summer,' by Taking Back Sunday

_At the airport..._

"I'm going to miss you!" My mother choked me with her arms and then she cried into Jacob's for several seconds before reaching for me again. Jacob was being an extremely good sport. He opened his arms for her each time she even looked in his general direction with tears in her eyes and he smiled the entire time. He didn't know that that was making my mother cry more. "One more picture. One more. You two are so cute! I haven't said a thing to Charlie but you two should know that he is not stupid. I just thought I'd warn you."

"Uh-huh." I rolled my eyes as I threw in a half smile for the camera.

Renee and Phil finally let us walk to the terminal. I ruffled Jacob's hair and mouthed a "thank you" for being patient with everything that had happened since that morning. He only grinned and I pulled on the lapel of his dark green polo and put my hand in one of his jean pockets. "This serene and pleasant look you are giving me is another Jacob thing or is it a wolf thing?" I whispered into the underside of his chin.

"It's a guy in love thing," he murmured back. "And it's for my hìtk only."

"Oh? Am I still your heart?" I teased.

Jacob's hushed voice was all I could hear in the airport. "Yes," was his answer.

I snickered and turned red as he kissed my forehead. "How do you do this to me? You can not possibly be sixteen. You just can't be."

"Well technically I'm twenty-five. And if we start playing the aging game again, then I was older than you anyway. Remember? I'm middle aged."

"I can only hope to look like you when I'm old."

"Well, we'll find that out together, now won't we?" His chin felt hard on the top of my head, but his hands were soothing against my lower back. I didn't answer him, but he seemed okay with it, just like with every thing else. My mood remained happy until Mike, with a bouncy Jessica, bumped into us at the gate door as we were waiting for security to let us on the plane.

"Hey guys." Mike seemed tired and looked nervously at Jessica who continued to bubble and smile brightly at us.

"Guyyyssss," She enunciated. "What's going on? How was the walk on the beach last night?"

Jacob shrugged. "Fine."

"Awesome. Let's go find seats. Katie should be around soon and Lauren was getting something at the shop. She's probably getting more clothes or something."

Jacob sat next to me and I said "hi" to Katie who looked embarrassed and nodded towards us. She looked in Jacob's general direction and covered her face with a magazine. Lauren's arrival shifted the general mood of our company to slightly worse as she began twirling her hair and staring intently at Jacob's hands close to mine.

"You guys are so adorable. Aren't they? What a cute pair," Lauren smiled a little too sweetly.

"Uh yeah, I guess. They're okay." Mike squirmed in his seat.

"They are so perfect, right? Doesn't everyone agree?" Lauren fixed her gaze on me. "Bella had the ultra rich Cullen and then she scared him away—I feel just awful about that. Do you guys still keep in contact with each other, Bella?"

My eyes met Lauren's hateful stare. I almost stammered, "Lauren, what are you—"

"I didn't think so. You seemed so upset and I wanted to help, but who knew just what you needed was located right in your very own backyard? It is so touching how it all worked out. You went from the sexy, super rich to the hunky, super hot native all in just one leap. Fascinating."

Jacob glanced curiously at Lauren as his fingers began to tap the chair's thin metal frame. I placed one hand over my chest. "What are you talking about, Lauren? Jacob is my friend."

"I can see that and what a friend. How do you think Edward would like to hear about his ex and her new friend? How do you think he would take the news?"

"He wouldn't have anything to say. He's not here," Jacob gritted his teeth.

Lauren looked at him in small surprise, but replaced it with a smug look. "Bella has become really quite different since she came to Forks. Really Bella, everyone thinks you're so quiet and so sweet, but I have to say voyeurism really did bring you out."

Now I did stutter as my eyes widened at Lauren. "Vo—voy—voyeurism?"

"Yes sweetie. Four syllables: voy-eu-ri-sm. Sex in a public place. Who could blame you really, but I think maybe you should have really considered a room—where are you going, Bel-la?" Lauren laughed maliciously.

My stomach turned as I got up to run towards the other end of the waiting area. My ears blocked out every sound and I felt sick. My emotions caught up to me as I began to stumble when my arms hit a very hard surface that smelled like citrus and wet rain. "Bella, calm down. It's okay. Don't cry, don't cry," Jacob's voice urged me quietly.

Too late. My tears hit Jacob's shirt as I pushed my head into his body. "It's not okay," I argued. "It's not. The first time I do something like this. The first time I'm really with you—"

"I know, Bella. It's okay. It'll be fine. We'll get through this—"

"Get away from me, Jacob. I—I am so upset at you right now and—and I know I have no right to be because I made that decision too, but—"

"I'm not leaving you Bella."

"God, please get away from me!" My voice rose and I began to shake. My skin felt hot and I felt sweat drip down my back, and then I realized Jacob was the one shaking.

"Bella, don't. Bella, I'm sorry about them finding out, but that doesn't change how we feel—"

I was suddenly mortified. He wanted to declare his love for me, again, in the middle of an airport in front of people from back home that had heard and may have even seen us have sex on the beach? "It doesn't change how _you_ feel Jacob! Just get away from me." I tried to steady my arms against his trembling and then I turned away from him, unable to look in his eyes. "Please leave me alone right now. Just go."

My eyes closed and I pulled my arms out of his hands. I felt my hair move off my neck and his fingertips gently rub my shoulder. I didn't feel him trembling anymore. He seemed to have gotten control of his anger, but I was still mad enough for us both. I could never be a werewolf. It was bad enough I cried and put myself in danger while upset, but I couldn't be responsible for the lives of others if my anger spilled over, leaving me speechless and violent. And the calmness of responsibility of my exhibitionistic partner, Jacob, made me hate the situation even more.

"I'm here for you, Bells. Okay? I'm sorry." If it weren't for the self-loathing I was feeling I would have had butterflies in my stomach from his voice. It literally sounded as if it was broken and torn.

**(JPOV)**

I watched Bella sitting next to Newton and his on again-off again girlfriend, Jessica. Lauren and Katie were chatting eagerly on opposite sides of me in our shared three-seater, but I wasn't listening to their conversation. The blonde one, Lauren, had been close to making me phase when she placed her arm on my leg, but one look from me had her remove her hand promptly and not try anything else since.

I was trying to give Bella space and I gave an order to her "friends" to split up, to make her more comfortable. It was really just to get her away from Lauren. Bella had spent much of the plane's loading time crying in the bathroom at the airport terminal before she half stumbled into her seat. I fought the urge to grab and help her, but thankfully she hadn't fallen. While she had been in the bathroom, I had put on my "Sam" voice, as I called it, to order the new seating arrangements for the plane ride back home and not even Mike looked as if he wanted to challenge me. I was glad. That could have been the final straw. I was hanging by a thread already.

I could smell Lauren's interest in me and I struggled to keep my nose clenched in an effort to keep the odor out. She was probably imagining all the things I had been doing with Bella had been with her instead. The only thing I wanted to do to Lauren was give her to Paul. I couldn't imagine a worse punishment than that at the moment. The "ladies man" would tear into this lady, if you could call her that. What she had done to Bella went beyond nasty, but I couldn't say anything. It had to be Bella to put things in place, whether physically or mentally. To go against that would have meant that we weren't compatible and that we were wrong for each other.

Plus, I didn't want to get so angry that I'd turn and then maim the poor girl. Even Lauren didn't deserve that; though, it might have improved her humility toward other people for a change.

I felt a hand touch my arm. I fought the instinct to flinch. It was Katie. "You okay?"

"Hungry." _For Bella_, I added to my thoughts. Katie dug around in her bag to produce a Twinkie. A peace offering, I saw it as. I opened it, broke it in half, and gave the bigger piece back to her. I was a little hungry, but food was not on my mind. "Thanks," I replied curtly.

Katie nodded with a small smile and Lauren looked frustrated. My tongue touched the top of my mouth in annoyance before I addressed her, "Do you have a problem, Lauren?"

She looked stunned that my tone had such animosity. Or maybe she was just surprised that I had spoken to her at all. She shook her head quickly and looked afraid. I was sure that my eyes had turned colors since I was now fighting to keep my inner wolf in check. "Good. Keep it that way," I suggested angrily. Lauren nodded this time and sat back, clenching the aisle's armrest with two hands.

Movement from Bella's seat took over my attention. I didn't have much time if she was going to the bathroom. I saw her move quickly, not wanting to be seen or noticed. She slightly ducked in the aisle seats. If she thought that I wouldn't see her, she was sadly mistaken. My eyes never left her even when she had thought that I wasn't looking. I mumbled an "Excuse me" to the two girls and quickly closed the distance to walk behind Bella. Far enough not to have her notice me unless she turned around, but not wanting to lose sight of her either.

She was indeed heading to the bathroom. I saw her walk in and I glanced around to make sure no flight attendants were close by and gently rapped on the door.

"I'm in here. Just a minute."

Jesus, that voice. I grew anxious while gripping the handle, not wanting to turn it too much and knocked again. There were too many doors in between us; if Bella ever moved in with me (_God, I could only hope_), I would remove all the doors in the fuckin' house. Every single one of them. _Please, please, let me._

"Someone's in here," she repeated.

I then tried to calm myself. I didn't want her voice to get any louder. I waited patiently until I heard the door handle unlock and when it started to turn, I pushed it with modest force. She was taken off guard and I caught her before her back could meet the tiny sink and I closed the door behind us. "We've got to stop meeting like this; pick a different way to hide yourself without a damn door," I joked, attempting to shake the harsh look she gave me. I quickly took my eyes off of her wide-doe eyes to see our surroundings. The lavatory was small, but it would do. I could still pick her up and the little sink would provide enough elevation for—

"Jake!" she hissed. "What are you doing? Get out of here!" She attempted to push me out. I don't know why she thought she could. I had already given her all the space my body could handle. She was not leaving me again.

I forced my hips against her and grabbed her waist. I then reached under her and pushed her up with my leg onto the sink. She tried to pull away from me, but the small space only allowed for so much force.

"Stop!" She was almost screaming. "What are you do—?"

I kissed her. She struggled against it a little before I began to feel the heat from her lower body take over. I pulled at her shorts and succeeded in sliding them down, pushing her underwear to the side. She clutched at my shoulders and bit my neck lightly. I fought back my instinct to completely dominate her.

"Bella, honey I am so sorry about everything, but I warned you; I will not stay away from you. I can't," I said in a harsh whisper. I felt myself harden at the thought of her suddenly, completely ready for me. Already my jeans were becoming too small for me and I felt almost panicked as my need to emotionally support Bella dictated over my want to prove to her that I was right for her. This was why Sam had told me that Bella being my imprint was not an excuse to get laid or for her to be made into a conquest. I was supposed to make her feel better, because she was making me _want to_ be better. This was no longer about impressing her or making her forget about those parasites; she needed me as much as I wanted her. _God, I want her_. I kissed her once more and in a slight rush, grabbed her neck, buried my head into her chest, and guided myself with certainty in one seamless motion. I pushed my shorts down a little more so the friction wouldn't hurt her inner thighs as much.

A loud gasp escaped her lips, and I covered her mouth in haste as I pushed myself deeper into her. The sensation of feeling her, direct skin on skin overtook all the rest of my thoughts and senses as I gently moved her hips in rhythm with my own, with tears escaping my eyes at the feeling of us being this close again. Her body temperature seemed to mimic mine, or maybe it was because we were so close together. I wasn't sure and I didn't care. I felt one of her legs spasm in my arms and I focused on keeping my face serious.

"Bella." I lifted her legs to give myself better leverage and to help relieve some of the pressure on her arms from holding herself up from the sink. "God, Bella please…" Minutes later, things were forgotten when nothing much had been said. Her rapid intakes of breath further fueled my desire and energy into making her mine again. Into making her feel as if nothing that anyone else did mattered. There was only her and there was only me.

In spite of myself and the timing, I felt close. This wasn't about sex. It was about reassurance. She needed to know that I was here and that nothing would keep me away from her. She had to know I wouldn't leave her. I wouldn't get scared and run off. I wouldn't let her clam up and self destruct. I was going to love her and I was going to stay. I was going to keep her whole. Her heart was going to stay mine.

I could feel her muscles contracting, getting tighter and allowing me to slip in and slip out with less ease, but I had a grip on her. I couldn't believe how tight she still was; she completely fitted around me. It was made just for me. And then I felt her shiver. She was coming. I was making her come. I was controlling her orgasm. "Hold on to me." Her arms grabbed my neck without hesitation and I began to move faster. She clawed at my back with one hand and her other moved across my chest attempting to control my speed, but I pushed her arm away with my head. I was not going to let her slow me down. My gut told me that she really hadn't wanted me to slow down any way; her body was just going through the motions.

Her eyes were beginning to close. She was close again. "No, Bella. Look at me. I want you to look at me when you come," I breathed at her.

"Yes, yes." Her eyes flew open and she teared. She looked so beautiful as the familiar pink flush began to come back to her cheeks once more, and my fists tightened just as I was about to lose power over my own orgasm.

"Say you love me, Bella. Say you love me."

"I love you. Jake, I love you."

"Tell me again. Say it again."

"Jake…" She trailed off.

I was losing her. Her head was beginning to slip back. I wouldn't let her come until she told me what I wanted to hear. What I needed to hear. She would not give up on me because I never lost hope on her. She was mine and I would prove it. I was going to get her to admit that she was mine to love and only mine. That I would never love anyone more than her and she couldn't love anyone other than me.

I drove deeper into her, feeling past my usual spot and I felt the urge to get as far into her as humanly possible. I felt myself lengthening even more inside of her. I whispered to her again, "You want to come? You have to tell me what I want to hear, Bella." My mouth enclosed gently on her earlobe tip as I continued to mutter through gritted teeth, "Tell me again that you love me. Tell me again." Her leg started to shake avidly and her grip tightened around my neck, almost taking my breath away, but I wouldn't let go of that spot. I would not give up. She was going to say it. I felt more wetness as my fingers dug into her hips. "Say it!" I almost shouted.

"God—Jake, I love you! I swear I love you! Please let me come! Please let me—" We covered each other's mouths with our hands as we both came together. My head tilted forward and I saw hers fall back into the mirror covered wall. I felt myself drip out of her, but I refused to pull out and continued to balance her between my knee and the sink. Bella was still perspiring as my tongue lapped along the side of her head and neck. She kissed my shoulders in return as her breathing continued to become less and less labored.

I took the chance at looking at her and found her smiling. Glowing almost as much as she had the first night we were together. I wished for nothing more than that moment than to beg her to be with me and prayed that she would accept. I glanced behind me at her elevated leg to view her ankle that I was still holding up and admired the anklet that I had given her. She never took it off even though she had been angry with me.

I met her eyes again. "Can we talk about 'us' now?"


	27. Knock Down Walls

Chapter Summary: Jacob exerts a little more control over Bella than ever before as they continue to stay buried beneath each other in the wake of an impending battle that was almost forgotten during their side excursion to Florida. Meanwhile, distressing news hits the pack and Bella must find a new way to cope with it.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Taylor & Jacob are two walls that I wouldn't mind covering me at all.**

Chapter XXVII Title: 'Knock Down Walls,' by Tonic

**(BPOV)**

Jacob curved his back toward the ceiling almost as soon as my chest arched forward to meet him. My uncontrollable panting was a sign to him that he was doing something right, but I knew he didn't need the encouragement or lacked the confidence. His movements quickened, making my body more excited to feel him so close, to feel him inside of me. He was so warm. He felt so good. My eyes closed as I gently laughed in his ear. His lips softly swept across my forehead and moved to the damper area of my hair. He then wrapped his fingers into it and pulled a little. I gasped at the extra warmth on my scalp. "Jake, don't tease me," I whispered. "I want to come again. Let me—OH!" My plea was cut off as I suddenly bucked forward and bit into my best friend's shoulder; I broke the skin.

I didn't surrender my hold until my orgasmic tremors began to subside almost a full minute later. My lips moved rapidly across his beautiful skin in affection and I tasted light bits of sweat on his body. My legs had their feeling return back to them and I moved them up and down his sides and spoke loving words in his ear. It took him only moments after to experience a climax of his very own. My stomach shuddered involuntarily in reaction to his sperm's heat invading my body, but I moaned pleasurably in his ear. My fingers draped along where I had just bitten him and it had already healed into a light pink scar. In less than ten minutes, it would be like nothing was ever there. Not even a mark would be left on his gorgeous skin.

"Perfect," I purred in Jacob's ear. "I'll be ready for round three by then," I said more to myself, but I left the open meaning for him to interpret as he pleased.

Jacob sighed suddenly and rolled off of me, careful not to hit or crush my limbs under his enormous weight. I swore he had grown again in the short week that we had come back home from Florida. More than once I had wondered just how I managed to keep feeding him without Charlie, Billy, and myself losing any meals in the process. Jacob blinked and elbowed his way across his full bed. We had had a queen in my mom's guest room, but I thought we did just fine with this. My bed was only a twin. My smile met his slight frown.

"We have to talk," were the next words that tumbled out of his mouth.

My good mood suddenly soured and I pulled his white sheets over the top half of my body. He left himself exposed. _What did he care?_ I thought bitterly. _He never got cold_. "About what?" I snapped back, already knowing what he would say. I was already trying to think of an escape.

He looked hurt. "Bella, I want to be with you. I need to be with you. We've been doing this for awhile and I just don't—"

"It's only been a couple weeks. What's your rush?" I cut in.

"What's your hesitation?" He fired back. He then ran his hand through his slightly disheveled hair but softened his voice, "Sorry. It's just that I love us together like this, but it's not really right. This isn't everything that I could be for you. 'A roll in the hay?' Come on."

"It's not all you are and I _know_ you can be more." I was debating whether I should close my eyes so that I couldn't see that amazing face, but I continued as if I had already turned away from him. "I just don't need anything more right now."

I felt his body tense at my coldness and watched him move to sit up. Jacob clenched his teeth. "What about what I want? This isn't the kind of thing I want with my best friend." His voice started to rise and I struggled to match his pitch. My voice was already shaking with anger.

"You weren't complaining just a minute ago when you were inside of me. And your other pack mates hoot and holler every time we come within close proximity of each other!" I shouted back. "They seem to think everything we do is fine!"

"I don't give a shit what they think about what we do! I care about you! And I wish you felt the same way as me," he declared, watching me.

"I do, Jacob." I defended. "It's just not what I want. I want us just like this. No pressure. No rules. No—"

"Commitment," he interrupted bitterly, giving me a taste of my own medicine.

My voice raised another octave. "You know, most sixteen year old guys would kill for something like this."

The bed moved violently when Jacob literally leapt backwards and across his tiny bedroom, to the doorway. "I AM NOT MOST GUYS! And you're not just another girl I want to fuck!" His fists banged into the wall. It vibrated a little and I saw tiny cracks appear from the impact. My eyes widened when I realized I had pushed him too far. "I'm in love with you! I'm not leaving you—ever! But you keep punishing me for _his_ mistakes! That leech is the one who left you!" He roared and my very heart shook from the force.

I grabbed a hold of the bed's sheets to keep wrapped around me as I carefully reached for him and went closer to his side. "Jake, sweetie, calm down. Just calm down, okay? Please?"

He continued to shake. "Get away from me, Bella. I don't want to hurt you. Stay away from me." His voice became low and threatening. His eyes narrowed and turned canary yellow, turning into slits already stretching back toward his ears. His skin started to blister under my very touch.

"Honey, please. Relax. Calm down." I moved in front of him to rub his shoulders and began to kiss his neck. My tongue numbed a little after the third kiss. He was scorching, but I was sure I could calm him back down from the phase. I pleaded in a small voice, "You wouldn't hurt me."

Jacob's rapid breathing continued, but his eyes turned onyx black. I didn't feel him shake quite as much. "Bella, please get away from me. I can't calm down. I can't," he beseeched.

"You're doing just fine. Just keep going. Just feel me against you." I wrapped my arms around his neck and used my teeth more than my tongue and lips against his skin. I pulled at the sheet a little and my top was exposed against him. His eyes closed and a pleasant humming noise came from his chest and throat. His lips crashed into me as he pulled off the rest of my cover, placed the front of my body against the wall, and entered me from behind swiftly. I gasped in both longing and discomfort. I still hadn't gotten use to his size and I hated when he entered me too quickly, but seconds after he began to move and wrapped his arm around my waist, I wasn't up to dissuading him. I sucked in air through my teeth, feeling content as I felt his chest scrape across my back.

"Oh God, Jake…" His thrusts increased and I fought back tears with closed eyes and tightened fists. My hair provided very little cushion against the friction of the wall, but I didn't dare make him slow down. I didn't want to anyway. I came quickly and felt the liquid trickle down my thighs as his fingers pressed into my hips. I gasped again, this time from him holding onto me too tightly and he slowed down his pace finally. I felt his breath against my ear and his fingers push aside the rest of my hair to leave my entire backside and neck exposed. His chest left my back as his lips met the skin just under my rib cage and the heat continued to blaze as it trailed up my shoulders.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I just want you so much."

Elation filled my heart. "It's okay. Its fine, Jake. Don't stop. Just don't stop."

I heard him breathe deeply as if he was hesitating and then I felt his sharp teeth sink into the very middle back of my neck. I shook against it, but he fastened my arms to the walls and kept moving inside of me. Surprise and fear clouded my thoughts as my legs clenched closed, but he slammed the front of his body against me, to reopen me to his liking. My eyes fluttered wide and glistened at the momentary pain, but my nipples soon re-hardened and my body betrayed me by giving into another climax. "J—Jake—?" Jacob's tongue quickly lapped over my neck, his hands reached to my front to cover my breasts, and my butt gently bounced off his warm, upper thighs, making my core vibrate. I suddenly fought to keep my eyes open; the pleasure was immense. My clit throbbed as he continued to enter and re-enter me, again and again, harder, softer, faster, longer, and then I was internally begging for him to never stop. _What's happening?_

I still felt his teeth in my neck's skin, but the pain receded. His hands lessened their grip and he quickly turned me to face him, lifted me with his arms, and entered me again from the front. Pleasure ripped through my body as it continued to cling to him, but my eyes searched his for an answer to what had just happened.

Tears were in his eyes as our bodies continued through the act of unrequited and unequal love-making and he kissed my eyelids closed with his lips. "I love you, Bella, I do. Please don't be mad. Please don't be mad."

"What did you do?" I trembled, afraid to look in his eyes again. My nails dug into my palms, beginning to shake a little as my lower body numbed from his heat. _I could not be having another orgasm. I could not be having another orgasm,_ I screamed inside. _Please don't do this. Please don't make me come again_.

"I proved it." His admission made my mouth clamp shut, a breathy sigh getting the better of me as my body continued to defy my internal pleas to not give in. My head crashed into his naked chest, crying still. Our tears met each other's as we quietly orgasmed together. I didn't understand what had happened or why my body had acted with such desire to his ferocity, but I suddenly felt more like his that early afternoon than any other day.

It ran my blood cold.

* * *

_Later..._

I pulled over the side of the road twice to throw up on my way to the Newton's Sporting Goods store for a summer job application. I realized that it was a little late to try and look for a summer job, but I was intent on going to college in the spring and I would need more money than what I had initially been saving. Most of it was from wanting to buy a car when I moved to Forks, but fortunately Charlie had taken care of that last year.

My chest heaved in from the overwhelming feeling of guilt that tugged the back corner of my mind. Was I a masochist? Did I like it when Jacob got rough? I couldn't get over my feelings for Jacob's aggressive and dominant behavior. I was close to tears again when I my mind warped back to the way his teeth felt against my delicate skin or the way his fingers pressed into me as he increased his speed. I was sick. There was no doubt in my mind. Jacob was slowly taking over every part of me and soon there would be no more room for anything else.

I sighed as I walked out of my Chevy into the sporting goods store. Mike was working, but I my interview was with his mother. I knew Mike would be leaving toward the end of the summer for college so if I at least didn't get a job for the summer, I thought maybe I would be in the running by the time fall came around. My luck held out. Mrs. Newton actually wanted me for the summer and I would start next week at 11.

I drove back in silence. My prior thoughts of Jacob gave in my need for a distraction as I thought of his shoulders and the outline of his back as it towered over me. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have him. Maybe I was just scared that Edward would come back just as I was getting even closer to Jacob. I shook my head. _Edward was not coming back. None of them were. They didn't care about me. They hadn't even surfaced when Laurent had come after me on behalf of Victoria. I was a fool._

My tires screeched as a loud thump came from my cab. I turned and swerved when a voice boomed, "It's me, Bella! It's Embry!"

I stopped the truck and turned all the way around. Embry stood in the cab with one knee elevated and gave me a small smile. "Dude, you drive weird. How do you stop in the middle of the road still after a swerve like that? Jacob needs to teach you how to drag race."

"What are you doing here?" I screamed, ignoring what he had said.

Embry lost his smile and grew serious. "Leech is in the area; possibly two. We smelled them a few miles back so Jacob sent me ahead. I'm not supposed to let you freak out. He said 'Tell her, but don't let her go after them.' You are pretty cool, but weird for a 'vampire girl' you know. Your boyfriend is weird too."

I didn't correct him with the proper term I had been describing Jacob with, but I rolled my eyes and looked around. Embry's nose started to flare and his hands sunk into the metal of my truck as his grip hardened. I felt bad for my truck and started to protest, "Embry—"

"Don't move," Embry warned. "Seth! Stay here with Bella," he called out to his left.

Another wolf, this one sandy brown, walked slowly out of the forest and gave me a friendly grin. Embry stripped out of pants and I closed my eyes too late, seeing more of him than I needed. None of the boys were very shy and these guys could choke a bull with their anatomy.

"Jeez, Embry!" I heard him laugh and then it turned into a wheeze as he phased. I shook my head remembering the first time I had seen Jacob's. Jacob was still noticeably bigger, but Embry's future wife wouldn't be disappointed either. I slapped myself for even thinking such a thing.

I paced in front of Seth and pulled on one of his ears. He didn't seem to care and stretched out in front of me. I flicked a small stone out at him and he rolled it back with his nose. These guys were really at ease with being giant wolves. Suddenly Seth turned and growled.

I didn't wait.

I ran into the forest almost as soon as the howls began. I heard Seth behind me, but either because of his lack of experience at being a wolf or not being use to having "Bella-duty," I was able to keep in front of him. I smelled something sweet and my speed increased. I knew that smell. The odor was distinctly of lavender and freesia. My blood began to warm as I was thrown off my path by a large furry animal. I quickly thought it was the creature back for me when I saw red patches of a coat push me to its side and between two trees.

Jacob growled at me in his wolf form. I knew it was a stern warning because I had gotten away from Seth. "I'm sorry, honey. I know that smell." Jacob wouldn't budge and continued with a low growl and backed me further into the tree. I huffed at him, "I love you, but I will get past you. Let me pass, Jake!"

His eyes enlarged and he looked around cautiously. He took half a step back as I continued to give him a defiant stare and pushed past him toward the scent. I heard more snarls as two figures stood in a defensive position, surrounded by three other wolves. I recognized Paul, Embry, and Sam right away. I knew there would be more wolves soon and I couldn't wait for them to catch up. I saw black, fairy-like hair with a small frame, and cute gray designer boots in the mud—Alice!

"ALICE! Wait! Don't hurt them!" I ran in front of the black wolf, Sam, and plunged into the arms of a still defensive vampire.

Alice wrinkled her nose slightly as if to be snooty, but widened her eyes in distress as I felt her cold arms cover me and meet my tearful gaze. "Bella, what the hell are you doing? Are you mad? These dogs are dangerous—"

"They were only protecting their land and Bella. It seems that we overestimated Bella's need for our help, sis."

I hadn't looked to see who the other vampire was, but now I was sure. I had smelled him not that long ago as I ran from Seth, but my senses had not yet caught up to me as I felt lifted by his voice and his golden-brown eyes. I shivered and became giddy. Light as the air and as stiff as the granite stone his skin was made of. "Edward."

"Hello, Bella," was his reply.

I shook in Alice's arms, but I wouldn't let go of her. I was too afraid of what would happen if my arms happened to be free, to wrap themselves around the best gift that God could have given me. Maybe Edward didn't believe that he had soul and maybe he would have taken mine had he turned me, but he had just saved mine by showing his face to me by letting me inhale his great scent and gaze at his flawless skin that sparkled even with the clouds. It was just as we were in the meadow, our meadow; the meadow where we had professed our love and promised each other to one another.

And then he broke that promise.

I heard two barks reemerge and I turned. Jacob was still in a defensive position and the silver wolf, Paul, was mimicking him. Sam and the others had relaxed, but again looked concerned as their eyes went from the vampires back to their pack mates.

"Forgive me. Where are my manners? I am Edward Cullen and this is my sister, Alice." Edward was cordial as he turned to the other wolves, including Paul. He lingered his gaze over Jacob. "Jacob, I believe we have already met. You were a good friend of Bella's when she came to Forks. I am glad she reacquainted herself with you."

Jacob snarled and took one aggressive step forward toward him. I let go of Alice and put half of my body in front of Edward and met Jacob's eyes. Paul dropped his stance, but Jacob held strong. Sam phased immediately and stepped in front of Jacob, naked. I looked away, not wanting to see any part of Sam that I didn't have to.

"Jacob, calm down." Sam's voice soothed me even, but Jacob still looked ruffled. Jacob shook his head and took a half a step more. "Jacob, not now. Not now. You will calm down." Jacob's head jerked, but his teeth were still bared.

I took a step toward Jacob to help, but Alice grabbed my sleeve, flinging me back. A roar echoed from my Jacob's mouth and Edward's still cordial smile flinched a little. "He's very protective of her. Let her go, Alice. He's calm enough."

"Werewolves are not good company, Edward. You know that." Alice then turned to me, "And you should have more common sense, Bella. You don't repel danger; you attract it."

I couldn't believe Alice was giving me a lecture with the love of my life, my very attractive and angry best friend, a naked Quileute, and four other wolves watching us very carefully.

"What is this about anyway? Why are you on our land?" Sam was back down to business.

Edward's smile turned wider. "It's not what you think. We were not feeding. We bring you news of what you have been hunting; Victoria is hunting Bella. And she brings a few surprises."

My blood ran cold again.

* * *

_Late afternoon..._

"Jake, calm down. You have to calm down." I reached to pull on Jacob's fur, but he jumped out of my grasp again. I sighed and put my hands on my hips. We had about an hour left before we had to meet with the other members of the pack and the Cullens and Jacob wouldn't phase back to talk to me. I had tried talking quietly and I tried yelling. The only thing left that I could have done was taken off my shirt to grab his attention, but my heart lacked the mood. "You have to talk to me, Jacob. Please? Just relax and phase back. Let me hold you—"

Jacob barked harshly at me and his fore legs pushed the dirt to create a little wall mound between us. I hissed at him, "I love you, you miserable canine, but you are really pushing my nerves. Phase back or I am leaving, Jacob." He stared at me and whimpered. "I swear it, Jacob. I will leave," I threatened again. Jacob panted loudly and shook his head. He looked sad. My anger waned as I started to worry. "Can you phase back? Are you that upset?" Jacob nodded. I sat on the porch step of his house and beckoned him. He approached me slowly and rested his head on my lap and I gently rubbed behind his ears and kissed his nose a dozen times. By the time his other pack mates had walked over to pick us up to go to the meet with the Cullens, Jacob's human head was still in my lap. And if any of them saw the tears that had caked up on his perfect russet skin, no one laughed. Not even Paul.

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***A/N: Have a great New Years! I'll post again within the week I get back. Thanks for reviewing!  
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	28. The Ghost of You & I

Chapter Summary: Bella's heart is torn in two as Jacob loses control in front of her upon Edward's return to Forks. The pack tries to keep the lines of the treaty from being crossed, but Jacob will not listen as he spills out his intent toward Bella and Edward is less than thrilled at what the young werewolf has to say. Victoria's plans are also brought into light.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and Team Edward fans can have Edward all they want. Us Team Jacob fans are doing just fine.**

Chapter XXVIII Title: 'The Ghost of You & I,' by Story of the Year

Edward smiled warmly at me as I stepped out from behind Jacob a short half hour later after the pack and I arrived for the meet. Jacob started to move in front of me, but Quil stuck his hand out to hold him back by his pulsating forearm. Jacob shook underneath Quil's grasp anyway as I reached a few paces in front of Edward. I gushed over Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett hugging them each. I gave a small smile to Rosalie and embraced Alice again, though I had seen her a few hours earlier; it was as if no time had passed. I felt my heart lurch when Edward continued to smile at me and a wave of calm ripped through me, despite me being anxious and feeling guilty for still caring for Edward the way that I did.

"Jasper! Quit it," I cried, abruptly realizing why I was puzzlingly okay all of a sudden.

Jasper tensed at my mention of his name from my lips but grinned. "Sorry. It was the least I could do after everything…" He looked ashamed.

"I've already forgiven you, Jasper." I smiled harder, feeling as though both of my worlds had been completed. I ran my hand along Alice's small hands and she fingered my hair for a second before taking a large step back.

"You stink, Bella. You really smell," Alice said.

"Funny. I actually think she smells nice," Emmett called.

"You don't smell 'dog' on her? It's disgusting." Rosalie replied nastily as her perfectly poised nose wrinkled. "No offense," her head motioning to the other wolves and men. Sam, Jacob, and Embry were still human but Seth, Jared, Paul, and Quil had taken the opportunity to phase. I thought it was a matter of trust.

"Well, yeah I smell that, but you don't smell her blood? Her body?" Emmett commented. "It smells…hot. OW!" Rosalie had slapped Emmett. "Sorry, babe."

"I agree," Jasper affirmed. "You do smell different. What is it exactly?"

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was in heat. OW!" Emmett's mouth continued to get him in trouble. "What? What did I say? It's a natural emotion for the human!" Emmett defended.

Edward's mouth flinched and I heard Jacob give a not so soundless growl.

Jasper looked quickly from left to right before clearing his throat. I felt his reassurance and calming effects as he began charismatically speaking to the wolves, "The reason why we are here is because Alice has seen some of what Victoria has planned. We would have been here sooner, but Victoria had been successful in blocking much of her planning and we were not completely sure until just a few short days ago." He paused. "The attacks in Seattle the past couple of weeks have been done by our kind; newborns…and a vargulf."

Murmurs and growls sounded through the wolves. Sam took a step back and Embry shuddered. Jacob kept his eyes on me and my proximity to Edward.

"What's a vargulf?" I asked.

Jasper gave me another tense smile and Edward shook his head. "She should know," Jasper argued. "She's already met Rover in Seattle."

I blinked. "Rover? Isn't that a common dog's name?"

Alice's honey brown eyes sparkled lightly at me while Emmett's booming laughter shook the nearest trees. "Well Rex and Spike were already too popular with the humans and their companions. I am sure the imps didn't think those names would sit well with a giant rogue hellhound. They have an image to maintain themselves."

I was confused. "So a vargulf is a werewolf? Like these guys?"

Everyone shook their head at my simplicity. Jacob's tone was calm, but he gritted through his teeth, "They are nothing like us. It is one wolf; one lone wolf. He is not a protector. He is not a brother. He kills to kill. He doesn't even kill to eat. He feeds off of hate, bloodshed, and carnage that he causes every chance he—"

"You are not werewolves either. Not by the true definition." Jasper tried to say it without harshness, but the entire pack still shook in anger from his words. "A vargulf is a true werewolf. He doesn't change at will nor does he change by moonlight as Hollywood suggests. Your tribe and talent are merely as shape shifters. You take on the animals you feel most comfortable—"

"Dude," Emmett sounded, interrupting Jasper. "You guys are copycats?" This time Alice slapped Emmett and he looked hurt. "What? Oh, I mean copy-dogs," he amended sheepishly.

Jacob grew more upset. "We are not a copy of anything! We are the protectors of our land! We are the descendants—"

"We know of your legends and we are not trying to be rude. Please?" Carlisle held up his hands toward Sam though Jacob had been speaking. Jacob began to shake more violently and Carlisle caught it. "I did not mean to interrupt, young warrior, but there isn't much time. Victoria plans to move quickly within this next month or so and we still do not have all the answers to her plans. We may have two more weeks, three at the most, if we are lucky. She has been very careful, as we mentioned before. Both sides care deeply for Bella. I am proposing a truce between the two sides; for her sake and for the sake of the people in Forks. We do have a plan and a way to stop the vargulf and Jasper is an expert when it comes to dealing with newborns." He paused in the middle of his speech. "You have no reason to trust us and you may stay in whatever form you wish, but we are here to fight. That is why we came back. We will leave as soon as the battle is over."

My heart broke at Carlisle's last statement. I awkwardly gasped and Alice rubbed her tiny cool fingers into my back.

Sam stepped forward. "Fair enough. We will speak with our elders and relay the news. We will let you know by tomorrow—"

"There is no truce!" Jacob yelled out suddenly. "Our grandfathers made a truce with them already! WE DON'T HAVE TO!"

Sam's eyes narrowed at the blatant outburst of disrespect. "Jacob, calm down," he warned.

Jacob would not back down and his trembling continued. He seemed to have started convulsing as his body's vibrations ripped through his back and his skin turned fiery red in minimal blinks.

"Jacob, stop!" I cried. I took a step toward him and Edward reached for me, cutting off Alice who had been pulled back by Jasper. Jasper looked nervous. My werewolf's rage might have been too much for him to push back down. "Jake!" I felt Edward's hand over my wrist as he stepped half in front of me and pushed me back with his arm.

Jacob shouted furiously, "DON"T TOUCH HER! Why did you come back? She was done with you—she was over you!" Jacob's hands tore into his hair.

Edward was passive, "I came back because she needed me. She needs my help. I am sorry that this upsets you Jacob, but I am not leaving until she is safe and in the same condition as I left her in."

"Same condition?" Jacob sneered. "Do you know what she was like when you left? Do you know how Sam found her? Do you know how much pain _you_ left her in?"

Edward paled and looked more remorseful than I had ever seen even as a human. His eyelids closed and he grabbed his lower stomach as small, uneven breaths escaped his perfectly poised lips. The small sociable smile that his face had been carrying through most of the meeting barely held; a flaw of his vampire nature of never needing emotions.

My chest started to heave as I grabbed a hold of Edward. "Jacob, what are you doing? What are you doing to him? You have to stop this!"

"He needs to see what he did! How could you let him back—?"

"Don't you dare pass judgment on him! Whatever you're doing, stop it! Stop it NOW!"

Jacob looked at me. "A few memories shouldn't hurt him. He is immortal, after all; a perfect _Cullen_," he mocked.

I started toward Jacob to try and reason with my best friend, but Edward clutched me. My foot staggered back. Jacob's chest started to cave in as his fists clenched.

"Bella, please!" He begged me. "Don't let him do this to us! We don't need him—you don't need him! Tell him what we are, Bella! Tell him what we are!" He screamed.

I shook my head as Edward suddenly widened his eyes while looking into Jacob's dark black ones. His lips parted a little as his hand slowly trailed up my arm, my shoulder, and fingered through my hair. My head went forward a little out of reflex when Edward gently shifted two fingers to the back of my neck. I gasped almost as quickly as Edward did. The wolves who had already phased stepped forward and Embry suddenly shook in fear and alarm. They knew already.

And now Edward knew too.

"You—you marked her? When did you…?" Edward's eyes closed and what was left of his smile disappeared as his lips snarled, "You beast! You defiled her! You destroyed—"

"I what? You parasitic—" Jacob howled and his face contorted into a longer form with a black muzzle, his eyes erupted into a yellow glare, and his hands lengthened into paws.

"JACOB, STOP IT!" I was mortified and clutched at my neck and stomach. I screamed at my half phased friend and was completely beside myself.

"He marked her?" I heard Emmett say. "But doesn't that...don't animals do that when they—"

"Emmett!" Alice called out as she silently regarded the weight of Edward's accusations and covered her mouth.

"Whoa! Bella's doing a wolf? Kick ass! I can't believe she's still able to walk—OW!" Rosalie cut Emmett off, but the damage had already been done.

I felt claustrophobic and wanted to disappear. Tears flooded my eyes and my cheeks reddened. Everyone stared at me. It felt so much like Florida. If felt too much like nothing had passed. I was still unable to be with the one I truly loved and now I was worse off than when Edward had left me. I could barely hear myself as I continued to scream at Jacob, my words hollow and my voice winded.

"How could you?" I accused. "How could you have done that to me?"

Jacob looked torn as he fought to keep from phasing. "I had to! You wouldn't love me! You wouldn't stay with me!"

"And this was your plan to keep me?" My tone was vicious. "You mark me like an animal? Like property? What's wrong with you?" Tears left my eyes and my hands reached for my hair.

"I love you, Bella! He is not for you! I AM!" He begged. "Bella—"

"Bella, how could you let him touch you like that?" Edward interrupted. "Is that how you forgot about me? By running into the arms of _him_? This insignificant—"

"Edward—no!"

"SHE'S MINE!" Jacob bellowed at the same time.

"She doesn't belong to you." Edward wouldn't look at him, keeping his eyes fixed on me. "She's not yours or mine, but I made her a promise. I said I would stay until it was no longer best for her. I am not leaving. You will just have to deal with it, pup—"

Sam grabbed me just in time as Jacob shredded his clothes, phased in the middle of Edward's sentence, and landed into Edward's side, propelling them both to the ground. Edward expected it and had used the opportunity to wrap his arms around Jacob's midsection and squeeze. Paul, as the silver wolf stepped forward, but Sam barked at him in his human form, "No, Paul!"

Jacob snarled and bit into Edward's looser arm, but Edward wrapped his legs around Jacob's back leg, pulling it at an awkward angle. I cried and tried to shake Sam's grip loose, but he wouldn't let go. I lunged myself forward unsuccessfully at the two forms. "JAKE! EDWARD, STOP! Stop it, please! Don't do this!" Edward looked at me momentarily as Jacob slammed his body into him with a force that threw him several yards in the dirt. It looked like a small meteorite's path had crashed in the clearing. Edward snarled back and bared his teeth as Jacob growled, kicked dirt toward my beloved's body, and jumped onto his shoulders. The power knocked Edward to the ground.

"Don't hurt him! Jacob, please! I still love him!"

Jacob looked up and Edward used his granite arm to knock him back. Edward started to run to me when Jacob's paws pressed into his back to knock him forward again, hitting the dirt face down. My wolf howled and sunk his teeth into Edward's arm with a sickening crunch.

"Jacob, please!"

Edward kicked Jacob in the stomach, throwing him off balance. Jacob hit the dirt beside Embry with a small thud. Embry tried to grab Jacob's tail, but Jacob pulled anyway, flinging Embry forward and making a move to attack Edward again. Edward put his hands out.

"Jacob, stop this. Look at what you're doing to Bella…"Edward began softly.

Jacob's teeth displayed even more and he salivated as he stood on his hind legs to look down on Edward. Jacob was easily eight feet and shot up another few inches though his ears pointed back and his head reared for another lunge.

"I don't want to hurt you, Jacob," Edward warned. "I am only thinking of Bella. You need to start thinking of Bella too."

Jacob stretched his front paws and his hind legs bent for the jump, shaking a small area of the clearing's ground. My hand moved toward the image of my two loves colliding. Edward got under Jacob, caught his short fur, and threw him into the tree. Emmett howled in cheer and Paul lunged, clearly upset that Emmett had declared a side so openly. The other wolves moved closer and Embry phased at that moment. Paul had Emmett by the throat, but Rosalie jumped on his back and twisted open Paul's mouth. I heard a deafening crack and turned back to Edward and Jacob. Jacob had gotten back up and sunk his nails into Edward's arm while I heard Paul (presumably) gurgling and gasping. Sam gently placed me on the ground and phased to step in between Paul, Emmett, and Rosalie. Jasper fought to keep Alice close to him, Esme ran over to the other wolves and Carlisle ran over to me.

Carlisle kept me in place as I gasped when Edward reached around Jacob's neck to pull it back. His mouth was open as if he were thirsty, but I knew better. This was how he hunted. This was how he killed. He was going to kill my best friend.

"NO, NO, NO!" My sobs broke as I fell to the floor.

Edward's hand froze and Jacob reached around to knock back Edward. Edward caught Jacob's front leg and tore it soundly, a horrible breaking noise reached my ears as Jacob whimpered and fell back. His stomach was half on the floor as Edward steeped closer before Jacob suddenly jumped and put his teeth into Edward's neck. Tears blurred my vision.

I almost didn't see another small gray flash appear from the edge of the forest as it howled and landed into Edward and Jacob's scuffle. I wouldn't commit myself to anymore feelings at that moment besides the immense relief of Edward kneeling in the dirt upright or Jacob's wolf form standing shakily on all fours. I heard a buzz from behind me as Sam had phased back. Quil and Jared were over Paul, trying to keep him from phasing back into wolf form. Rosalie was cooing a dirty Emmett and Jasper had finally let go of Alice, who was busy consoling Esme. I reached Edward and sobbed into his chest and looked at Jacob. His eyes were low and mournful as he turned from me.

"Oh no, Jacob—"

"LEE-LEE! Phase back! Phase back!" I heard Sam's howl erupt suddenly and I turned to the small group of naked teens. I saw a body of gray fur twitch in the nearby grassy area as Sam's hands covered as much as his enormous frame could cover.

He was crying.


	29. Awake

Chapter Summary: Edward and Jacob develop their own way of showing Bella how much she means to them, bloodsucker and mongrel respectively, and the wolf pack contemplates making major adjustments to their already complicated lifestyle for the battle with Victoria. The fight is sure to have only one winner.

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and I am glad that SM woke up from her dream, to share Jacob Black with the rest of world.**

Chapter XXIX Title: 'Awake,' by Dashboard Confessional

"He's ashamed of me. He's really mortified that I am what I am; that I am like you. 'There is no honor in what you are, Leah.' That's what he said." Leah Clearwater was shaking against Sam, naked. She had been able to phase back moments ago and now we all surrounded her. Vampires and her pack mates, alike.

I was pulling on Edward's dirty sleeve while Jacob shifted his weight from side to side, looking uncomfortable and ready to fall. I glanced at him, but he kept his jaw and eyes straight in Leah's direction. I started to reach for him, but Edward put his cool lips to my head.

"Leave him. He might get angry again no matter what you say to him," he murmured into my clammy skin.

I nodded, holding back my tears. I pressed my fingers into my palms and tried to think of anything else besides feeling Jacob's hands on my hips again or seeing his smile as he whispered his love for me in my ears. I felt the back of my neck and breathed sharply again, tensing up.

_How could he have marked me? How could he have done this to me without asking me first? _

Edward noticed that my hand moved diligently back and forth on the back of my neck and his hand touched my arm. "He did it out of love. He really is very taken to you; it's a sign of affection among the pack."

I grumbled, "I'm not another mutt for him to brand. He makes me so mad—"

"He didn't feel like he had a choice. I saw it in his mind."

I looked at Edward's painful smile. "You agree?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, but I understand. You are really quite remarkable, Bella. First, you make a vampire fall in love with you and now a young werewolf? Personally I would have chosen more carefully with the latter, but you are lethal."

I rolled my eyes and concentrated on Leah, who was still sobbing. Her father, Harry had come home from the hospital finally and had started an argument with the elders about her, feeling shame that it was decided that she would run with Sam's pack. It was a less than ideal circumstance since Sam and Leah had once been together. It was originally thought that only male descendants of Taha Aki could shift into wolves; Leah was the first female to have ever phased. My heart broke as she relayed her relatively short story to the rest of us. She was not big on talking.

Seth tried to get closer to her, but she had screamed at him, not wanting him to see her naked though Sam had somewhat covered her with Jared's shirt.

"I had to help. I had to show the Elders and my father that I was not a mistake," she continued to insist, her voice breaking as she did. "I'm not a freak. I am one of you! I am just like you guys! I want to help protect our lands too. I want to fight those leeches!" None of the vampires grimaced when Leah used the term as she did.

"We'd certainly love to include you, Ms. Clearwater," Carlisle spoke gently and everyone stared. "She wants to protect her family just as we all do. It's not right to keep her out when she so desperately wants to join in."

Leah nodded eagerly in agreement.

Emmett snickered. "Awesome; Seven dogs and a bitch." Sam actually growled before Esme looked apologetic for Emmett. "What?" Emmett asked, looking innocent. "It's true, right? Did I miscount?"

"Exactly, Emmett. It seems that Sam has more news," Edward spoke suddenly. I watched his lips move, not believing that a phrase so simple could mean so much to me at that moment.

Sam hung his head. "With everything that has been happening, and the increased threat to our lands and family there have been…we now have two more young wolves to help train for the upcoming battle."

The pack members looked around. Jared broke the silence first. "Who?"

"Colin and Brady," Sam's sad voice hummed like a light breeze through our rather large group. The group of boys closed their eyes and I watched Jacob jerk. Some dry blood was still on his body from when Edward had twisted back one of his limbs, but his arm stood unhindered by the obvious pain he must have still been in, physically and mentally. "There might be more, but I don't want to put that kind of pressure on the new wolves yet—"

Jacob spoke up. "I'll help train them."

I hadn't heard him speak in such awhile that I found it hard to look away from him. I couldn't believe how torn I was between these two magnificent men. Both were willing to fight so hard for me and protect their loved ones from danger as if they were two perfect idols of war.

"That's very noble, but we don't even know exactly how to begin training them for this fight, let alone the new threat," Sam revealed.

Jasper stepped forward. "I did say that I have expertise in newborns. They are more difficult and more agile, but we can kill them. The vargulf is trickier and requires a bit of sacrifice."

"A sacrifice of what?" Sam's eyes narrowed.

Carlisle smiled in spite of the gravity of the situation. "A small change in diet."

The boys looked confused as did I.

"It's quite simple; wolves have been known to feed off of vegetation during long, hard, and lean weeks of little food. They also eat some vegetation to keep from overhunting in their territory." Carlisle continued on, everyone keeping still and quiet. "They hunt one specific part of their area at a particular time during the month and do not hunt there again till sometime has passed and nature has managed to catch up to replace what was eaten a while before."

Paul looked bored with the short zoology lesson. "So?"

"Didn't your mommy tell you to eat your vegetables?" Emmett kidded. "We're technically vegetarians. "

Paul's temper was evident in his straightened jaw. "Listen leech—"

"Mountain ash. Vargulfs are not immune to the effects of mountain ash," Carlisle interrupted. "It is a plant that grows in Texas. My family and I figured that if the young wolves would eat nothing but this plant from now until battle, it will be ingested into your system, bloodstream, and saliva. There is a significant meaning to the phrase 'you are what you eat.' Then during the fight, if you were able to bite and fend off the vargulf with enough bites, that would bring it down, and weaken it severely enough to kill it. My family and I would also help with fending off the newborns and shooting arrow heads soaked in the remnants of mountain ash."

I looked at my extended family. It sounded simple, but I knew there would be a twist somewhere. I didn't believe it would really be that easy.

"Uh-huh. So we get to play with the big dumb animal while the bloodsuckers get to shoot at it from a faraway distance? Some deal," Jared said bitterly.

Jasper beamed. "In archery, rovers are what they call the targets that the arrows hit. Look on the bright side; we'll be shooting rovers into Rover. That's kind of cool. And trust me; we will have our hands full with the newborns."

"We get some too," Jacob's voice was grave. "At least we'll get to kill _some_ vampires, for a change." His look was murderous as I continued to stare at him.

Sam stood up to help Leah to her feet. "Sounds fine with us. We will start training and eating tomorrow. Jacob and Embry will travel to Texas to bring back some of this plant for us. Everyone is to participate."

"I hate vegetables!" Paul whined.

Sam smirked for the first time in the whole afternoon. "Too bad."

Paul grimaced as he faced Carlisle. "You sure silver bullets don't work on the beast, Dr. Fang?"

I actually chuckled as Paul was slapped on the arm by Jared. Sam didn't bother to answer. My eyes strayed back to Jacob, but he didn't bother to return the look.

* * *

Two and ½ months later into the summer and there was no more news or shift from Victoria's plans. Alice was very confident that things were to be the same.

I was less sure.

Edward had come back into my life, which made me overjoyed; however, my feelings for Jacob were not so easy to dismiss. In between my shifts at work and spending time with Edward, I did manage to see Jacob, but he was desperately trying to avoid all contact with me that was outside of staring. During practices with the Cullens, watching me became his favorite hobby, but he would never approach me in his wolf form or as human. Edward stayed close to me most of the time and smiled often enough, except when Jacob would turn his head to look at me.

Edward did find it fascinating though.

"What's he thinking? Is he going to say anything to me?" I asked Edward more than a few times at each practice.

Edward looked at me thoughtfully and rubbed my neck. Jacob's mark had been fading little by little each day and it was now gone, but I still felt my skin blister as if Jacob had only done it moments ago. "No. He won't," Edward answered. "He's giving you space."

"Space?" I repeated. Edward nodded. I felt less at ease.

I felt Edward's cool fingertips on my collarbone as his lips brushed my cheeks. I kept my breath steady as my mouth pressed against his softly and tasted him once more as a content sigh left his mouth. Too into the moment with Edward I had almost forgotten that we were watching the wolves practice and turned at Edward's expression. My eyes fell on Jacob, who had been watching us, but he merely dragged his feet in the nearby mud with his tail between his legs in defeat and regret. Half of my heart fell apart into pieces again.

I slept horribly that night, dreaming of leaving both men in my life as they continued to fight with each other to make me choose just whom I loved more. I couldn't take the pressure and wound up drowning myself in my own blood, which had been viciously provided by Victoria, slitting my wrists open with her teeth. Sweat covered my body and I felt rancid even with Edward's arms holding me, rocking me back to sleep. I had exhausted my thinking of just how I could go on with loving these two very different men and began to cry all over again. Edward tried to soothe me as best he could, but I sobbed even louder as I heard distant howls in the night. His words did nothing to calm my fears afterward.

"Go to him, Bella. Go and see him," Edward's voice begged me and all I could do was shake my head. I wasn't sure if he had actually been really saying it or if I was imagining it. I decided that it didn't matter and I declined the request made of me.

"What will happen if I see him? Did you ask Alice? What did she see? Will we be friends again?"

Edward's smile was tight. "Alice can't see the wolves. It's like the future disappears with them. It might be some kind of defense they have against us."

The next morning, I'd never thought I'd be so happy to run out of tears. Most of them had fallen into my oatmeal. Charlie had already left and Edward had told me that he wouldn't be seeing me that day because he needed to feed. I knew I would be alone in the house for the rest of the day. I threw out what was left in my bowl and glanced at the clock. I didn't work today and I was pretty sure that the wolves wouldn't have training until late that evening. I shrugged a little and watched the morning news for almost an hour before I gave up, showered quickly, put on a clean tee and jeans, jumped into my Chevy, and drove to La Push.

I was positive that I had imagined Edward telling me to go see Jacob, but just in case he changed his mind from last night to this morning, I was going to make use of the empty day. My previous daily doses of Jacob hadn't been enough and we both needed more. If he didn't, then I did.

I tried to keep it in my mind that no matter what Jacob said, I would not hit him. My hand still held painful memories of the last times I had hit him, playful and not so playful, and didn't need the ache of having my heart and fingers broken too. I sat in my moving Chevy, watching the Blacks' house grow closer. It didn't look any different than it had from the beginning of the summer when Jacob and I had been intimate in his room; several times in his room. It didn't even seem weird to be looking at it once more, but I knew that everything had changed. I was with Edward, sort of. We were working on our relationship, sort of. I was truthfully not seeing Edward romantically, but I had had enough fantasies. I even thought of Jacob and Edward together a few times. Fire and ice; Edward to cool off Jacob's heat and Jacob to burn away Edward's chill. It seemed like saying the same thing, but reverse.

I started to knock when Jacob threw open the door. He was barefoot and wearing baggy jean shorts. He looked fine. He looked healthy.

He also looked mad.

"Bloodsucker let you out?" Jacob's tone was malicious.

"I'm glad your manners have improved. Paul teaching mongrel classes on the weekends or do you slip in a few during practice?" The sentence flew out of my mouth in anger, but Jacob was not impressed.

"Nice. Real nice, Isabella."

I forced a small laugh, though I had just insulted him moments ago. "I'm not 'Bella' anymore?"

"What do you want? I just came off patrol and was about to clean off and sleep."

I looked at him and he looked okay. He smelled fresh enough, but I didn't have super senses. "I want to talk to you. It's weird for us not to talk when we've been through so much together."

"Have we now, Isabella? I just thought we were having fun. You know, like pals; like you're the daughter of my father's friend and all that shit. What happened to that?" He ridiculed.

"I just think we should—"

"Did the parasite put you up to this?" he cut in. "I know he did. You would not come here for me on your own. What happened? Did the little pixie leech see us kiss and make up?"

I stared at him, forgetting the insult that I did not care enough about him to visit him of my own accord. "How did you know Alice could see things?"

"How stupid do you think we are, Bella?" Jacob trembled and turned his back to me. His breathing came out more shallow as he started to talk again a few long seconds later. "We don't just practice. We watch you guys too. Your leeches have interesting talents. We can't stand the smell or bear to look at them longer than necessary, but it helps distract us from wanting to kill them…at least for some of the time." Jacob then added more quietly, "And we're learning how to kill them later."

"You're going to hurt the Cullens?" My voice shrieked.

He faced me and smirked, "Wish you would get that upset over the possibility of losing me. And no. We won't kill them; not unless they bite someone. Willing or not." Jacob's eyes stole my gaze and I took a small step back. "That's what I thought."

I shook my head dismissively. "Jake, listen, you are everything to me. You are. And Edward said that you were giving me—us some space and—"

"That's right, I am. I don't believe in being 'dazzling.' I do it the old fashion way; hard work, friendship, and love. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't." He backed away from me, slamming the front door into the wall. He stomped into his room and without knowing what else to do or say, I followed him.

I needed him to understand why I had come. I needed him to know that I still cared about him. I needed to feel him against me like I use to, to know that he would always be there for me and never give up.

Jacob started to take down his pants, becoming completely nude. My eyes widened at his boldness, my skin tingled with excitement, and my breaths were short, but plentiful. I was aroused. I almost felt as if it had been too long. And then I felt ashamed as I forced my eyes to the floor instead. I could feel his eyes on me on him and I still wasn't been able to look at him even as he addressed me. "What's the matter? Does my being naked bother you? Your leech doesn't look like this? Is there a blurb or a censor sign where all of his parts should be?" he scorned.

I shook my head and my eyes teared. I met his eyes then. "What's wrong with you?"

A horrible smile appeared on his face; it twitched as he freely stated, "The girl I love is with a vampire; doesn't get much better than that. And now she is going to leave while I take a shower and then I am going to bed. Does that sound about right?"

My mouth gaped at his off-handed request for me to leave. I nodded slowly and sadly.

"Good." Jacob righted himself, standing taller than I had seen him the entire 2 1/2 months; since Edward's return. "Forgive me if I don't show you out. You seem to like people who leave abruptly."

Jacob sucked in a small breath as he went by me and I held back my impulse to grab him. His burning skin in passing was nothing compared to the words he just spoke. I hated the kind of person he was becoming. I hated that he was no longer my best friend. I even hated that it was my fault, again. I heard the shower turn on, but I couldn't leave. I ran my hand on the bed we once did homework on and (in more recent months) had been together on. I couldn't shake the feeling from my mind. I couldn't doubt my feelings for him. I knew he was the same person. He was just angry. He felt abandoned. He felt as I had when Edward had left me. I touched the scar on the back of my neck. I was sure it was still there and then I began to worry when the scar would fade away completely, physically and from my memory. I didn't want Jacob out of my life. I didn't want him to hurt like I had. Edward had loved me and had come back, even if only for a short while.

But I wanted to stay with Jacob.

I looked around the room for an excuse to stay in his house, to stay in his room. _Maybe I should clean. Maybe I can offer to make lunch or dinner. Maybe I could_…I saw an object on the chair that Jacob had neglected in his haste to leave.

**(JPOV)**

My head was still wrapped around the things that I had said to Bella in my room just a few minutes ago. I bit my lower lip as I fingered through my shampooed hair and wished with everything that Bella could still love me too. I knew it was a long shot. It may have even been a silly charade we were playing to stay in each other's lives, but I was in love with her and somehow, she still had to love me too. My nostrils burned from the very light smell of vampire still on her, but it was mostly her scent I smelled. It still lingered. She had showered very recently.

_Probably to wash his sweat off her body_, I thought coldly. _If those parasites even sweat._

Bella, Bella, Bella. It was never enough.

A pained gasp escaped me as I realized she could have been with him. They could have done anything. He was her perfect vision. She had probably been thinking of him while I was the one pleasuring her. I would have kept doing it. I knew it was wrong to mark her as I did, but it wasn't fair. I knew someone else would have tried to take her away from me. I had been worried that it would have been the redheaded parasite to attempt to take her life, but it turned out to be the other leeches to get in my way. The Cullens were more of a threat than that redhead. At least that redhead parasite didn't want to be with her too.

I would never have Bella; never again.

My trembles vibrated against the shower door and I stepped backward to the wall. I was afraid my shaking would cause the glass doors to shatter. I had spent almost two hours putting the door in correctly and I wasn't about to mess it up now. I wiped my short wet hair back from my face and reached out the shower for my towel. I pulled back air. "Great." I then shrugged. I was 108.9 degrees. I would dry off soon enough by air. I drew blood from my lower lip, becoming semi-aroused. My head smacked the glass shower door as I imagined how many times I had made Bella say my name. How many times she had told me she loved me. It didn't mean a damn thing now that the great, white leech was back. I wasn't enough and I never would be.

I shook more water from my hair and then reached for the knobs to turn the water off. I heard the door.

The shower door was covered in condensation, but I could see Bella's small-framed silhouette. I saw her pale skin being covered by a body towel. My mind couldn't believe my eyes even as I peeked around the ajar door and saw her standing there with a shy smile wrapped in the towel she had brought for me, and nothing else.

My mouth dropped a little.

"Hey, I have your towel. If you still want it." She glanced down and blushed as she touched the top of the towel displaying only the very top of her cleavage. A heavy breath fled from my lips as I grabbed her, picking her up off the tile, and placed her gently in front of me in the shower. The water turned a little colder, but I didn't care. I had the perfect way to keep her warm. I kissed her, trying to be as calm as possible as I removed the towel, and felt her bare breast against my upper stomach. I was immediately ready, but I counted backwards from one to twenty as I tried desperately to concentrate on getting her ready for me properly. Small tremors raced through my back as I began to think of that corpse—that filthy bloodsucker on top of my fragile Bella. I wanted to tear into him. I wanted to rip his limbs and molt them with my very skin if I could. I wanted to—

Bella lips touched mine and my senses were lost. My hands slipped behind her and I surrendered my tongue to hers. Her stomach started to heave against me and I cupped one hand around her butt while the other pushed her legs apart. I had had it in my mind to only play with her clit for a few minutes, but as soon as my fingers felt how wet she was, I got it in my mind to taste her. I picked her up, and as her back hit the steamed shower door, I already envisioned being inside of my Bella.

I traced my index finger along the lines of her pink, lower lips to open them. Her clit shrank back from me a little and my tongue went in after it, to coax it back out. My teeth grazed the tiny pearl of muscle, making Bella's small, but perfect chest contract, and weigh my thighs down with ache and longing on the tub's floor. The water continued to slap my back, reminding me of Bella's fingernails scraping my skin instead. My tongue and throat beckoned for her sweet release into my mouth more than anything else in the world. I rubbed her soft, slick lips with mine feeling as if they were one, and applied a little pressure to keep her legs open for me. I gripped and balanced her thighs on my shoulders, confident that I could support all of her weight on top of me. I heard her pant and she tasted surreal.

Her abrupt moan shook her whole body over me and I almost mistook that for my goal; I wanted her to come and I wanted to be the one to do it. That was all I ever wanted to do. I knew suddenly that this moan and tremor was not the one I wanted; Bella's fingers were raking through my short, wet hair too rhythmically. I needed to make Bella seize ahold of me. My cheeks and face wrestled deeper into her thighs; Bella's teeth began to click together and I felt the "victim" of my affection go hard and twitch intermittently in my mouth.

I continued to play "shapes and diagrams" that I had been learning in my summer tech classes my high school junior year on her for only a few minutes more before she clutched my hair and I tasted the change of her on my tongue and face. _Nice_. I pushed my head further and tried to swallow every last drop.

"Bella," I rasped as I continued to kiss her lower mouth. "My beautiful, Bella."

"Jake—Jacob, I want it. I want you so much—I—OH!"

I pressed my mouth to hers, dropping her a few inches by moving so quickly. I caught her, in spite of my excitement. My hands pressed into her thighs as I held her open, and our lips touched, arriving at the same time my hips and hardness reached inside of her again. Her hurried breath rushed into me and her hands grabbed my waist as I pushed forward as slowly as I could, half hoping that she was wet enough so that it wouldn't hurt and the other half hoping that she was still tight because no one had loved her since me. No one could love her except me. I almost had tears in my eyes from the anticipation.

_Please be my angel, Bella_. _Please still be my angel._

My head was thrown back as I reached her though Bella pulled on my bottom lip. God, she was tight.

_She was tight_?

My teeth clenched together as a pained moan escaped her lips and the tears ran down my face. She was still mine. She was still just for me. _Oh God, my Bella was still mine_! I tried to concentrate again on just feeling her and my body reacted badly; I felt myself harden and lengthen even more before I was able to fit half of myself into her. One of Bella's hands flew behind her and slammed the shower door. I winced at the sound and looked quickly to make sure she hadn't broken her hand or the door, but she was fine…sort of.

She bounced gently against me trying to help, but I was too excited. I wasn't fitting. "Calm down, Jake. Calm down." My mental voice was screaming at me to relax. It was telling me that I was hurting her. It was telling me that if I didn't calm down, I was going to really injure her and then I really would not be able to love her as I intended. I was trying. I squeezed my eyes shut to get the pained, but ecstatic look of joy on her face as she was feeling me just as I was feeling her, but all I could think about was how she had waited. How she really had loved me. I was the last person she had been with; how much I wanted to continue to be the last person.

"Jake…" Her hushed moan cut through my thoughts. I slowed down this time and just enjoyed the feeling of her hips on mine. How her legs were being kept elevated by my strong arms. How her hands were placed intimately around my waist as her head lulled back and forth between my shoulders and the shower door.

That was all I needed. It calmed me down. My size held steady, but I focused on getting her more wet for me.

"My 'hìtk,' you have to help me a little," I whispered into her earlobe.

I prayed that she had remembered my nickname for her from all those months ago; a small hint of recognition passed over her face. She was barely able to nod as she moved her arms from my waist to around my neck. She pressed her nipples into me as she gave me a deep kiss and I forced my way into her a bit more. She bit my tongue from the shock, but a pleasurable groan flew out of her mouth into mine. I could taste the tears on her face and feel the sweat on her brow. I tightened my grip, afraid that she would completely fall out of my arms as she readjusted herself and placed one of her own hands back just below my belly button.

She was trying to slow me down. I hurried to obey her and stopped thrusting almost completely. She quivered and I tried to plead with myself to not grow any larger when I felt her walls suddenly contract. She gave a shudder as her orgasm took the rest of her composure, dug her one hand into my neck, and I pushed the rest of myself in quickly before her body could close back up again.

Bella's mouth locked back around my lips as I slowly increased my speed, now completely uninhibited by hurting her. She was wet. She was here with me. She was mine. I felt the water hit my back, but I only cared about Bella in my front. A few tears left her eyes every so often, but she ushered me to keep going.

Her lips curved into another smile for me. My angel was smiling for me. "I want you to come. You're going to come inside of me."

I smiled back at her. "I'm going to make you come for me again first," I whispered back. I went as slowed as I dared. I didn't want to rush the moment. I didn't want to risk losing her. I wanted to see every second of her. Her legs flinched against my arms and I gave her a cocky grin. I meant what I said. She was going to come for me again. I took longer strides and watched her stomach. I wished that I could put my hands around her, but her legs…I wanted to keep this position. She had to keep her eyes on me at all times. I had to see exactly what I was doing to her. She bit her lips and touched my face with both of her hands.

"I love you, Jacob."

I lost my composure. "Shit!" My thrusts quickened in speed as a moan escaped her and I felt her quiver slightly as another orgasm released itself from her, and then she jolted again as the impact of mine filling her a mere second after. I stepped back slightly. My head hit the shower wall as I continued to clutch her to me and I felt small cracks in the tile through my hair. I would have to fix that before my Dad came back home.

I mentally slapped myself. I had been trying to achieve a bigger reaction from her, but I had lost it as she re-confessed her love for me. _Well, we could always try again_.

My lips turned into an evil smile as she gave me small kisses along my throat, chin, and then moved to my lips. "Mmmhhmm. I should tell you I love you more often," she stated, giving me her own wicked grin.

I reached behind me to turn off the water completely now. It was freezing, but neither of us noticed. I grabbed the towel off the floor, wrapped her in it, and picked her up to carry her over the bathroom threshold toward my bedroom.

"Jake—Jacob, what are you doing?" She squealed in delight.

"I'm not finished with you yet."

Her pale body lay sprawled across my full bed and I made it my duty to rechristen every part of it with her again, and again, and again.

* * *

***A/N: I know some of you hate Bella, and I'm sorry that you do. I am sticking very close to Bella's original cannon for my own sick mind. I am not doing it to piss anyone off; I am just writing a story to share with every one else. Forgive her and forgive me, along with my stubborn imagination. :-)  
**


	30. Drive

Chapter Summary: Edward comes to an understanding about Bella and Jacob's relationship and the pack just about loses their mind as the diet and preparation for the fight continues.

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Taylor & Jacob were my main drive for this chapter.**

Chapter XXX Title: 'Drive,' by Incubus

**(BPOV)**

I was giddy as I walked up the stairs to my room. I had had a wonderful time with Jacob and my thoughts of our future (whatever it would end up to be) were a sealed deal.

My hands flew to my hair as a cold force suddenly turned me around. "Edward? What are you doing here?" I asked, alarmed. "How long have you—"

"You smell, Bella." Edward had an unfriendly smile, but his tone was light and airy.

"Thanks a lot. I'll shower then," I snapped.

"It won't rid his smell. He was all over you today. Did you enjoy yourself?"

My eyes narrowed. "It was fine."

His eyes laughed before he did. "I am no fool, Bella. I knew perfectly well what you two were doing. And I'm fine with it."

"…You are?"

"NO!" Edward's eyes flashed angrily and I took a step back. "But I won't try and stop it. Not now. We need this alliance with the wolves to protect you, love. Somehow I don't think getting on the bad side of the 2nd in command would be a very bright idea."

"Second in command?"

Edward nodded. "Jacob never told you? He's Beta. He's Sam's second. I am surprised he never mentioned it. He must have had…other things on his mind."

"Edward, I still care about you too. I do. It's just so hard to—to choose." I pleaded with my eyes, begging him to understand. His smile was weak as he gently touched a small part of my wrist, but his fingers were soothing and strong. I began to feel guilty about taking advantage of his good nature. He had clearly wanted to reconcile with Jacob, and if we so happened to be slightly more than friends in an effort to be put right, it was something he was willing to deal with. "Why did you tell me to go see Jacob?"

"I knew what the two of you needed. He helped you cope when I was away. I couldn't expect that connection to be broken just because I returned. I never should have left you."

"Why did you?" I had always been too scared to ask, but now I felt sure that I could handle it. My vampire ex just admitted freely that he sent me into the arms of my best friend, who was a werewolf and a main competitor of my heart. "We could have worked something out. I had already forgiven Jasper—"

"But I couldn't forgive myself for exposing you to our world. You didn't belong with us."

"I belong with you." I wrapped my arms around him. His nose wrinkled and he grimaced.

"For your protection from now on, my love…I want you to keep away from Jacob. Alice has seen the battle and it is shortly approaching. I—we need you fresh." My arms started to drop, but Edward hushed me with his cool breath. "Bella, I need you to survive. We all need you to survive. Do this one thing for me. For Jacob even. It's really the best thing for everyone. This increases our chances to win this fight."

My lips shook as Edward traced them with his fingertips. "Jacob and I can't…"

Edward gave a half, but painful grin. "You shouldn't. I am appealing to your reasoning. The newborns need to smell you and only you. Any other smell might alert them to the ambush that we have been planning. I will not visit you in your room or neither should he."

I nodded. My throat was tight as I considered all the different scenarios that could have happened if I didn't listen. Edward could have gotten hurt. Any one of my vampire family could get hurt. Jacob could be hurt; any of the pack members. Charlie. Anyone left behind in Forks. They were all counting on me to keep up my end. I was the main reason they were coming. I was the main reason that my two very different and feuding families were fighting side by side to the death to keep me alive.

I was going to have to keep my hormones in check. I was going to have to be stronger than my two halves combined; one unbreakable and one immovable. My knees were the next things to hit the floor. I was lucky that Edward caught me or I would have alerted Charlie from his sleep.

* * *

**(JPOV)**

_A few days later at practice..._

My head hung down low as I tried not to cast my eyes over my enemy. Edward, it would appear, was trying to give me privacy by staying as far away from me as possible, but I knew he was only giving an illusion. It was what parasitic wretches such as them did. They fed off of you while giving you the false impression of safety and love while they take your life and blood, leaving you with nothing. I begged to have one more shot at him. I would tear his limbs from their sockets, inhale his burning and searing flesh as it roasted in the fire, and run back to the girl that I was destined to be with for the rest of our lives.

I stared at the ground hard, trying to imagine the image of Bella in a beautiful white dress walking down the aisle in my arms with our two families sitting side by side.

No vampires. No Cullens. No Edward.

I heard a snicker and I met Edward's eyes. He realized his mistake at _listening_ to my thoughts and I resurrected the image of Bella's flushed cheeks as she came in my shower, and in my bed that had only taken place just a short few days ago. His gaze dropped and he looked embarrassed.

I smiled.

"Jacob, there's news," Sam's voice called behind me.

I stopped my 'mind games' for the moment. "What?" I asked. If it pertained to Bella I wanted to give Sam my undivided attention. My bare feet turned toward my Alpha in the dirt.

"Easy. It's not about Bella. I wanted to let you know before we all phased together for practice; Emily and I have decided to get married in the next few months."

My mouth held tight, but I was truly happy for Sam. I merely questioned why he would bring it up just now when vampires were so close to us, but I doubted that the Cullens would really take it upon themselves to wreck a werewolf's wedding, even if they did hate us.

"That is great news, Sam. Congratulations." I started to turn back toward Edward, my vampire victim, when Sam's arm grabbed mine.

"You need to calm down. You haven't been yourself."

I started to protest, but Sam cut me off silently with a gag order, to keep quiet until he had his say or to answer only if he asked a question. I still hated when he made use of his command over me, as if I were a small child.

"When was the last time you saw Bella?" he questioned.

"Four days," I repeated out loud. "Her birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to see her." I looked at Sam and dared him to try and talk me out of it. Sam opened his mouth as if to speak when our conversation was cut short by two growls and the sound of a tree being thrown 70 feet across the meadow plains.

"DAMNIT, I HATE THIS FUCKIN' GRASS SHIT! When the hell can I get some real fuckin' food? Wolves don't eat this!" Paul exclaimed not too far away.

Emmett was visibly and verbally taunting Paul with a stem full of the purple Texas shrub called mountain ash, and was balancing it from one hand to the other. "Come on boy, you love these things. It's so healthy. Look at my family; we get to feed on deer, mountain lion, and bears, and you guys get all this luscious green. Deal with it."

Paul roared and Emmett growled once more before he jumped on a phasing Paul's back and attempted to ride him like a horse.

"You smell so fresh dog! Much better aroma!" Emmett laughed as he was thrown, but landed perfectly off of a still standing oak tree and Paul immediately ran over and pulled down the lowest branches with his teeth and paws.

"Paul!" Sam reversed my injunction, took off his pants and phased in the same breath. Seth looked on with Edward and Alice; Rosalie and Jasper looked a bit panicked, but didn't intervene. Paul and Emmett fighting were just part of every practice. No one ever got involved unless some one broke something. So far in the past three months, Emmett was winning against Paul. Our side couldn't figure out how many fights Paul had lost to Emmett, but the pixie said it was close to 67 to 9 in favor of Emmett. The number sounded about right; Paul was not as good a fighter when he phased angrily.

I chuckled as I watched Paul get a jaw-filled mouth of dirt when Emmett pushed his head down with his feet. Paul had a very good point about the raw vegetation diet. It was getting a little tiresome, but it wasn't the leeches' fault either. I still couldn't stand the bloodsuckers, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching Paul become a little more humbled after his fights with Emmett. It let off steam between the two sides. We couldn't kill them because of the alliance, but they made it seem okay to still not like them either, even if it was become increasingly harder not to.

The blondie and the pixie were actually getting to me.

The blondie had a thing for cars, which started us on better terms than the other leeches, but we still didn't like each other. She nicknamed me "Fido" and I just growled at her more so out of reflexes than actual aggression. Sometimes I would make dumb blonde jokes, but they never landed with her quite well. She claimed that she had heard every blonde joke ever told. I told her I would keep trying until one did surprise her.

The pixie was actually becoming a little more than just another hated associate. Alice seemed to genuinely love Bella and shared her fears of Bella's habits and tendencies to fall into danger wherever she landed. She also questioned me about our more private moments together. I was amazed that I felt no shame telling the pixie about some of Bella's more interesting customs while we were in bed, outside, or wherever else we felt the need and Alice smiled and giggled when I had some descriptions to offer her.

"You are very abrasive, Jacob, but it is very much refreshing. Edward has a habit of being so conservative and so uptight about things. It's wonderful that Bella found someone to be so inventive and true with." My eyes had narrowed as my head leaned forward to gather more details about my love's ex, but the pixie caught the look and smiled. "Oh no, you won't get anymore than that out of me. You'll have to keep surprising her on your own."

"I could do that if she'll let me."

Her eyes twinkled knowingly and she sighed, "She will." Alice would say no more on the subject after that.

I closed my eyes and continued to wiggle my fingers through the sudden gust of wind. My scalp felt almost naked on a daily basis since I had to keep my hair cut so short, but I loved it when Bella ran her fingers through it. With less hair it meant she could get closer to me and I could feel closer to her. My temperature rose and I imagined my fingers on her hips again and my lips dancing across any exposed part of her skin under me. Remembering the taste of her was no longer enough. I had to see her. I would sneak over tonight if I had to. I didn't care that she wasn't at practice or if her vampire had been able to see her every night that I couldn't because of patrols this week.

I was going to be with her tonight.

"Jacob." Edward's voice was behind me. My lips etched themselves into my teeth and I drew blood. I wasn't afraid if they smelled blood on me. I would welcome the fight. I would welcome the challenge to kill just one of them. "Jacob, I am not trying to interrupt the thoughts of you maiming me, but I do promise that our conversation will be quick," Edward continued.

"Not quick enough. What is it?" I still hadn't turned around when I heard him sigh. My stomach lurched upwards and I felt sick. I couldn't believe the smell that emitted off of him. It was grotesque and rank. It was worse than dead, befouled earth. Hatred consumed my thoughts as I felt myself flinch and tremor away from a frozen, granite hand on my shoulder.

"I would prefer if you did not see Bella until our battle has been fought and won."

My tremors were cut short by my own roar. "WHAT? What did you say to me, bloodsucker?"

Edward's eyes had small traces of humor in them, but I was in too much disbelief to worry about phasing. "I would prefer if you did not see Bella. Just for now. She has agreed, for both of our sakes, that neither of us should visit nor be physical with her until the battle has been fought and won. We need her fresh." Edward's face twitched a little when he said his last statement. "We need her to smell like herself if she is to draw the newborns and vargulf out. They have very sensitive noses."

My mouth pulled back, mocking his cordial smile. "And she agreed to this? I somehow doubt that. She's in love with me, leech, and she can't bear for me to be away from her. "

His words were careful. "I do realize that, but I have asked her and appealed to her love for the two of us. She does love both of us." The leech's eyes suddenly narrowed at me. "I am merely asking for you to stay away from her if you feel that you can not control yourself—"

"I am not your pet and I do not take orders from you." I cut in, now _wanting_ to phase. "I will not stay away from Bella just because you tell me to."

He grew furious. "I will not have you ruin Bella's scent to fulfill your animalistic urges—"

"Careful, Edward," Alice cautioned. "She does love him and she will see him. I have seen it; and it's her birthday, Edward. Besides," she reasoned, "Victoria will expect her to smell a little like wolf since she knows that they have been protecting her. She'll be fine from what I can see of her."

Edward straightened his gaze toward me as I fought not to phase. "Fair enough, but you will not touch her. Unless she says the words you will not touch her. Do you understand?"

I clenched my teeth at his condescending tone, but allowed the compromise. I knew she would say the words and I knew that whatever she said I would obey. "Sure."

* * *

***A/N: I know it's short, but I'll be posting again either tomorrow or within the next three days. No countdown necessary; I just wanted you guys to know that I am really pushing to get the chapters out, despite my scheduling snafus.**


	31. Whipping Boy

Chapter Summary: Bella's heart remains split in two as Jacob tries to gain ground with her on the other half of her. Meanwhile, Edward now knows what he must do to keep his beloved Bella safe; exactly what he should have done in the first place.

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and, once again, Jacob Black made me stay awake last night to write on his behalf…he whipped me good.**

Intermission II Chapter Title: 'Whipping Boy,' by Train

**(BPOV)**

_The night of September 13th_...

After numerous phone calls from my mother every few hours to celebrate my birthday over the phone I finally crashed my head down on the bed. I was a little sad that I hadn't been able to see any of the wolves or my vampire family up close, but Angela, and Ben came over and decided to stay with me for a couple of hours to watch a movie. Charlie had excused himself to go put in a couple of OT hours at work during the day after a small cake and a music CD as a present this morning. He didn't know that I still didn't listen to music much, but I smiled just the same, and then placed the CD case lovingly on the coffee table.

I hadn't bothered to look at the artist.

I had seen Edward from a distance earlier and he had given me a small beautiful charm to wear on my anklet next to Jacob's wolf charm. Seth had groaned when he slipped it to me while stating, "It smells and feels like a rock. I don't know what it is." If I knew Edward and his taste, I knew it would be one of a kind, special, and expensive.

I started to attach the added charm on my anklet when I felt a tug at my side. Suddenly I knew that I couldn't ruin a gift from Jacob to combine with another gift from Edward.

It was bad enough that the two weighed down my heart, but it would kill me if the charm proved to weigh down my leg too. I touched the rock with my fingertips and placed it on my dresser after lying on my bed for a few minutes. I would find some way to wear it later. I draped my fingers along the anklet suddenly and got a little annoyed that Jacob hadn't even called for my birthday. I knew that I had promised Edward that I would not be with him, but I wasn't aware of Jacob promising Edward that he wouldn't be with me.

It was sort of like a loophole that I was counting on.

My sighs were starting to tip Charlie off that I was annoyed when I was eating downstairs. It was now exactly 10:59pm and I hadn't gotten any closer to falling asleep. "Stupid werewolf," I muttered. I dressed in a pair of black shorts and a loose tank top. The humid air was doing wonders for my mood as well. Charlie would be up for awhile, but I was determined to sleep so that the next day would come faster. I was going to visit that dumb, supernatural, abnormal, teenage boy and give him a piece of my mind. I hated people making a big deal of my birthday, but he was supposed to be my best friend _and_ we were still on talking terms. What would be his excuse now?

I huffed again and slammed down into the bed. My thoughts were driving me insane as my bed covers felt a bit chillier than they had previous nights. I used the sheets to rub my nipples, to help them harden. I imagined that they were Jacob's lips instead. I caressed my own left breast as I imagined him cupping my butt and forcing me to part my legs open for him, ready to receive him, ready to allow him in. My lips began to throb as my hand slid closer and closer to the top of my shorts. I then imagined Edward caressing my back with his cool fingertips and they both selfishly pulled me closer to their side as the other side struggled to get me back to theirs. I imagined being taken and frozen, almost not able to breathe from my once long lost love until I was warmed by the gentle fire from my best friend.

I felt more relaxed as my hands continued to move with my semiconscious help when I heard several taps on the window. _Huh_? I looked at the clock and saw it was 11:17. I knew I shouldn't have been so obsessed with the time, but if it was who I thought it was, the time would be a good indicator to how much I would strangle my best friend's neck.

I rushed over to the window and saw Jacob in a white button down shirt and dark gray slacks. He was holding something behind him in purple and green wrapping paper, and was smiling. I tensed at the sight at him, but my arrangement with Edward to keep Jacob safe rang true. To be with him would put us both in danger; Jacob more so if he were to fight in the battle.

I looked at him through the closed window and shook my head. I half hoped that he would leave even if my mouth wouldn't open and say it.

Jacob placed his hands in a pleading movement. "Please, Bella?" he mouthed. Again I shook my head. "Bella, please?" he mouthed again, looking crestfallen.

I started to turn away from the window until I saw him quickly yank off his shirt to hang on a low branch and then climb swiftly up a few other sturdy branches. He hung upside down for a second before swinging his legs upward and landed on the branch closest to my window. The whole process took him less than four seconds.

_Why did this boy always have to remove his shirt_?

He scratched on the still closed window.

I was not giving in. I opened it partway and hissed, "What are you doing here?"

"I was wishing you a happy birthday, Bells. Are you going to let me in?"

"No. Charlie's still awake downstairs. And it's not my birthday anymore. Not really."

"Sure it is. Come on, I'll stay for a few minutes and then leave. You want me to come through the front door instead like a real guest?"

"Jacob, it's late—"

"I have your present. It's a really good one. I picked it out. Bella, I haven't held you in almost a week. Please? I'll be really quiet."

"Save it. It's not my birthday anymore." I was feeling wretched. I hated being like this. I hated being like this with him, but he shouldn't have to be this way just for me. No friend should. I hated that about him suddenly. He had too many other obligations to make him truly mine. He had Billy. He had his friends from La Push and his pack duties. He still had school work. _God, he was still underage for goodness sake_. I was forcing this boy to become a man too soon. How could he take care of my needs and still find time for himself as well? Heaven forbid if he found happiness with another girl. What had Leah called it? An intern? A print? What—_an imprint_? That was it! What if he found his imprint? What time would he have for me then?

Tears formed in my eyes and Jacob looked alarmed.

"Bella, I will not save your present. Open the window."

"No." I attempted to turn from him before the force in his voice brought me back.

"Bella, _look at me_. Open this window." His grip on the tree branch increased and he stared at me past hurt, but irritated instead. "Open it." I wanted to hesitate, but I moved to the window quickly, undid the latch the rest of the way, and stepped back. My bottom lip was tucked under, but my thighs remoistened at the sight of him landing gently in my bedroom with only his pair of slacks. _When had he taken off his shoes_?

"What's wrong, Bella? Why wouldn't you let me in?" His hands were placed around his own waist after he secured my gift on a nearby nightstand. His facial expression was annoyed, but he looked less angry and softer somehow.

I looked at my bedroom door, praying that Charlie was still downstairs and stated, "I was upset with you tonight, Jacob. Really really upset with you."

"I gathered that. The question is why?" His arms were now unfolded and he looked curious.

I sat down on my bed trying to force the images of him and I on every surface in my bedroom imaginable and then answered after a little delay, "I—I am a horrible person. I am truly a monster and I can't—I won't do this to you anymore. I keep putting the people I love in danger and it has to stop. I promised Edward that I wouldn't see you because it was good for you and I believe that it is. With this battle and—"

"Bella." Jacob moved to my side on the bed and his hands shook as he grabbed my face. "I want to be here. I wanted to give you your present. Edward does not rule us. This is about what you want. He left. He gave up whatever hold he had on you when he left and you keep holding onto him like he's some perfect, supreme being—"

"Jake." I pulled my face from his hands and cried silently. Jacob pursed his lips together and forced a smile. His fingers touched my back and rubbed my neck through my hair. "I hate the way I can only cry when I am upset." A delayed shudder from his touch rippled through my body.

The force of his smile turned light. "It's endearing." He bumped his head softly to mine, but it still made my teeth click from the impact. Being a werewolf did not soften his touch. I rubbed my head and wiped a few of my tears with the top of my tank top, while trying not to stare too closely at Jacob's chest. "Sorry about your head. I did buy you a really cool gift though." He reached around the nightstand and pulled the small rectangular gift into my view. I knew it was a book and began to blush a little. If it was a book on Kumasutra, I would kill him, but I was delighted and almost screamed when it was a copy of "In a Glass Darkly" by Sheridan Le Fanu. A simple twine rope was tied into the book binding, imitating a bookmark, and a beautiful simple silver ring was draped just outside of the pages. I prayed he wasn't proposing, but I brushed the idea into the back of my mind for now.

I looked at Jacob with my mouth still open and hugged him effortlessly. "Jake, how did you get this? Why did you get this? You read gothic romance?" I asked, the questions puring out of me at such a remarkable gift.

"No, but I knew this would be the only way you would read anything horror related, willingly," he said. "Plus the lesbian leech, Carmilla, sounded hot. She's a real anchor as the last story."

I laughed a little too loudly and heard Charlie shuffle downstairs. Jacob covered my mouth with his thumb and I held his massive wrist closer to my cheek. "Bella, why do we keep doing this? You already know that you should be with me. I'm perfect for you."

"Jake—"

"I love you. And I want you to choose me over him."

My arm felt like the weight of the book was too heavy as Jacob made his declaration. Everything was so sure and clear for him. He never seemed afraid. I wished that I could mimic his example. "I can't. Jacob, you mean so much, but I can't just make a choice like this. Not now." Jacob took his hand back and moved off the bed. I almost felt like he dropped me. "Jake, wait. Just wait a minute." He backed up toward the window. I saw him reaching for the latch when my lips crashed into his shoulder blade and I began moving my teeth against his skin in an effort to kiss him.

"Is this how you get your leech to stop from leaving too?" His voice was barely audible over a whisper and trembled slightly, but at least this time it wasn't his entire body shaking or his skin burning; at least no more than usual. "He's going to change you into one of him, isn't he?" he asked suddenly. I kept my body pressed against his back and squeezed my eyes closed to slow down the tears. "He's going to change you and you won't even deny it. You're going to let him change you," Jacob accused.

"Jake—"

"I won't let him change you. I'll kill him, Bella." He faced me. "You don't really care for me at all, do you? Not like him. You…I'd never make you change for me. You wouldn't have to make that choice with me, but you'd rather die in his arms and let me die by the hands of our enemies." Jacob's voice was cold. "You would let me die. I know you would."

"Stop," I shook my head and stared at him. "I wouldn't. I don't want you to fight at all. I don't want you to die."

"Why shouldn't I? What's keeping me here, Bella? You don't want me. You don't need me—"

"I do. I do need you. And I do want you, Jake. Kiss me." I shook as I wrapped my arms around him and allowed my tears to show themselves. "I want you. I want us to…" I felt embarrassed at holding him, begging him to make me his again. All I could think about was keeping him even closer to me. All I wanted was to love him like he knew I did. That night on the beach, those afternoons in his bed, and even our early mornings together felt too long ago and had been so perfect that they seemed like a page from a dream instead of our life. I wanted to relive every single moment with him.

"Say it, Bella," his voice urgent. "What do you want from me?"

My lips felt raw as I bit them, feeling like I may have broken the skin. I didn't even have to be afraid of what a little blood might do to Jacob. I was so use to being either alone or with Edward, who had remained so conservative and aloof at times that I often wondered if he ever had wanted to ever be with me. Jacob was so different. And the best part was that I never had to be careful of what I did around him.

"I want you to kiss me, for real this time. I want to forget everything that happened before and make this about us. I want to feel happy just being us," I finished timidly.

Jacob barely paused as his fingers swept my hair back, and his lips wandered over my teary cheeks to gently push his tongue into my mouth. My feelings of arousal reawakened as I jumped a little to wrap my legs around his waist and tightened them, daring him to try and pry them apart. I sucked on his lower lip and his hands continued to press into my back through my top. My breathing became a bit sporadic as he looked at me in the few moments that our lips weren't locked and muttered a simple order.

"Lay down on the bed."

I complied and he ripped off my shorts before my back had yet to completely touch my mattress. Jacob kissed the top of my feet, ankles, parts of my legs, and then began to drag his tongue across my thighs. I felt like he was taking forever. I felt that he was sinning against me personally, by not moving faster. "Bella, stay as quiet as you can, alright?" His eyes met mine as I nodded. He reached to open my legs ever further as his head went in between them and I fought a little against the pressure of his hands. "Don't. Don't fight me, Bella."

Jacob's hands reached under the shirt and he circled, with his two fingers, around my breasts. I felt myself rise along with my nipples as he breathed gently on my lower lips. He wouldn't touch my nipples. They couldn't feel his hands massage them or his tongue caress them. A gasp escaped my lips as I felt Jacob's tongue enter me and suck on my clit. This was nothing like my fingers. This was nothing like anything. His hands finally closed around my breasts and began to massage my nipples as he gently nibbled, pulled, and loved his favorite button. He pushed his face deeper into me and my hips struggled to keep still. My throat began to dry as my mouth sucked in more air than needed in order to keep the scream and moans out of my voice. It was agony. It felt like pure agony.

I felt my wetness seep through my sheets in a matter of mere minutes. My butt was being kept warm by it. The window was still open and provided a great escape for the smell of sex to leave my room and for some of the noises that the bed began to make, as I fought to keep still. His teeth began to graze my outer folds. I attempted to moisten my own upper lips with my tongue, suddenly imagining what great pleasures I could give him. What great pleasure I would give him. My hands grabbed his ears, somehow finding them in the dark. My feet began to turn in slightly unnatural angles, and my shoulders began to twist back behind me, around me, in front of me, and then in defeat. The wetness would not stop leaking from me and my warmness was now spreading from my thighs to the other parts of my body. I felt Jacob's hands pull my hips closer to meet his face. I touched his hair.

This time I couldn't pull back from him. This time I would not allow myself to be freaked out by his younger age or the fact that he was my best friend. _Wrong_. He used to be my best friend. Now he was more. Now I had accepted him to being more. The way his tongue felt around my now engorged clit was almost as bad as the anticipation. The more he sucked on it, the more it made me wish he would bite it, and the more he bit it made me wish he would lick it. I didn't know all of what he could do, but it felt real. It felt right. It felt like him.

"Oh, oh my…"

His hand slowly crept up my stomach and to my chest. The heat from his arm made my nipples enlarge even more; they barely felt like a part of my body anymore, they throbbed so much, they were hurting so much. My legs almost closed completely around Jacob's head before he slowed down enough for me to regain some of my composure to ease the force I had been using. I felt the flush enter my face and I felt the swelling resume on the tip of my sex.

"Jake, oh God," I muttered just before I heard the sound. I heard my clit start to make a wet noise. It sounded like a faucet that had yet to be shut fully off. My hands dove into Jacob's scalp and his hand crept up the outside of my belly once more. The warmth was spreading. It was almost time. My toes began to lose sensation and my fingers clawed into Jacob's soft ink-black hair; the hair that every girl dreamed of having, the kind of hair that looked great on only _my Jacob_.

"Please…oh…"

I felt Jacob's hand reach around the base of my throat, applying slight pressure. His face was still buried beneath me. His tongue slid up and down my entrance and my butt continued to be warmed by the liquid that was now flowing freely from me. His fingers suddenly found their way into my mouth as he used his bottom lip to pull on my clit, hard. I screamed out from the force of the orgasm and Jacob had been prepared. He left two fingers in my mouth for me to bite down on, while the rest of his hand covered my mouth, allowing me to scream fully into his palm instead.

I felt the liquid leave my body in gushes and my body felt as if it were turning over as wave after wave of pleasure hit me, knocking me down and then knocking me down further again. Tears streamed from my eyes and I clenched my now soaked bed sheets, squeezing so hard that my fingernails left slight impressions in the cloth. I still felt myself squirting as Jacob fought to continue to go down on me as best he could. I was now struggling and pushed his head away from my sensitive clit, as I still allowed myself the pleasure of having my first set of multiple orgasms.

Jacob still tasted of me as I pulled him in for a kiss.

"Jake," I started, but I heard Charlie on the stairs and panic rippled through my body. Jacob was still smiling and gently kissed the side of my head several times to keep me calm as Charlie moved from the end of the hallway toward his bedroom. Jacob hissed in laughter as I hit him gently and wrapped my arms around his neck. "You can have a choice, Jacob; the bed or the floor." I didn't bother to tell him the reason for his two choices, but he hadn't needed long to figure it out. Jacob looked over me and pulled one of my dry blankets from the bed and tossed it halfhazardly on the floor. He gave a devilish smile as he picked me up with one arm and gently lowered us to the floor with the other.

"I want to give the bed sheets the opportunity to dry first," he gloated.

I laughed softly as he began to kiss me and then my lower lips once more. I was begging him with tears to love me and he penetrated me not long after that. It pained me to feel him inside of me again and I scratched parts of the floor as he gently forced my walls to readjust, to accommodate his large size. He kept his lips on mine as he pushed deeper and deeper, eventually stopping almost halfway when my nails drew blood and skin from his lower back. I pulled my tank top over my head to be topless as his hands gripped onto my naked waist. I glanced down and felt so small when I noticed how large his hands were and how much of me they covered. The fact that his powerful grip could break me _and_ give me such pleasure turned me on even more.

"Please don't stop. Go deeper," I urged with fresh tears.

He protested a bit. "Honey, baby, you're too tight. I don't want to hurt you."

"I want you to. I want this." My eyes wouldn't let go of his until I saw their resolve. He put his lips to mine again, trying to keep me as quiet as possible as he obliged me and pushed further still. My stomach rose upwards as if that would have actually made room for him. My walls tightened, despite being wet and I started to feel small tremors within myself from the friction of his lower abdomen grazing my swollen clit. I kissed the bottom of his chin to keep back more tears and asked him to tell me words in Quileute. His words began to work as my body started to relax and allowed him more access to the deepest center of my body. I felt the tip of his cock hit my g-spot, the tiny flap that went just under my belly button and made the curl reappear back in my toes. I pulled his face closer to mine after two small climaxes of my own and told him, "Don't stop till you come inside of me. I want you to come inside of me, please."

I stopped crying and placed my fingers around his neck. His eyes continued to look into mine and I saw complete and utter devotion. Jacob's chest began to take in more breaths as the minutes went on and I knew that he was struggling not to come so soon. I almost smiled at the notion of him being worried about how long he would last this time, but a deep thrust on his part interrupted my thought process and my mouth merely formed an obtuse shape instead. I felt my hips vibrate against his and enjoyed it.

He kept speaking in his native language and I was able to wrap my legs around his upper mid-section, allowing him an even better angle. I watched him with envy as he slid in and out of me at a speed I almost didn't recognize as human. I ran my hands along his chest and begged him to come, begged him to really make us one. His flesh, his seed would be embedded in me and my scent and love would forever be on him. Jacob had made me come without fail and now I wanted him to come with no excuse. I wanted to feel the power of him. I wanted to come at the exact moment that he did.

Jacob's voice rose and he said something I didn't quite catch. He suddenly bit my earlobe and I was unable to control myself. My legs clenched, seized, and my orgasm was released moments before I felt his member increase and twitch inside of me. I imagined the explosion and felt a tickling sensation as the warmth from his seed filled me again. He gave one more enthusiastic push forward before he pressed my knees into his lower stomach. He began slowly withdrawing himself out when I whimpered in a playful protest.

"I like it there," I stated seductively.

"And I like you here with me," he said softly.

"Like this?" I added.

"I love this," he emphasized, kissing my knees. I groaned, feeling the soreness already as I looked into Jacob's sincere eyes. He didn't blink or break eye contact as he grabbed my arms to move me on top of him. "I wish you would be with me, Bella."

"When this is over, we'll talk. I promise we'll talk."

Jacob gave a light snicker and kissed my temple, seeing right through my ploy. "I love you."

"And I you."

"I know that better than you do, apparently."

I put my lips to his neck and moaned his name to his throbbing vein. "Please, Jacob? Just a little longer?"

He sighed. "How ever long you need." Jacob fought to move suddenly, too soon after his climax and I gripped my legs around his waist and shook my head.

He smiled and I felt his nose flinch as we kissed each other in an embrace and he was content to lie inside of me until we moved together, this time to the bed.

**(EPOV) Edward's Point of View**

I was practically gliding across four feet of grass and dirt, back and forth, frontwards and backwards. It didn't matter which way I went and it certainly didn't matter where I wanted to be. My Bella was still not within my reach and now I knew the reason why.

_What am I still doing here_? _I'm a peeping tom_!

I began to pace outside of the little indented area a few dozen yards or so from Bella's house.

Bella, my love. Bella, my world. _My Bella, who was sleeping with a werewolf at this very moment_.

I groaned and pulled a thick branch through its own trunk and felt on edge. Jacob could hear me. He couldn't see me, but I could hear his thoughts. They were mixed with the urge to make me physically leave from the vicinity of Charlie's house or to continue with Bella as if I wasn't there.

I was actually hoping that he would have tried to come after me. I would try to enjoy it less than he would.

I could see the looks of pleasure on my love's face and Jacob forced me to endure it, knowing that I was there. Knowing that I could hear his thoughts, smell their scents, and feel her blood rush to her cheeks through his very skin. And I was powerless to stop it.

"She had asked it of him. She had wanted it from him," I said out loud to myself, my whispers being the only sounds I could hear outside of their continued, but shared panting and Charlie's light snores. _Why the hell couldn't Charlie hear them_?

I could picture Bella's face better than a werewolf's memory, but my enemy was not far off as he remembered her beauty. She had been crying when she begged him to kiss her as they had done their first night together. I was even privileged to see that memory form in his mind and I knew, deep down, that it was accurate. The way she clung to him on the counter. The way she had screamed that she loved him on the beach, in the shower, in both their beds—_STOP IT_!

I snarled harshly at Jacob's internal reveling to stimulate her arousal. I could have dealt with that minor thing; after all, she was human and she was very attracted to him. I was completely aware of that. I just didn't know how much he meant to her until I had heard her mutter it in his ear.

"Jake," I heard her cry. "Promise me you won't fight in the battle. Promise me that you'll stay with me."

Jacob's breathing suggested that he had merely slowed down, but was still inside of my love. My teeth began to grind against one another and my fangs descended in slight venomous anger while awaiting his response. "Bella, all my brothers are fighting. And all of the Cullens are fighting too. I can't let them fight alone."

"I don't care," she said back stubbornly. "I want you with me. Stay with me, Jake. Please don't fight."

I heard her gasp in surprise and in pleasure as he triggered another of her orgasms while replying "yes" to her at the same time. I wanted to cry, but knew I couldn't. I hadn't wanted to think of a world without Bella, but I could feel with a beat-less heart that I no longer had hers.

My fingers sunk deep into the earth and I stared at my perfect and unchanging reflection against the glossy rocks on the forest floor. Bella had found happiness. Bella would be normal. I couldn't have changed her now, even if I had wanted to. She and Jacob would be very happy and I would not intervene with that. My hair felt even more lifeless and dead as I struggled with a way out. I needed to know what to do. I needed to know how I could leave again, for good this time, causing as little pain as possible for her. _Another clean break,_ I promised to myself in bitterness. And this time I wouldn't be back.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden sulfuric smell. Venom filled my mouth.

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***A/N: It took four days for me to post. I know; I can count. Sorry, but at least I offered another lemon inside of an intermission. :-) Hopefully that makes up for it.  
**


	32. Kiss and Control

Chapter Summary: Victoria seals an unknown man's fate as he patrols his own land, late one night. Jacob and Bella's secret intimacy does not escaped unnoticed, but it must be placed aside for now as the battle between the newborns and the almost unstoppable vargulf versus the pack begins.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight and I lack the control to stop writing this story. **

Chapter XXXI Title: 'Kiss & Control,' by AFI

**(APOV) Author's point of view**

A loose rock made its way onto the walking path around the border of the La Push reservation.

The man on duty kicked it off the road and back into its place in the forest. He sighed and continued his slow walk toward home. He was usually never out this late, but with all the talk that had been going on between the young Quileute warriors, the tribe elders, and the nonstop arguing in his own house, he was glad to be out late at night. He would do anything he could to help.

He slowed his walk down a little bit more, unable to keep up the proper pace for a healthy man in his fifties. "Damn high blood pressure," he silently cursed. His wife's wonderfully annoying nags had finally sunk into his head. He was going to have to change himself and his living habits if he was going to make it to the ripe old age of his ancestors. The man snorted at the thought of being older, wiser, and spoiling the grandchildren he was sure to have. "Not too soon, I hope," he said out loud, chuckling. He doubted that he had to worry about that. His children were still young yet.

A low snarl left the nearby trees.

The man turned too slowly and his back was forced against a tree by four pale hands and two pairs of red eyes that glowed even in the dead of night. The man struggled with his shotgun, but it was ripped from his clutch easily by a pair of teeth sliced through one of his hands in the process of taking the useless weapon away like a tender peach being bit into. The man cried out sharply, but was stopped cold by another pair of eyes; these were orchid yellow, reminding him of a dead and rotting tree in the middle of the forest. He slowly felt wrongfully at peace and soothed into mediocrity as the horrid smells continued to seep into his nostrils.

The amount of blood dripping from his hand now crept out, the drops made _pit-pat_ sounds on the soft ground, but it alerted a small frenzied group of beings closer to him. They smelled the fresh blood and wanted a closer look. The creatures had each been given permission to take and kill whomever they chose and could sink their teeth into, but one particular item was off the menu. The deadly beings had each been allowed to smell a few articles of clothing with the human girl's scent, but their master had been very hesitant with them. She allowed them to roam free previously, but had rung them in on her own personal leash as they had gotten closer to their destination. To the site of the battle to be taken place.

This was a battle to be won. This was a battle to have casualties on both sides.

Their master didn't care how many of her soldiers were to be lost. The redhead's eyes were the perfect color to her hair; the more blood she drank, the redder her eyes became, but her hair stayed the fiery red-orange that it had been since her previous mate's death.

She suddenly scowled into the empty air. She no longer cared if her own life was lost as long as she got to her intended victim; as long as she caused the suffering to one particular prey.

The two sets of hands were earnestly awaiting their command and the huge, hairy owner of the infatuating smell that had taken ahold of the La Push's night escort was getting restless. Rover was ready to hunt too.

"Be done with him," the female voice stated easily. Her red eyes never lost their focus on the tiny row of houses that came into view shortly after the captive man gurgled a light scream. She inhaled the new aroma of blood as it filled the air, but she was not interested in feeding. Her minions could dine all they wanted as long as they didn't allow it to get in the way of the task she set in front of them. Her devious smile paved the way for the slow, but hulking beast by her side, to descend into La Push.

Screams filled the air and spread from one house to the next, all the way into the breaking dawn.

**(JPOV)**

My teeth felt the urge to sink into Bella's beautiful ivory skin, but I held myself at bay.

I had already been lucky enough to have her again and my heart felt renewed since she had asked me to be with her. I brushed my nose against the outline of her fingers, trying desperately to burn the smell of that bloodsucker out of my nose, and replace it completely with hers.

I knew Edward was out there.

I could smell him almost as soon as I had her climax on the bed from eating her out. I licked my lips again and thought of my face beneath her and her hips scratching across my smooth skin. Bella was the very definition of me. I licked my teeth marks that had been pressed into her earlobe and she giggled, while pulling me closer.

And she wanted me to stay with her during the fight. She had begged for me to stand by her side while the others fought. I knew Sam would have a problem, but he couldn't make me against Bella's wishes. Not while he knew how much she meant to me.

I could feel my mark fade on the back of her neck and a wave of shame instilled me. I wished I had asked her. Bella had been right. What right did I have to make her stay with me if she wasn't ready to? That made me no better than the bloodsucker who had decided to leave her without giving her a choice in the matter all those months ago. _And look where that got him,_ I thought. Bella shivered a little as I looked down at her on the bed and I covered her with the sheets and my nude body.

"You did promise to stay with me you know," she announced shyly.

I smiled and ruffled her hair. I was ready to tell her she was my imprint. She was really free to accept me now and know what the two of us were destined to be.

"Bella, I think—AH!" A tremble ripped through my back suddenly as my nostrils were invaded by dozens of different smells. One smelled like a drowned flower in cologne. The other smelled like decaying and infested wood. Another smelled of candied death, carnations that were months old. My mouth fought to keep the taste of bile from my throat, but my legs ripped me out of Bella's arms and flung me across the room, into her bedroom wall, roughly.

My arms flailed and I felt my skin on fire. Incoherent thoughts screamed in my mind and a roar left my lips. My nose inched forward and my senses heightened. I could taste the room, still saturated with our body scents from the latest love escapade we had just made. I could feel my heart beat increase and pound against my chest. I could smell the fear emitting off of Bella. I could see Sam and the others racing toward the reservation, minus Seth and Embry who had run back toward the border of Forks.

They were coming for me. They were coming to get me. Something's wrong. Something was very wrong.

Screams erupted faraway and I heard merciless snarls and grunts in the distance.

I could see them. I could see our reservation. Dozens of figures running in confusion; two sets of people. One set was clearly moving in a panic while the other beings…moved inhuman.

_Oh God_.

"Bella—" I pressed my fingers gently into my temples to make myself speak softly, but it was too much above a whisper and more like an angry snarl. I heard Charlie stir, but I couldn't fight my voice. I couldn't keep control of my voice and my body at the same time. "I—"

"Jake, what's going on?" Bella swung her legs with the sheets and moved toward me. I knew my skin was too hot. I jumped back and landed closer to her bedroom window. "Jake, honey, calm down. What's wrong? What's happening?"

Something between a howl and a wail sounded from my mouth. I clutched my head and felt my knees almost sink to the floor. My 6'7 frame was almost shrunken down to the size of Bella. I felt her fingers move across my arms before I could push her back. She hissed as her skin reacted to mine and I pleaded with her through tears. "Get. Away. From. Me." I spoke each word separately. My body continued to slowly peel off its own skin as if it were shedding. "Oh shit—"

I could barely hear the door knob to Bella's bedroom turn as I dug my fingers into the wall. I could smell something horrid burning along the edges of the forest not too far from Bella's house. It was only three miles at the most. Whatever was happening was happening close. I had to keep Bella and Charlie safe, but I was sure that Charlie's mind was somewhere else.

"Bella? Bella, what's going on—WHAT THE—?" Charlie's sleepy state went to alarm as he quickly regarded his daughter wrapped in her sheer bedroom sheets, naked underneath, and me who was completely uncovered period.

"Dad," she started, but looked in my direction to reach for me again.

"No, Bella!" I ducked from her grasp and grabbed the sill of the window for support. I almost tore it down with my weight. I yelled as my hand turned into a paw and my chest completely shredded what was left of my skin. Charlie's eyes enlarged.

"Tell me what's wrong, Jacob!" She pleaded. "What's happening?"

I swallowed deeply and took a quick glance at Charlie as he reached to pull Bella closer to him. "Get away from him, Bella!" Charlie warned.

Charlie was scared. I had never seen his hand shake, even slightly, but I was sure any human would be able to tell that Charlie had quickly become out of his element. Murderers, thieves, and the general human abnormalities he could handle, but a sixteen year-old naked werewolf in his daughter's bedroom in the early morning was stretching what little grasp he had left on reality. I would have laughed had it not been so hard to swallow, and if I wasn't the naked werewolf.

I could feel my bones reshaping and moving under my skin; it hurt worse than the tearing happening beneath it. I stared into my imprint's eyes, incapable of lying to her if she wanted to know the truth. If she needed to know if the ones she loved were in danger. I even allowed myself empathy for the Cullens. Even Edward, who had been standing outside, listening to our moans of passion into the night, but I smiled a pained smile as I tried to say as little as possible out of fear that I would phase so close to her and Charlie.

"It's started, Bella."

Bella's eyes teared as I fell back, unable to hold it any longer. My scream tore through the still young morning, but it wasn't from the glass that had scratched and inserted itself into my back as I fell the two stories. My one human hand felt air, but less than a fraction of a second I fell gracefully onto all four of my reddish paws as a frayed gray wolf showed himself on the forest edge. Embry took one look at me and ran back into the depths of the woods, back toward the reservation. His intent to me was clear; I was to follow him back.

I turned to look at Bella from the broken window. She was still clinging to the bed sheet wrapped around her, with tears in her eyes. I howled briefly at her beautiful shadow, gazing over me as if she were already in heaven and I was doomed to stay away from her on the earth. I tried to apologize with a single whimper, but I knew I would need more than that to show her that I truly did care. I had promised that I would stay with her and not fight, but this was more than a battle for me now.

"Bella," I muttered her name repeatedly under my ragged muzzle as I pushed myself to the brink of exhaustion toward my home in La Push. More howls echoed through my head and sped the pace of my heart as images of what had been done to our home set in. Shame and guilt spread through the pack like a disease and shook our very legs as each pack member ran, but I had already made a plan to escape as soon as I was able.

I would be back for Bella. I would not break my promise to her.


	33. Bat Country

Chapter Summary: The pack is devastated by the recent havoc inflicted on their home, but Sam steps up to the plate and ensures his brothers that no misdeed against La Push will go unpunished or be forgiven quite so easily. Meanwhile, Edward tells the Bella the real reason he left and she grants him one last request; Jacob's discovery.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, its characters or its universe but my mind, heart, & country are ruled by Taylor, Jacob Black, and his pack! **

Chapter XXXII Title: 'Bat Country,' by Avenged Sevenfold

**(BPOV)**

"What the hell is going on Bella? What's happening?" Charlie screamed from the other side of the bathroom door and I blocked his voice out with water from the shower.

Charlie wouldn't dare walk in on me in the bathroom; not if he could help it. Of course, it hadn't stopped him from finding Jacob half kneeling on the floor while I was wrapped in nothing, but my bed sheets. There was no doubt what we were doing before Jacob's howls from his involuntary phase had awoken Charlie. I was angry that Jacob had changed as he had, in addition to falling out the window, but I was relieved when he had landed on his feet.

Well, on his paws, anyway.

My body was still sore from Jacob's hands. His skin still flamed across the various areas of my chest, my thighs, and neck. I couldn't stop thinking about how he had moved across me, with me, and against me; I wanted more, I needed more. The hot water could not imitate the heat that had burned off my best friend's body during our latest intimate moments together. The steam could not refresh or hold the memories of my bruised lips from neither our kissing nor the numbness from my tongue as I dragged it across his chin, shoulders, and part of his back. The water merely mocked the hunger I felt for Jacob to touch me again, to hold him close within me again. I begged for the battle to be over before he even got there. I wanted him safe with me. I wanted both of my families safe. I wanted Victoria and her minions far from any of the people in Forks.

My chest felt as if it had collapsed as I cried out in the shower. Tears and sobs assaulted within my throat as I fought to breathe. The skin on my fingers and toes wrinkled as my face puffed up from crying, and bile gathered somewhere in my stomach to force its way up as I continued to push it back. Anger shook where I stood as I tried to think of anything I could do to protect the ones I loved. Jacob was ripped from my bed; his pack members fighting against forces they had never been up against before. They were just babies. More than half the pack was younger than I was, including Jacob. Jacob's age and increasing responsibilities brought more despairing wails out my throat. A new thought dawned on me.

Edward was out there too. And Alice.

The entire Cullen clan was fighting for me and here I was asking the lord of war for a quick battle so that I could have Jacob returned safely to me. I didn't even want Jacob in the fight. I had made him swear to me that he wouldn't fight. I had made him promise me in a fit of passion that he would not go. How can I be so callous? How can I ask Jacob to sit out of a fight that was my fault, while his entire pack and a family of his ancestor's enemies battle to the death _over me_? What have I become? How can I stop this massacre from even happening?

_It's already started, Bella_.

I shuttered at the words as Charlie's fists hit the light wooden door. "Bella, I think you've had long enough in the shower. I need to talk to you."His voice sounded definite.

I shook my head as I reached for the shower's knobs and fingered the lukewarm metal. It would never be long enough for me; if something happened to Jacob, to Edward, or to anybody that I loved, an eternity in the scalding depths of hell for an immortal life would not be long enough to shed the guilt I would feel.

Charlie suddenly yelled, cutting my thoughts. "NOW, BELLA!"

I stifled my tears and turned the water off. I wouldn't say a thing. I would hold my ground. I would not tell Charlie what he didn't need to know. He didn't really want to know about his daughter's sexual relationship with her werewolf best friend nor did he need to know about the wolf pack, whom had been phasing and protecting the innocent pale-faces of Forks, WA for months.

Charlie didn't even need to know about my ex boyfriend and first love of my life, Edward, or about the Cullens being back, though I suspected that he would find out soon. At least he wouldn't need to know about them being vampires. That was one conversation we could file under "Never talk about."

I took my time leaving the bathroom, to face a red-faced Charlie. My long sleep shirt and sweats made me feel hotter than usual since the air was so humid for September, but it reminded me of Jacob being there next to me as I braved myself against my father's accusing eyes, purple lips, and throbbing temples. I hadn't had the pleasure of seeing him this mad since I had moved to Forks over a year ago. Fortunately, Charlie's anger was not the wrath I feared the most for the moment.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, Bella?" Charlie began. "What was Jacob doing in your room and why was he naked? I knew you were close, but I never dreamed that you would actually sneak that boy into my house—"

"It was the first time and it won't happen again," I interrupted. "Jacob came by to bring me my present last night for my birthday and we got carried away. I'm sorry and—"

"WHAT ABOUT HIM TURNING INTO A BIG DOG? What was that?" Charlie's entire face resembled a red beet. It reminded me of a cartoon tea kettle that was ready to blow off of the stove. I imagined the steam coming out of his ears as I started to feel good again. I felt Jacob around me, holding me up, and I pleaded with myself to keep it together.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered.

Charlie looked as if I had slapped him. "Bella—" The phone rang, taking Charlie's attention off of me.

Charlie took the receiver off of the cradle roughly and was silent for a few minutes after his brief bark of "Hello?" into the other line. His eyes stayed transfixed on me and I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. When his eyes went dark and he hung up the phone, Charlie's hands shook as he placed them somewhat lightly on my shoulder. "There's a commotion down at La Push. There's some rash attack of animals. Are Jacob and his buddies doing something down there?" Charlie made me meet his eyes. "Is this what this is? Is it some kind of rebellion against his people? Because this is all getting out of hand."

"I don't know, Dad." My lying was still ineffective, but Charlie couldn't make me offer anymore information than what he had. My shoulders trembled against his hands for some seconds before I finally just stepped out his reach with a few steps backward. If he was done, I was going to leave. The Newton's sporting goods store was just not going to be opened today. Something about a battle between my two families and the forces of evil just seemed a little more important than getting to my summer job on time.

"You are not to leave this house while I go to the station to see what's going on," Charlie started, but I shook my head, dismissing whatever idea he had. "This isn't up for discussion, Bella. You are staying in this house—"

"No, I am not."

Charlie's face looked confused and then turned to resignation. "Does your mother know about you and Jacob?"

"You know Mom," I answered simply.

"I need to leave. This conversation is not finished," Charlie warned. "Do you hear me?"

I nodded and Charlie was satisfied for the moment. He shuffled a bit and walked into his room to get dressed. My back was pressed against the doorway as he pecked my forehead.

"If it's not Jacob and his friends doing this, then stay around him, alright? Not _alone_," Charlie quickly amended, "but stay close to him. Okay?"

My head was beginning to feel heavier as I continued my robotic nodding till Charlie almost ran out the door with his gun and coat.

As soon as I heard the door I rushed into my room and changed my clothing. My brown hooded sweater clung to my skin, and my still damp hair, blue jeans, and hiking boots covered the latest bruises of my earlier escapades. I needed to find out what was going on. I needed to see that everything was okay. I raced to the door and almost slipped down the porch steps when a small surprised scream escaped my mouth. Edward was sitting in my truck with a tiny smile on his face.

My arms closed around his unnatural frame and his smell made my eyes water from happiness. He gently stroked strands of my hair and I heard him inhale briefly before he stopped breathing entirely. Why did vampires even need to breathe anyway? Force of habit.

"Bella," Edward murmured softly. "I've come to take you some place safe. A few of the pack members will meet us later and the rest of my family has gone to help with things."

"What happened this morning? Is everyone all right?" I questioned.

Edward's mouth formed into a tight line. "Jacob is fine as far as I know," he answered, seeing right through all of my other questions. "The pack and my family are fine too." My head hit the back of the passenger seat though I had no recollection of even walking to my truck to get in it. "You'll be safe, Bella. And we'll all be fine," he continued on.

"What about everyone in La Push?"

"I don't know, Bella." Edward threw the truck in gear and his cool lips skimmed the surface of my hand. I almost couldn't feel it through my fear that something had happened. That someone had suffered. The guilt was almost crippling as I thought of nothing, but how much at fault I was for whomever and however many people had gotten hurt. A cry ripped through my chest and Edward's grip on my hand tightened as he silently watched me.

**(JPOV)**

_At La Push..._

I watched the Southern solider leech, Jasper, through careful eyes as he went over, again, how to take down the newborns and the vargulf. My pack members were quiet and all of the Cullens were present, except for Edward. I knew he had been put on "Bella-duty" and I was okay with that, surprisingly, but I was anxiously waiting to see Bella again. I hated how I had left her. I hated that I hadn't been able to control myself.

_At least you didn't hurt her_, Embry's logical voice sounded through mine and his head turned toward me.

_Yeah, and at least you…had some time together before it happened_. Quil's thoughts tried to stray away from the images of Bella and me in the various compromising positions we had been in recently, but there were too many. And I had been thinking a lot about them myself. I felt embarrassment and admiration from half the pack, but I quickly got annoyed when Embry's thoughts changed from Bella and me to Bella and _himself_.

_Sorry, but she is hot_, Embry replied sheepishly as I growled at him. _I said I was sorry_. _This pack mind sharing thing is tough_.

_Pay attention_! Sam's voice boomed. _Jacob, as Beta you should know better_.

My focus changed back toward the bloodsucker's drawl and my ears picked up to reregister his voice. "Remember, newborns have incredible upper arm strength due to all of their feeding on human prey. They will be looking to ambush and crush you with their arms," Jasper explained. "The vargulf will be easier to take down with the more wolves and arrows we have. We hope to draw them in when they reach this clearing and we will take down the newborns first. With no hand to rein in the vargulf, since we are assuming that they are too ferocious and wild to be kept on a leash for long, we can then expect for Rover to be a little reckless, but confused." Jasper paused to look each one of us in the eyes. Even his golden bronze eyes looked as unnatural as brick-red eyes were. I held in a shudder, thinking about what they did to the animals that they fed on. "Perhaps two pack members can 'entertain' the beast briefly and keep him from focusing on one particular thing, but do not engage a fight. Keep out of his grasp and teeth for as long as you can. We are not sure what his other weapons are besides the same amount of strength and ability that you all have, but we do hope—"

"Let's get this shit started. I'm ready to kill some leeches," Paul interrupted in his human form. "This is for Harry."

My other pack members nodded in agreement, in wolf and human form, as we all hung our heads down and a sympathetic howl sounded briefly among the pack.

Harry had been found on the edge of the treaty line, drained and broken in body. Leah and Seth had been kept back on the other side of La Push, but we already knew that they would be able to see once any one of us saw the scene. Seth had to be held back by Paul and Jared and we hadn't even bothered trying to hold Leah; her roar echoed for miles. I was sure that Leah was upset that she was never able to make peace with her father nor had she fully come to terms with just how "special" she really was as the first female werewolf of La Push.

I stole a look at the two siblings and they were calmly watching the exchange of our two fronts uniting, for the first time. Seth's paws were buried underneath his squat and Leah moved a small mound of earth in between her two front legs. They weren't going to miss this fight. I could feel their anxiety and bloodlust and it helped to fuel mine. I was fighting for La Push. I was fighting for Bella.

I was fighting for me.

Sam phased back in all his glory and turned to us, with his back toward the vampires. This was big, he never turned his back on them before. "This battle is about more than getting revenge for Harry, but it's about keeping our tribe safe," Sam began, taking moments to look around our rather large group. "This morning when the newborns attacked and set the vargulf loose on our village, we were lucky; the elders had been preparing for this very thing without our knowledge, in case something like this was to happen and we were not close enough to lend a helping hand. We have been blessed to have the stories of our ancestors passed down to us so that we will know what we can do to fight, to honor, and to win against these bloodsucking ravenous monsters," he dictated.

A murmur of appreciative barks surrounded the very air that Sam Uley was breathing and I continued to watch him, not concerned at the moment for the other six leeches that were also watching in amazement. It was truly a sight to behold.

Sam had never been one to fight for glory or for the attention of the crowd, but now he commanded the very essence of our being. He wanted everything that we had to go into this fight. He wanted our hopes, fears, and determination to keep us fighting and to help us win as we faced these new adversaries and Sam knew that we were going to win. There was no question. We were going to make the redheaded leech and her army pay for what had been done on our lands, on our watch, and during our time here on this earth.

I put one paw forward to give my unwavering support and Sam looked momentarily appreciative at me.

"Harry was a great friend and father. It does nothing to say that he will be missed or that his death was anything less than tragic and horrific that he had been taken from us so soon." Sam's eyes watered as he pressed himself on. "His other council responsibilities paled to the legacy he left behind in Leah and Seth, who will be fighting with us, but we will make sure that Harry did not die in vain. We will not tolerate this sadistic red headed leech's game for wars that were started long before another dared to sink their worthless teeth into her, making her the walking abomination that she is on this day," he bellowed. "She is not a person. She is not our ally as these lee—excuse me, vampires that stand by our side with us, for us, to fight. This isn't about only Bella and keeping her safe for Jacob, as you all well know, but our family is sacred and our friendship knows no bounds. Together we fight and together we win! Everyone is to come back and everyone is to fight! Everyone is to help each other, regardless of previous issues," Sam looked swiftly from Paul to me, "and small feuds that erupted before this day—it doesn't matter. We were made to fight and to honor our ancestors. We were made to persevere through all our trivial bullshit that means _nothing_ right here and right now! We were made to win! And that's exactly what we'll do."

Paul phased to his magnificent, silver wolf form at once and gave a ground shaking roar at Sam's feet. Leah and I followed in a close second and the rest of the pack howled in approval for the small speech. Sam turned toward our new allies and regarded them as one friend would another and they looked respectively back.

"Well said, Alpha. Well said," Carlisle, the vampire doctor replied. It didn't seem right to call him Dr. Fang to his face anymore. We were all lucky that he and his family wanted to help like they did. I was lucky they loved Bella like they had. Like they do. As I do as well.

Sam's eyes met mine. "Fulfill your promise to her," was his one simple order and my paws turned to race back toward my imprint.

Time could neither destroy nor aide itself in the amount of energy I was now spending to search for Bella and I never expected it too. I could smell her fresh scent from miles away since I was so in-tuned to her body, and I knew that if her smell ever wavered, I could just smell out the leech, Edward. My mind was racing with a thousand thoughts and daydreams of what last night and early this morning meant for our relationship; Bella wants me, Bella needs me. She wasn't thinking about the Cullen. She wasn't thinking entirely about her hold onto the past for a life that was no longer befitting for her. She was ready to start anew. She was ready to finally love me.

She asked me to stay. She wants me with her. I was proud that she was being selfish. I was happy that she seemed finally ready to accept everything that I could be for her…and I gloated that the Cullen had heard the whole thing. I didn't like the fact that he had been listening since I wasn't much of a thrill seeker with an audience, but this was one time I would make an exception; he needed to know about everything that went on last night. He needed to know that I was here to stay in Bella's life and that I wasn't going anywhere. He was not going to steal her again from me. She was mine and I didn't need to mark her to prove it.

My legs seized as I heard small particles of dirt shift from the path I was taking toward finding Bella. My nose had done its job and found its intended target.

Fear gripped my heart and senses as my mind continued to replay to just seconds ago when I had been happy, when I had felt whole, when I had finally thought that things would be all right even though they had changed so drastically within the last few hours. My mouth was open in my wolf form, but even if I had been human, my vision would not have been any clearer and the realization would have hit me in the same way. The birds stopped chirping and the leaves stopped rustling on this September morning, the 14th, the day after Bella's birthday. The day after my Bella's birthday. I was possessive over the very idea for her, but there was no reason to be anymore. She was clearly not mine at the moment. Her mind was no longer preoccupied with me, the admission of feelings she had recently declared, nor even the threat against of her life as she stood before me.

I doubt if she had a coherent thought in her head at this time.

Bella looked completely stunning as she stood just a few yards in front of me next to the Cullen. The way her brown sweater caught the light as my wolf eyes adjusted to the very sight of her very human body and that of her unnatural wonder. I could smell the shampoo that she had put in her hair this morning after I had left. I was sure it had been after I left. _I never should have left_. Time turned into my opponent, no longer a nonparticipating character in this story. I had been wrong when I said that things had changed for the better. Things had been lifted and then my fragile heart had been dropped like glass, cracking into a thousand pieces that could never be pieced back together. I had already tried too many times before.

"He's here, Bella."

The silk voice of my opponent was the one thing I recognized and he was standing merely a few feet away, but my mind was more than a hundred miles from where my four legs held me up. Lord knows how my hind and fore legs kept me upright when I felt like crashing down to drown myself in the agony I was in. In the doom and harsh reality I was facing, it was a bitter end to an already less than sweet beginning. My mind blanked upon seeing Bella's realization of me there. I loved her and she loved me, but that didn't matter now. I started to whine but a snarl fell out of my mouth instead as I put myself into an attack position. This was it. This was one battle I would win.

This bloodsucker was here to steal my Bella, after all. I would put up a fight.

**(EPOV)**

…_a ½ hour earlier_

Bella's tears in the Chevy continued to plague my heart and ears, but I couldn't run the risk of us veering off the road if I stopped to console her. I was a vampire; not a miracle worker. Bella's tears were destroying what little composure I had left. She was still so beautiful to me. Though she was no longer mine to love entirely, I could not get past how much she had remained the same but matured so much. She had always been one to sacrifice herself unselfishly, but she also rendered herself as completely normal and unremarkable when she was anything but those two very things. My mind reveled in all the things she had accomplished without me being by her side and the best part was that she was still alive for me to see it.

_No thanks to you_, I thought about myself harshly.

If she wanted me to say goodbye to her again, then I would do it. I would leave. But not before I would tell her what she had a right to know. I could die in battle, as I fully planned to, but not before I would admit to what I had always been afraid of. I never wanted her to go on thinking that I hadn't loved her, despite being what I was.

I would tell her. I would tell her the reason I had left. I was sure that was what she had wanted. She had to be made to understand that I was still very much in love with her, but I had left to keep her as she was. I wanted to keep her soul and humanity in tact despite her willingness to throw her life away so easily. Of course I could have argued with myself that she had continued to put herself in danger by consorting with a young werewolf, but he had done her no harm so far. He was a minor inconvenience for me, personally, but I had nothing against him. If he hadn't been a werewolf, we might have been friends…or at least if I hadn't been a vegetarian, he would have been lunch. It all depended on how one viewed it.

I slowed the Chevy down to a crawl up a nearby wooded path and walked (as only I could) over to Bella's side of the truck. She blinked a few times before allowing me to retake her hand and help her step out. I wasn't sure if she had even realized that we had stopped and I chuckled at her human eyes struggling to play catch up. Her look was sullen and again I wished that I was able to read her mind. She looked so sad and lost, but I couldn't help her anymore than what I had been asked to do. It wasn't my place anymore. And it never would be until she asked it of me again. I prayed for that day to come and to come soon. I wasn't sure if there was a God, since I believed that I was soulless, but there would have had to been if something created Bella for me. And she was for me.

"Edward, stop. How far do we have to go?" She stated after a few minutes of walking. Her cheeks reddened a little from the wind and light perspiration, making her even more irresistible. Her heartbeat was steady and calm. That was good that she wasn't afraid of me. She was still okay with being alone with me. My unbeating heart continued to soar.

"Bella," I started. "I intend to keep you safe. Those were my orders. Alice has foreseen the battle starting soon and with this morning—"

"What happened this morning?"

My mouth curled into an easy smile and a lie. "Just a few mishaps. Nothing to worry about."

"Did something happen in La Push, Edward? What happened in La Push? Tell me!" She pressed.

I struggled to protect her. I stared into her eyes and continued to lie as I had practiced and done for the past over 100 years. Well, 109. "Nothing. We're all safe. You're safe now and you will stay that way. Alright?"

She looked at me and took her hand back. My body was deprived of the warmth of her skin and blood as she looked at me in slight defiance and anger. "Jacob will tell me when he gets here. I'll ask him," she replied boldly.

The muscles in my face twitched. It was a delayed reaction. I had no use for muscles really, but a force of habit to act human and react on human emotions had left a somewhat crippling effect on the real emotions I had as a vampire. "Jacob? Jacob has never lied to you?"

"No, he hasn't," she shot back. "He's always been there for me," Bella added softly.

My smile became painted on. "Well let's thank him for that later, shall we? And I do suppose that I deserve that last sentence. I should explain to you why I left."

"Yeah, maybe you should." Bella's arms crossed and I continued to smile. Her expression softened, but she kept her arms across her waist. I had seen in Jacob's mind what she had done just after I left. The way her arms covered her caved-in chest and the way her eyes had looked more than half dead. She had been like a zombie and Jacob had been the one to revive her. His warmth combated the very cold, dead, and lonely existence that I had left her in to protect her. By trying to save her, I had nearly destroyed her. I couldn't be forgiven so easily for that, but I would spend the rest of our time together making up for it if she allowed it.

"Please." I motioned her toward a big boulder and she carefully sat. My knees went into the ground as I kneeled in front of her and grabbed her slightly trembling hands. I wanted to be as close to her as I could. Her blood incited the venom in my mouth and my teeth descended without my help. I had already fed previously the day before, but her blood sang such a sweet tune that I could have been satiated from just a few drops. The only thing I imagined that would have tasted as sweet as her blood would have been the very skin she wore. My fingertips trailed the inside of her palms as my eyes met hers. There was neither alarm nor fear in her eyes, but her awe of me seemed to have vanished overnight. Was I no longer dazzling for her? I wasn't yet sure. "Bella, you have to understand that I left because I wanted to protect you," I began. "When I said that you did not belong in my world, I meant it. When I said that I didn't want you to be like me, I meant that too. When I said—"

"That you didn't love me, you meant that too, right?" Her bitter voice cut through me the same as her cries in the truck and her moans of pleasure from earlier this morning had. Her eyes questioned mine as I struggled to keep my face the same.

"No, Bella, I didn't mean that at all. Have I become such a good liar that you can not tell the truth from me?" I asked, feeling genuinely hurt. "Have you really not seen how much you have meant to me? How much you continue to mean to me? I couldn't have lived with myself if something had happened to you and I was not there. It drives me crazy with guilt to know that I am partially to blame for this very dilemma that you, my family, and the pack are in. I am ashamed to say that I made a mistake when I left you," I admitted. "The memory of that day haunts me and I only beg of your forgiveness now though I do not deserve it. I wanted the very best for you and I thought that by leaving you, you would be forced to live a normal life. The one you would have had if our kind had not existed."

Bella chuckled. "Screwed that up, didn't I? I love a vampire and a werewolf, two natural enemies." My smile remained through her admission to loving Jacob, but I had already heard as much from her lips anyway. I nodded appreciatively. "But you came back," she continued. "You must have known that I was in trouble even if it was through Alice. You must still care for me in some way…even if it is in sort of like a pet way."

"A pet?" My brow lifted. "You are more than a pet, my love. And your feelings for Jacob and myself should not leave you ashamed. I put you in this situation. I made you love him—"

"You didn't make me do anything." Her tone told cold. "I chose to love him and I am not ashamed of it."

"Of course not," I corrected myself. "Forgive me."

Bella's finger touched the collar of my shirt. "I've already forgiven you for leaving, Edward, and I am glad that you came back. I am glad that Alice had the gift to see me and to know that I was in trouble—"

"Alice couldn't see you at all," I confessed. "That was just it; she can't see you when the wolves are near you or if you plan on doing something with the pack. We were flying blind on this."

Bella's skin paled. "You mean you can't see me nor Jacob? Anyone from the pack?" Her voice started to raise its pitch. "Anyone at all? What about the battle? Can she see that? Can she see the outcome? Will Jacob be alright?"

"We assume that he will be. She sees you in the future and she sees that you are content enough so that might suggest that he's fine—"

"But you don't know? You don't know, do you? Not for sure. Why didn't Alice say anything?"

I struggled not to lie. "She did not want to cause a panic for you or for the pack."

"Of course," she responded bitterly. "They might not fight if they knew that she couldn't see the outcome."

"The pack would have fought regardless," I interjected. "The newborns and vargulf were on their land and they are in Forks. They felt it was their duty to protect their land."

Her breathing started to become heavier and she wobbled as she stood up. I reached for her and she allowed me to grab her and pull her close. She sighed contently as she hummed against the empty cavity of my chest and her hair invaded my nose. Her blood was becoming too enticing and I made a mental note to stop breathing.

"I told Jacob I didn't want him to fight," Bella suddenly said. "Last night we were together, Edward. I am sorry I didn't listen, but we needed that time for ourselves. I know you don't approve—"

"I do not think it is I who needs convincing. Charlie was pretty upset this morning. You did not want to hear the thoughts inside of his head when you wouldn't tell him what you knew."

"It's not my secret to share. I never told Jacob about you being vampires either. I guess it became kind of like common knowledge when he changed to a werewolf the first time."

I gave a hint of a small smile at the memory of Jacob's pain during his first transformation. To be a werewolf and to endure its transformation each time was a very interesting thing. My family often thought that I was tempting fate by continuing to see Bella willingly when we had first started dating since her blood had caused such a reaction for me, but to be a werewolf was entirely different. I made a choice not to hurt Bella. Being a werewolf was pretty involuntary. "It was a very different experience for him. He was a pretty happy, pure-hearted kid when he first met you. And then he started dreaming of you two together; his fantasies were nothing compared to what you two do now." My tongue slipped and I immediately felt out of my element. It was not my place to talk to her like this. "Forgive me—my manners—" I began sheepishly.

She laughed, to my surprise. "I've never heard you speak like that before. Jacob must be rubbing off on you. He's the one that's always so brazen."

"On the contrary; Jacob does not have that effect on me." Her smiled mocked me. "You do. You are the one who has the effect on me. This hold that we have over each other is something that I have never experienced. Not with another like myself or with any other human. There is something that keeps us together. There is something that won't let us be apart from one another."

"Like love," she replied into my chest.

"Yes, love." My fingers pulled her face to my own and I let my eyes gaze over her. Her wonder was returning to its rightful place and I again felt a connection that hadn't been broken during our separation. I was living in her world though I was technically dead. I was alive in her memories though I had no beating heart. My venom and hunger yearned to drink from her, but my love for her would not let me hurt her. I wanted her as she was, living, breathing, and flawed. That was the Bella for me. She was Bella to me. "I do love you, Bella. I always have. That didn't change when I left and it won't change if you ask me to leave."

"I won't ever ask you to leave me, Edward. You will never hear those words from me," she replied.

My smile could hardly be ruined by vastly approaching footsteps. It could be the wind. It could be a deer. What did it matter to me now? The arms around my true love were wrapped around me and I wasn't going to let her go. Her skin shivered on the contact we made as I watched her slowly close her eyes. Her cheeks flooded with blood and I was the one suddenly in awe of her.

"Kiss me, Edward."

My lips wanted nothing more than to feel every exposed surface of her skin but I was content to make due with just her mouth. The venom made its presence known as the burning in my throat throbbed and dulled the rest of my senses to the point of useless. Her tongue danced and took the lead with me and I was struck by her boldness. I had forgotten how she had been, what curiosity had done to her and what her sexual urges had done to me. My eyes closed and my mouth released a sigh, sending a tickling vibration through her body. Her heartbeats were refreshing and her skin glowed against my sparkling exterior as the sun baited us with luminous intensity of its own. Everything felt right. Everything was right again. Bella was in my arms and a heart that I no longer had a use for felt complete within its meaningless existence.

Nothing could have gone wrong. The smell of her excitement awakened my feelings of lust and I imagined the sweet taste of her blood and skin in my mouth. My fingers pressed into her back and my thoughts prayed that I was not hurting her. I imagined ripping her jeans off and seeing what she looked like under her hooded sweater for myself. I would not rely on a werewolf's memory. How could a werewolf have even appreciated what a special human being like Bella actually was? He couldn't. He wouldn't even know how. I felt her nipples harden as my tongue flicked against the beginning of her throat. She tilted her head back more to allow me in deeper. Bella had many hidden talents that I had yet to explore. I had to always be so careful. I had to always keep restraint…and it had almost cost me her love. Her kissing turned more vicious and became full of longing. That was what I wanted to feel as our bodies collided. That's how we were meant to feel with each other.

A sudden stillness hung in the air after a few seconds and it almost escaped my notice. Hurt of thought and anguish entered my mind and I winced slightly at the change. My lips stopped moving and I cautiously pulled back. My arms dropped lower to Bella's waist and concern filled me as I deliberated quickly and internally on what to do next. I was at a clear advantage, but hadn't things changed? Hadn't Bella wanted this? My earlier thoughts of ending my life halted as I tried desperately to think faster. This could not be the only way. What was my existence without my love? What would become of her if I left her again, this time not by choice? I had made a decision to say goodbye to her and now I had ruined it with a kiss. Our kiss. Our last kiss.

I started to turn slowly when movement finally caught my ears. The time had persecuted me so quickly when it had never bothered me before. What was time to an immortal? All we had was time. Bella's worried glance alerted me to the here and now. This could prove difficult. Someone was with us, watching us, and very upset with us as well.

"He's here, Bella," I muttered simply.

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***A/N: I haven't asked for reviews in awhile, so I am asking for them now. Depending on the numbers, I can figure out when to post the battle.**


	34. Author's Note

***Author's Note:**

**To all the people offended by the latest chapter, I am sorry. I am also NOT keeping my story from readers. That is a horrible thing to do and too many other authors on do just that without me having to contribute to that kind of ploy to get more reviews. That was not my intent.**

**The only reason I ask for reviews is because I wanted to know how my writing was progressing and whether people were still enjoying the story or not. That was the only reason I asked for any at all. Readers should not be upset that authors are asking for assessments; they need feedback since most of us do not have an agent or publisher, and are usually during their free time (what little they have these days). I've pushed a lot of my personal (and very real) problems to the back-burner to write instead because I thought people were enjoying it, but if they are not, I will post the battle as soon as I am able and see what happens from there.**

**I am happy when people leave reviews; in fact, I am thrilled. I don't even mind when not all of the reviews are positive. That is how I learn. I never expected everyone to like my story, but some of the reviews and PM's (private messages) have been cold, vulgar, and nasty, which is uncalled for. I've also never compared myself to any other fan fic writer or even to SM herself, and I don't imagine readers to think that I am, but this is my first fan fic and I am still learning what and how to write. As I say in every chapter of this story, I do not own Twilight.  
**

**So I end with this: if you would like to review, then please do. If not, then do not. I just know that when I read other people's fan fics and enjoy them, I message the author and let them know as much.**

**Again, sorry that my merely asking of reviews on my story progress offended so many and I am not so vain to think I am the greatest writer of all time, but personal attacks is not constructive when I write to evade the stress of very real life.**

**Danni***


	35. I'm Alive

***A/N: Thank you to all those who commented, reviewed, and critiqued my last few chapters, willingly I hope. It really was not my intent to force reviews. I appreciate both the help and even the not-so-supportive suggestions. Every little bit helps. I will work on incorporating some of everyone's tidbits into my writing for future chapters and stories. Just bear with me while I still learn. :-)**

**I am posting chapters back to back so your guys don't think I am dragging out the battle. I was really writing and rewriting to make sure all was okay. I hope this action scene appeases you, the readers.**

Chapter Summary: The scene of the newborn battle. Heroes emerge as each side takes a stand, united against a common enemy of Forks and La Push.

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***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and I dedicate this chapter to Paul, my own 2****nd**** in command after Jacob; 'cause when Jacob's busy, Paul lets me rub behind his ears.**

Chapter XXXIII Title: 'I'm Alive,' by Disturbed

**(APOV)** Author's point of view

The battle was not expected to be quick, but no one could foresee that it would last this long or had either side been able to anticipate the fury and the drive they both had to win this fight. It was a losing battle that would clearly have one side a winner and the other side would lose. There would be no draw, no mercy, and no lies to cover the truth of what was really going on. This was not a fight for glory, but for a continued existence. They each had a score to claim though one side clearly had more to lose than the other. Which side would endure the lost and be annihilated? Which side would you choose to win?

Sam's huge black body actually shook with anticipation for the fight to begin. Embry and Jared stood flank while Leah and Paul shifted their weight from their front to their hind legs. The other four wolves, Colin, Seth, Brady, and Quil hung back a little, but not willingly. Although Leah had been later to phase after Quil she would not allow herself to be pushed too far back out of chauvinism. She wanted blood for her Harry. She wanted blood for the loss that Seth and she would suffer. She wanted her regret to be spilled with her enemy's meaningless existence of life and she wanted it _now_. Leah's tension and Sam's anxiety made the entire wolf pack count the seconds until the newborns would reach the clearing. The pixie called out in a low voice, "They're coming. A few more minutes." She hadn't needed to say anything. Their sickly sweet smell permeated through the trees of the Quileute's land.

This battle was indeed personal.

_Thump._

_Thump, thump, thump_, the sound persisted.

That was all the wolves the wolves felt sane and calm enough to hear; each other's heartbeats. The hardest working muscle in the human body ached in each of the pack's ribs, almost breaking the bones from the constant friction against their chest, and it completely dominated their coherent thoughts. Anything that they could hear was better than the approaching hisses and mushy stomps that the newborn vampires were casting closeby.

These newborns were too new at this; they did not yet know or care to know how to sneak up on prey, staying so deliberately quiet that all they would have to do is reach out and pull back a strand of hair or latch onto a bit of sturdy clothing before their intended victim was theirs. Either that, or no one had bother to teach them.

_Victoria did not train them well at all_, Jasper thought smugly. _Or these newborns really were bred for one purpose_. He felt sad suddenly. So many of their lives had been cut short all for another's revenge. Just as easily as Victoria had created them, she hastily thrown them away. As if dropping them into a melting pot of raw ingredients that were not yet ripe; however, the newborns were not at a complete disadvantage. They were still fueled by their insatiable need to feed. _Fight well, wolves_. Jasper thought. _Fight well._

The sun's intensity beat down on the vampires and the pack. Normal wolves were nocturnal and preferred the hunt in the night because of the dislike for the sun's heat, but even the Fork's sun provided enough cover for that. Emmett was growing restless waiting and his eyes darted between the opening of the clearing and Rosalie's perfect features. His stone fingers brushed a single blonde hair back from his mate's face before a noise rang out from one of the wolves.

Paul had growled soundly from the rapidly approaching stench emitting from the enemy. Sam took a side-step, blocking half of Leah's sight purposely. Leah's toes practically danced on the small patch of ground before her. She panted furiously, sulking a little inside because Sam had pushed her to his back flank though he had said he wouldn't. _Liar_!

_What am I doing here?_ She cried inside. _I deserve to be in the front. I deserve to be the lead. The leeches killed my father-my dad!_ A part of Leah's family had been stolen before she could make amends. Before she could fix things. She could never tell her father how sorry she was, show him how proud he could have been had he lived passed the battle.

_Focus, Leah_, Sam thought passively.

_The bloodsuckers are mine_! Leah snarled back. _I deserve to taste their demise! Let them feel the pain that I am doomed to feel for the rest of my life before I sever their head!_ she continued, feeling bloodlust.

Alice's eyes moved as she stepped closer to Leah, away from an uncomfortable looking Jasper. The anger from Leah was becoming too much for him to be able to keep a straight face on. He needed a bit more tranquility. Alice could sense this and took a big risk moving close to the volatile werewolf, knowing that Leah had not been very friendly with her or her family during practices.

"Not yet, Leah," Alice addressed her softly.

Leah's neck gave a snap in disgust. _Who is she to speak to me?_ Leah thought angrily. She tensed, drawing back from the soothing voice of the pixie leech. S_he doesn't know me_. _My own father never knew me either and now he never would! It's their fault, Sam! Let me-_

_Wait your God-damn turn, Leah_, Paul voiced. Paul agreed with his pack mate whole-heartedly, but her internal musings and guilt was plaguing his nerves. She mimicked his feelings perfectly; this alliance with the Cullens were unnecessary. _When this is over_, Paul swore to the rest of his brothers-and of course, one sister-_that big bear of a leech is mine_.

More seconds went by, feeling like an eternity that crept along, gnawing at the sides of the brave, young pack.

_What's taking so long?_ Paul whined, sounding almost human.

_They're not as anxious to die as other parasites_, Jared answered.

_Maybe they're lost_, Embry offered.

_'Maybe they're lost,'_ Jared mocked.

_Fuckin' pussy, man_, Paul added. _If they're lost, go find them and bring them here_.

Jared wheezed out a chuckle to relieve the tension he was feeling. He had been standing so long that he finally felt the need to do something mobile before he went nuts. Paul glanced at him, but shook off his own questions about Jared's behavior.

_Stop laughing_, Sam barked in annoyance, attempting to regain control over his pack.

Jared paid little heed, his one weakness taking over. _Ten bucks says I snag ten bloodsuckers before you can even get one, Paul_, he called.

_What?_ Paul questioned back, already enraged.

_You heard me_, Jared taunted. _You game?_

_Jared, knock it off_, Embry butted in.

_I'll take a piece of that_, Quil chimed in, getting into it. _We'll all get some before Paul can even get a start on one._

_I'm warning you guys_, Sam started.

_Look, Paul needs help standing up for himself. Paul has Sam fighting his battles_, Jared thought in an obnoxious tone. _You can't help him, Sam. He's going to lose either way_.

Paul took a small step forward, taking his eyes off of Jared to narrow them at the still empty clearing. His back left foot touched the covering of an uprooted tree, preparing to launch himself into the first newborn that was unlucky enough to cross his path.

_Count him down, Q_, Jared called.

_One_, Quil began.

_You want 'em?_ Jared voiced softly, the sound echoing in Paul's head. Paul's neck and ears lowered as the saliva he bore dripped down his teeth. _Pat! Pat! Pat!_ went the drops, a new sound.

_Two_, Quil kept at it, without provocation now.

_Paul-Jared-Quil, stop it_! Sam threatened, not even taking a breath in between their names.

_Do you really want 'em, Paul?_ Jared repeated. His own voice became his personal war anthem. _Go get 'em!_

A strawberry blonde newborn appeared, tearing through the thick brush of trees, with three others following close behind from a couple of low branches, dangling a foot or two above the forest floor.

_Three_! Quil shouted in a bark. The four newborns looked across the field, their attention grabbed.

A howl that did not come from Paul let loose in the air, making the smallest wolves, Colin and Brady, shrink back momentarily. The howl that erupted was too much like a war cry; a human war cry.

_What the-?_ Jared started, but was pushed aside by an unseen matter that was too quick, even for his amazing eyesight.

Leah's eyes had caught sight for one fraction of a second of another apprehensive, but determined looking newborn with dark hair and deep garnet-colored eyes before her legs carried her from out of her assigned spot, Sam's ass. The pack members dispersed from their positions as a reflex before they could collectively think together fast enough to stop her. Except for one.

Sam's wolf face was in agony. _LEAH! DON'T—_!

Leah practically sailed over the agitated Paul, flicking dirt in his face as she flew past him and straight onto the field, now crawling with at least ten other newborns. The pack did a double take, using up a second more than they needed before they howled, and charged ahead the rest of the way, Seth and Sam neck and neck for the second lead behind Leah.

Leah ran, already burning from the anxiety by the time she made a very forceful land on the dark-haired newborn's back she had seen not long ago-and then her frightened yowl sounded as three other newborns jumped onto her back.

It was a trick.

And the battle began.

Emmet sighed, making a tiny move toward Jasper. "Animals, right?" he joked with his adopted brother.

Jasper hummed his non-reply and went forward with the rest of the Cullens, taking their pre-designated positions with their bows in hand.

Already feeling drained from the painfully long adrenaline rush, Leah could not throw the leeches off. Sam growled and ran to her aide as quickly as his legs would carry him. The three fair-haired newborns did not give on their hold of Leah and Sam snapped and snarled near their limbs to make them jump back. Other newborns were slowly closing in on an unaware Sam and Paul rushed to his side, throwing his body at five other vampires whom had foolishly stayed so close together.

Jared and Embry tore into the neck and back of a nearby brunette and pulled her apart to throw her limbs separately to a close Esme. Esme gauged the eyes of the head and ripped the rest of the extremities almost exactly in half before tossing them into a fire she had just started.

Alice and Carlisle had their hands full with four other newborns that had come into view from the dense forest and they used their inhuman strength to keep the other side at bay. Seth ran and pulled one very close vampire sneaking up behind the pixie and used his teeth to toss him up and into a tree. The sickening crack hung in Seth's ears as the creature's leg and wrist were broken upon its landing.

Leah howled as one of the newborns managed to get its arms around one of her haunches and squeezed. Sam threw himself into the offending creature, shaking all three of them bit. The newborn moved to get a better grip when Sam's teeth tore into the creature's shoulder and he fixed his head to the side to break its nose next. This newborn had a particularly large nose. Sam succeeded and the creature stepped back from not being able to see as clearly before Paul appeared from behind and ripped out its back and the side of its abdomen. Leah landed softly, her side already starting to heal and she ran toward the other side of the leech to finish the kill. They both threw the remaining limbs into the side of the forest for one of the Cullens to pick up while Sam covered their endeavor by fighting off the other two vampires that remained.

Seth suddenly halted, skidding toward one lonely vampire that had been watching from the sidelines. The solid crimson-colored eyes moved across the unsure face of the young, inexperienced sandy-brown wolf. It was toying with him for a few moments more before it would attack him, finishing the job it had been set out to do. The newborn vampire did not like the smell of this big, hairy dog, but it enjoyed the unsteadiness of the wolf's feet.

"Be scared, little doggy," it said calmly. "Be scared."

Suddenly it's dead irises seemed to have moved, looking alive-or imitating the life that it once had-and it went up into the air, it's ebony hair sweeping behind it's falling grace and body. Seth leaned to his left, his side stinging as the newborn came crashing into him, claws already extended. Seth winced and wrapped his mouth around the creature's extended shoulder, whipped around, and tore it clean from its socket. The young wolf grimaced from the bitter, metallic taste, snapped his head back, and slapped the bloodsucker with it's own arm.

The newborn howled and quickly became the one unsteady on its feet. Seth dropped the arm without thinking, and arched his back, ready to leap when abruptly the fallen arm grabbed his ankle, digging it's still extended nails into Seth's heel. It drew blood.

Seth 'uumphed!' loudly upon his fall, losing the upperhand. The vampire sneered and began to crawl to a stand, taking a gingerly step forward when it was attacked from both sides at once; Jasper ran and tackled the upper half as Embry grabbed the legs with his mouth. Their combined efforts tore the body to shreds, stunning a drastically ashamed Seth.

_Get up!_ Leah barked unsympathetically.

Seth sucked his teeth within his wolf jaws, but quickly obeyed, lest he must be saved again. _I had the bloodsucker_, he whined to his pack mates.

_Sure, you did_, Jared retorted, not far. _You get half of one for that_. Then Jared grunted as he used his front legs to stop a blow from a small male newborn. Jared ended up extending his paw, tripping him, and then ripped off his head by grabbing into its scalp. _How many is that, by the way? What did you get, Paul?_

_Busy_! Paul snapped, looking around in duress. He had to kill a leech-something-anything-for himself. He just had to.

The pack, with the help of the Cullens, began to make a small dent into the numbers of their resilient foes when another roar ripped into the air and Brady was pushed aside by a huge dark-grayish shape. Embry jumped but was also flung back, howling from the pain of hitting a nearby boulder and Esme rushed to his side. The vargulf, with its dark yellow teeth and scarlet eyes took a giant step toward the Cullen's mother figure when Jasper and Emmett let loose a swift and numerous amount of arrows from the bows they had tied securely to their back that early morning. Rosalie stole three more arrows from Carlisle's satchel and two of the three hit the huge beast in the perineum while Emmett succeeded in getting one in the side throat.

"Bullseye! My rover hit Rover!" Emmett chuckled at his small joke before the animal turned back toward the other pack members. The vargulf felt tiny stings from the pierced arrows, but it paid it no mind. He did bleed, afterall. It was natural for it to be feeling some pain. The memory of his master's voice from earlier soothed his ears and muscles as it continued to advance in attack. His large appendages sunk into the ground a little before Sam roared back for the other wolves to disengage their attack on the newborns that were left to fight off the bigger enemy. Sam stood on his hind legs, but was barely able to meet the beast eye to eye, and the vargulf's attack stance stood unmoved, unwilling to be intimidated by what was thought to be an inferior creature compared to it.

Sam regarded the movement, and in haste approached the vargulf by running first. The vargulf, feeling confident, allowed the black Alpha to move within three feet before he swiped at him with his paw. Sam was nearly taken down by its lion-like claws as his evasive maneuvering took him toward the back of the vargulf's tail where he caught it in his mouth and bit down hard. Sam's teeth was the culprit behind the vargulf's tortured scream—the hairy purple flowered mountain ash (native to Texas and southern parts of Oklahoma) that had been collecting in Sam's saliva for the last couple months made the vargulf whip around to lash out at Sam's own tail for revenge. Sam let go of the creature as Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie continued to fire their arrows into its back. The vargulf was clearly feeling winded and ill prepared, but would not back down from its task. It was meant to provide a distraction and that is what it would do.

The other newborns that had not been taken down began to close in behind the wolves, but Carlisle signaled to Alice and little Colin, whose paws were still too big for his newly acquired wolf form, and began to silently tear the limbs of their rivals. One of the twelve vampires that were left took a hold of Seth's hind leg intending to crush it and Quil bit and pulled it from Seth's rump. It let go and Quil's massive jaws snapped the vampire's neck with one easy twist. Seth's body flew under Quil as another vampire approached the two wolves and Seth thanked his pack brother by crushing the sneaky foe's head with his jaws and teeth.

Sam turned to make sure his other pack members were safe as the rest of them descended closer to the vargulf, and began attacking him with numerous bites to his legs, shoulders, and hindquarters. The vargulf continued to feel infuriated at the incessant pain the pack was causing him, and started to jump a little each time they snapped their flailing jowls at him. The creature achieved in making contact with another pack member, Brady's muzzle, breaking his nose and nearly blinding him in one eye. Brady stepped back from the fight and was kicked by accident from one of his pack members.

_Stay still, Brady_! Jared urged.

Brady started to roll, unable to keep his balance. He was healing, but not fast enough. A staggering newborn who had had its legs ripped off crawled quickly toward the injured wolf. Jasper threw his bow into his sack and jumped onto the threatening newborn's back, crushing it down into the earth. He threw the rest of the body's remains toward the wood edge.

Emmett called to Rover, the huge beast that had been seemingly staged in the middle of the fleeting newborns, by way of whistling, with a small, coy grin spreading across his lips. Emmett displayed his incisors in a threatening matter, throwing his bow to his side, intent on taking the creature on with his bare hands. And one lone arrow.

"You're much bigger than a grizzly," Emmett stated.

Rover snorted as if he understood what the other supernatural being meant and did not hesitate; the vargulf stood not more than twenty feet away when he changed direction and went for Emmett. Emmett turned himself further into the angry and snarling mug of a huge dog as it pulled his teeth back into a growl, but Emmett had it all figured out; he was ready to fight the towering creature.

The other pack members rushed to regain what control they had had over the bleeding beast, but Paul got there first.

"WOO-HOO!" Emmett bellowed a second before Rover closed the gap between them and was on him an instant thereafter. Emmett's confidence did not disappear even as his pale, but solid body did under the vargulf. The vargulf was just over his face now.

As the vargulf's plunge toward Emmett's face grew nearer Paul's speed sought to make himself known to the unaware opponent. Paul landed his two feet into the vargulf's side, twisted his head around one-hundred and seventy five degrees exactly, and pulled off the ear and half the nose of the vargulf at the same time. The venomous vapors of the vargulf's saliva seared the skin and fur of Paul's precious grayness just as he felt the sharp pain of the vargulf's teeth. Paul was taken off his guard and he fought with the instinct of his body to not go limp.

The vargulf wouldn't let go even as the other pack members continued to bite and rip into its body. Paul's paws hit and scratched the face of the vargulf as he was turned around, his back against the dirt floor with the Vargulf half over him. Paul gathered his strength in time to see one opening for the vargulf's throat and went for it. The beast's jugular was squeezed and it seemed to have popped like a balloon with too much air; the blood seeping out even hissed like one. The immediate loss of life was evident in its body coordination as Emmett took his last arrow from his back and used his bear-like strength to thrust it into the vargulf's head, straight through the skull. Emmett barely felt the arrow twinge and give as he forced it into the bone; he was that sure it was going in.

It fell after that.

Paul sputtered under the weight of the now dead vargulf, and then howled in agony as his side burned with something that felt like poison in his blood. This was worse than a phase. His eyes betrayed him as he cried, the burning relentless as it continued to surge itself through his body. His paws turned human as he writhed and groaned along the floor, surrendering to the ache of a black out. Emmett, Rosalie, and the pack members surrounded him as the other Cullens rushed to clear the rest of the newborns' bodies off of the field.


	36. Snow White Queen

Chapter Summary: Bella's sudden decision to kiss Edward has a high price to pay and Victoria, the vengeful vampire, intends to make her pay in full. At the same time, both Edward and Jacob have a decision to make; do they fight each other or save the girl they love?

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.  
**

Chapter XXXIV Title: 'Snow White Queen,' by Evanescence

**(BPOV)**

I couldn't breathe. The look and shock on Jacob's face was literally causing me to have a panic attack; a thousand invisible needles jabbed themselves into my skin all at once and it was then I realized that I took something as easy as breathing for granted.

Just as I had been taking Jacob for granted.

His eyes were glossy as he continued to stare as Edward and I, as if he were afraid to make another move. Was this another dream that I was having? Was I really bringing down two people that I loved? I did love them both; I knew I did. How could loving them both feel so wrong and so right at the same time?

"He's here, Bella," Edward repeated.

My fingers tightened around Edward's shoulders as my wolf finally did step forward a little, with his teeth bared. Jacob's eyes looked hateful as he watched us and I became stiff with dread. I looked at him with pleading eyes though I didn't deserve his sympathy. I deserved nothing from him.

"Jacob, relax. Just re—" I started.

Jacob barked, took a wobbly step closer toward us, and it made me cut my plea short.

_Bad idea. Bad idea. Don't piss off the werewolf_.

"Jacob—" I began again, but was cut off. It was as if my eyes were finally opened. No words were necessary to explain.

Jacob growled again, but his eyes were toward the extreme left of Edward. A single pair of red eyes were watching all three of us from a nearby brush and two of its incisors poked through the leaves. Edward stepped in front of me.

"It's him," Edward clarified. "It's Riley."

I stayed behind Edward's body as his cruel smile displayed itself toward the thicket. I had never seen him smile so coldly except with the pack.

"Victoria's supposed new mate," Edward explained. "Isn't that right, Riley? Isn't that what she promised you if you agreed to kill my beloved?"

The vampire called Riley emerged from the forest shrubbery slowly and Jacob's ears stood erect and his front shoulders tensed back. Jacob continued to growl and Riley looked uncertain from Edward and me to my wolf.

"Call off your mutt!" Riley exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, but I don't own him." Edward continued to look on and keep ahold of the cuffs of my sweater. I was trembling in fear for Edward and Jacob. Jacob was visibly shaking more violently than I ever saw of him and seemed immovable to the idea of backing away from his target. I had never seen Jacob actually fight a vampire, but if it was in any way like he had fought off the vargulf, there was nothing that this vampire would be able to do to him. Edward started to speak again. "I don't know all the details of what Victoria has told you, but if you back off now, no harm will come to you. We will not hurt you."

Jacob continued to snarl as if he disagreed.

Riley looked more confused when a female's voice rung out, "Forget it! Riley, my love, he's trying to trick you. That's what they do. Those who lie in bed with humans lie to their own kind. Destroy that dog! He can't even keep track of his own woman—"

Jacob howled suddenly and lunged himself at a frightened Riley.

Edward pushed me back and spun around as Victoria landed somewhat on his back not too far from where I fell. She had jumped from a high branch and the ground shook underneath the two immortal forces hitting the dirt. I turned frantically toward Jacob and saw that he had already torn off Riley's hand and was already jumping again for another helping. Riley looked beside himself and clutched his ruined shirt as Jacob's body bounced off of his damaged, stone body. I heard Jacob grunt from the impact of the hard granite surface and Riley ducked a little, preparing to shoulder Jacob so that he could throw him.

I struggled to get to my feet and searched for Edward. He and Victoria were taunting each other with slow movements, but Victoria was steadily becoming more annoyed.

"Fight! Fight me—because after I win, I'll kill your love and that dog, if it's still alive!" Victoria snarled vehemently. "Is that the mutt who's been protecting her while you've been away, sweetheart? Is that the scent I smell all over her body? That can't be right. You've been replaced by an animal—"

"It's over, Victoria," Edward cut in, his pain becoming more unmasked as Victoria's hurtful truth persisted. "The battle is lost on your side and your newborn army has been destroyed. Just leave now and forget about Bella."

Her red hair flowed back with the wind as she mockingly considered his request. "I don't think I will. She means so much to you. Just like James meant so much to me—"

"Then kill me," Edward cried. "I killed James so you should just kill me. Leave her alone. It wasn't her fault—"

"And why would you do this for her? She's human!" Victoria screamed back.

"That's the deal, Victoria. Kill me and leave her alone," he repeated. "Do you hear me? Call Riley off while he still has a few limbs left and leave. No one will stop you." Edward promised and looked serious.

I shook my head.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't sacrifice himself and leave me. Not again. Not when I had had a chance to hold him, to feel him against me as I had.

I screamed out before I could stop myself and ran toward them. "Edward—NO!"

Edward looked at me before he reached for Victoria's inhuman frame, grabbing her as her long, pale fingers reached the cuff of my sweater, and slammed her down into the ground. The top half of my body was wrenched forward a little as Victoria fought to hold onto my bit of clothing and Edward's fingers crushed around her wrist. I heard bones break as I saw his face wear a horrible snarl and my feet scraped the dirt in an effort to give myself more distance from between my killer and my love. I heard a nearby scraping sound and surprised moan as Riley's head was torn from his body and thrown into a nearby tree. Jacob looked nearly sick as he tossed aside what was left of the former vampire in his mouth and rushed toward the two fighting vampires that were left.

Victoria knocked Edward back, her hair looking wild and eyes viral, but calm as she smiled. Edward had been tossed to the ground and she stood almost completely over him.

"You're too easy," Victoria purred in triumph. "I think I'll kill you first and then I'll—AARGH!"

Jacob leaped, sinking his teeth into her left side, and pulled her down. Victoria struggled and looked baffled at my wolf's strength. She begun to swing at him and Jacob continued to pull at her stomach and upper thighs as if she were a deer. He succeeded in wrapping his mouth around the bottom of her neck with a small leap when she struggled to get her side free from him.

Suddenly Victoria gained her advantage; Jacob's back foot had stumbled as he tried to drag her a few inches and her free arm reached up, entangled in his side. He winced and she grabbed his leg to pull him closer, got him in her arms and squeezed. His eyes bulged and the sounds of his bones cracking were more like dead twigs one steps on when crossing a forest path.

My mind lurched into the memory of Jacob and I walking together on the beach, in the forest, hanging out at his house, laughing at him making him a fool of himself…The day that I had ran from Laurent to the clearing that I was now certain had been mine and Edward's meadow. I remembered how the trees had been silent as my death seemed so certain, but the cracked twigs and been broken by my wolf's majestic walk. He had interrupted a monster killing another monster and had saved my life. And now he was sacrificing his own life to save mine again.

When would it stop? When would I save him?

"JAKE!" I crawled to Victoria and she snickered. She squeezed Jacob tighter. "DON'T! KILL HIM—kill me please," I cried softly. My voice was hoarse and low, but I knew Victoria had heard me.

"I intend to." Another cry left me as Victoria fumbled with Jacob a little in her arms, as if he were a big stuffed toy. Jacob's sides caved in Victoria's arms. He whelped, Victoria's smile never changing, and then she suddenly dropped him; she didn't have a choice. Edward had snuck up behind her and as she turned to move away, to fight him face to face, he had grabbed her hair, spun her around, and sank his teeth into half of her throat and open grimace. A dry shriek shook the nearby trees and I was in too much awe and worry to cover my own ears. Edward roared as he pushed Victoria's uselessly flailing arms and ripped the very pale skin from the rest of her throat. She gurgled and slumped down a little. I saw the fragments of crystal glass spray across the forest floor in front of Victoria's body and I was suddenly afraid of Edward. His eyes were closed a little, but I could see his black stare as he watched Victoria take her last few unnecessary breaths. He looked smug as he regarded the slowing movement of her eyes, already starting to see nothing, and then tore open her mouth with his bare hands.

The color of her hair was as bright as the nearby red shrubs and her once crimson eyes became the color of the dead, murky-brown mushrooms lying on the forest floor. But all of that was like a mere backdrop for my human senses compared to the dread I felt.

I slowly crawled to the only reddish figure I cared to see through my tears, the only one that mattered. Jacob was laid only a few feet away, but he felt so much further. I could hear his rapid panting as I continued to move toward him, afraid that if and when I got to him, I would discover that he would already be gone.

_No!_

Hate filled my heart for whatever had been responsible for my wolf's hurt, for the unimaginable pain that he was surely in. My mouth trembled and my muscles ached already from crying and a loss of hope. Anger consumed me for the one person responsible for Jacob's predicament: _me_. The one person that I hated more than anyone, more than anything else was me.

My shrill, but hollow wails shook the pebbles on the dirt floor, forming around the motionless body of my best friend. The memories of his boisterous laugh and tantalizing smile was the only thing happy that I could hold on to at this moment; because right now, Jacob was fighting for his life and the same voice inside my head that was reminding me of what he was before all of this was my fault. The guilt of knowing that did not leave me silent; on the contrary, it deafened the ears.


	37. The Used

***A/N: Since both songs of this chapter are by the group, The Used, I've just decided to call it just that-"The Used." I'm sure most of you will agree that that is exactly how Jacob has been feeling. **

**Thank you all for continuing to at least give my first fan-fic a shot. Now let's get on with the story! :-)  
**

Chapter Summary: Bella comes to grip with the harsh reality of Jacob's pain and with everything else that has happened. She regrets many of her actions and leaves Harry Clearwater's funeral to make amends and to be with the one she loves, but is it already too late?

* * *

***Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but it's the actions we do on the pages that make our stories different. Jacob made me break my rule with this chapter.**

Chapter XXXV Title: 'Blue & Yellow,' by the Used (for Bella) / 'Buried Myself Alive,' by the Used (for Jacob)

**(BPOV)**

Jacob lay broken in front of me in his wolf form, his breathing slow and haggard. It sounded as if he were wheezing with each breath he drew in, and every second that passed broke my heart as I clutched patches of his red fur.

I convulsed next to him and felt sick; the searing heat of the vomit clinging to the sides of the inside of my throat was threatening to release onto the grass. I would have been powerless to stop it, just like I had been powerless to save Jacob. The only way to have saved him was to leave him, but I couldn't...I wouldn't. _Not anymore._

My wolf's eyes were closed and I cried tears into his silhouette. I couldn't see any blood but I was praying that I didn't have to. The sight of blood still made me squeamish but this wasn't the time to be scared. Both of my families had fought a battle for me and won, and though it had caused some hurt and agony on our side, we had still won. Jacob still hadn't died. No one had. He had to be alright. Jacob had to be fine. I gazed at the narrowed slits of his eyes once more and shook with more tears. Even broken, he was still beautiful.

Even now, he was still my Jacob.

Edward spoke suddenly, "They are still cleaning. Sam is coming though and Carlisle should be along once he finishes patching up Paul, Embry, and Brady."

My eyes enlarged with alarm.

"They're fine," Edward declared, stopping me before I could assume any more. "Paul is the worse. He suffered a bite from the vargulf, but it didn't seem to have done anything to his personality," he said with lightheartedness that was unlike him.

I watched Edward a little as he tried to stifle a humorless chuckle and I grabbed Jacob's coat a little bit harder than I meant to. Jacob's wolf form groaned and I frantically tried to smooth out his fur with my hands.

I didn't hear the rapidly approaching footsteps of Jared, Sam, and Leah when they came. Leah's bright gray, wolf head hung down and Jared looked remorseful, his brown eyes flurried with ache. Sam looked upset, but phased back with a forced, tight smile on his face. I shook some more as I uttered my next words, "Is he going to…?" I grew too scared to continue with the rest of my sentence. It seemed unfair to me if Jacob would die. Not after all we had been through or all he had done for me. _For us, _I realized with a horrible short cry stuck in my throat, for Edward and I. He saved our lives and now he was lying by the forest line, broken and subdued in my arms.

"No." Sam continued to shake his head at my unfinished question. "But we need him to phase back so he can heal correctly. We'll know more when Dr. Fan—Dr. Carlisle gets here." Edward nodded curtly just as Carlisle, Edward's father for all appearances sake, arrived. Edward and Sam both moved toward me, but I wouldn't move. My grip actually tightened, knowing ahead of time what they were asking me to do. "Bella, he needs to phase back," Sam began to plead. "You need to let him go."

I held-fast, sealing the oncoming tears with a series of blinks. "No, I can't. Let me stay with him," I begged. "I can hold him as he heals—"

"No, honey," Carlisle interrupted. "I need to examine him and make sure his bones heal correctly." Carlisle's voice was soothing, but it didn't help my nerves. "Shall I get Jasper to calm you down?" He asked politely.

"NO!" My grip worsened as I squeezed, adrenaline pumping in my ears so fast that it almost drowned out Jacob's protesting groan. "He wouldn't care if I stayed with him," I continued. "Just ask him. Read his mind, Edward. Tell them that he wouldn't mind." By the end of my last few sentences, I was heaving words out in large breaths, incapable of properly controlling my breathing.

"Bella, his thoughts are incoherent. He's in too much pain," Edward replied. "Let him go just for a little bit. Let Carlisle take a look—"

"He saved my life. More than once," I spat venomously. "He saved yours too."

Edward's face flinched, but he held out his hand. I felt his calmness, almost as if he were Jasper. My eyes closed as more tears streamed down my face, but I heard the truth of Edward's next words as my fingers slowly began to feel numb from holding onto Jacob's now unconscious form.

"I am not trying to keep you away from him, but he needs to heal. I promise you," Edward said softly, "this is just for now."

I swallowed hard and was ashamed of my behavior. I nodded and Edward helped me get up as I carefully removed my hands from Jacob's body. I glanced down and Jacob looked smaller already as a wolf. Carlisle rushed next to him and Sam began talking into Jacob's ear in a language I didn't understand. "He's telling him to calm himself and heal in their native tongue," Edward translated.

I felt Edward's arms holding me against him, yet I struggled to keep my hands from ripping out my hair. My enormous guilt weighed heavy as I watched them work on Jacob for the next few minutes. He still had not been able to phase back. His breathing slowed down even more and became sporadic. I cried out, "Oh God—what's happening? Why won't he phase back? Get him to phase back!"

"Edward, get her out of here. She shouldn't see this," Carlisle spoke.

"NO! No—let me stay! Let me stay—!" My voice was cut off by Edward pulling me slightly. "Let me stay! You have to let me stay!" I repeated. Edward continued to hold and half pull me as my knees hit the ground. He looked pained as he picked me up against my will and I beat my fists against his stony arms and shoulders. "Edward, let me go! Let me go!"

Carlisle looked more worried over my state of mind than Jacob's body. "Go get Jasper—"

Jacob grunted loudly and then his stomach rumbled. He had changed back into his human form in the middle of my rant and was visibly sweating across his brow, covered in deep purple bruises, while his side looked twisted at an odd angle from his shoulder down.

I gave a relieved laugh as the noise from his abdomen grew steady and nosier, signaling his hunger.

* * *

_Some time later..._

Charlie sat with his fingers together at our small kitchen table and I stared out the window blankly. I knew he was waiting to find the right time on how he wanted to approach the subject of what had happened within the last few days, but our conversation was kept brief and calm over the news of Harry Clearwater's death. Charlie was visibly upset and had looked as if he were doing the best to hold himself together. Despite knowing, or suspecting different theories, about what had been going on down at La Push, that still hadn't kept him away from helping Sue, helping the people on the reservation as police chief, or stopped him from going to see Jacob and Billy.

Billy had lied at first and told Charlie that he had gotten into an accident on his bike not knowing that Charlie had seen and caught his son phase in my bedroom. Charlie had given him a shocked look at his blatant lie and Sam had nodded as Billy glanced at him. Billy chuckled, seeing that his long-time friend now knew at least part of the tribe's long kept secret. "Well, how much do you—"

"Forget it," Charlie interjected. "Whatever I don't have to know, the better. Besides, I'll have him explain to me eventually."

"Fair enough."

I hadn't been allowed to see Jacob yet, but Sam and/or Seth had given me updates in between trying to clean up what chaos was left on the reservation and preparing for Harry's funeral. I was afraid to ask Seth how he was doing in regards to his father's passing, but I felt horrible for not asking right away. I finally just clenched my teeth and asked, expecting him to be as standoffish as Leah was when I asked her, but Seth was very different from his sister.

He had given me a genuinely warm but tired smile, muttering "Thanks Bella, but we're fine. It helps that…that the pack and your Dad are around." He had rubbed my arm affectionately, but the smile I gave him was less than my normal level of relief that I would have had. I was feeling downright miserable with the increasing absence of Jacob.

I continued to feel guilty for not seeing Jacob, but if I wasn't allowed then I wasn't allowed. I couldn't push past half a dozen or so werewolves no matter how determined I was and my energy was spent just trying to hold myself together long enough to continue looking for colleges and balancing Edward back in my life.

_Edward_.

Alice had shown her face at my house and Charlie had been warm to the idea of having her around while he visited La Push. It gave him an excuse to go and leave me behind. Charlie has already gone to see Jacob and I was livid that all but myself and a few members of the Cullens had seen my wolf, but everyone continued to assure me that it was for the best. No one had wanted me to get upset as I did when Jacob had had a hard time phasing back. Carlisle had had to re-break almost all of Jacob's bones to set them correctly and his screams and cursing could be heard for half a mile. Even Charlie had chuckled at Jacob's colorful uses for 'fuck.'

"Jesus," Charlie added as he shared his short visit to the Blacks' house, "who has that kid been hanging out with?" Charlie then looked at me. I shrugged to imply that he hadn't learned the language from me and Charlie looked as if he didn't buy it.

Alice usually was the one who spent the afternoons and nights with me during the few days it took to get ready for Harry's funeral, but Edward had come once while Charlie wasn't home. I admired him quietly and he was content enough to let me watch him. I was grateful that he and his family came back to save my life and the pack's but I didn't trust myself to talk yet. Not much anyway. Too much was going on and too many things had already changed. I was uncomfortable with the silence, but I would have been more mortified had I said something that I didn't mean to say and unable to take it back. For now, I continued to watch my Adonis-like vampire and bumped my knees absentmindedly against each other like Jacob used to do. I then groaned and stifled a cry when I realized I had thought of Jacob in the past tense. I shook my head and felt sick. Edward rushed over to me on the couch and placed a few fingers in my hair. I heard him inhale my scent and thought of how wonderful it would have been to have wanted him to change me, but it wasn't the time for that now either.

Harry's funeral fell on a bleak and late Wednesday afternoon. I tugged on my dress a little but didn't want to appear uncomfortable as I sat in the pew next to Seth and Leah. Charlie was helping Sue talk to some of the tribal elders and I continued to watch others come and go out of the small church front to pay their respects. Paul and Embry were still on crutches and Brady's face had very little yellow bruising left. Charlie had a stern look on his face as he kneeled down next to Billy and asked sarcastically, "Were they on that same bike ride too?" Billy didn't answer, but there was laughter in his black eyes at his friend.

Embry wobbled over to me and I gave him a light hug. "This is just for appearance. I'm actually feeling okay. Paul really needs his though."

"How's he doing?" I asked while stealing a look at an annoyed Paul. "He still seems to be making the world a better place with his presence."

"Yeah, he's a bit more agitating. He was gloating about saving his enemy's life but then Quil pointed out that almost everyone in the pack had saved his butt a few times. Now he's just…being Paul," Embry finished lamely.

"That's good." My head lowered and I continued to stare down at my shoes. My dress shoes were a little snug but I didn't see the point in buying dress shoes when I was a walking hazard. For both the living and the immortal. "How's Ja—"

"He's okay."

"Is he here?"

Embry looked uncomfortable and wouldn't answer for several seconds. "He's still pretty banged up. He was cursing and eating when I left him and Sam this morning—"

"You saw him this morning?" I asked incredulously. "So he's well enough to talk now?" I had actually believed that Jacob had been too sick to come to the phone which was why I hadn't called too many times, but to hear the reality of his wellness was beckoning toward my lucidity; I felt ashamed again that I hadn't tried harder to see Jacob. Regardless of how much he didn't want to speak with me. "Well, that's good. I was thinking I would see him now since I'm still completely in the dark about what he looks like now—"

"He asked everyone to stop you from seeing him," Embry blurted out. "He said you wouldn't care. I told him he was wrong, but he wouldn't listen—"

"He asked not to let me see him? That's why I haven't been allowed to…?" My throat closed and I stumbled back. Embry's hand shot out and struggled to hold the one remaining crutch he had with his other hand. "Why?" I practically screamed, the yells echoing in the small church on the rez. "Why didn't he want to see me?" My voice shook as a few heads turned. I glanced over at Sam and he looked ashamed as he held onto Emily. Emily started to walk over but Sam held out his hand and walked over to me slowly instead.

"Bella," he addressed me.

I looked at Embry's red face and tried to force my tears back as I turned my full attention to Sam. Embry swallowed hard before speaking to his Alpha. "I'm sorry, Sam, but she had a right to know. Jacob's getting worse and his refusal to see her is impacting all of us—"

"That's enough," Sam's voice was soft but bothered. His eyes strayed to mine. "Bella, he…he's just—"

"Bella, it's great to see you again." Emily had found her way to me anyway, my eyes falling to the dull floor and I smiled shyly. Her glow was almost a match to the warmth the werewolves emitted. _But nothing like Jacob's_. "Embry, I think maybe you should sit down," Emily interrupted my thoughts. "You look a little tired." Embry nodded gratefully in response to Emily's advice, picked up his other crutch, and sat over near Seth and Leah. Paul had finally wandered off from the rest of the pack and was talking to a pair of sad-looking brunettes close to the church's archway. "Sam, why don't you tell Bella what's going on?" Emily pressed.

"You know too?" I asked. "You know about Jacob not wanting to see me then?"

"Yes, Bella. I told you, there are no secrets in the pack. And its time someone told you just—"

"Em, please." The tone of Sam's voice etched itself into my head as I heard him continue. "Jacob is being stubborn. He's trying to fight…"

"Fight what?"

Sam's lips folded as he whispered, "His feelings for you."

My laughter was a hollow, but automatic response to bullshit. "Tell him good luck," I said with bitter honesty. "I've tried that and it doesn't work. Nothing worked except when I was with him."

"We don't expect it to work either, but we can't tell him any differently right now. When given the opportunity, he can be more stubborn than Paul," Sam said back.

Paul's head jerked up at the mention of his name and he looked as if he wanted to come over and defend himself, but one of the pretty girls he was talking to cooed in his ear and he seemed to have forgotten. For the moment.

"The vargulf venom seems to have helped his listening," Sam attempted to joke.

Emily's hand touched my shoulder. "Jacob's at the house. The pack will be tied up here for awhile after the wake and beach ceremony. We'll keep Charlie and Billy busy."

My mind blurred over the next hour as I watched a few people talk briefly at the pewter podium. Leah stayed quiet and withdrawn while Seth squeezed my hand a few times. It was warm and felt so innocent wrapped in mine that I felt even more anxious to see Jacob. I heard the rain hit the roof as my feet tapped the linoleum floor. My heart was racing and my strength was quickly going by way of my tears. I made a silent resolution to stop crying so much, regardless of how endearing Jacob had once found it. I gasped a little as I inhaled a familiar scent. My body turned before my ears adjusted to a few low murmers in the church. The Cullens, all seven of them, had entered the church and were walking slowly toward Sam. Sam greeted them, said a few short words to them quietly, and ushered them toward a seat in the back. Edward stared at me and Charlie looked bewildered at the sight of seeing him suddenly. I had never bothered to tell Charlie that Edward was back. I grabbed the bottom of my seat to try and anchor myself down while others in the church were looking nervously back and forth between their loved ones, the tribal elders, and the Cullens themselves.

The funeral continued on and I disappeared into the beautiful flowers that were adorned over the closed casket of Harry Clearwater and the scent that was Edward. I tried to concentrate on remembering why I had been so foolish and how I could have been so selfish. I didn't know myself at all anymore. An innocent life had been lost and now two pack members were in mourning, as was the rest of the La Push reservation, and I was conflicted with how to feel about how I was to feel about my best friend still. A friend whom hadn't even wanted to see me, and a friend who had actually told his pack that I was not allowed to see him. I shook in anger until I felt another stare from Seth, who had been watching me curiously. I smiled apologetically and he nodded, sympathizing. We were sitting at his father's funeral and _I_ was the one falling apart. That seemed even more horrible to me. I excused myself from Seth and Leah and hurried quickly toward the bathroom, to look as though I was actually going. I gave Emily a knowing nod and Edward watched me slip out the side door, not stopping me while Alice gave a sullen shake with her head. I didn't care what she had or hadn't seen.

I was going to see for myself. I was going to see him.

* * *

The short walk to the Blacks' house was much of a daze for me. Much of my life seemed like a daze for me. Jacob Black had become necessary for me to function, for me to feel right. And I couldn't let his stubbornness tear apart what we had together. He had promised me that he would never give up. Like Edward, he had given me hope that I was a little bit more ordinary, that I was worth being fought for and loved more. Two so very different men were in love with me and I kept finding a way to mess it up. First I had Edward and then I had lost him, then Jacob had come and I welcomed him into a friendship only to pull him into a sexual relationship that we truly hadn't been ready for.

_Liar_. I pulled on the sleeves of my dress. Jacob and I had been ready for it. Everyone had seen it and I chose to ignore it. My anxiety burned in my throat and I prayed desperately for that bond that we had shared to still be whole enough for us to enjoy and keep us together.

I would tell Jacob I was sorry. I would tell him that I had never meant to hurt him as I did. I would say he was the most selfless and brave boy (wolf—whatever he wanted to call himself) and that I didn't deserve him. I had never deserved him. He had done me a favor by loving me and whether he ever found his imprint or not, I would be there for him. I would be his friend no matter what.

The rain stopped, but the wind had become chilled and ominous. I knocked lightly on the door, figuring that Jacob would hear it and either tell me to come in or get up to let me in. I heard neither as I stood there for a few more minutes. "Jake?" I still didn't hear anything and thunder cracked the sky open for the rains to resume their attack on the Forks, WA earth.

I pushed the door open.

My feet made little noise-in my opinion-as I walked toward Jacob's room. The house looked the same as the other times I had been there, but my heart racing made it unclear of the time it took me to finally get back to Jacob. His bedroom door wasn't closed so I could see him without him seeing me at first. He layed bandaged, bruised, and uncomfortable-looking in his bed. Jacob's chest was almost completely covered with a white bandage brace, clearly the work of a skilled doctor. I immediately held back a grateful smile for Carlisle Cullen and I felt even more pride that Billy had actually let him into the house to take care of his son. Maybe this battle was not a complete tragedy, despite poor Harry being a fallen victim of a horrible circumstance. My mouth twisted in an angry, but silent sob as I thought what would have happened to me if Jacob had been taken away like that. I would have certainly been killed if he hadn't jumped in to save me or if he had let Edward make the sacrifice. Jacob was amazing and I was a fool.

The sweat on Jacob's temple plastered his beautiful hair down to his head and parts of his face. I ached to push it back so that I could see his face in its entirety. It was still so young, but it had already seen so much. I wanted to help him. I wanted, now more than ever, to protect him for once instead of the other way around. If he kept saving me, I would run out of ways to repay him. Or maybe he would get the hint and leave me to fate's plans, letting me die at the next inopportune time that destiny saw fit.

_No_, I screamed internally. _Jacob would never leave me_.

Jacob's hands suddenly moved as he grimaced in pain, grabbing a little at his sides. He didn't cry out though. The breath he sucked in through his teeth, with his eyes half closed, almost stole my breath along with it. How could he be so amazing and be such a man at the age of sixteen? Werewolf genes or not, Jacob was special. Jacob was stunning and beautiful to the eyes, soul, and heart. There were no other words to describe it. I didn't even bother to search for any other words to detail or document every feeling that swam in my chest as I watched him. "Oh, Jake…" I took one step closer and almost knocked something off of the corner table.

His eyes flew open, revealing a cold, hard, and staring glare. "Breaking and entering is a crime," he stated. "I thought the police chief's daughter would have known that." I gave a small laugh, even though it wasn't funny. I wanted to break the tension. I wanted him to get that look out of his eyes. I wanted my Jacob back. The one I had just been staring at, with my heart breaking and my fingers longing to push his hair from his eyes or wipe the evidence of his pain and fever away from his head and body. "What are you doing here?" Jacob asked crossly, when I didn't respond to his previous comment.

His hostility hadn't changed and I became unsure. I fought to keep my emotions in my check as I uttered out loud, "To talk. I think we should talk."

Jacob's russet skin was paler and almost ashen. His eyes looked away from me, but even I could see that the gesture was unwillingly. He wanted me to be here, but he wouldn't allow himself to feel anything more for me. "Come on, Jake, you were always the level headed one. Nothing has changed between us." I added another forced chuckle. "Okay, maybe a lot has changed between us, but I know you still. I do. I know you just like you know me. Just like—"

"I don't know you, Bella. And if this is your argument for cutting out early on Harry Clearwater's funeral, you are in big trouble." His voice was calm as if he had been practicing his lines, but he still sounded unnatural. This wasn't a character he was use to playing. It wasn't like him to be like this. He wanted me. I was sure of it.

"Jake, please," I began my apology. "I am sorry that I hurt you. And—and—I came over to see you. I had to see you. I owe you so much and you've always been a great friend—"

His face turned hopeless as he continued to stare out of his window and cut me off. "What is it you have to say, Bella? Let's get this over with."

I was taken aback. "What?"

"I'd rather get all the breaking done at once, if you don't mind." Jacob's voice sounded more faraway. "I hate being laid up. Say what you need to say and then leave."

My voice struggled, but my anger made it easier to deal with Jacob's callousness. "I won't be rushed, Jacob. This is not the kind of person you are."

"I'm sitting here in front of, aren't I?" he retorted. "You see me laying here. I don't think I'm possessed. I'm very calm. You're not even in danger of me phasing. I'd say I am very much the person you think I am. What do you think?" His tone was nasty.

I was sick of his attitude suddenly. I was sick of him pretending that he was the "big, bad wolf" and I was defenseless. Maybe he was. Maybe he was a big, bad wolf now. He had said I wasn't in danger of him phasing, but his eyes had clouded to a darker shade of brown and the veins of his fingers throbbed as he flexed against the window sill. I pushed back a wave of dread before I continued. "I think that you're upset that I hurt you and now you are trying to hurt me. I think that you're upset because Edward is back and you feel threatened by the relationship that we have now."

His head shook forward. "Bravo. Very good observations, Bella. I don't think you'd have to be a professor to come to those conclusions, but that's very nice. Great detective work there, Ms. Swan. Charlie might have some competition in the future."

Now his sarcasm sounded worse. "Don't talk like this, Jacob. I know you. I know that this is not who you are. I know you're upset with me, but I'm here. Remember? I'm here"

I saw his breath fog up a part of the window. The rain slapped against the exterior of the house. "For how long, Bella? Until you can run back to him, right? Until he comes for you? Its okay, you know. I know he's close. Sam must have let his family stay on our lands. I can smell him, Bella. And I can smell your excitement for him too." My eyes widened. Jacob continued to speak, not facing me. "You think I don't know what you smell like by now, Bella? What you feel like? What you _taste_ like? You can do better than that. You can do much better than that."

I grew bold. "Look at me. Jacob, look at me," I demanded.

"I'd rather not. Leeches and their girlfriends don't quite do it for me."

Tears fell down my cheeks. "So that's it then? I'm a vampire girl to you now? That's all I am to you? That's all you care about? Where my allegiance lies? Am I a freakin' country that has to choose one side?"

"You don't have to do anything." His unchanged facial expression made it worse for me. I shook my head once and climbed onto his bed as quickly as I could. I hit his bandaged side by accident and his face barely grimaced as I grabbed his warm hands with my cool ones. His eyes averted mine and his body started to tremble, but I knew it wasn't from an involuntary phase. I ran a hand through his hair and his head felt even hotter than his hands. His hair was like a dream that I had missed having and holding close to me when the whole world had started to fall apart. I felt sobs buried deep within us both and my breaths grew shorter as I silently begged for Jacob not to push me so far that I could never come back. I quickly looked at the corners of his mouth and imagined them curling into a smile, a smile just for me. I wished that I could see him laugh just then. I wanted to make him smile and laugh every day, every time, and every moment that I thought humanely possible.

But his eyes showed me a mere dark, and empty shadow of the Jacob I had once known. And his face mimicked something less than that. My legs were over his lap as I firmly clutched each of his fingers, yearning to kiss each one of his fingertips again. Wishing I could kiss any part of his face again right now, if he would let me.

"Tell me what I have to do," I begged, using the last bit of my strength to fight off the tears. "What can I do? I don't care that you're trying to hurt me because you are still my best friend. You are still the one bit of piece that I have in my human life—"

"I'm not hurting you. You're the one abandoning me."

"I'm here!" I shouted in protest. "I'm right here in front of you and you're just being—"

"You won't be here for long," he replied snidely. "I get you for what—a few hours today as long as your bloodsucker is preoccupied? No thanks. I can do without being 2nd best."

"You aren't 2nd best."

"Don't tell me, I'm not even on the list." His laugh was bitter. "Classy, Bella. Real classy." His words had hurt behind them, but my vision began to blur. Just as the lines in our friendship would be defined and then blurred, my vision of this other walking perfection of Jacob had suddenly become out of my reach. He was fighting me too much. He was succeeding in pushing me away. My heart emptied out in a similar fashion from when Edward had left me all those months ago. A small gasp escaped me and while I wiped at my eyes for tears that had yet to fall, I saw a tear fall down Jacob's face. I reached for it and he pulled back, taking his hands with him from out my grasp. "Don't touch me," he said. "Go home, Bella. Don't come back here."

My legs shook and I almost fell on top of him. His arms shot up and pushed me back a little slightly, as if he were a small child who didn't want to play with me anymore on the playground. "Are…are you breaking up with me?"

"Hardly." He snorted. "I'd say 'let's be friends,' but that'd be a lie."

I hardly felt my fingers twirl the few strains of my loose hair. I felt like I was drowning. Jacob could not do this. He just couldn't do this. "Are you breaking up with me?" I repeated.

"That's kind of hard to do when you never really gave me a chance." Jacob was still evading my question.

"You know…you know what I mean." He still said nothing and his eyes were red. No longer were his eyes black, but they weren't warm, kind, or even his. His eyes did not belong to him. They belonged on a monster. My knees came to my chest on his bed and my fingers felt his soft sheets as I gathered my next words. "Look…I know that you want…I'm sorry I couldn't love you the same way before, but that it's in the past. That's all in the past. You can't—"

"How did you get that scar on your arm?" Jacob asked suddenly.

My fingers draped over my scar absentmindedly before I shook my head, unwilling to comply with a response. Jacob continued when I wouldn't answer. "I never asked since that wasn't in the forefront of my mind when I was with you, but now I have to wonder. I've seen other small scars on your body, but that one stuck out. The crescent shape, the lingering coolness of it—"

"Stop. Just stop." I folded my arms trying to hide it, but I knew he could still see it. He'd rather look at a hideous scar then look into my eyes. I suddenly felt very unpretty. Like he could see all my flaws and saw it fit to call them out to my attention. I was almost ready to hate him. I was almost ready to leave. "You've left scars on me too," I said maliciously, thinking of the first time we had been together. The way he had bruised and scratched me in various places. I even thought of him marking me on my neck, in the beginning of the summer, in the middle of our passion, in this very room.

A small laugh from his throat emerged. "I never left a mark on you like that one. And I would have fixed any scar I left on you, Bella. Better than that leech ever could…but we all know how that story ends."

"How does it end then Jacob? Tell me," I demanded. "You're so smart—you saw this scar, but never said anything. I'm sure you already know what it is!" I held my arm out angrily. "You and Sam run the pack, you go to school, you take care of Billy, you've been there for me…what else do you know how to do Jacob? What else?" I screeched.

His chest puffed out and the bandages looked as if they were squeezing his sides too tightly. If we had been on better terms at this precise moment, I would have moved forward to readjusting his bandages. I would have reapplied the bandages for him and held him close to me, even if I had no idea what I was doing and even if it was just to see his upper torso completely. I wanted that more than anything now, but the nagging feeling of that something bad was going to happen pounced on me, like a predator to it's prey and hell was engulfing me as I heard my wolf speak.

"I know how to say goodbye," Jacob declared.

I almost had forgotten what I had asked of him when it hit me. My legs were numb from being folded under me for so long, but it was second compared to the dead sensation erupting from my heart. His words were more than just empty, but sounded final. "What?"

"You asked me what else I knew how to do and I said 'goodbye.' Goodbye, Bella," he repeated. "I want you to leave. I want you to go back home to Charlie. To your life. To your…go home to your leech, Bella. It's what you've always wanted. And it's what's best."

"I'm not going to listen to this—"

"You don't have a choice." His eyes were on me now and fear gripped my body. His fingers fisted his sheets and his shoulders hunched forward as if he were ready to push me off the bed with his upper body. "Leave or you're going to get hurt." Jacob blinked as his mouth pulled back suddenly into a horrible, hard line. "Now."

I crawled backwards still facing him and almost slipped off the edge of his bed. I could still see him through my tears, but now I wished that I couldn't. His stare was malicious and he looked oddly satisfied as he continued to watch me back away from him and out of his room. A loud cry fell from me before I could catch it and my back hit his kitchen wall with a hard thud. My hair felt paper thin in my hands as I tried to feel for the door and turned the handle for my escape. It wasn't soon enough.

I heard the rain slack up a little, but everything on me was drenched as I slowly walked toward an unknown destination. I heard nothing and felt less than that. The pain no longer felt new, but old and familiar, but it still wasn't comforting. Even as Edward placed his arms around me minutes after my departure from the Black's house it continued to feel unsettling. This had to be what I wanted. Jacob had said that this would be what I wanted.

It felt the complete opposite.

* * *

**Sorry for all the darn cliffies, but I do hope to have this story wrapped up soon. I am not trying to prolong the ending; I've just been really busy. If you've read my previous chapters, you'll understand why. **


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